Wuxi Expats Eagerly Await 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Announcement

From Bosnia-Herzegovina to Shanghai, Wuxi Expats and Wuxi Expat Colonials are eagerly waiting to find out who is going to be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year.

“Seeing how Wuxi Expat Rabbis win all the major sporting competitions in the world, it is nice to see a competition, involving Wuxi Expats, in which there is some mystery as to who is going to win!” said Rud Paulkin, a Shanghai China Colonial living in the Pudong District.

Who is going to win? The six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year award are Wuxi Expat Pub Owner Wally Droop, five year Wuxi Expat Bam Bam Cowlinch, Bam Bam's father blogger Andrew Cowlinch, Wuxi China Expatdom firefighting superstar Marcu Linius Crassus, the crew of Zhanshen Six, and Archduke Sir Harry Moore. The favorite, according to Las Vegas odds-makers, is Moore. Famed Vegas odds-maker Jimmy the Albanian says Moore has a 45 percent of winning, and the crew of Zhanshen Six is the second favorite having a 30 percent chance

The Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Archduke Sir Harry Moore Appreciation Society (WCERASHMAS) is so confident of Moore's victory that they have decided to spend one trillion USD on celebration arrangements which will include special platinum medals and silver-lined t-shirts to commemorate Moore's predicted victory.

The backers of most of the other nominees say the Moore's supporters are maybe being overconfident. “The door doesn't close till someone locks it!” said Duston Short, the president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Wally Droop Fan Club (WCEWDFC) when asked about the confidence of Moore supporters. “I think maybe Moore's fans are missing the battle for the bullets!” said Zhanshen Six Fan Buzz Aldrin. “I think da fans of da Archduke are missing da myths and not seeing da lies” said Nicolas Sarkozy who tells the WCE Blog that he is an admirer of Marcu Linius Crassus. “We WCEBBCGers haven't lost sight of our dreams!” said the president of the Wuxi China Expat Bam Bam Cowlinch Group (WCEBBCG). Supporters of Bam Bam Cowlinch and his blogger father Andrew Cowlinch couldn't be found. “The Cowlinches are personnas not grata in my neck of the woods, if you know what I mean!” said Farok Bagolli, frequent target of satire in Cowlinch's blog on account of his body odor and sexual proclivities.

The winner of the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award will be announced at a gala to be held on January 1 at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub.

Wuxi Expat Pub to Do Count Up Instead of Count Down on New Year's Eve

Defying tradition, Mahovlich's Bar & Grill, in the Meicun District of Wuxi, China, is going to count up instead of count down the last ten seconds, or so, of 2012.

“We are going say “One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten! Happy New Year!” instead of backwards as is tradition!” said Mahovlich's manager Duston Short.

Asked why the pub, run by Ontario Canadians, was doing this, Short told the WCE Blog that the pub wanted “a smooth end to 2012.” “It is not because we don't know how to count backwards. We do. It is just we find, during the countdown rehearsal which we have being doing the past month, we find things do more smoothly if we count up!” 

Ursulla Andress Thinks Archduke Sir Harry Moore Should Be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year

(This is the last of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award.)

Ursulla Andress, the original Bond Girl, tells the WCE Blog that she wishes now that she could have been a Moore Girl.

“If they ever made a movie about the life of Harry Moore, it would be a longer movie series than the James Bond series, for unlike the James Bond series which has run out of ideas, they could make Harry Moore movies for a hundred years and each movie would show us the Archduke in a new and freshly fantastic light!” said Andress who was interviewed while on a beach along Lake Taihu where she was searching for shells.

Asked why the Archduke, who is also the president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, should be the Wuxi Expat of the year for 2012, Andress first shrugged like she had been asked a question to which an answer should immediately very self-evident to the questioner, and then said: “Harry's 2012 was simple the greatest year a mortal human being has ever had in all of human history. If the 2012 Harry Moore was Babe Ruth in 1927, he would have hit 120 home runs instead of the 60 home runs that Ruth did hit. If the 2012 Harry Moore was Wayne Gretzky, the record for most goals in a National Hockey League season would be 184 instead of the 92 Gretzky scored that year! If the 2012 Harry was Ronald Reagan, he won have won Minnesota in 1984 and thus have completed an electoral college shutout against Mondale. As it was, what did Harry do in 2012? In 2012, He spoke to over a billion people at his many film lectures, his book The Poolside Harry Moore sold fifty billion copies, he was the first man to step on the surface of Mars, he was the first man to make love on the surface of the Moon and Mars, he ended cannibalism in the Suzhou China Expatdom, he taught Shanghai Expats to wear shoes and use fire safely, he survived over a thousand assassination attempts without messing his gorgeous locks of raven black hair, he learned to speak Serb-Croatian and Latvian fluently, and he proved to be an excellent husband and lover to Miss Moneypenny! Not bad? Eh?”

Harry Moore came from Australia to the Wuxi China Expatdom to teach English in 2010. Bringing to his teaching, a life rich in experiences including friendships with Clint Eastwood and G. Gordon Liddy, and being the adopted son of George S. Patton, Moore exhibited great talent in mimicry, sensuality, oratory, dancing, logistical planning, and writing, and was quickly elevated from his job as English Teacher to positions of high status and responsibility in the WCE including that of Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke, Chief Advisor to the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame Double Inductee, Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonial Affairs, Commander of the Zhanshen Six Mission to the Planet Mars, WCE Ambassador to the Vatican, President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, and VIP Card Holder at Gambay's Pub.

“Harry reminds me of Jean Beliveau who as a player in the National Hockey League won the Stanley Cup 10 times, and as an executive was part of another seven championship teams, the most Stanley Cup victories by an individual to date, and who was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1972. A powerful skater, Beliveau had a polished air of composed confidence that made him a natural leader both on and off the ice; and he was admired and respected by fans, teammates and his opponents. You can say all this about Harry Moore! Yes! Harry Moore is the Jean Beliveau of Wuxi Expats!” said Andress.

The winner of the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award will be announced at a gala to be held on January 1 at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub.

Wuxi Expat Pub to Give Away Aircraft Carrier on New Year's Eve.

Gambay's Pub, the original Wuxi Expat Pub and the only Wuxi Expat Pub to offer One RMB Buffalo Chicken Wings, will be giving away an aircraft carrier on New Year's Eve.

Gambay's Co-Manager Frank Minkleman tells the WCE Blog: "This Amphibious Aircraft Carrier will come equipped with all the latest do-dads like Wifi connection, sun-roof, white paper background for comfortable e-book reading, customizable decktop colouring, a control panel that you can give oral instructions to, and easy interface with android or IOS operating systems. Below the deck, which has room to accommodate 1,000 jet fighters, there are three shopping malls, a 18 hole PGA Golf course, a 50,000 seat baseball stadium, a desert, and a freshwater lake fully stocked with fish."

Minkleman says the pub was able to buy the aircraft carrier at a local military surplus outlet. "Apparently, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy only needed 95 aircraft carriers and 97 were produced!"

But a chance to win an aircraft carrier is not the only reason to come to Gambay's on New Year's Eve,r says Minkleman whose brother Fred is currently on the planet Mars. "Anyone who comes our New Year's Eve Party on December 31^st, tickets 1000 rmb, will have their name entered into a draw to win which will include other prizes like a skyscraper, a Saturn V-6 rocket, a Merkava Main Battle Tank, autographed copies of the Poolside Harry Moore and Zhanshen Six Official Memorabilia. All who come will get a case of free champagne, the use of a designated driver for a year, a custom-tailored tuxedo, plus a pledge from the pub to double-match any donations they make to an official charity during the year! And I almost forgot! PSY, the Rolling Stones, Laslzo Montgomery, U2, Kim Jung Un, Xi Jing Ping, the Rolling Stones, Paul Rudkin, George Clooney, Jackie Chen, Kevin Rudd, and Yao Ming will join us to help ring in 2013!

Brigitte Bardot says Marcus Linius Crassus should be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year

(This is the fifth of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award)

Brigitte Bardot, French sex-symbol and brain-dead animal-rights activist, has given her much-sought endorsement for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award to Wuxi, China firefighting superstar Marcus Linius Crassus.

"Marcus is a real man or as we Frenchies like to say un homme verite! He has personally saved my life ten times this year and I have heard reports that he saves some certain individuals' lives everyday. He is the most incredible firefighter I have ever met! If he wasn't so busy fighting fires, I am sure he would have time to pose for a best-selling firefighter's calendar! And if he did a Poolside Marcus Linius Crassus or as the French say, Marcus Linius Crassus Au Bord de la Piscine -- Oh la la! Quelle Formidable! He'd give Harry Moore a run for his money!"

Marcus Linius Crassus, Commander of the Royal Wuxi China Expatdom Fire Brigade, made a name for himself in April, 2012 when he saved a million lives by singlehandedly extinguishing a fire at the 250 Story Kaulins Towers which was caused by the simultaneous crashing into it of ten airliners, fifty ships carrying nuclear weapons, 100 oil tankers, and 750 trucks shipping petrol. That feat and his subsequent saving of over a billion lives in various other Wuxi China Expatdom high rise fires during the rest of 2012 put him in the ranks of the Wuxi Expat elite.

"Marcus reminds of Bob Gainey who played for the Montreal Canadiens in the 1970s and early 1980s. Gainey was a solid forward who could play defence as well. He was universally recognized for his unsung heroics just like my darling Marcus. Yes! Marcus Linius Crassus is the Bob Gainey of Wuxi Expats!"

The 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year will be announced on January 1 at a special gala to be held  at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  

The Swedish Bikini Team Says Zhanshen Six Should Be Awarded the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award

(This is the fourth of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award)

The members of the Swedish Bikini Team currently competing in the 2011- 2015 Wuxi China Expatdom Bikini Classic: Elsa, Ingrid, Christina, Greta, and Britt, all agree, for two reasons, that the crew of the Zhanshen Six should be awarded the 2102 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award.

"First! Archduke Moore, Admiral Bridges, Air Marshall Peck, Inspector Callahan, & Barman Minkleman are perfect gentlemen!" insisted Ingrid, the Team's OIC. "Their efforts at beating up the males who hooted at us, at various times during the Bikini Classic, displayed a male chivalry that is so lacking these days! I can hardly wait till they come back from Mars because the so-called modern Wuxi Expats are up to their barbarities again!"

"Second! Let's face it!" added Christina, the Team's 2IC, "They are the first men to step on the surface of Mars. Living in the Wuxi China Expatdom, it is easy to forget how incredible a feat it is for even Wuxi Expats to travel millions of miles to go to another planet! It is incredible bravery on the part of each and every member of the Zhanshen Six crew!"

The Zhanshen Six Mission to Mars was the brainchild of its Commander Sir Archduke Harry Moore who, on a whim in early August 2102, decided that instead of lecturing about films about Mars, that he would actually go there. "With the help of Admiral Bridges, who is an amazing man at logistics, we were good & ready to go to Mars two weeks after I dreamed up the idea" said Commander Moore speaking by radio from the Martian surface.

The Team's ice hockey expert Greta had this to say about the crew of Zhanshen Six: "Zhanshen Six reminds me of the Montreal Canadiens team that won the Stanley Cup five years in a row from 1956 to 1960. Archduke Moore had the gentlemanly and patrician stateliness of Jean Beliveau, Inspector Callahan has the steely stare of Maurice "the Rocket" Richard, Air Marshall Peck has the fury of "Boom Boom" Geoffreon, Admiral Bridges has the cheery disposition and stick-handling ability of Dickie Moore, Barman Minkleman exhibits the back-line steadiness of Doug Harvey, and the stowaway Moneypenny – let's not forget her – has the ability to inspire like the 1956-60 Habs' coach Hector "Toe" Blake."

The 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year will be announced on January 1 at a special gala to be held  at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  

Wuxi Expat Queen Ayira to Announce the Countdown to 2013 at the Dilly & Dally Pub

Leth R Gee, owner and manager of the Dilly & Dally Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, announced that Her Majesty, Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Queen Ayira: The Chosen One had agreed to announce the official countdown to 2013 at the Dilly & Dally New Year's Eve Party to be held December 31^st.

"Yes Indeed! With ten seconds to go in 2012, you can expect Her Most Royal and Bodacious Highness to begin the count down, for the benefit of Dilly & Dally Patrons to 2013! I can't begin to tell you what a honor it is that Her Majesty Ayira has agreed to make an appearance at the Dilly & Dally on such an auspicious occasion. That she can leave taking care of the royal triplets to come to our party is such a privilege, that my giving all the profits of the night to charity would not be able to suffice as a means of expressing my gratitude!"

Tickets for the Dilly & Dally Pub New Year's Eve Party are 1000 rmb per person which entitles each to free party favors, a chance to pose for a photo with Her Majesty, two bottles of Champagne, and a silver medallion specially minted to commemorate the event.

Pamela Anderson Endorses Blogger Andrew Cowlinch for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award

(This is the third of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award)

Pamela Anderson, star of the Baywatch television show, says Wuxi Expat Blogger Andrew Cowlinch, a.k.a. Wussie Andrew, is her pick to be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year.

"While I am doing my stretching exercises in the morning there is nothing I like to do more than to read Wussie Andrew's Blog ACIC and keep up with what is happening in the Wuxi China Expatdom. I like the fact that Andrew also has a second blog with photos. I find his satirizing of the life in the WCE to be a belly laugh a minute! I can't stop giggling at the way he pricks the pretensions of many a Wuxi Expat, whether they be an English Teacher, a Pub Owner, or a Mountebank!" says Anderson, who like blogger Cowlinch has been to BC Place Stadium in Vancouver, Canada.

Anderson says she first discovered Cowlinch's blog when she was hoping to take part in the photo shot for The Poolside Harry Moore. "Cowlinch's WCE Blog was the definitive source on all things relating to Archduke Sir Harry Moore. Reading the WCE Blog was just as good as being able to sit on a poolside with Harry – the one man in my life whom it seems I want but can't have!"

Andrew Cowlinch has lived in the Wuxi China Expatdom since 2004. Brought to the Expatdom by the then King of Wuxi: the Ayatollah of Mordor, Cowlinch quickly became disenchanted with the Ayatollah's ways which included an admiration for Stalin and Barack Obama, an addiction to caramel balls, and an perverse enjoyment in strapping people to chairs, Clockwork Orange style, in order to force them to watch grade "b" science fiction movies. Cowlinch then, through a series of heroic blog postings and contributions to Wuxi Expat forums, was able to help topple the Ayatollah's regime and force him to flee to exile in Winnipeg, Siberia, Canada.

"Cowlinch is tall and bookish. When I see him, at his home, leaning on a mop after being ordered to clean the floor by his wife Wilma, I am reminded of the National Hockey League goaltender Ken Dryden who was famous for leaning on his stick during stoppages of play in the National Hockey League in the 1970s. In fact, I would say that the blogger Andrew Cowlinch is the Ken Dryden of Wuxi Expats!"

Wuxi Expat Pub to Hold New Year's Eve Party on January 11

The Santiago Cafe will hold its New Year's Party on Thursday, January 11th.

"All that glitters is gold at the Santiago New Year's Eve Party! It's going to be an extremely glam night as we make the countdown to 2013 ALL IN GOLD! On Thursday January 11, come to the Santiago and experience: stunning gold interiors, entrance, decor and ambience; gold dancers who will be performing for you, lucky draws with fantastic prizes, 2 complimentary champagne drinks, 2 complimentary vodka drinks, 2 dance floors, photo opportunities, DJs playing a variety of great music, one free shot if you are wearing a gold top or gold pants/skirt/dress, and if you'd like to paint yourself in gold we will support you!" announced Moe Muggins.

Moe Muggins, one of the three owners of the Santiago Cafe, defended his pub's decision to hold its New Year's Eve party on Thursday, January 11th.

"Look!" said Muggins to a jeering mob of newsmen who attended a press conference held at the Vanessa Nielson Pavilion adjacent to the Bao Long Shopping Center. "It ain't easy running a pub! You got to plan ahead and we did. It is just that we were so efficient and far-looking in our planning that when we planned, in September, we forgot about Christmas and New Year's Eve."

"And besides!" added Muggins, "What kind of Wuxi Expats go to a New Year's Eve party on December 31st? Newbies, carpetbaggers, and pederasts! Anyone can go party when he doesn't have to go to work next day. But it takes a real man, full of virility and vitality to party on a night when he has to go to work the next morning! And like a true Wuxiren, I don't give a fig for December 31st partying anyways!"

Phyllis Diller Says Pub Owner Wally Droop should be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year

(This is the second of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award)

Phyllis Diller says her good friend Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut, Walnut, and Pink Kitty Pubs should be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year.

“I love Wally! He reminds me of my husband Fang and I like the way he dresses. A couple of years ago, Fang & I were in deep in the financial soup when Droop bought my entire wardrobe. I thought he was doing it out of charity, but he insisted that he was going to wear the clothes himself!” said Diller.

“It is one of the numerous examples of charitable acts Wally performs that no one believes he is capable of because of his gruff manners!” insisted Diller.

Wally Droop came to the Wuxi China Expatdom in 2003. “After a failed career as a skipper and later a showgirl in the Ziegfeld follies, I discovered that Expat Pub-owing was my vocation and calling in life!” said Droop who denied rumors that he was rankled because he hadn't earned a nomination for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award.

“Droop reminds of the great Guy Lafleur who played in the National Hockey League in the 1970s!” said Diller. “To see him fly down the ice, or down the street in Wally's case, was a sublime sight! Yes! Wally Droop is the Guy Lafleur of the Wuxi China Expatdom!” said Diller.

The 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year will be announced on January 1 at a special gala to be held  at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.

Yellow Clad Wuxi Expat Dandy Says He Has Been the Victim of Gangnam Style Harassment

Wuxi Expat  Józef Wojtyia Bonokowski, a self-described old-school dandy who likes to wear nothing but yellow clothing, says he has been harassed lately by people who come up to him and dance.

"For the longest time," said Bonokowski, "people in Wuxi steered a wide berth from me because they didn't care for insects that I was attracting like bees and wasps. But for some strange reason, the last couple months, I have been walking into a pub, like the Pink Kitty, and the young men upon seeing me, strut up to me, sometimes even shove me, and being to dance or clopity-clop step like they are Gene Autry or John Wayne! Is the strangest thing! And every one of these young men is wearing wafer-shaped sunglasses, a bow-tie, a blue jacket, a pleated white dress shirt, and shiny patent leather party shirts, and has his hair slicked back!"

Asked if he heard of Gangnam Style, Bonokowski, who told the WCE Blog that he didn't have an internet machine, said "Vietnam! Those young men looked like they were Koreans!"

Raquel Welch Thinks Bam Bam Cowlinch Should Be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year

(This is the first of a series profiling the six nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award)

Raquel Welch, the original Wuxi Expat Sex Symbol, thinks Bam Bam Cowlinch, son of the Wuxi Expat Blogger Andrew Cowlinch, should be the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year.

"Bam Bam is do cute and cuddly and dreamy!" exclaimed Welch. "If he represents the future of the Wuxi China Expatdom that the future for the WCE is bright indeed!"

"There is nothing I like better than to start my day by reading the two blogs dedicated to him on the blogger platform and the wordpress platform! I hope you provide the links for them!" giggled Welch, who has starred in such great Wuxi China Expatdom films as 65,000,000 BC and The Poolside Harry Moore: The Motion Picture.

Bam Bam Cowlinch, though only five years, has, with his cuteness and preternatural handsomeness, earned the affection of even the most hardened and wizened Wuxi Expat businessman.  Being nominated with his father Andrew Cowlinch, aka the blogger Wussie Andis, Bam Bam became part of the first father & son team to both receive a nomination for the Wuxi Expat of the Year Award in the same year.

Welch predicts a future that will see Bam Bam Cowlinch garnering many Wuxi Expat of the Year Awards and nominations. "Like Harry Howell, who after being awarded the Norris Trophy for being the best defenseman in the National Hockey League for the 1966-67 season, predicted a long string of Bobby Orr winning the Norris – which Orr did from 1967-1975, I see Bam Bam being the Wuxi Expat of the Year for decades to come. Yes! Bam Bam Cowlinch is the Bobby Orr of Wuxi Expats!"

The 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year will be announced on January 1 at a special gala to be held  at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.

Gangnam Style Dance Craze Forces Wuxi China Shetland Pony Stable to Beef Up Security

Douglas MacArthur, who started his career as a Shetland Pony stable security guard twenty-five years ago, told the WCE Blog he had thought that he had seen it all till the Gangnam Style Dance Craze came along.

"Being in the Wuxi China Expatdom, where there are people from all over the world, I have come to expect a preponderance of people from nationalities that like to steal more than people from most nationalities, as well as people from nationalities that have more of a tendency than people from other nationalities to want to make love to horses, if you what I mean. So I have got some stories, from my twenty five years in Shetland Pony security, to tell you' including of guys coming to the stable late at night dressed in horse suits with the fly undone, if you know what I mean; English teachers trying to steal Shetland ponies to impress their young female students – there is this one guy – Farok Bagolli – he keeps coming back.  But I shouldn't mention names, like this prominent Wuxi Expat Pub owner, but that is another story!" said security guard MacArthur, who had a tendency go off on a tangent.

Asked about how the Gangnam Style craze had been affecting the Wuxi China Expatdom Shetland Pony Club Stable, MacArthur, regained his focus, and said: "The last two months, we had these music video directors coming to the stables, not wanting to ride our ponies, but take video of midgets dancing among the pony stables.  Each of our ponies has their own stable and they are all  arranged in rows opposite each other so that there is a hundred meter long path running down the center of the barn. We made good money renting the barn to these people, but demand became more than we could keep up with. So, some desperate music making video crews have taken to sneaking into the stable late at night with their dancing midgets and bikini-clad models trying to take video, and some drunken Expats have also tried to sneak in, but we are not sure if that is because they like Shetland Ponies or they want to do the Gangnam Style Dance. Anywho! This is not a good thing because the ponies need to sleep!"

To protect the ponies, MacArthur told the WCE Blog that the Wuxi China Expatdom Shetland Pony Stable had been forced to enhance their security. "We have had to hire thousand additional personnel, and buy one hundred tanks, fifty 155mm howitzers, seven Apache Helicopter Gun Ships, and two amphibious Aircraft Carriers. We have strung seven rings of concertina barb wire fencing around the stable perimeter and booby trapped them to set off a megaton nuclear explosion if anyone as much as sniffs the wire."

But the enhanced security measures haven't been enough. "We estimate that a million people have died trying to sneak into the stables to dance Gangnam Style and make videos, but a thousand have made it through! I will be glad when this Gangnum Style Fad is over! I was looking forward to retiring on December 1, but the craze resulted in the WCE parliament enacting emergency legislation to keep me working!" lamented MacArthur.

Wuxi Expat Couple Say Having a Well Ordered Sensuality Can Make One's Legs Beautiful

Wuxi China Expatdom Archduchess Mrs. Miss Moneypenny & her husband Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Sir Harry Moore tell the Wuxi Expatdom Blog that they attribute their having great-looking  legs to a well ordered sensuality.

"Don Colacho, the great twentieth-century reactionary, would have been proud!" said Miss Moneypenny, who along with her husband, earned nominations for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Looking Legs Award.  Their double nomination was the first to be ever garnered by a Wuxi Expat couple in Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award history.  The couple had earlier, in the week, made history when together they got 1.3333 nominations for the 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award.

"A well-ordered sensuality means taking your love-making seriously.  Where other couples see the bed as a place for making love, we see it as a place for sleep.  Lying down when one makes love is sheer laziness if you ask me.  You must be standing up and multitasking, and train for it like you are SAS!" said the Archduke, who was interviewed via radio from the surface of Mars where he, his wife, and his Zhanshen Six crew are celebrating Christmas.

Asked what he meant by standing up and multitasking during love-making, Mrs Miss Moneypenny, author of the best-selling book The 75 mile Orgasm explained:  "I achieved a fifteen minute orgasm on our wedding night which was spent in Saskatchewan.  Of course, we weren't in our hotel room when it happened.  We were running, or rather the Archduke was carrying me, on the section of the Trans-Canada highway between Regina and the Manitoba border.  And not to worry, I do my turn and carry Harry during our love-making.  As you can well-imagine, when he is love-making and composing a film lecture while running at forty miles-per-hour, Harry can suddenly become spent! And if you think that can lead to accidents, again, you are not to worry, because we manage the change in positioning quick seamlessly!"

"That is why we measure our orgasms in miles or kilometers, not minutes!" said the Archduke.  "So far our record is 450 miles which was set when we were on the Autobahn!"

"And that is why, Harry darling, we both earned nominations for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Looking Legs Award!" giggled a sensual sounding Mrs. Miss Moneypenny.

Wuxi Expat Best Legs Nominee Wonder Woman Juggles Her Time between Parenting and the Wuxi Expat Justice League

Wonder Woman, wife of Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango, credits her active life-style for earning her a nomination for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award.

The first lady of the WCE spent most of 2012 carrying her spouse Mango's baby. "I am happy to say that in October we had two lovely daughters:  Margaret and Sarah, whom we named after our two favorite woman politicians of all time: Margaret Thatcher and Sarah Palin! It was too bad we didn't have three to pair off with the Royal Triplets! Ha ha!" said Wonder Woman at a Press Conference held at the Denise Gorman Pavilion of the Pink Kitty Pub in Wuxi's Nanchang Jie Bar Street.

Wonder Woman used the press conference to promote the work she was doing with the Wuxi Expat Justice League – a group of Wuxi Expat and Foreign Super Heroes who do charitable work similar to that done by Mother's Teresa's Sisters of Charity. Said Wonder Woman: " Together with Green Algae Man, Barefoot Peasant Doctor, the Wuxi Sexpat Flasher, Panda Man, Panda Girl, Panda Boy, Ontario Body Odour Boy, Red Typhoon, Brick Man, Harry Moore, Rush Limbaugh, Jesuit Jet Stream, Andis Kaulins, Inspector Harry Callahan, Mort Sahl, Acid, Captain Marvelous, PSY, the Iron Bladder, Alcohol Man, Captain Baijoe, Stinky Tofu Man, and dozens of others who make up the Wuxi China Expatdom Justice League, I have been engaged in wonderful work – God's work -- whether it is visiting children in hospitals, aiding bar girls abandoned by their foreign boyfriends, and providing succor  to those poor expats found dying in the gutters near a Wuxi Expat Pub."

Asked if she did anything specific to keep her legs looking so good. "Other than the twenty minutes I spend at a weekly leg-waxing session with Her Majesty Queen Ayira: the Chose One – not much!" said Wonder Woman.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all my rare and far-in-between readers from the AKIC Blog Network!

Wuxi Expat Poet Laureate Eschews Motorized Transportation of Any Kind

The Royal Poet Laureate of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Alfred Lord McCluskey, who is one of the nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award, says it is unpoetical for him to take cars, buses, trains, or taxis as he makes his way around Wuxi.

"I prefer to walk in beauty, like the night, and imagine cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright." said McCluskey.

McCluskey also eschews the Internet and Mobile Phones.  He thinks nothing of walking 16 miles to deliver a letter and borrow sugar from a pretty lass who tickles his fancy.  "A journey on foot is a mind-body integrative activity: the legs move, and the mind wanders. By being forced to focus on quick-passing logistical realities such as stepping over uneven ground, the brain is freed up from having to contemplate back ground worries, which are both more tedious and less specific, than the ground underfoot."

Asked if the reason he walked was because he had an iguana and was banned from all modes of motorized transportation, McCluskey answered: "Well if anyone sees, they shouldn't surprise, my iguana and me, on our daily exercise!  We go to Tai, my iguana and I, then he sits on my shoulder, and we stroll by the beach!  But it's just the spine under his back that makes him seem grim, but he just loves to be tickled under his chin!"

McCluskey was full of praise for the three women:  Queen Ayira, Wonder Woman, and Mrs. Miss Moneypenny, who along with him, had been nominated for the  2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs award. "To think men cannot take you, Sweet, And enfold you, Ay, and hold you,  and so keep you what they make you, Sweet! You like us for a glance, you know--- For a word's sake, or a sword's sake, all's the same, whate'er the chance, you know.  And in turn we make you ours, we say--- You and youth too,  eyes and mouth too,  all the face composed of flowers, we say.  All's our own, to make the most of, Sweet--- sing and say for,  watch and pray for, keep a secret or go boast of, Sweet!  But for loving, why, you would not, Sweet, though we prayed you, paid you, brayed you in a mortar---for you could not, Sweet!  So, we leave the sweet face fondly there:  Be its beauty.  Its sole duty!  Let all hope of grace beyond, lie there!  And while the face lies quiet there, who shall wonder that I ponder a conclusion? I will try it there."

McCluskey has earned his right to lose himself in the nature.  He first came to the Wuxi China Expatdom intoxicated with the supposed ideals of the ascension of the Ayatollah of Mordor to the kingship of the Wuxi China Expatdom.  But he quickly became disgusted with the political, moral, and aesthetic aspects of the Ayatollah's regime.  He became an alcoholic living in Wuxi Expat pubs till Gorzo the Mighty made him poet laureate of the reformed Wuxi China Expatdom.  He then set out in verse to describe the truth of the hardships of Ayatollah's victims as they had never been described before.  He walked for miles alone, through Meicun, Hubin, Nanchang, Hui Shan, Shuo Feng, Yanqiao,and Hubin, talking to people made tramps, beggars, and prisoners by the Ayatollah.  He was utterly crushed by the Ayatollah's inexpatity to Wuxi Expats.  He recognized that only total absorption in nature could heal and restore his spirit, along with a copy of the Poolside Harry Moore.  "Though changed, no doubt, from what I was when first I came among these Wuxi Expats; when like a roe, I bounded o'er the mountains, by the sides of the deep canals and the lonely streams, where ever nature lead:  I was more like a man flying from something he dreads more than one who sought the thing he loved.  But then I saw TPHM!"

The Poolside Harry Moore and Zhanshen Six Merchandise are the Top 2012 Wuxi China Expat Christmas Gifts

Seth Joyner, manager of the Wuxi Maldives Department Store, tells the WCE Blog that the Poolside Harry Moore book (TPHM) and the official merchandise of the Zhanshen Six Mission to Mars are the hot selling gifts this Christmas.

"Think of all the cliches about things flying off shelves and selling like hot cakes, and they seem insufficient to describe just how popular this merchandise is. If we could satisfy the demand for Poolside Harry Moore books, we would have to clear-cut all the forests currently on the earth, all the trees that have ever been, and all the trees that ever will be in all possible universes -- if you believe in the multiverse theory. Suffice to say that there are going to a lot of children thinking they were bad because they only got four copies of TPHM!" said Joyner.

"Now Zhanshen Six Merchandise demand, which was considerable to begin with, has increased to TPHMish level as parents are madly hoping to satisfy their children and their bar girls with an authentic Zhanshen Six Commander Harry Moore Bobble-Head Doll in lieu of a copy of TPHM. I have to admit that I haven't actually seen any of the bobble-heads of the six member Zhanshen Six crew, because consumers have resorted to ordering wholesale, a million units at a time, directly from the factory so as not to disappoint their children!  Still, anything we can sell in the store that has anything to do with the Zhanshen Six Mission doesn't stay on the shelves long. In fact, it doesn't even get to the shelves. Many of our stock crews don't even have to open the shipping containers that any official Zhanshen Six merchandise comes in! The customers are waiting at the store's receiving dock and are paying the stock clerks as much as seven times over retail to ensure they don't disappoint their children!"

Wuxi Expat Queen Looking Fine a Year after Giving Birth to the Royal Triplets

Wuxi Expats can all agree that the Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Ayira: The Chosen One, is looking mighty fine a year after having given birth to the WCE Royal Triplets.

The Expatdom got to see the Queen at a press conference where she commented on her being nominated for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award.

Queen Ayira, who is also an economist having studied under the great Milton Friedman and a champion female boxer, put her careers on hold to raise her triplet sons, Buckley, Hayek, and Friedman who were born on Christmas Day 2011.

"It was a big change for me. Going from reading economic statistics, pointing our the silliness of the Paul Krugmans of the world, and constantly training for boxing bouts, to changing diapers and cooking meals for my sons. But it is very satisfying. Women, I have come to realize, are meant to be mothers. This career stuff I was doing was sheer egotism on my part. I don't know what the heck I was thinking!" said Ayira who could have easily chosen to have nannies look after her children but insisted on being a hands-on and roll-up-the-sleeves kind of parent.

Ayira, however, is coming out of retirement to box in one more bout. "I am scheduled to fight Sandra Fluke at the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas on February 1." said Ayira. Pausing to choose her words carefully, Ayira then said "That woman, so-called, needs a some common sense knocked into her! And I got the fists that can do it!"

Asked how she kept her legs looking so good, Ayira told the press conference that she took her three sons for a run around Tai Lake everyday. The 50 km run is good for growing boys!" said the Wuxi Expat Queen with the authority of one who should know.

Her proud husband: His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, told the press conference that he was more in love with his wife now than the day he first laid eyes on her. "Pretty soon, I think our marriage will have a passion to rival that of Caesar & Cleopatra and Archduke Sir Harry Moore & Miss Moneypenny!" exclaimed His Majesty with a pride that was blushing, as only that of a divine Monarch was capable.

His Majesty then proclaimed to the nodding agreement of all in the audience that his wife had "great gams."

Pope Benedict XVI Presents Momentous Birthday Gift To Andis Kaulins

         His Holiness has unveiled the Vatican's plans to honour the birthday of the Wuxi China Expatdom's pre-eminent English teacher, Andis Kaulins.

         Addressing a congregation of 800 million people, the Pontiff said that he and the College of Cardinals have spent months considering a suitable gift.

         "Here, in the Sistine Chapel", said the Pontiff, "we will  have paintings of Andis Kaulins added to the fresco-decorated walls and ceiling".  "There are ample empty spaces where the portraits of Andis Kaulins will be painted".

         The Pontiff said that these will be the Vatican's tribute to the wisdom, courage, devotion,
magnanimity and learning of Andis Kaulins. "The original artist", the Pope said, "is now in semi-retirement, and it is unlikely that we will be able to re-hire him for the task".
"However, Archduke Harry Moore, when he returns from Mars, will render the portraits".

         "Andis Kaulins will be painted in various modes of attire, as well as nude".

         The Pope said that although Archduke Harry Moore isn't much of an artist, he is suitably-qualified after having seen Charlton Heston's movie-role as Michaelangelo. 

        In a radio transmission from Mars, Harry Moore said that he can hardly wait to be lying on his back, paint-brushes in his hands, feet, and mouth, atop the scaffolding.

        The Pontiff concluded by saying that the portraits of Andis Kaulins will be lacquered, so that they will retain and preserve his magnificence for the next 300,000 years to come. 

Wuxi Expat Rides His Bicycle to Work Everyday

One of the nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award, Niels Bohr, told the WCE Blog that he has nice legs because he takes his bike to work everyday.

"Through rain, sunshine, heat, mosquitoes, red lights, bad Chinese drivers going the wrong way, factory districts, and the rare snow, I take my bike to work, even on days when I am not working!" said Bohr who manages a shower-ring factory in Yixing, lives in the Shuo Feng District of Wuxi, and moonlights as a bassoonist for the popular musical group the Wuxi China Expatdom Trio.

Bohr ended the interview by insisting that the WCE Blog reporter fondle his calves. "Feel them! Wally Droop, a prominent Wuxi Expat pub owner, can't keep his hands off them!" boasted Bohr.

Irish Expat Wants to Make Wuxi the Donnybrook of China

Dave McCollins, an Irish ex-boxer now living in the Wuxi China Expatdom, wants to make Wuxi the Donnybrook of China and of other parts of East Asia as well, and has begun to implement his plan to do so.

"Donnybrook, the name of my hometown in Ireland, has become synonymous with English words like fight, brawl, and altercations." said McCollins in an exclusive interview with the ACIC blog. "I am proud of this fact. And since Wuxi has become my second hometown, I would like its name to become synonymous with fighting and brawling as well!"

McCollins, who teaches English at the Wuxi University of the Fighting Arts and Sciences and also is president of a company that manufactures vehicles for security and police purposes, is trying to pick fights where ever and when ever he can to bring his goal about. "Simple disagreements or gaffes are not to tolerated till my goal has been achieved. I will fight for any reason, even for someone recognizing my basic humanity, showing me sympathy and empathy, doing me a nice turn, or agreeing with my political beliefs and my taste in movies. I realize, of course, that I can't achieve my goals by myself. I have employed Machiavellian and Stalinistic techniques to get people to hate each other. I have even revived the ghosts of the Cultural Revolution to pit one group against another, and spur hatred, violent hatred that is, among individuals as well!"

McCollins, says that his campaign, which he started only two weeks ago, is beginning to bear fruit. "I went to the Pink Kitty Pub on Saturday evening and it like I was at an Ice Hockey game or attending a session of the Taiwan parliament! Fists and jabs and hooks and hay-makers and clothesline were flying – the sight was sheer poetry to the eyes of a Donnybrooker like myself. Me parents would have been so proud!"

The Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police acting commander Officer McNulty, asked about McCollins's goal, told the WCE Blog that he has had to arrest 2,000 people for Wuxiing. "It is a good thing that McCollin sold us some paddy wagons to deal with it!" said McNulty.

Nominees for the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award Announced

The nominees for the 2012 Best Legs in the Wuxi China Expatdom award have been announced. The six nominees are:

• Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Sir Harry Moore

• Wuxi China Expatdom Poet Laureate Alfred Lord McCluskey

• Wuxi China Expatdom Trio Bassoonist Niels Bohr

• Wuxi China Expatdom First Lady Wonder Woman (the wife of WCE Prime Minister Mango)

• The Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Ayira: The Chosen One (the wife of His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty)

• Archduchess Mrs. Miss Moneypenny (consort of WCE Archduke Sir Harry Moore)

The announcement proclaimed yet another achievement for Archduke Sir Harry Moore, as he became the first Wuxi Expat to receive a full nomination for each of the Wuxi China Expatdom's two most prestigious awards: the Wuxi Expat of the Year and the Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award, in the same year.

As well, the Archduke and his wife Archduchess Moneypenny became the first partners, of a married Wuxi Expat couple, to each receive nominations for a prestigious Wuxi Expat award in the same calendar year.

The announcement surprised experts who were certain that the owner of the Chestnut, Walnut, and Pink Kitty Pubs, Wally Droop was to get a nomination. However, sources close to the nominating committee say that Droop would have been nominated if he had shaved his legs for the audition.

The winner of the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award will be announced at a gala dinner to be held at the Donny Gorman Pavilion of The Dilly & Dally Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.

Wuxi China Expatdom Blogger says Chinese Women are Easier to Pick up than Western Woman

Andrew Cowlinch, aka Wussie Andrew the blogger, tells the WCE Blog that Chinese women are easier to pick up than Western women.

"I try to pick up Western woman and I get a hernia.  Chinese women, on the other hand, are so thin and feather-like, I can pick them up off the ground without straining myself." said Cowlinch.

Wuxi China Sexpat Uses Current End-of-World Talk to Great Effect

Farok Bagolli, an Albanian-Canadian Expat living in Wuxi, tells the WCE blog that he has been using the current talk of an Apocalypse occurring on December 21st to great effect in his efforts to "pick up" local woman.

"Hey baby! I say to the girls! How about spending some time with Farok? The world is coming to an end soon you know. You don't want to miss the pleasures of making love, do you?" said Bagolli, who teaches English at the World Intramural Engineering School of Technologically Scientific English (WIESTSE).

Asked how successful this tactic has been for him Bagolli said: "Instead of my usual success rate of two percent with the woman, the talk of the world ending has raised my rate of success to three percent. Putting that into actual numbers, that means I have had two woman come to my apartment per day, the last month, instead of the usual three I have come to my pad every two days!"

His Holiness Begins Writing His Personal Christmas Well-wishing Messages

Wuxi China Expatdom Blog Announces Its Six Nominees for 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award

The WCE Blog has announced its nominees for the coveted Wuxi Expat of the Year award.

The Nominees for the award, to be announced at a grand gala to be held on January 1, 2012 at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub, are:

• Archduke Sir Harry Moore
• The Crew of the Zhanshen Six Mission to the planet Mars:   Martian module pilot  Gregory Peck; the Command module pilot Lloyd Bridges; Martian Cruiser driver Harry Callahan;  Chief Engineer Fred Minkleman; and the Zhanshen Six Commander Archduke Sir Harry Moore and his wife Miss Moneypenny.
• Owner of the Chestnut, Walnut, and Pink Kitty Pubs:  Wally Droop
• Wussie Expatdom Blogger Andrew Cowlinch a.k.a. "Wussie Andrew"
• Andrew Cowlinch's son Bam-Bam, star of the popular blog Bam Bam Cowlinch in China
• Commander of the Royal Wuxi Fire Brigade:  Marcus Linius Crassus

With the nomination announcement, Archduke Sir Harry Moore makes history again. By garnering 1.1666 nominations, the Archduke has become the first Wuxi Expat to ever get more than one nomination in a year for World Expatdom's most prestigious award.

The Dilly & Dally Pub, Wuxi, China

Wuxi Expat Pub to hold Christmas Party on January 3rd

The Santiago Cafe, located near the Bao Long Shopping Center in the Wuxi New District, will hold its Christmas Party on January 3, 2013.

"It will be a wonderful evening of festive cheer, great drink specials, and your favorite Christmas food with all the fixings!  You will be able to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you wanted for Christmas.  You will get to see real reindeer which we will have specially flown in from Norway, and midgets and dwarfs dressed up as elves will hold 3-D printer seminars to show you how you can make your own toys!  Tickets 300 rmb for person.  150 rmb for your mini-me's!" said the manager of the pub, Moe Muggins.

Asked why it was that they would be holding their Christmas Party in January instead of December, Muggins told the WCE Blog that they had forgotten all about Christmas when they had planned their December schedule of pub events.  "So must of December, you can attend our baseball nights and beach parties!  December 25th, we will hold our regular Friday get-drunk-for-cheap night!" said Muggins.

Wally Droop Puts His Car On Sale, - Shanghai Expats Clamour To Make Bids

Wuxi Expat to Marry His Santa Claus Suit

Nicholas Klaus, the Santa Claus at Baoli Shopping Center, told a packed press conference at the Dorthy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub, that is he going to marry his Santa Claus suit.

The announcement stunned the members of the Wuxi Expat and World Expat journalism community who expected that Klaus was going to announce his retirement as the Baoli Mall Santa Claus after fifty years of service.

"I don't care what the world says!" said Klaus as he pounded his fist on the podium.  "Call it the love that dare not say its' name.  I don't care!  I am here to tell the world that I profess my love to my Imperial Lux-Seal crimson Santa Suit, trimmed in a thick white fox-like faux fur fabric which includes: hat, fur trimmed jacket with zipper front closure, elastic waistband pants, belt with 5" buckle and a pair of fur trimmed boot tops. I am marrying a high quality well made costume which I have used for more than twenty years. The seams on the coat and pants are all double stitched, and have lasted me for years and will last till death do us part. If you are interested in buying one, I will tell you that they are available in Adult size X-Large (50-54). I am sorry to say that a pipe, a toy bag, gloves, wig and beard not included!"

Asked why his wife of forty years thought of his decision, Klaus said "I will always have a special place in my heart for Corina, but the moments I spent with my Santa suit having children sit on my lap while I was making off-colour jokes resulted in a love so intense that I have no choice but to surrender to it!"

Klaus will marry his Santa Suit at the Chestnut Pub Wedding Chapel on Christmas Day. "What could be more romantic?" asked Klaus.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to recognize marriage between humans and inanimate objects.

Literary Expert Says Wuxi Expat's Bloggings contain more Allusions than Jame Joyce's Ulysses

Self-professed literary expert Richard E Ellemann says the blog of Andrew Cowlinch (a.k.a. Wussie Andrew), the Wussie China Expatdom, contains many more literary allusions, more genius literary methods, and more really big words than James Joyce's Ulysses.

"The similarities between the Wussie China Expatdom Blog & Ulysses are astounding and breath-taking.  But if you contemplate the ways in which the WCE Blog exceeds Ulysses you will choke yourself.  And if you don't mind me coining a new word, I will tell you that the exceedings of WCE over U, if you don't mind me creating acronyms, are infinite in that they are really uncountable, if you don't mind me using a word I learned in my English teaching..." said Ellemann, who teaches English at any school in the Wuxi China Expatdom that will have him.

Asked how Cowlinch's Blog, still being published daily, and Joyce's Novel, published in 1922, were similar, Ellemann said that he had a lot to say but that if the interviewer didn't mind, he would be brief but wear boxers while doing so.  "Like Joyce had, Cowlinch has had and still has had his literary creation serialized.  Like Joyce, Cowlinch bases the events in his bloggings on his life, he uses stream-of-consciousnesses techniques, he uses puns, he throws in references and characters from all sort of fiction works, and he bases his work on the Odyssey."

Then asked how Cowlinch's Blog exceeded Joyce's Novel, Ellemann lost his breath and had to be given mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by the Russian member of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Fire Brigade commanded by Marcus Linius Crassus.  Crassus then had to give orders to his brigade to turn on the hoses to cool down a then over-excited Ellemann.  Once in control of his faculties  Ellemann, who asked if no one mind his fainting and hysterics, said "Cowlinch has written 450,000 words and still counting while Joyce wrote 265,000.  The lexicon used by Joyce had 30,030 words while Cowlinch's, to date had 196,424 words.  Cowlinch bases his bloggings not only on his life but on the life of thirty-five other people.  Besides, using stream-of-consciousness techniques, Cowlinch has come up with other techniques like waterfalls-of-realization, creeks-of-credulousness, oceans-of-ridiculousness, lakes-of-tropes, clouds-of-unconsciousness, and the canal-of-id.  Cowlinch additionally throws in references and characters from all sort of t.v. shows and movies that Joyce could not possibly have seen.  And finally, he bases his work, not only on the Odyssey, but on the Iliad, the Aeneid  the Koran, PD Wodehouse novels, Lawrence of Arabia, the Naked Gun movies, Strangers in a Strange Land, the novels of Evelyn Waugh, the favorite movies of Sir Archduke Harry Moore, the t.v. show Sledgehammer, the writings of David Warren, the bloggings of Andis Kaulins, the 1981-82 National Hockey League Media Guide, the September 1983 issue of Baseball Digest, the Farmer's Almanac of 1992,  the 2009 issues of Wuxi Life, Gilligan's Island, the movies of Clint Eastwood, the movie Thunderball, the Confessions of Saint Augustine, the poems of WB. Yeats, the observations of GK Chesterton, the box-scores of the 1979 Montreal Expos season, the novels of Mordecai Richler, the humor of Stephen Leacock, Pascal's Pensees, the Joys of Yiddish, the Oxford Concise Dictionary, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Funk & Wagnall's Encyclopedia, the movies of Fred Astaire, and the 1981-82 Neelin High School Yearbook...."

Elleman again passed out and after being revived again, ended the interview by saying: "Of course, Cowlinch's Blog and Joyce's Novel are minor-league compared to the great work of prose and intimate photography:  The Poolside Harry Moore.  And if you got me talking about TPHM, they would have to take me to the #7 People's Hospital!"

Wuxi Expats, all over the Solar System, Mourn the Death of Ravi Shankar

Wuxi Expats, on the planet Mars and planet Earth, were saddened to hear of the death of Ravi Shankar, the Indian sitarist and composer whose collaborations with Harry Callahan and Harry Moore helped foster a worldwide appreciation of India's traditional music. Shankar died Tuesday in a hospital near his home in Southern California. He was 92.

Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Chief Inspector Harry Callahan, who is currently on the surface of Mars with the WCE's Zhanshen Six Mission, learned of Shankar's passing just after he, Archduke Sir Harry Moore and the Archduchess Mrs. Miss Moneypenny finished performing the last of twenty encores at the Frank Sinatra birthday celebration.

Very uncharacteristically upon hearing the news, the steel-eyed Callahan choked up for three seconds, before delivering his thoughts on Shankar's death. "Needless to say, I and the Zhanshen Six crew are very sad to hear of Shankar's passing away. My and the Archduke's thoughts go out to his family. The time I spent with Shankar in the 1960's did a lot to develop my musical and policing skills, and I am sure that Archduke Harry attributes a lot of his success as a prose stylist, orator, and politician to his taking part in our jam sessions as well! The music world has had a great loss! The Wuxi China Expatdom of Gorzo the Mighty and Prime Minster Mango, the Wuxi China Expatdom that is a beacon of freedom, liberty, and naturism to all the world has loss a great friend!"

Meanwhile on the planet Earth, a million Wuxi Expats, both Indian and non-Indian, held a candle-lit vigil at Harry Memorial Square Diamond to honor Shankar's memory.