Despite his being nude in front of millions of people on many occasions, there are no known photos or video of Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus fully unclothed.
A task force commissioned by the United Nations, of Nobel Prize winning physicists, economists, sociologists, chemists and psychologists, to investigate this lack of images published an exhaustive study on this matter. They came to the conclusion that the Archduke's physicality is of divine nature and thus can't be recorded by known image recording human technology. "You need very special and expensive cameras to take photos of the sun's surface. Currently, we don't possess the technology to take of the Archduke's chest and thighs. It gives up an aura that isn't on the known electromagnetic spectrum." said the head of the task force, psychologist and radio talk show host, Milt Rosenburg.
The best record of the Double Saint's physicality is a surveillance photo of his ankle taken by midget who had been planted by ex KGB agents in a bush near the Archduke's home as part of an assassination attempt in 2012, the year of a thousand attempts on the life of the Archduke.
The photo which was released on the Internet quickly went viral. "It was the most astounding image of a human ankle ever recorded!" said Juri Borkov, a Russian Wuxi Expat.
When the photo was revealed to be the ankle of Double Saint Moore, the image quickly became a religious I-relic. People all over the world are downloading the image and putting it on their desk tops and then spending hours staring reverently at it. Printing the image and displaying it in public will stop workers and pedestrians dead in their footsteps. One person with a printed image of the glorificus ankle was able to blackmail a million dollars from the Fox Com in Shenzhen China by threatening to show it to workers on the production line making Iphones.
But for the rest of humanity, the image of the Double Saint's ankle has been an impetus to explore one's conscience and become a better human being. A great number have been so moved as to discover religion or to return to the faith of their parents.
In the Wuxi Expat Pub Community, the change has been incredibly remarkable, as Wuxi Expats, whether they be English teachers, pub owners, businessmen, or engineers, after seeing the ankle image have decided on great changes in attitude to their lives.
One Wuxi Expat Pub Owner, Fred Minkleman, has decided to quit his pub owner job by dissolving his very profitable business. "Looking at the divine quality of Harry's ankle, I had this rush of conscience overcome me. I had to stop making money of the weaknesses and vice of alcoholic and drug-taking English teachers, businessmen and engineers. I have decided I will join a monastery and take up a vow of silence and abstinence from alcohol."
Many English teachers say they have turned to religion and given up fornication, adultery, pedophilia and tardiness. One teacher Duston Short said he was quitting the English Teaching profession altogether because of seeing the Archduke's ankle."Teaching, Me realized after seeing Moore's ankle is a vocation, not excuse to shagging under the age of girls. Me also has a reveal that my English is like not so well. Also me stop being gay!"
One long time Wuxi Expat, businessman Larry Drysdale, has taken all his ill-gotten profits and given it to the poor. "I want to start up a new religious order: the Brothers of Charity. I have to make up for the dissolute life I have lead of wheeling, scheming and dealing!" said Drysdale.
One Wuxi Expat Engineer, Karls Heinz Audi Hambuggler has decided to marry his long-suffering girl friend. "No more Bill Clinton philandering for me. You know. I am gonna make a woman out of my Sugar Candy!"
Suggestions by Wuxi China Expatdom Studies department the world over that the misanthropic blogger Andis Kaulins, not to be confused with Andis Kaulins the Elite Expat and Andis Kaulins the English teacher, would not be aroused by the photo of Sir Harry's ankle have proven to be unfounded. In an exclusive interview where he was grilled by Deloris Morris of WXBC News, Blogger Kaulins said the following: "No longer will I sit smugly on the sidelines and satirize Wuxi Expats. Thanks to my friend Harry's ankle, I have realized that I should be more active in seeking to improve the quality of Wuxi Expats. So, in the spirit of loving one's enemies, I am going out and kicking their asses! Starting of course with that English Teacher Andis Kaulins. Yes. Thanks to Double Saint Harry's ankle, I have seen the light!"
