Wuxi Expat Family visits the Ling Shan Big Buddha for the first time.

The Grant Family: Father Bob S., Mother Clare, Son Bob Jr. and Daughter Clare Jr. from Claremont, California paid the first of, what they told the WCE Blog, will be many visits to the Big Buddha at Ling Shan in Wuxi, China.

Bob S. Grant, a former proctologist turned English teacher, told the WCE Blog that his visit to the Big Buddha was spiritually uplifting and that he was thinking of converting to Buddhism from his New Age faith.

His wife Clare, a former Tax Attorney now teaching at Little Nippers Kindergarten in the Meicun District, told the WCE Blog that the people at Ling Shan treated her "mighty swell" and that she made many new friends. "The monks were so helpful. They accompanied me everywhere and tried their best to ask any questions I had!"

The Grant children told the WCE Blog that they were "freaked out" by the stares from the other tourists at the shrine, but felt like celebrities when they were constantly asked to pose for photos. "One family asked us to pose with their grandparents which I thought was quite a honour!" said Bob Jr.

Wuxi Expat Pub sets up in Bunker amid Rumors of Possible Nuclear Attack

With rumors circulating all over the Expatdom, that they are to be the next target of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming, the Walnut Pub has moved to a bunker  3,000 meters below their normal surface location.   The bunker consists of a large bar room, many private rooms and several billiard areas distributed over two levels protected by approximately forty four meters of concrete

Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming is an effort by the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Squad in alliance with all the nuclear powers of the world to eliminate Hip-Hop from the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Walnut Pub owner Wally Droop told the WCE Blog that his bar was now open for business and that as an incentive for his regular customers to "come down", drinks and shots would be 50 percent off till the threat of nuclear attack had subsided.

Droop's other pub, the Chestnut, felt the force of Operations Eliminate Bad Rhyming's first attack with 300 nuclear bombs being used on Chestnut DJ booth and destroying all of Droop's son Sandy's Hip-Hop collection.  "I am flabbergasted that there were no casualties in the attack, especially since it had the force of over 300 bombs dropped on Hiroshima.  But I guess that a lesson of the attack was that Hip-Hop being played in my pubs had ruined any chance I had of having a civilized and loyal clientele!"

Asked why it was that he was taking such great precautions to withstand an attack of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming  when he didn't seem so upset by their first attack, Droop said that it seemed unmanly to not put up a little bit of a fight.  "Also, Sandy really believes in Hip-Hop and puts on a creepy affectless voice when talking about its detractors!  So, really I want to just want to bury him and his music!" said Droop, off the record, to the WCE Blog.

Commander of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming, Officer McNulty could not be reached for comment.

Co-Workers demoralized by the virility of Wuxi Expat English Teacher's forearms

A spell of warm weather in the Wuxi China Expatdom is causing the Wuxi Expats who do wear clothes to shed them.  At one Wuxi China English School, the shedding of clothes has resulted in a major loss of morale among its English teachers.

Elite Dynamic Executive International English School's Eddie Hartman, a sixty year old ex-engineer, has taken to wearing short sleeve shirts as he teaches his classes.  While this has made him feel comfortable, it has caused the other English teachers to suffer from bouts of extreme low self-esteem.

"Hartman's forearms," said fellow Elite Dynamic Executive International English teacher Andis Kaulins, "are strong, solid, thick like lumber and exceedingly virile.  I look at my arms and I get sick to my stomach.  I can't deceive myself about my inadequacies anymore.  Hartman's forearms are like a slap to the head that causes you to feel numb for days on end.   I can't get them out of my mind!"

Another Elite Dynamic Executive International English teacher Vic Paulsen tells the WCE blog that since he has seen Hartman's forearms, he has not gone up to his 21st floor apartment.  "I am afraid that I will think of Hartman's virility, then my inadequacies as a man and want to jump out the window!  I have been living on the street to stop this possibility!" said Paulsen.

Elite Dynamic Executive International English teacher Thor Lyndon says he has been in the gym, every spare moment, trying to build up his forearms to look like Hartman's but has only encountered pain and frustration.  "There comes a point in life where you have to say it can't be done and walk away.  But, I who prides himself on have the best body in the English Teaching Fraternity of the Wuxi China Expatdom find it galling!  All that I have lived for, all that I have staked my self-esteem on, doesn't amount to a hill of beans when I see Hartman wearing a short sleeve shirt!"

Hartman, who also doesn't wear pants when he teaches, told the WCE Blog that he got his huge forearms growing up on the farm and then doing construction seven days a week while studying to be an engineer in the evenings.  "I maintained this regimen for fifty years of my life; so good luck to all English teachers who think they can emulate me in a week!"

Use of Atomic Weapons in the Wuxi China Expatdom Declared a Victory for Human Decency and Funk

Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming, an effort by the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Squad to eliminate Hip-Hop from all Wuxi Expat Bars, has begun with a four-day round-the-clock Atomic bombardment of the Chestnut Pub.

Officer McNulty, commander of the Eliminate Bad Rhyming Operation, told the WCE Blog that there could be no "messing with the successing of the operation at the Chestnut Pub because the effort was da bomb!"

McNulty then took the opportunity, in the WCE blog interview, to thank all the world's nuclear powers, including the USA, North Korea, Israel, Russia, Pakistan and India, for providing nuclear weapons to use in the operation.  Iran, said McNulty, were not quite ready to supply yet.  "We used over 300 A-bombs during our attack on the DJ Booth of the Chestnut Pub over the four days, as well as a trillion tons of conventional munitions including bunker busters, high explosive artillery shells and White Phosphorous Chemical Weapons launched from 155mm guns we had parked on the decks of over two hundred Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy amphibious aircraft carriers!"

Asked how Wuxi China Expatdom leadership felt about the results of the operation, McNulty told the WCE Blog that his Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty had phoned him after the completion of the operation to congratulate him personally for the success of the first attack on Hip Hop.  "His Majesty is a big fan of Funk, and even cut a few albums with James Brown, Sly and the Family Stone, Bill Withers and Kool & the Gang, back in the day.  He has told me that now that he is a parent, he is very concerned that his three sons Buckley, Hayek and Friedman don't come under the evil spell of Hip Hop and instead listen to the rhythmic, dance-able mixture of soul, jazz and R&B that Funk music is!" said McNulty.

McNulty said that he also received a phone call from Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango.  "The Prime Minister also offered his congratulations.  Mango has concerns that the children, now being carried by pregnant spouse Wonder Woman, also don't come under the influence of what Mango calls one of the malignant and destructive forms of anti-art enterprises known to man!  Hip-Hop, Mango told me, is responsible for rising rates of illegitimacy, venereal disease, demands for the welfare-state, decline in the work-ethic, dandruff, bad breath and oral flatulence!"

McNulty, who could easily pass as James Brown's twin brother, said he wasn't much into funk himself, instead preferring the Country-and-Western stylings of Bob Willis and his Texas Playboys.

McNulty would not divulge plans for the next attack of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming, but there are rumors abounding that the million man force involved in the operation are planning to attack the DJ booth of the Walnut Pub, the sister pub of the Chestnut.

The use of atomic weapons was only the fourth time in history that atomic weapons had been used in warfare.  Nuclear weapons had previously been used in Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and at the Wuxi China Expatdom Peace Theater on Zhongshan Road during a failed assassination attempt of Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore.

Wuxi China Expat Families find incredible savings when shopping in Wuxi, China

Wuxi China is the best place in the world for families to go shopping!

So say the Grant and Smith Families, from North America, now living in the Wuxi China Expatdom full time.

"Prices in Wuxi, China!" said Clare Grant, a tax attorney from Claremont, California turned Kindergarten teacher, "are one-tenth what I would have paid in Claremont. I now have 150 bags and purses, and 400 pairs of shoes -- ten times what I would have had if I had stayed in Claremont!"

Her husband, Bob S., says he that he can engage in his favorite hobby: model railroading, at a level that was never possible in Claremont because of prices. "I have 150 miles of track on the second floor of my penthouse apartment on Hubin Street. Back in Claremont, I had one hundred yards! God! Do I love shopping in the Wuxi China Expatdom!"

The Smith Family, who ran a Wrestling Circuit in Pennsylvania and now run an Serbian Restaurant in the Meicun District of Wuxi, tell the WCE Blog that, where they now live prices, are an amazing one twentieth of what they had become accustomed to back in the U.S.A. "I can drink a thousand bottles of beer for what I paid for one bottle in good old Penn! And believe me, I have tried to drink all that beer since I have been here!" said husband Terry Smith.

Smith's wife Collean, who has a taste for lingerie and whiskey, told the WCE Blog that she has two closets, each packed full of her two favorite things. "Back in Pennsylvania, all I needed was a hanger and a flask for hold my two favorite things. God! God! How I love to live and shop in the Wuxi China Expatdom!" said Mrs. Smith.

Asked why Wuxi China Expatdom prices were so low, His Majesty the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty exclaimed "Volume! Volume! Volume! And lack of centralized bureaucratic government interference!"

Wuxi Expat looking for his Wiener

Duston Short, the Wuxi China Expatdom champion midget Sumo Wrestler, had lost one of the wieners from his McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs; and so he couldn't teach his scheduled classes on Monday.  

Short, a short squat Expat from Ontario, Canada with a reputation for tardiness and laziness, told the WCE Blog that he had bought 422 McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs Monday Morning.  "As I got to eating my number 234 Hot Dog, I eat bread but noticed then, I no weiner had.  I wondered where it went.  So, I looked and looked and looked and looked and looked.  I forgot what I was looking for, so I told the school me no go teach classes because I forgot what it was that I had lost!"

Short, for all his many, many faults, has been the impetus behind the craze for McDonald's Hot Dogs now prevailing in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  The CEO of McDonald's in China has considered giving Short a life-size blow-up Ronald McDonald doll for Short to use as he pleases.

Admiral Bridges, Old Sea Dog, Trials New Amphibious Hot Dog

Wuxi China Expatdom Freeport, Lake Taihu:

For the past four days, Admiral Lloyd Bridges has been
testing the latest weapon in the WCERN's already-formidable arsenal.

Admiral Bridges said that he'd been given the design plans of the
Amphibious McDonalds Breakfast Hot Dog Torpedo (AMBHDT) by his old
shipmate, Admiral Chester Nimitz, back in their naval cadet's training-course days at Annapolis.

"It is catapult-launched off the Fred Astaire's flight-deck", he explained. But usually we need some extra grunt for the launch, so the Astaire's mascot, Billy The Goat, gives it an almighty head-butt in the bread-roll's tail-butt.

"Once on the water, I engage the AMBHDT's six Chevy
V-8 engines, squirt it with catsup and cheese, - reduces friction; then cruise around Taihu. This morning I streaked around the Lake 268 times
at the max, - 428kmh. No problems so far, apart from getting my hair mussed-up a little".

"In a real attack scenario, the big wiener would be fired, then the bread roll returns safely to the Astaire", he said.

"It employs stealth technology too. I performed a dry-land run in it
yesterday. Mighty fast there too. Yesterday I drove it, in a direct
crow-flies run across farmlands and Expat farmers to the Nanjing Expatdom and back. Easy as pie, except that Duston Short ran alongside, trying to take a few chomps of it. A well-aimed wiener-wallop quickly deterred him though.

"The AMBHDT can deliver either conventional TNT, or an 88-megaton nuclear warhead. We were, as you'll recall, invaded by the Nanjing Expatdom once before, so we've got a MAD strategic warplan in place.

"However, King Gorzo the Mighty, and the WCE government, have made it very clear that the WCE's awesome military might will only ever be used in the defensive role.

"So, our Expats can sleep easily in their dumpsters, knowing that my sea-dog's nose can smell any potential threats, and that my boys can deploy to battlestations at a moment's notice".

Wuxi Expat Family finds Wuxi China Transit System to be very convenient

The Grant Family: Bob, Clare and and their two children, originally from Claremont, California, have found the Wuxi China Transit System to be world-class and very convenient.

Bob S. Grant, a proctologist turned English teacher, said he didn't need a car because of the system's convenience. "The buses come every two minutes and we are always able to get a seat. And so I can all read and contemplate the wisdom of the Poolside Harry Moore -- I couldn't do that if I was driving a car and stuck in Wuxi's awful traffic jams!"

Clare, a former tax attorney now teaching Wuxi kindergarten kids, told the WCE Blog that she really appreciated the plush seats on all the Wuxi, China Buses. "The buses of the Wuxi, China were designed with Naturists in mind. A Naturist need not worry about having bare skin in contact with cold plastic! The seats are soft and plush like the finest Suzhou silk!"

The Couple ended the interview by teasing each other about their reading habits. When Clare told the WCE Blog that she too liked to read her copy of the Poolside Harry Moore while on the bus, Bob teasingly said that she really liked to stare at the pictures.

Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke says the Naturist and the Nudist should be friends

Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Harry Moore told the WCE Blog interviewer that the Naturist and the Naturist should be friends.  Sang the Archduke to the WCE Blog: "Oh, the Naturist and the Nudist be friends.  The Naturist likes to do some work, the Nudist likes to chase a cow, but that's no reason why they can't be friends!"

Asked why such groups with disparate life philosophies should be friends, Archduke Moore reiterated and sang:  "Wuxi Expats should stick together, Wuxi Expats should all be pals. Nudists dance with Naturists' daughters; Naturists dance with the Nudists' gals.

A representative of the Nudists, accompanying the Archduke told the WCE Blog :  "I'd like to say a word for the Nudist.  He come out to the Expatdom because he wanted to make a lot of changes.  He come out to the Expatdom and built a lot of fences."

A representative of the Naturists, also present then said: "And built 'em right across our cattle ranges!"

The Representative of the Nudists then told the WCE Blog that "the Nudist is a good and thrifty citizen, no matter what the Naturist says of things.  You seldom see 'em drinkin' in a bar room!"

To which the Naturist representative retorted:  "Unless somebody else is buyin drinks."

Arhcduke Harry Moore, trying to make peace, sang: "But the Naturist and the Nudist should be friends.  Oh, the Nudist and the Naturist should be friends.

The Naturist ropes a cow with ease, the Nudist steals her butter and cheese, but that's no reason why they can't be friends.  Wuxi Expats should stick together.

Wuxi Expats should all be pals. Nudists dance with Naturists' daughters; Naturists dance with the Nudists' gals."

The Nudist Representative then said "I'd like to say another word for the Nudist, the road he treads is difficult and stoney.  He rides for days on end with just a pony for a friend."

To which the Naturist representative retorted:  "I sure am feelin' sorry for the pony!"

Archduke Moore then chided the Naturist, telling him that " the Naturist should be sociable with the Nudist if he rides by and asks for food and water. Don't treat him like a louse and make him welcome in your house." 

To which the Naturist replied "But I will be sure that I lock up my wife, pets, cigars, DVDs, my copies of the Poolside Harry Moore, my liquor and my daughters!"

Pleadingly Archduke Moore ended the Interview by singing  "Wuxi Expats should stick together.  Wuxi Expats should all be pals.  Nudists dance with Naturists' daughters; Naturists dance with the Nudists' gals!"

Sales of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 merchandise brisk

Sales of official merchandise of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012, which is currently in its second phase, have been very brisk said Commander Karl Malden of the Wuxi China International Expeditionary Force, the exclusive supplier of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 merchandise, in an interview with the WCE Blog.

"We were able to sell our stock from the first phase of the WCE Civil War off, all be it, at reduced prices -- we didn't make much money as we hoped, but we didn't lose any!" said Malden.  "We have streamlined our production process so that we don't again get caught with our pants down in case there is a unexpected change of alliances as there was in Phase One!   Right now, sales of Phase Two Civil War are brisk!  What is especially popular currently is the diorama of the Phase Two siege area complete with realistic, but to scale, representations of the two armies involved."

In the Civil War itself, there is currently a siege taking place at Three Kingdoms Park, which has been made to resemble Stalingrad 1943.  The WCEDVDAS forces, which in phase one had been fighting each other, are now in alliance and have completely encircled the forces of the WCEWCEDVDCWARS.  Rumours are circulating that pressure is being put on the WCEWCEDVDCWARS by the WCEIEF to try a break-out maneuver.  WCEIEF Commander Karl Malden had promised to split revenue fifty-fifty of Breakout 2012 T-Shirt sales with the WCEWCEDVDCWARS .

The Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society and the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society, who were enemies in Phase One of the WCE Civil War 2012, became allies when the Wuxi China Expatdom WCE Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (WCEWCEDVDCWARS) was taking vital supplies from the two WCEDVDAS armies to stage reenactments of WCEDVDAS battles.  The WCEDVDAS alliance marked the beginning of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 Phase Two.

WCEFAS President's speech to the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force is well-received

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore delivered what many observers rate as the perhaps the greatest display of oratory combined with dance in all of human history, to the annual meeting of the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force on Thursday evening at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  Wuxi China Expatdom Police Officers were still dancing on Friday afternoon giving many English Teachers a chance to slack off on their grammar, Engineers a chance to use pretentious French phraseology and gang-members a chance to play hip-hop and assault the innocent.

Moore spoke to the entire membership of the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force including Chief Inspector Harry Callahan and his sidekick Officer McNulty.

Moore opened his speech by telling the assembled Police Officers to lend him their ears.  He then asked Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio to come on stage and play the music from Paint Your Wagon!  and Oklahoma!  As the band played, Moore, dressed impeccably in a tailored blazer and slacks that were finished off with a perfectly tied cravat and fedora, danced and sung in a Homeric meter and described the great films about law enforcement from Drag Net to the French Connection to all the Dirty Harry movies.  The officers interrupted Moore's show with a thousand standing ovations and demanded, at gun point, that the WCEFAS President make 10 encore performances.

In total, Moore put on a seven hour non-stop show for the Officers who afterwards formed a conga line and danced for a further fifteen hours.  Leading the conga line was none other than Chief Inspector Callahan.  His sidekick Officer McNulty was the caboose.  Due to security reasons, the police officers could not perform a Prisyadka dance.  Observers told the WCE Blog that the fact that Callahan and McNulty were dancing in the Conga Line said a lot about the quality of the WCEFAS President's Harry Moore dancing and oratory.  Said Historian Edward Gibbon:  "McNulty and Callahan are very hard-boiled types who are the last people in the world to give into frivolous things.  Matter of fact, Callahan glares like General Patton.  Frivolity, if it knows what is good for it, maintains a wide berth when Callahan walks into the room!  So it is a pretty significant thing when Callahan joins a conga line.  It is proof that Moore's speech to the WCEPF was the most significant thing to happen to humanity since a certain event at Golgotha!"

Obama's Plan B: Move to the Wuxi China Expatdom!

With his popularity plummeting because none of his policies are working, U.S. President Barack Obama is formulating a plan B for what to do with his life after January 2013 when the first term of his presidency will end.  Confidants of President Obama say that his Plan A is to continue on as President of the USA till 2016, but if it doesn't pan out for him, he will move to the Wuxi China Expatdom to become an English Teacher and an advocate for Naturism.

Barack's wife Michelle has told the WCE Blog that Barack doesn't have his heart in the job of being U.S. President anymore.  Said the First Lady:  "The polls and the economic numbers are depressing him.  When his advisers ask him to make decisions, Barack seems very distracted and inattentive.  I was stunned to walk into the oval office one night, and find him ignoring a whole pile of reports on his desk -- he was instead leafing through his copies of the Poolside Harry Moore and the official biography of His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty.  And to top it off, he was also buff naked.  At Sasha's and Malia's bedtime, he will read them stories from the Poolside Harry Moore for children!   Another night, I found him burning all our clothes and muttering to himself that he had to go to the WCE!"

His Majesty King Gorzo the Mighty said that Obama was welcome to come to the WCE in 2013 but only under direct supervision and with certain provisos. "Obviously, Barack is not allowed to be in any positions that require him making decisions.  He has to promise to behave himself better than that other former President: Bill Clinton who we had to deport because he kept on hitting on Bar Girls and was stalking Prime Minister Mango.  Barack must also promise not to bring that dipsomaniac Joe Biden with him.  As long as he does that, I sure his skills at public-speaking will make him a great English teacher and an advocate for Naturism." said Gorzo.

Family-Of-Four Influx #1: The Ericburdonandtheanimals, From Australia

Joining the stampede of families immigrating to the Wuxi China Expatdom
are Australians William ("call me Bill, all moy mites do!") Ericburdonandtheanimals, his charming wife, wife, Wilma, and their two children, Willy and Wally.

Bill explains: "We'd had enough of the stressful rat-racing life
back in Australia. Sure, we thought we were happy there. I'm a schoolteacher by profession, and had reached the pinnacle of my career
as the acting relieving assistant deputy principal at the Pustule Boy's
High School, in DingoDonger, western Sydney.
And, we'd almost paid-off our 1968 VW Beetle and our caravan-home."

"A friend of a friend put me in touch with Bob S.Grant, the President
of the Wuxi China Expatdom Families Council (WCEFC) who told us about the fantastic lifestyle here in the WCE.

"So, I quit my job, and threw away all my lesson plans and textbooks.
Bob was there to greet us at the Wuxi train terminal, and from there, well, the very same day we bought a 6-room, 18-WC penthouse-apartment in Chanjiang Road. After only a month, we're fully assimilated, and never been happier.

"Boy, the air of wholesome chumminess here gets me. Nothing like it back in Australia. The quality of life here in the WCE beats the world.

"We really love the nightlife here. We take our two kids,
little Willy, and Wally, to your great Expat Bars. Our favourite is the Dangle Participle - we're always welcomed with lots of hugs and cuddles, just like we're one big happy family. And they have stew there, kangaroo stew, same as back in the old country.

"Our daytimes are free and easy. Wilma and I sleep-in until about
2pm every day, and then we settle down and watch Oprah, Dr Phil,
Days Of Our Lives, and our favourite movie, Titanic. Wilma and I enjoy a good old cry in the 'don't leave me Jack!' bit."

"Another reason we settled here is the plethora of excellent English schools. Being a former teacher, I wanted top-notch education for our two kids. So we made an appointment to see Andis Kaulins, the Expatdom's longest-serving English teacher, to enroll them in his school. Of course I'd already heard of Andis Kaulins before we came here, his name is a household word in the upper echelons of the teaching profession throughout the world.

"But Andis said that our two-year olds didn't have to wait to be students at his school - he mentored both of them for a week, and then hired them straightaway, as senior tutors, so they've been teaching there full-time in the IELTS faculty. Wally wags his tail excitedly when he heads off to the school every morning.

"The Wuxi China Expatdom is paradise on Earth for families."

Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force declares war on Hip Hop

Not content just with fighting bad grammar habits in English Teachers, pretentious French phraseology on the part of the wider Wuxi Expat community, and normal day-to-day crime, the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Force has now declared war on Hip Hop.  Chief Inspector Harry Callahan, back from Suzhou where he had completely eliminated Suzhou Expat Drug Gangs, made the declaration to a packed press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.

C.I. Callahan told the ten thousand members of the media, that Operation  Eliminate Bad Rhyming was inspired by a conversation he had had, one night, over beers with His Majesty Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty.  "We were in the Chestnut Pub, His Majesty and I, and the King complained about the music being played.  Hip Hop, his majesty told me, was completely atonal, amusical, unartistic noisy crap, and he then expressed a wish that something could be done about it!  Well!!!!  I am going to do something about it!  So look out!  You Hip Hop Punks!  My friend Smith and Wesson is going to give you a lesson and you will stop your messing with sound!"

C.I. Callahan said that Officer McNulty would be the officer directly in charge of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming.  Said Callahan:  "McNulty was not faulty when he taught the English Teachers the enamor of good grammar and the other Expats the  tendentiousness of French phrasal pretentiousness!"

Officer McNulty, taking the podium from C.I. Callahan, said that he had again secured, as he had in his operations against bad English grammar and pretentious French phraseology, the help of the Wuxi China Expatdom Armed Forces for Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming; and so had lots and lots of Infantry, Cannon, Mortars, Armour, Bunker Busters and Cavalry at his disposal.  

McNulty then shocked the assembled press members by announcing that there was a good chance that nuclear weapons might be used in the completion of Operation Eliminate Bad Rhyming.  "We have gotten the Iranians, the French, the Israelis, the North Koreans, the Americans and the Russians to supply us with nuclear missiles.  King Gorzo has said that Hip Hop is the most dangerous threat to civilized human decency that there has ever existed; and you can see that when you can get bitter enemies to all side with us, there is something to be said for his Majesty's opinions!"

Wuxi Expat claims that his love for cheeseburgers is a sex fetish that should be subsidized

Duston Short, English Teacher and the Wuxi China Expatdom Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion, told a special Parliamentary Nudist Steering and Policy Committee that his love for cheeseburgers was really a sex fetish that should be subsidized by his school's and other Wuxi China Expatdom company health insurance programs.  The special Parliamentary Nudist Steering and Policy Committee was formed after Short's request to speak to a bi-partisan parliamentary committee, looking into Women's reproductive health issues, was rejected by the majority Naturist Party which questioned Short's status as an expert witness.  The head of the Opposition Nudist Party Military Junta, General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle disagreed and so organized the special parliamentary committee, attended only by Nudists and Wuxi China Expatdom Feminist Sexpat Alliance members, to hear what Short had to say.  Said General Pinochle:  "There are were no short obese lazy English Teachers on the bipartisan committee!  What was wrong with that picture!"

Speaking before Nudist and Wuxi China Expatdom Feminist Sexpat Alliance members of the Wuxi China Expatdom Parliament, organized as the Parliamentary Nudist Steering and Policy Committee in a hearing that was recorded but not televised, Short argued in favor of requiring religious institutions, English schools and all Wuxi Expatdom companies including those with moral objections  eating cheeseburgers, to provide free cheeseburgers in their health insurance. He said that in his five years as a Wuxi Expat, Cheeseburgers could cost him over 20,000 rmb. He also stated the 40% of the Wuxi China Expatdom English Teacher population suffered financial hardship as a result of the fact that cheeseburgers were not covered by any Wuxi China Expatdom health insurance plan. He continued that the lack of free cheeseburger coverage in his English school's insurance plans would induce many low income English Teachers to go without cheeseburgers and that local Wuxi restaurants, including McDonald's could not meet the need except when induced by money to do so.

When questioned by angry Parliamentary Nudist Steering and Policy Committee members who thought that their time was being wasted because nothing he was saying had anything to do with women's reproductive issues, Short told them that eating cheeseburgers was a reproductive issue because he had a fetish for cheeseburgers which was sexual, and if woman should be allowed to have their sexual fetishes subsidized, why couldn't he have his subsidized as well?  "Sound a lot like discrimination against guys if you asked me!  I will even agree to have films of me eating cheeseburgers made so people can make sure they I do have a fetish.  Heck, I will even stick some cheeseburgers up my.....!" said Short.

Reports finds that One Hundred Percent of Wuxi Expat Alcoholics suffer from Alcoholism

A report released by Alcoholics Famous stated that a 2012 survey of Alcoholics in the Wuxi China Expatdom showed that one hundred percent of them suffered from alcoholism.  In each of the ten years the survey has been conducted, the percentage of alcoholics suffering from alcoholism has never dipped below one hundred percent.

The head of the Opposition Nudist Party Military Junta, General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle was quick to denounce the results and said that the ruling Naturist Party should dissolve the parliament and call new elections, and then not run any candidates in them so the Nudists could be the new ruling party of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Prime Minister Mango, leader of the ruling Naturist Party, said that General Pinochle's logic was flawed and that the Wuxi China Expatdom's zero percent unemployment rate, million percent annual GDP growth and complete elimination of poverty and depression were reasons for the Naturists to stay in power and not dissolve the parliament with its Naturist majority.

General Pinochle, a fervent admirer of President Obama, when confronted with the illogic of his denouncements and the fact of the WCE's tremendous economic growth, pulled out a deck of cards before finally finding his race card and then denounced the Naturists as fascists, racists, homophobes, alcoholicphobes, selfish, teetotalers, and unnuanced moral absolutists in a very preening condescending self-righteous voice before finally pulling out his gun.

Wuxi Expats swim in Lake Taihu for the first time in 2012

On Sunday, with temperatures rising to 10 degrees Celsius, many Wuxi Expats decided to swim in Lake Taihu for the first time in 2012. Whether, they hailed from the wussier parts of the world or were pub owners, English teachers, engineers, priests, rabbis or Wuxi China Expatdom royalty, Wuxi Expats of every social class, profession, political belief, moral standing and ability went to Lake Taihu's golden beach to surf, form conga lines or try to fight a great white shark.

Archduke Harry Moore, wearing speedos accompanied by his wife the Archduchess Miss Moneypenny wearing a bikini consisting of four postage stamps, were together voted the finest looking swimmers wearing swimsuits.

Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Admiral Lloyd Bridge was voted the best looking Naturist swimmer.

Duston Short, having called in sick to work, was seen hand-in-hand with his girlfriend impersonator Harriet.

The Wuxi Police Squad, headed by Officer McNulty, provided Lifeguard services. McNulty dispensed his idiosyncratic brand of rough-house reactionary justice to several swimmers who made English grammar errors and/or spoke in French. He also single-handily strangled a fifty foot long great white shark before it nearly swallowed Duston Short whole. McNulty later told the WCE Blog that he was tempted to let the great white swallow Short because "it would have been a tremendous physical feat to swallow something so short and squat!"

Wuxi Expat falls in love with female impersonator

Wuxi China Expatdom Sumo Midget Wrestling Champion Duston Short has fallen in love with Harriet, a female impersonator.  He saw Harriet perform at the Walnut Pub located in the Nachang Jie Bar Street, and became instantly smitten.

Short told the WCE Blog that Harriet had a certain "I-don't-know!" and wanted to propose marriage.

When asked by the WCE Blog, if he knew what a female impersonator was, he said he didn't and that if he did, he wouldn't hold it against her.  He then said that he had enough money to support her with his English Teacher's salary and his part-time bar-tending.

The Wuxi China Expatdom celebrates Saint Patrick's Day in typical WCE massive style

Not even going all out, the Wuxi China Expatdom celebration of Saint Patrick's Day 2012 will be the most massive celebration of the holiday in all of human history. Every Wuxi China Expatdomite from factory manager and pub owner to the the lowliest English teacher is doing his or her part to celebrate the holiday with the green and violence theme.

Wuxi Naturists are painting themselves green all over.

Wuxi Expat admirers of Mitt Romney's hair are dyeing their "Mitt Dos" neon green.

Duston Short and the members of the "Occupy Toilet" movement are drinking green toilet water.

Competitors in the Wuxi China Expatdom Bikini Classic are wearing green bikinis.

The Chestnut Pub will be serving a special cocktail made with Taihu Lake Water that can turn a person's skin green for 24 hours. Chestnut Pub owner Wally Droop poo-pooed allegations that the cocktail may carcinogenic. Droop's recently opened second pub, the Walnut, will sell the same cocktail at a higher price.

Canadian Wuxi Expats will play hockey during which a bench-clearing donnybrook should break out.

Combatants in Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 will be issued with neon green rifles and hand grenades.

One hundred million Wuxi Expats will gather at the three Harry Moore Memorial Squares and invent a new dance called the Prisyadka Kung Fu Fighting Dance.

Irish Wuxi Expats will try to pick fights with British Wuxi Expats.

Long-time Wuxi Expat Andis Kaulins, the English Teacher who is not to be confused with the Andis Kaulins who is the president of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association and the Andis Kaulins who is the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Elite Expat Association, told the WCE Blog that he would wear a dark green sweater to mark the day.

Archduke Harry Moore told the WCE Blog that he would dress in impeccably tailored green blazer and green slacks that would be finished off with a perfectly tied green cravat and green fedora, like his fashion hero Fred O'staire

The WCE Blog also learned that Prime Minister Mango would be wearing a bright green halter dresses with a nipped waist and flowing, knee-length skirt. The PM's wife Wonder Woman was, for just one day, donning green instead of her traditional Red, White and Blue suit.

His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, told the WCE Blog that, as always, he was super-impressed by what his subjects were doing to celebrate a holiday.

WCEFASP and AD Harry Moore makes Ides of March Speech at Wuxi China Expatdom Senate

Arch Duke WCE Minister of Colonies and Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President Harry Moore, and his newlywed bride, Mrs Miss Moneypenny, have cut-short their honeymoon so that, in his role of WCEFAS President, he could speak in the Expatdom Senate. The Civil War hostilities between the the two WCEDVDAS organizations, which recently engulfed the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (WCEWCEDVDASWARS)has still not been resolved peacefully.

President Harry Moore, accompanied by Mrs Miss Moneypenny, and WCERAN Admiral Lloyd Bridges, made his Ides of March progress to the Senate to declare his choice for the finest Ancient Roman Empire and Gladiator movie ever filmed, in the hope of
giving his endorsement to one of the warring WCEDVDAS organizations, and thereby bridging the gulf to a lasting peace with the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (WCEWCEDVDASWARS).

Harry Moore and his entourage entered the WCE's new marbled and granite-columned Senate chamber, situated on the 88th floor of the recently-heightened Ba Bai Ban
Building (WCEBBBB), since renamed as the Wuxi Yaohan Building (WCEWYB). King Gorzo The Mighty decreed that the new Senate is the the fittingly-grandiose forum where all WCE and WCE Expat Colonies' cultural and administrative policies be debated,
and enshrined into laws.

Inside, some 36 million Expats of all the warring-factions were gathered. Snarling
and growling at each other, their uneasy truce was eased by WCE Midget Sumo Wrestler Champion and English teacher Duston Short, who dispensed 334 truckloads of McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs to the throng.

President Harry Moore began his oration in grandiloquent style. "Enemies, WCE Expats, and Countrywomen, lend me your rears!". "I can see that you're all looking daggers at me, however, I'm about to render my verdict as to which is the greatest sword-and-sandal movie epic of all time!", he said. "But first, would you all please join me in welcoming our honoured guests, Caesar Romero (thunderous applause), the three Andis Kaulins' (eardrum-shattering, seismic-tremor inducing applause), Homer Simpson (loud applause), Cassius Clay (resounding applause), WCE Air Force Captain Pontius Pilot (Mexican wave), and Roman Polanski! (glass-shattering applause), who are seated here, in our VIP seating area, their faces soaked in mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise and cheese".

Admiral Bridges, serving as the WCE's designated military bodyguard, had removed his bell-bottoms, exposing his salt-encrusted and glistening bell-bottomed buttocks.

President Moore proceeded to deliver a 6 hour, 88 minute PowerPoint presentation, including selected 3D scenes from the movies contending for the title. Harry Moore
gave his dazzlingly well-informed and knowledgable commentaries on each film, - Ben-Hur, Caligula (1979), The Last Day Or So in Pompeii (1961), Spartacus
(1960), and Gladiator (2002).

Harry Moore was dismissive of Russell Crowe, describing him as a "an overblown, hammy and pompous poodle on steroids". Turning to Spartacus however,
he told the throng that Stanley Kubrick was almost, but not quite, the most perfect
movie director who ever cranked a reel. President Moore then proceeded, without notes, to wax-lyrical about every frame ever created by Stanley Kubrick.

Finally, Harry Moore accepted the winner's envelope from the delightful Mrs Miss Moneypenny, the pair exchanging some intimate banter and innuendo, after which Mrs Miss Moneypenny returned to her typewriter and telephone.

"Expats of the Wuxi China Expatdom....my choice as the best gladiator movie of all time is......(pin-drop hush).....KIRK SPART-". Before Harry Moore could pronounce his decision properly, the Senate chamber's roof was obliterated by 25,986
air-to-ground missiles fired by war-surplus Japanese Zero fighters, piloted by 2,174
Akira Kurosawa lookalikes. The Quentin Tarantino Faction of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society then skewered Harry Moore's podium with an estimated
448,300 razor-sharp tungsten-and-steel daggers, which had been hand-crafted, honed, and polished, in Le Place Pigalle.

Expats and guests safely made their escape. Unharmed, Harry Moore, Mrs Miss Moneypenny, and Admiral Bridges then evacuated themselves, and, Duston Short evacuated his zeppelin-sized swollen bowels of their aromatic contents of 591 McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs.

All four sheltered in the underground carpark of the WCE Senate-Wuxi Yaohan Towers Building.
Recovering his poise, Harry Moore said that "The Ides of March are come!".

Duston Short, hastily recostumed as a toothless-sayer, and his bowels still leaving a steaming-hot, toxic and acidic trail of around 4,000 metres, replied: "President ay but; gone not."

Veteran Latin-quoting WCE-watchers are now speculating as to whether Harry Moore's unfinished pronouncement will stand as a legitimate causus belli, or, if the Civil War is still, ipso facto, fightable.

Breakfast Hot Dog Craze spreads to the colonies of the Wuxi China Expatdom

The Craze for the Breakfast Hot Dogs served at McDonald's has spread to all the colonies of the Wuxi China Expatdom. Expats just can''t get enough of the Hot Dogs which are served at breakfast at McDonald's and come with a small cup of coffee, all for just 10 rmb. The WCE colonial Expats are finding ways to make the post Hot Dog consuming celebrations more and more elaborate.

In the Shanghai China Expatdom, an estimated million Expats converged at the McDonald's near People's Square and ate five hot dogs a person. They then all put on Pink Spandex Jump Suits and began waltzing.

In the Beijing China Expatdom, half a million Expats were seen doing the Hustle after having had the breakfast hot dogs at a McDonald's near Tiananmen Square. One Beijing Expat, Chris Christie, broke Duston Short's Hot Dog eating record consuming 200 of Dogs as he taught English at the Beijing branch of English Fungus. Christie's record breaking performance inspired the Beijing Expats to put big fruity hats on their head and dance the Marimba.

The Wuxi China Expatdom King, his majesty Gorzo the Mighty, told the WCE Blog that he was glad to see friendly spirit of competition between the various WCE colonies as they tried to outdo each other in post hot dog jubilant dancing. His Majesty then quickly put an end to an interview, telling the WCE Blog interviewer that he had to get to McDonald's before they stopped serving breakfast at 10 a.m.

WCEDVDAS wins Prisyadka Dancing Competition of the second phase of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012

There is life after back surgery," WCEDVDAS Army Private Elmo Bloggins says.

There is also biking, mountain climbing, combat, volunteering for the WCE police squad, water-skiing, watching episodes of the Dick Van Dyke Show, pub crawling, keeping up with his 5-year-old granddaughter, and Prisyadka dancing. In fact, the 59-year-old Wuxi Expat lead the WCEDVDAS army to a victory in Prisyadka dance competition of phase two of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012, 18 months after back surgery at Wuxi China Expatdom General Hospital.

"It's amazing. I forget that I had back surgery," he says.

Back problems plagued this vibrant, physically active man for 15 to 20 years before the incident in March 2010 that left his unable to move his right leg. Injuries over the years added to the pain he experienced.

But chronic back pain didn't stop Private Elmo Bloggins from following his passion for Prisyadka dancing—an activity he watched on TV, but says he didn't know he could participate in. Neither did a broken foot and knee surgery.

His interest in Prisyadka dancing occurred before Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore's survival of an assassination attempt at Ford's Theater in Washington DC which set up a Prisyadka dance craze in the Wuxi China Expatdom "I watched championship Prisyadka dancing on Russian Channel 11. I was enthralled," he says. "I have no dance background."

However, his wife encouraged him to take up dancing. Dr. Marcia Welby, 59, is a family practice physician who is a partner in Wuxi China Expatdom General Hospital. "I said, 'No, I don't know any dancing people.' She kept after me. I finally took three mini-lessons and I loved it," Private Elmo Bloggins  says.

Vlad Bushokov, his first instructor, now owns Gotta Dance in Dong Ting, where he continues to take lessons. "I was his first student," he says. "Like me, he came to Prisyadka dancing later in life."

The chronic back pain didn't affect his dancing, he says, despite the level of physical and aerobic activity involved in the movements.

When the pain got bad enough,  Bloggins sought help from orthopedic spinal specialists. he was diagnosed with lower back problems in the lumbar area, L-4, -5 and -6. Pain shots helped relieve some of the discomfort, but can only be given so many times a year, he says.

"The doctors kept saying I was not a really good candidate for surgery. They knew I was very athletic and I'd go to the health club. That helped strengthen my back," he recalls.

His physically active lifestyle fell apart during his daily ski trip Hui Shan in spring 2010.

Rather than take the bus, the Bloggins and his wife walked to Hui Shan. After unpacking the first night at the ski resort, the couple decided to go skiing. "I went to step onto the first step of the shuttle bus and my right leg totally gave out. I had no feeling in it," he says.

Back home in the Wuxi New District, he felt nothing but pain. "I kept thinking, 'This will never get better,'" he says. "By that time, I was ready to have the surgery done. I'd never heard the usual horror stories about back surgery that people tell."

Wuxi China Expatdom General Hospital and its medical staff were logical choices, Bloggins says. "My wife is associated with the hospital. I had a lot of confidence in the medical system there."

The two-part surgery performed by a team of doctors involved making an incision in Private Elmo Bloggins's abdomen to access the lumbar area of his spine. After relieving the nerve that ran to his right leg and fusing the vertebrae, the doctors inserted a titanium cage to stabilize his spine.

Several days of hospitalization at Wuxi China Expatdom General was followed by three months of intensive physical therapy, during which  Bloggins wore a back brace.

Six months after surgery in late 2010, doctors gave his permission to dance. "I did competitive dancing with Vlad at the Shanghai Expatdom Challenge and at the largest pro-am dancing competition in the Nanjing China Expatdom,"  says.

Last October, Bloggins and his partner, Rodolfo Blanquicett of Gotta Dance, won first place in the Wuxi China Expatdom Hui Shan Peach Dancing Championships competition at the InterContinental Dragon Hotel in Ma Shan sponsored by Gotta Dance.

"When I came back to dancing from back surgery, I was very nervous. Vlad knew I had had back surgery and knew I was very concerned about falls," he says. "I'm totally 100 percent now better than before!"

Thanks to Bloggins's dancing, the WCEDVDAS army defeated the WCEWCEDVDCWARS army in Prisyadka Dancing Competition and have earned the right to siege a WCEWCEDVDCWARS stronghold in the first battle of the second phase of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012.  This battle is to be a tribute to the battle of Stalingrad.

Wuxi China Expat Seniors join in on McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dog Craze

Wuxi China Expatdom Seniors, normally a curmudgeonly and reactionary bunch, are also jubilant about the Hot Dogs, served with a small coffee for 10 rmb, now on the breakfast menu at McDonald's all across Wuxi.

Not being very spry, the older Wuxi Expats have found a way to show their jubilation about the new addition to the McDonald's menu. Instead of performing a Prisyadka Dance or doing cartwheels like the younger Hip-hopping Wuxi Expats, Wuxi Expat Seniors are congregating in Xihui Park and forming long conga lines.

The leader of the conga line, Larry Drysdale, a 750 year old Wuxi Expat, told the WCE Blog that he hadn't had a hot dog in over 300 years. "Tears came to my eyes as I ate a McDonald's hot dog and I was recalled my formative years in the hills of Kentucky where my old mammie fed me and my ten siblings hot dogs after we walked ten miles home from school everyday!" said Drysdale who runs a velcro factory in the Wuxi New District.

Andis Kaulins, a 85 year old English teacher, told the WCE Blog that the last time he had a hot dog was on the streets of Winnipeg in 1950s after having done the pogo at a Guy Lombardi concert at the Fort Garry Hotel. "Hot Dogs taste better than my recollecting!" said Kaulins, who then foolishly tried to do a cartwheel and broke his hip.

Wally Droop, the 99 year old owner of the Chestnut Pub told the WCE Blog that the last time he had a good hot dog was in Adelaide after attending a Yahoo Serious performance in 1937. "Those were days!" recalled Droop. "Men were men. Sheilas were Sheilas. Dingos were Dingos. And now that I think of it, we might have called a Hot Dog a Hot Dingo. And of course we put Vegemite on it. The hole I had in my sock wasn't so bad. And I was voted most likely to become a pub-owner by the teachers at my reform school. I think the girls voted me the best looking boy in all of the state. Yes! Those were the days. I had a hole in my shoe but you never heard me complain. We thought it unmanly unlike the kids of today who complain if they can't get Internet on their crappypacino machines. And the music the kids listen to today! Simply atrocious! In my day, we listened to Frank Sinatra, Slim Dusty, and John Williamson! And that was what I would call music! And we worked 3o hours a day and we didn't complain because we knew it was good for us and ......."

Wuxi Expat eats 3.14 McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs to celebrate "π" Day

Wuxi Expat Duston Short ate 3.14 McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs to celebrate "π" Day. 

"π" Day, March 14, is the date that people from all over the world celebrate "π" or "pi" the ratio of a circle's circumference to its' diameter. 

McDonald's now has Hot Dogs on its breakfast menu in Wuxi, China.  For 10 rmb, customers can get one delicious Hot Dog with a small but hot cup of coffee.

Short, who is the midget Sumo Wrestling Champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom, also drank the 3.14 small cups of coffee.  Forced to buy 4 Hot Dogs and 4 small cups of coffee, Short said he would give the remaining .86 of his fourth Hot Dog and the remaining .86 of his coffee to charity.

Short then, however, found that he couldn't control his appetite and instead decided to eat 22 Hot Dogs and 7 small cups of coffee.  "A guy smarter than me who knows math told me that 3.14 equals 22/7.  I didn't understand at all the math of this but I think he did meant that I could eat 22 Hot Dogs and 7 coffees and honor the holiday!  MMM mmm MMM!  I love Hot Dogs!"

Short after eating his Hot Dogs tried to dance the Macarana.

Despite Wife's fears, Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President says he will speak to the Senate on the Ides Of March

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore tells the WCE Blog that he will deliver a lecture about cinematic depictions of the Roman Empire and Gladiators to the Wuxi China Expatdom Senate on March 15.

"I don't want to offend such an august body by refusing their invitation for superstitious reasons!" said Moore.

Asked about rumors that his wife Mrs. Miss Moneypenny was said to have bad premonitions about the speech, Moore admitted that his wife, who has a PhD. in Classics Studies, had expressed concern, especially since so many other attempts had been made on his life in the last six months at settings where historical assassinations had taken place.  "Be that as it may!" continued President Moore, "I have survived the attempts and I do look forward to the challenge of being able to dodge dagger-wielding assailants in togas!"

Wuxi China Expat Craze for McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs continues

The Wuxi China Expat craze for the Breakfast Hot Dogs at McDonald's continues without any signs of abating, as the jubilant dances performed by the Expats after eating the Hot Dogs becomes more and more elaborate.

Many Expats are now going to McDonald's dressed in dancing costumes. Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Harry Moore was seen coming to McDonald's dressed in impeccably tailored blazer and slacks that were finished off with a perfectly tied cravat and fedora, like his fashion hero Fred Astaire. Other Wuxi Expats are going to McDonald's dressed like Russian folk dancers, cats from the musical Cats, Captain Kirk from the Star Trek Musical and the rich man of Verona from Kiss Me Kate!

Wuxi China Expats volunteering in the Pudong district of the Shanghai China Expatdom Colony

Wuxi China Expats are volunteering in the Pudong District of the Shanghai China Expatdom Colony, helping Expats there to look after themselves.

Teresa Cleaver, president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Expats of Charity, told the WCE blogspot that she and many WCEEC volunteers were helping the Pudong Shanghai Expats by teaching them how to use the toilet, shower, put on their clothes properly, use public transportation, and to eat using knifes, spoons, forks and chopsticks.  "The backwardness of Shanghai Expats was astounding to me.  A real shock.  I have a feeling that many of them got off the plane at Pudong and decided to live there.  So many of them were also illiterate and couldn't speak even one language so they must have been incapable of using any form of transportation!"

Asked if there was any truth to rumors that many Expats in Pudong may be escaped helper monkeys and gorillas from the Wuxi China Expatdom, Cleaver said that in fact only some of the Pudong  Expats were WCE primate escapees, but that most turned out to be human once they, including the women, had been given baths and shaves.

Cleaver finished her WCE Blog interview saying that while it wasn't as glamorous as helping the poor of Calcutta, there was still a great amount of satisfaction that could be gained by helping the pathetic Expats of the world.  "You got to lend a helping hand when you can!" exclaimed Cleaver.

Prisyadka Dancing Competition to decide who sieges and who is besieged in the first battle of the WCEVDVAS--WCEWCEDVDVASCWARS phase of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012

Home field advantage in the second phase of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 will be decided by a Prisyadka Dancing Competition between the dancing battalions of the WCEDVDAS and the WCEWCEDVDVASCWARS armies. The winner of the competition will then to decide whether their armies will get to siege or be besieged in the second phase's first battle which is to be a tribute to the great siege of Stalingrad of World War Two.

If by chance the Prisyadka Dancing competition is tied, the drinking battalions of the two armies will compete to then determine who will be the sieger and the besieged.

The second phase of Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 began when the armies combating in the first phase: The Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society Army and The Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society Army decided to join forces and fight the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society which had been reenacting the WCEDVDAS battles and taking away crucial supplies.

With the dancing competition not taking place till March 16, Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War 2012 is currently in a proxy stage as the Wuxi China Expatdom International Expeditionary Force in alliance with the Wuxi China Expatdom Mary Tyler Moore Appreciation Society (an ally of the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society) are fighting a fierce infantry battle, circa 1917 style, against the Wuxi China Expatdom Star Trek Appreciation Society, an ally of the WCEWCEDVDASCWARS, for exclusive licensing rights to produce official WCEVDVAS--WCEWCEDVDVASCWARS memorabilia.

Wuxi China Expatdom McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dog Craze Claims its First Casualties

Wuxi Expats from Ontario, Canada have been injured in the McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dog craze that is currently engulfing the Wuxi China Expatdom.

The Ontario, Canada Expats, who are listed as in critical condition in the proctology wing of the Wuxi China Expatdom General Hospital, reportedly did things with the Breakfast Hot Dogs, available for 10 rmb with a small coffee at McDonald's in Wuxi, that were unnatural. One of the Ontario Expats is splitting time between the proctology wing and the burn section of the WCEGH because he tried to use the coffee as a lubricant for Hot Dog insertion. Another Ontario Expat, Duston Short has had his stomach swell so much after eating 40 Hot Dogs that the jaws of life were needed to remove him from his apartment.

McNulty, an officer with the Wuxi China Expatdom Police Squad, when asked about the latest injuries of the Ontario Expats, said that there was no accounting for the stupidity of Ontario, Canada Expats living in Wuxi.

Wuxi China Expatdom Housewives declare War on Women

Wuxi China Expatdom housewives have declared a war on women.

Maude Joyner, president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Housewives Association (WCEHA), made the declaration yesterday.  "Housewives and Women are natural enemies so it is only natural there would be enmity, sometimes leading to war, between us.  And though housewives aren't women, we do have the cattiness of women so this is going to be a hell of a fight!"

Asked how it could be that housewives aren't women, Joyner said that all feminist groups speaking for women seemed to think that housewives gave up their womanhood by getting married and staying home to raise children.

Deloris Morris, leader of the Wuxi China Expatdom Feminist Sexpat Alliance, called Joyner a "batch" and vowed that the WCEFSA would fight the WCEHA with maximum ferocity.

WCEFAS President to speak at Wuxi China Expatdom Senate House on March 15

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President Harry Moore has agreed to deliver a film talk about Cinematic depictions of Gladiators and the ancient Romans to the Wuxi China Expatdom Senate on March 15.

In a WCEFAS press release, President Moore  said he "was honored to be invited by such an august body to deliver a lecture on matters of major cinematic importance." He then stated that he found it hard to believe that he had never before been invited by them to speak  and that he had in fact never heard of the WCE Senate till he got the invitation.

Later, President Moore was confronted by reporters as he was doing some shopping at a Kedi and he was asked if perhaps the invitation was a plot of some disparate factions of the WCEFAS that had on previous occasions tried to have him assassinated in Dealey Plaza, Ford's Theater and Sarajevo, scenes of previously historically significant assassinations.  Moore told the reporters that he was going to deliver his lecture in the WCE, not Rome, so that the delivering the lecture on the Ides of March was not anything of which he should beware.

Wuxi Expats going crazy for McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs

Wuxi China Expatdomites are going crazy for the new McDonald's Breakfast Hot Dogs now available in Wuxi.  Many are dancing in the street to celebrate the introduction of hot dogs, which are only 10 rmb with a small coffee, to the McDonald's breakfast menu 

Sunday morning, at the McDonald's at the corner of Xueqian and Zhongshan Roads, ten thousand Wuxi Expats could be seen waiting in line to get the American delicacy, which, more than being food, is seen a symbol of the human aspiration for liberty.  Waiting to buy the Hot Dogs, the Expats were in a jubilant mood as they formed a slowly moving and dancing conga line waiting to be served.  The fortunate Wuxi Expats who had places in front of the line and were able to buy and consume their hot dogs first, could be afterwards seen performing the Prisyadaka dance arm-in-arm with those who had also finished their hot dogs.

Many Expats, when asked about their jubilation, said it was great to get hot dogs at very affordable price in Wuxi.  One Expat, Duston Short, the Midget Sumo Wrestling champion of the WCE, said he hadn't had a cheap hot dog in years.  He then bought sixty, and could be seen eating them in all his classes as he taught at English Fungus Language School.  Andis Kaulins, the English Teacher who is not be confused with the Andis Kaulins who is the President of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association and  the Andis Kaulins is who the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Elite Expat Association, told the WCE Blog that he remembered there was a place serving hot dogs seven years in the WCE.  "Its menu started out with western-style dogs but quickly evolved into unimaginable recipes appealing to local tastes before it finally went out of business.  Since then, the Wuxi China Expatdom has been a desert when it comes to Hot Dogs.  I can understand the jubiliation that long-time Wuxi Expats feel at seeing hot dogs on the McDonald's menu!" said ET Kaulins.

Other Expats said it was wonderful to see food, symbolic of the human aspiration for freedom and liberty, being served in the Expatdom.  Wuxi China Expat philosopher Henri Raulston Hume told the WCE Blog that the Hot Dogs were a "metaphysical revelation" to him and that he would order four hot dogs the next time he went to McDonalds.  

Wuxi China Expatdom to hold its first annual Lake Taihu Regatta

The Wuxi China Expatdom Yacht Club will hold its first ever Taihu Regatta on March 17.

Admiral "Skipper" Nimitz, retired, told the WCE Blog that a million yachts, dinghies, junks, rafts, cruisers, destroyers, container ships, canoes, kayaks, catamarans, aircraft carriers, tugboats, hovercraft, and aircraft carriers will participate in the Expatdom's first real celebration of boating.

Admiral Nimitz said the Wuxi China Royal Expatdom Navy was being very helpful in Regatta preparation. "WCERN Admiral Bridges assures me that his cruisers will be patrolling the perimeter of the Regatta area keeping away the great white sharks, krakens, giant octopuses, pirates, customs boats, nudists, U-boats and the monster jelly fish that have been known to prey on Wuxi Expat yachtsmen in the past!"

Wuxi Expats from Ontario, Canada forced to cancel Saturday Afternoon Street Hockey Game

Wuxi Expats from Ontario, Canada have been forced to cancel their Saturday Afternoon Street Hockey game.   The game between Ontario English Teachers and Ontario Engineers was started but cancelled after thirty minutes because the traffic on Zhongshan Road was too heavy.

Duston Short, the game's organizer, told the WCE Blog that though he and many of the Expats had lived in Wuxi for years, they hadn't realized how hard it would be to have a street hockey on Zhongshan Road on a Saturday Afternoon.  "There were so many pedestrians, cyclists, buses, and taxis on the road and we kept running into them.  We stood around for twenty minutes at one point waiting for the traffic to go away.  I think we even lost one of our goalies because he was run over by the #81 bus.  Still, we would have kept on playing but we only brought two tennis balls with us, and both of them got runned over and crushed by taxis!"

Short said that he and members of the Ontario Wuxi International Expat group (the OWIE group) would hold a general meeting to determine if maybe they should play their games at the New Sports Centre on Taihu Dadao.  "Chestnut Pub owner Wally Droop, and many others, had told us that we should have done that in the first place but we didn't listen to them!" said Short.

Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War takes dramatic turn as the two WCEDVDAS groups declare war on the WCEWCEDVDASCWARS

A dramatic realignment of alliances has taken place in what has been called the WCEDVDAS Civil War.  The two WCEDVDAS organizations, originally at war with each other, shocked the world by declaring that the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (WCEWCEDVDASWARS) had become their common enemy, and that effective immediately they both would fight future Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War battles against it.  The WCEWCEDVDASWARS which had been neutral in the war, saying it had appreciated the efforts of the two WCEDVDAS armies, then declared it was prepared to fight a war of self-defense against the two WCEDVDAS organizations.

The Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society and the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society had originally gone to war because of a booking conflict, that was never resolved and involved Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore who had been scheduled to speak at their grand conventions on the same night.  The WCEDVDAS Civil War had been proceeding splendidly, noted observers, with many record-breaking battles involving tanks, battle ships and old-fashioned cavalry, resulting in record memorabilia sales revenue for the Wuxi China Expatdom International Expeditionary Force, the exclusive supplier of WCEDVDAS Civil War memorabilia.  But then the WCEWCEDVDASWARS began to reenact the battles and take supplies needed by the two WCEDVDAS armies to fight their original battles.  The WCEWCEDVDASWARS so ruined the logistical supply chains of the two WCEDVDAS armies that a major battle, which was to have been a tribute to the battle of Marathon, had to be postponed.  The WCEWCEDVDASWARS then staged its reenactment of the battle, that was to be a tribute to the battle of Marathon, before the original battle had even taken place!  This was a humiliation that was borne by the commanders of both WCEDVDAS armies causing them to ally themselves against the reenactors.

The dramatic realignment of alliances has angered the WCEIEF which has seen its sales of WCEDVDAS Civil War memorabilia plummet.  The WCEIEF is contemplating supplying logisitical and military support to the two WCEDVDAS armies. "We had planned on the WCEDVDAS Civil War lasting another week!" complained WCEIEF commander Karl Malden, "and so we have hundreds of millions of dollars of WCEDVDAS Civil War memorabilia, in our warehouses which is now obsolete.  We will start producing lots of WCEDVDAS -- WCEWCEDVDASWARS Civil War products of course, but we don't know what we are going to do with the stock we already have!"

Many fear that other Wuxi China Expatdom Appreciation Societies will be dragged into the conflict.  An extensive network of secret alliances has been formed over the last year, so observers are unsure on which side of the civil war many of the appreciation societies are.  One such organization, the Wuxi China Expatdom Mary Tyler Moore Appreciation Society (the WCEMTMAS), has pledged logistical support to the WCEDVDAS side.  Another organization, the Wuxi China Expatdom Appreciation Society Appreciation Society (the WCEASAS) has reportedly sided with the WCEWCEDVDASWARS.

Many of the appreciation societies are apparently waiting to see with whom the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society will side.  However, WCEFAS President Harry Moore is reportedly in seclusion rehearsing his honeymoon with his new bride Mrs. Miss Moneypenny Moore so his endorsement may be a long time coming..  An endorsement by the WCEFAS President, who is also a WCE Archduke, will result in a lot of legitimacy for the side endorsed.

"Again!" says, Wuxi China Expatdom historian Edward Gibbon, "the fate of the Wuxi China Expatdom rests with Harry Moore!  I speak for all Wuxi China Expatdomites when I say I implode him to make his allegiance in this conflict known!"

More and more families choosing to live in the Wuxi China Expatdom

More and more families are choosing to live in the Wuxi China Expatdom according to Bob S. Grant, the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Families Council (WCEFC).

"No longer is the Wuxi China Expatdom a place for English Teachers and cheating Engineers to sow their oats!" said Grant, a Claremont, California proctologist turned English teacher. "Thanks to the wise rule of his majesty King Gorzo the Mighty and the efficient administration of Prime Minister Mango, the WCE is now a place for families. The previous King of Wuxi, the Ayatollah of Mordor, besides being a threat to the idea of personal ablutions was also an absolute menace to honest and moral people raising families! It takes great discipline on my part to not utter his name and not spitting on the ground!…. Anyway, my wife Clare, a former tax attorney who also teaches English now, and my two children love it here. There is nothing we like better than to stroll the parks of Wuxi, China and browse through a copy of the Poolside Harry Moore. And if we aren't doing that, we study the amazing feats of King Gorzo, Queen Ayira: the Chosen One, Chief Inspector Harry Callahan, Prime Minister Mango, Wonder Woman, Admiral Lloyd Bridges and General Colonel Harlan Sanders — they are are a great source of inspiration for us!"

"And of course, the Wuxi China Expatdom has everything a family needs to live the good family life. There are plenty of parks, many churches and synagogues, lots of shopping and great schools!"

"We have told all our friends about the WCE and many have already moved here. Many parts of California, including our hometown of Claremont, have turned into ghosts towns, as they have abandoned their prosperous middle-class lives and chosen to become English Teaching families in the Wuxi China Expatdom. Yes! The WCE is the closest on Earth that one can get to Heaven!"

Wuxi China Sexpat says he has special present for the ladies on Women's Day

John Hefner, a prominent Wuxi China Sexpat, says he has a special present for ladies on March 8th, which Women's Day as declared by the United Nations.

"If they come 'round to my place anytime today -- I took March 8th off especially for them -- they can get their present!  Yozza Yozza!" declared Hefner.

Wuxi China Expatdom Civil War Buffs staging reenactments even though the WCEDVDAS War hasn't finished yet.

The WCEDVDAS Civil War, besides generating great revenue for the Wuxi China Expatdom, has seen the establishment of the WCE's newest organization: the Wuxi China Expatdom WCEDVDAS Civil War Appreciation and Reenactment Society (the WCEWCEDVDASCWARS).

To the consternation of some and the amusement of others, the WCEWCEDVDASCWARS has already began to reenact the battles of the WCEDVDAS Civil War.  They reenacted March 2nd's Battle of Lake Taihu on March 3rd.  They reenacted March 4's Armour Battle, the Battle of Xueqian and Zhongshan Roads on March 5th, and they reenacted March 6th's Cavalry Battle at the Five Kingdoms Park on March 7th.  WCEDVDAS Civil War observers have complained that their reenactments have been so authentic that they have had a hard time determining these days if they are watching real warfare or an reenactment.  

Commanders of two WCEDVDAS armies have also complained that they have had logistical difficulties because the WCEWCEDVDASCWARS has already gotten possession of military equipment that they need for the actual battles.  In fact, the battle that the two WCEDVDAS armies were to fight on March 8th, which was to be a tribute to the battle of Marathon, has had to be postponed till after the reenactment is held on March 9th.  "We don't have any Hoplite spears and shields yet because the WCEWCEDVDASCWARS rented them all!" complained one WCEDVDAS commander.

Wuxi Expat English Teacher proud of being able to get drunk and show up for work the next day

 Patrick Fitzgerald, a Wuxi Expat English Teacher from Ireland, told the WCE Blog that he is proud of being able to get drunk and show up to teach classes the next day.

"Unlike some other Wuxi Expats who come from my country and can only drink a wee little drop here and there every evening, I can consume vast amounts of alcohol all the day long, from sunrise to sunset and from sunset to sunrise!" boasted Fitzgerald.

Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut Pub, and Sammy Dangle, owner of Dangle's Participle Pub, confirmed Fitzgerald's boast and told the WCE Blog that his prodigious drinking will allow them to retire ten years earlier than they had planned.

However, the management of Swanee English where Fitzgerald works, said that while he had never been late for a class, he had been in many donnybrooks with students.  "If we didn't need a teaching body, we would have fired him long ago!" lamented Lucius Springs, the senior teacher at Swanee.

Wuxi Expats from Ontario, Canada hospitalized after trying to pronounce an abbreviation as a word

The WCEDVDAS Civil War taking place in the Wuxi China Expatdom claimed its first civilian casualties yesterday as several Expats from the Canadian province of Ontario injured themselves when trying to pronounce "WCEDVDAS" as if it were a word.

Doctor Marcus Welby Scott the Second, head of the emergency department at the Wuxi China Expatdom General Hospital #15, told the WCE blog that on Wednesday evening several Expats from Ontario, Canada were picked up in the area of Nanchang Jie Bar Street, taken to the WCEGH #15 emergency section and are now listed in serious, but stable condition in the pronunciation injuries ward.

Officer McNulty, of the Wuxi China Expatdom police squad, told the WCE Blog that investigations conducted by his crack team of constables and their gorilla helpers revealed that the Ontario Expats had been drinking and talking about the WCEDVDAS Civil War. "They spent a least three hours last night trying to pronounce "WCEDVDAS." They were not dissuaded by other patrons telling them that "WCEDVDAS" was an acronym and that pronouncing it as if it were a word was futile. When the manager at Dangle's Participle told them to vacate the premises, they left immediately, but were so engrossed in the pronunciation of WCEDVDAS that they didn't pay attention to where they were going. Several of them walked straight into a nearby canal. At least two walked right into moving traffic. Another kept banging his head into a wall that he kept trying to walk into!" said McNulty.

Military Commanders of the two WCEDVDAS organizations involved in the Civil War had proudly boasted that no civilians had been injured or killed in their skirmishing. When confronted with reports of the injuries of the Ontario Expats, both commanders said that they Ontario Expats couldn't really be classified as civilians. One commander went so far as to say, off the record, that Expats from Ontario, Canada couldn't even be classified as human.

The WCEDVDAS civil war, which has been going on since March 2, has already seen memorabilia sales exceed those of World Wars One and Two combined.

Naturists Beseech Andis Kaulins To Broker Peaceful End To Civil War

They came by bus. They came by foot. They came crawling on their stomachs.
An estimated 3 billion Naturists - predominantly English teachers, gathered in the Wuxi China Expatdom today. As the WCEDVDAS Civil War continues to escalate, WCE peaceniks joined with buff-naked Expats from all corners of the Expatdom's far-flung Colonies.

Their objective was to prevail upon English Teacher Andis Kaulins to
act as spokesman and leader in their anti-war stance. Converging at the intersection of Xuegian and Zhongshan Roads - the WCE's epicentre of greatness, equivalent to Times Square, the multitude proudly exposed their loins and proceeded to Andis Kaulin's Ivy League Varsity Faculty, hoping to persuade him to join their cause, and to employ his peerless skills in negotiating an armistice.

The Naturist's leader, Rory Calhoun, from the Bengbu Expatdom Colony, said that Andis Kaulins was the best, and only, personage who could restore peace.
"His tact, his diplomacy, his mastery of oratory", said Calhoun, "and his
unmatched conciliatory, sensitive, prudent, suave and artful qualities make Andis Kaulins our chosen emissary. And, add to all that his expertise with demonstrative pronouns, intransitive verbs, subordinate clauses, peripheral adjectives, inverse modal auxillaries, and, best of all, bare infinitive clauses, make Andis Kaulins The Great Communicator who, alone, can succeed in this mission".

But the throng was in for a rude, nude shock. At the granite-columned portal of the Faculty, the Idamizer - Royal Keeper of All Lists, told them that
they were too late. "Andis Kaulins has taken a sabbatical", she explained. "He has removed his pants, taken his board, and has gone to the Beixhing Expatdom to go surfing".

The conflict rages on......

The Biggest Calvary Battle since the Napoleonic Era takes place in the Wuxi China Expatdom

The Civil War, taking place in the Wuxi China Expatdom between the two WCEDVDAS organizations (the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society and the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society), went retro today as the biggest cavalry battle since the Napoleonic Era took place at Wuxi's Five Kingdoms Theme Park near Lake Taihu.  An estimated million horses and horsemen took part in the Battle of the Five Kingdoms.  They wore retro Prussian, English and French Calvary uniforms from the Battle of Waterloo.

Karl Malden, the commander of the Wuxi China Expat International Expeditionary Force which is the exclusive supplier of WCEDVDAS Civil War 2012 merchandise, said that bobble-head cavalrymen dolls, authentic replica Prussian Cavalry uniforms circa 1815, stuffed cavalrymen and horse toys were already on sale at all WCEIEF shops in the Wuxi China Expatdom as well as its colonies.  "Supplies of the memorabilia are limited so it is best to buy today or risk forever being disappointed!" said Malden.

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President marries his secretary

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President  Harry Moore and his secretary Miss Moneypenny are now man and wife.

Despite deciding to elope, they couldn't stop a crowd estimated at 100 million from showing up at the Wuxi China Expatdom Marriage Bureau to see them get their wedding license.

The marriage was surprising given that WCEFAS President Moore, who is also an WCE Archduke, had been spanking Miss Moneypenny every day since she had caused him to be double-booked at two WCEDVDAS grand conventions on March 1.  Only yesterday, Moore had told the WCE Blog that he had "been very cross with Miss Moneypenny for her naughtiness which had lead to the double-booking and now the WCEDVDAS civil war!"

But today Moore told the WCE blog that he had changed his mind and had forgiven Miss Moneypenny for her role in the double-booking conflict and subsequent WCEDVDAS civil war.  "Miss Moneypenny said she had been a little jealous of my trip to Paradise Island to impregnate all the perfectly beautiful Amazonian princesses!  And I could see her point, for so often she was there to give me a back rub after my film talks or my Fung Fu sparring sessions with Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee.  I realized yesterday that she was the only woman to have thought of anything of me before I wrote my international smash best selling novel and portfolio the Poolside Harry Moore; and that she deserved to be my wife!" said a beaming Moore who hair seem more efflugent and overall manner seem more virile that previously thought humanly possible by the greatest minds of all human history.

Moore said that he and his new wife the Mrs. Miss Moneypenny Moore hadn't  thought of where they would go on a honeymoon.  "I think will be stay in the Wuxi China Expatdom first to see what we can do about stopping the WCEDVDAS Civil War.  Now that I have a dance partner -- Yes!  Mrs. Miss Moneypenny Moore is that greatest dancer since Ginger Rodgers -- I, I mean we, are working on a dance routine that will stop the combatants from thinking about war."

Wuxi China Expatdom observers have already begun to speculate if Mrs. Miss Moneypenny Moore will be made a Archduchess.