According to military experts at Jane's, the Alliance which calls it itself the Hey There Pact or the HTP for short, will have ten times the number of tanks, fifteen times the number of aircraft carriers, thirty five times the number of Jets and Strategic Bombers, and a million billion times the coolness as the rest of the world's armed forces combined. As well, the HTP will have the world's only fleet of amphibious aircraft carriers, the world's only squadron of flying tanks, ballistic missiles capable of hitting the proto-planet Pluto, and uniforms, both combat and dress, designed by Wuxi Expat Double Saint Archduke Harry Moore Emeritus and Elite Wuxi Expat Sir Andis Kaulins (who is not be be confused with the Andis Kaulins who is an English teacher, the Andis Kaulins who is a blogger and another Andis Kaulins who also has a blog but has nothing to do with Wuxi, China).
The three great powers of cool held a joint press conference at the Chris C Dodd Memorial Auditorium and Annex of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi. The three delegations were represented by Wuxi Expatdom King Sir Alec Guiness, Chairman of the Board Frank Sinatra, and Count Francois Louistonne de Roucheford, who looked a dead ringer for the Jerry Lewis, star of the 1961 Film the Errand Boy. Other prominent personages of the three delegations attending the press conference included Wuxi Expat Double Saint Archduke Harry Moore Emeritus, Wuxi Expat King Gorzo the Mighty Emeritus, Rat Pack and Wuxi Expat Baron Sammy Davis Junior, Wuxi China Expatdom Air Marshall Gregory Peck, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Admiral Lloyd Bridges, Rat Pack Air Marshall Dean Martin, Wuxi Expat Greek Orthodox Archbishop Makarios, JLLS Viscount Milton Berle, JLLS Archbishop Saint Augustine, and the consort to the Wuxi Expatdom Monarch: the Azanian Countess Boogie Candy Edeilwess.
Speaking for the Alliance of Cool, Wuxi Expat King Alec Guiness said: "With a slowing world economy, and an increasing fecklessness among leaders and voters of the normally responsible nations of the world, we, the Alliance of the Cool, The Hey There Pact, have come to the conclusion that we are now living in dangerous times. It is only proper that our three organizations form a military alliance, based on charity, mutually assured security and a sublime coolness, that is in keeping with the greatest styles of human history!"
Seeking to second what His Majesty said, the chairman of the Jerry Lewis Lookalike Society, Count de Roucheford performed an amusing series of pratfalls which included his getting electrocuted, being strangled by the waistband of his undershorts, pulling a fish from his pockets, knocking over the rostrum and getting his finger stuck in the medallions of Archbishop Markarios; and then said: "Ah. Yeah. Whatever it is the King said, I, OWWWWWW!!! WOOOOOOO! ah... second. You know like the thing he said about the cool and the stopping other people and stuff!"
All the questions from the thousands of media personnel were for Double Saint Harry Moore about his planned uniform designs. Double Saint Moore told the media, who listened with bated breath to every word he spoke and every sigh he made, that he was still thinking about them. "Suffice to say," said the Double Saint, "that I will incorporate elements of the aristocratic coolness of Fred Astaire, the he-manliness of my good friend Clint Eastwood's cowboy duds, and design suggestions made mention of in the movie Patton for the dress uniforms! And it goes without saying that my combat uniform designs will take into account any strategic and tactical requirements that my good friend Wuxi Expatdom Armed Forces General Clarence Chugwater and his colleagues on the HTP General Staff have for me."
Reactions among World leaders was mixed. Pope Benedict XVI Emeritus praised the alliance and said it was "truly a blessed thing" and that he was proud to say that he was "good friends with the man who was to design its uniforms." Chinese and Russian leaders blasted the alliance saying that it wasn't at all fair and was ruining their fun. There was no reaction from the administration of the United States of America where rumors are circulating that President Obama, a man who prides himself on his coolness and being with it, was having a hissy fit in the basement of the White House because he was not asked to join. It is also rumored that he is extremely concerned and resentful at what, he senses, might be insinuations that his handling of global affairs has been feckless.
The alliance's first joint exercises will take place at Lake Tahui and on the plains of the Hui Shan District. There are rumors that film crews will record the exercises and use footage in Machismo Unchained, which is Double Saint Archduke Moore's sequel to his 25 trillion dollar grossing film Machismo Unleashed.
