Sarah Palin is the 2013 Wuxi Expat of the Year

Sarah Palin is the 2013 Wuxi Expat of the Year.

The announcement was made by Kenneshaw “Hui Shan” Landis at a press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of the Gambay's Pub II in Wuxi's Nanchang Jie Bar Street area.

Landis defended the decision. “I am sure there a few who would question the decision to name the controversial conservative firebrand the Wuxi Expat of the year, but we have many good reasons. For one thing, we have a lot to answer for in decisions we have previously made in giving out the award. We have to make up for the fact that we caught up in the euphoria of the Obama election of 2008 and named him the Wuxi Expat of the year of 2009. And in 2012, we named the execrable blogger Andrew Cowlinch the Wuxi Expat of the year. Wuxi Expats were right to riot after that decision – Archduke Sir Harry Moore was cheated. We wanted to give Moore the 2013 award but he refused to accept nominations, and suggested that we name Sarah Palin in his stead. Impressed and shamed by his chivalry, we immediately bowed to his request and gave Palin the nomination. Of course, Sarah was head and shoulders above the other nominees most of whom were effeminate in some way or questionable in morality in another.”

Landis then spoke for an hour praising Palin. He praised Palin for “her supreme good sense,” “not being Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, or Hugo Chavez,” “her excellent work on television,” “her defence of Phil Robertson,” “her solid admiration for the spirit of freedom prevailing in the Wuxi China Expatdom,” “her defence of the unborn,” “her fabulous good looks,” “her being like Archduke Sir Harry Moore if he would have been a female,” and “setting an example of all other Wuxi Expats about how to be.”

For her part, Palin said that receiving the 2013 Wuxi Expat of the Year award was a bigger honor than being asked to to take vice-presidential spot on the 2008 Republican Ticket. “And while it was a great regret to have lost the 2008 election, it pales with the disappointment I feel that I never got to be the mother of Archduke Sir Harry Moore's children. Don't get me wrong, my husband Todd is a great man and would certainly earn a spot in the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame if he lived in Wuxi, but Sir Harry is a stud with his tousled locks of black hair, his golden smile, and his statue of David physique.

Wuxi Expats Hold Big Parade to Start the 2014 Year of the Firearm

Tech Innovator, Philanthropist, Male Model, Paul Rudkin is the 2013 Shanghai Expat of the Year.

In an announcement that confirmed what everyone knew or had already suspected, Kenneshaw Pudong Landis, commissioner of the Shanghai Expat Association, told the world that Paul Rudkin was the 2013 Shanghai, China Expat of the Year.

Mister Rudkin is the Trinity personified!” said Landis. He is pure awesomeness in three aspects as a tech innovator, a philanthropist, and a Male Model. I suspect that as long as he lives in Shanghai, the Shanghai Expat of the Year Award will be his. We may well just have to name it after him.”

Rudkin is responsible for some of the best tech innovations of the year including the Iwaffle app, the Ibottle to Crown Royal Whiskey app, and the Isteak app. “Being able to have your Ipad make waffles and steak, and pour you a drink!” is awesome said AKIC blogger Andis Kaulins. Bono, lead singer of U2, said that Rudkin has found a way to feed the starving of the world using Ipads.

Rudkin's generosity knows no bounds. In 2013, he gave billions and billions to charities all over Shanghai and South Korea. He even bought three poor Shanghai families houses and cars.

“You'd think he was the government or robbed a money the way he gives away money. But audits reveal that he has earned, by the sweat of his brow and his amazing investment acumen, every cent of the millions of dollars he has given away to charity.” said the ghost of Mother Teresa.

But it is his golden locks of tousled brown hair and his statue of David physique that earn him the most praise.

“His good looks are his ultimate gift to the world!” said Oprah Winfrey.

“Don't get me wrong. I am a heterosexual male but when The True Git walks into a room that I happen to be in, I get a tingle up one my legs and then down the other.” said Chris Matthews, the MSNBC Shanghai Bureau Chief.

“I want to bear to his children if I was a female and a super model!” said comedian Adam Carolla.

“We want to bear his children!” said the Swedish Bikini Team.

“I can't believe he is my husband!” said Rudkin's wife Lilly.

This is first of many awards Rudkin is expected to win this year. He is also in the running for an Oscar for best leading actor in the Film Gravity, a Pulitzer for his good looks, a Nobel Prize for Male Virility, People Magazine's Sexiest Male of 2013, and tech innovator of the year from Compute Magazine.

World leaders praised the choice.

Pope Francis praised Rudkin and said that he may be canonized this year making Rudkin the first Saint to ever be canonized while still awhile.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper wants to honor Rudkin by changing the name of his country to Git Land.

Not to be outdone by his northern neighbors, President Obama wants to change the name of his country to the U.S.G. The G standing for Git. It may be the only idea President Obama has had that will earn bi-partisan support. Rush Limbaugh and Tea Party activists have praised decision. Chants of U.S.G.! U.S.G.! U.S.G.! could be heard all over America whether Red States or Blue.

WCE's Curmudgeon Association Embraces Year of the Firearm

2014 to be the Year of the Firearm in Wuxi, China

2014 will be the year of the firearm in the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Andrew Cowlinch, President of the Wuxi China Expat Rifle Association, made the declaration at the WCERA annual Christmas and Western New Year dinner held at the Yuval Levin Pavilion of McClintock's Bar & Grill in the Nanchang Jie Bar Street Area of Wuxi.

"2014 will be a great year for gun and freedom lovers in Wuxi, China.  The WCERA will hold many events to celebrate firearms including competitions, bullet raffles and sock hops.  We will open at least 100 new firing ranges all over the Wuxi, Jiangying and Yixing area.  Best of all, gun lovers who take their firearms to any Expat business in the Wuxi, Jiangying and Yixing area will receive incredible discounts and free merchandise!"

Phil Robertson Receives 2013 Wuxi Expat of the Year Nomination

Wuxi, China Fantasy Football Team Unveils Its New Helmet Design

Views of China from Casa Kaulins #41