Wuxi Expat Pub Owner Denies Purchasing Arms from North Korea

Wally Droop, owner of the Pink Kitty, a pub for Wuxi Expats in the Nanchang Jie District, has denied, in no uncertain terms, allegations that he is purchasing arms from North Korea.

Allegations had arisen after reports that a squabble, dubbed the Ding Dong Droop Squabble by the Wuxi media, had arisen between Droop and the owner of Juan's Mexican Bar, Juan Ding Dong.

The squabble has divided Wuxi Expats pub patrons into two camps: the Droop and the Ding Dong. The two sides who first began glaring at each other and then exchanging punches, kicks, and hair-pulls, are now reported to be stockpiling arms and munitions for an all-out civil war of Wuxi expats.

A recent post on a Wuxi Expat blog has reported that Droop has purchased ten thousand Type 97 light machine guns, twenty thousand RGD-33 fragmentation hand grenades, thirty thousand Type 51 90mm rocket launchers, forty thousand 152 mm M1937 (ML-20) howitzer-guns, fifteen thousand T-34/85 Tanks, and four hundred Ilyushin Il-10 Shturmovik fighter aircraft from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Droop denies he has been purchasing any arms from anybody. “It is all the crazed imaginings of some bitter blogger trying to satirize me.” said Droop to reporters who had come to his pub on Sunday to sample his all-day buffet.

Asked his thoughts about Juan Ding Dong, Droop said he hadn't meet the guy and didn't know there was a Ding Dong pub in Wuxi. “If you ask me, this Ding Dong is the further crazed imaginings of that crazed bitter blogger I mentioned before. This blogger's attempts to syncretize elements of Chinese and Mexican names in his satirizing are totally lame. He is insulting the Chinese with this Ding Dong thingie, and there are no Mexicans named Ding Dong.”

Asked about the tanks and missile launchers that could be seen parked in the compound of the back of his Pink Kitty Pub, Droop said that they were all for non-military uses. “The tanks and missile launchers only shot glitter and confetti for celebrations like New Year's and the Golden Week Celebration.” insisted Droop.

Pope Francis Pays Secret Visit to the Wuxi China Expatdom

Pope Francis paid a three hour visit to the Wuxi China Expatdom on his way back  to Rome from his five day apostolic visit to South Korea

During his brief visit to the Expatdom, Francis conducted a mass, which was attended by a over ten million Wuxi Expat and local Catholics.

He also played a game of Mah Jong with  Wuxi Expat Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus (SASHME) and his wife, the Archduchess Mrs. Miss Moneypenny.

The Pope told reporters that he was tremendously impressed by SASHME's ability to play the solely by touch.

Wuxi locals told reporters that they were further impressed by the SASHME'a playing Mah Jong while wearing only Speedos, and being blind-folded with one arm tied behind his back and three fingers binded on his free hand so that he could only hold the tiles with his thumb and little finger.

Despite all these handicaps, SASHME has yet to lose a game of Mah Jong except on purpose.

Pope Francis also told reporters that he was very impressed by SASHME's incredible dignity. “Normal humans can only hope to look dignified by having the gracefulness and the aristocratic wardrobe of Fred Astaire in that Top Hat musical movie. Harry is the first person I have meet who can be this dignified wearing thong sized Speedos. What an truly incredible soul he is! No wonder he is the first person to ever be canonized while still alive!”