Wuxi Expat King Declares 2015 to be the Year of Frank Sinatra in the Wuxi China Expatdom

His Majesty, Defender of the Expatdom, Lord of the Realm, King Sir Alec Guiness has declared 2015 to be the Year of Frank Sinatra in the Wuxi China Expatdom. In 2014, it was been the year of the gun in the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Said His Majesty:

"The 2014 Year of the Gun celebrations in Wuxi were a great success. All wise, and thus reactionary Wuxi Expats became armed to the teeth and learned everything there is to know about firearm safety. There are now five hundred billion firearms in the Wuxi China Expatdom. The level of manners and civilization has risen accordingly. The stock of wildlife has increased dramatically for Wuxi Expat hunters to enjoy the sublime and moral sport of hunting. Thanks to the efforts of conservationally minded Wuxi Expat hunters, vast herds of elephants, elk, deer, tigers, bears and any other animals that you want to hunt roam the vast plains of the Hui Shan District. Yes, 2014 for Wuxi Expats was thus the greatest year that a civilization any time in human history has ever had."

"For a Monarch like myself who has to administer the Expatdom in 2015, it will be a tremendous challenge to follow that, to come up with an encore, as it were. But fortunately for me, I visited the site of Marc Steyn and learned that 2015 will be the centenary of Frank Sinatra. Sinatra's singing, his great phrasings were of such a sublime quality, that he must surely have been a Wuxi Expat in fact, if certainly he is in spirit. And of course, Sinatra's connections with our greatest Wuxi Expat, Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus are well known. Sinatra, on numerous occasions, credited his fellow Rat Pack pal Archduke Harry for the idea of phrasing his songs so as to show the emotional intention of a song's lyrics. It has even been suggested that Archduke Harry wrote songs under the nomme de plume of Cole Porter. Some books have been written claiming that Sinatra's fame musical arranger, Nielson Riddle, was in fact Archduke Harry in disguise. And you may be surprised to know that when Sinatra, Archduke Sir Harry, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, and Dean Martin were having their late night crony sessions, Archduke Sir Harry was the only person who could leave the party early. And if Sinatra tried to leave the party early, he would be easily put in his place by Harry saying, "Where do you think you're going?""

"So to mark this year of Sinatra, Wuxi Expats are encouraged to play Sinatra music, dress like Sinatra or any of his Rat Pack confreres. I will also suggest, but this is not an order, that any music from the rock and roll era and the rap area not be played. I want all Wuxi Expats to finish the process of completely civilizing the Wuxi China Expatdom. We are now well-armed and polite, and Catholic in our beliefs. All we need to do now is listen to some classy music and dress classy as well."

Male Supermodel, Tech Innovator, Philanthropist and Dog Advocate Paul Rudkin is the 2014 Shanghai Expat of the Year

To the surprise of no one, Paul Rudkin, a leading male supermodel, tech innovator, giver to charitable causes and dog owner has been awarded his second straight Shanghai Expat of the Year Award.

“As long as he's lives in Shanghai, you might as well engrave his name on the Award trophy at the same time, he gets his annual visa renewed in his passport! ” said Andrew Cowlinch a leading blogger and observer of the Shanghai and Wuxi Expat scenes.  "As a specimen of humanity and men, he is at least four cuts about the rest!"

News of Rudkin's win resulted in massive street celebrations by beautiful female models in Shanghai as well as other places which have been blessed with his actual physical appearance like South Korea, Wuxi, England, Detroit, and Hangover, Germany.  Fire departments in these places had to work overtime spraying the crowds of beautiful women with water to cool down their over-heated ardour.  

World leaders, in a rare moment of unanimity, praised Rudkin.  President Obama, President Putin, and the North Korean leader Fat Boy issued a joint statement congratulating Rudkin for the award.

Rudkin's philanthropic activities in 2014 have caused Pope Francis to start the process for canonization which would make Rudkin only the second person to ever be declared a saint in his lifetime.  "Rudkin's charity in 2014probably saved three billion people from starvation," said the Pope.

Highest praise for Rudkin though, came from the animal lovers.  "They say dogs are a man's best friend.  Well.  It can now be said that Paul Rudkin is the best friend animals have ever had!" said the president of the International SPCA, Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus.

Andis Kaulins is the 2014 Wuxi Expat of the Year

Wuxi Expat Andis Kaulins, from Canada, ended ten years of futility by winning his first Wuxi Expat of the Year Award.

Kennesaw “Hui Shan” Landis, commissioner of the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame made the announcement of the the award at the Wuxi Expat of the Year Banquet held at the Pizza Hut in the Hui Shan Wanda Plaza. After the announcement, he did not field questions from the media because he wanted to get to the a more lavish banquet being held at the Wuxi Raddison where Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus was to be awarded his third consecutive Wuxi Expat Best Legs of the Year Award as well as the inaugural Wuxi Expat Most Sublime Pectorals of the Year Award and the 2014 Mister Wuxi Bum-Bum award(awarded to the Male Wuxi Expat who was judged to have the most shapely buttocks in 2014.)

Kaulins told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog correspondent, who was also itching to get to the Raddison, that the award had done nothing for his self-esteem. “Only my wife and son are here at the banquet. I understand that seven hundred fifty thousand Wuxi Expats are attending the banquet at the Wuxi Raddison. I also can't take solace from the fact that the 2013 Shanghai Expat of the year, Paul Rudkin, the great male model, philanthropist, and tech innovator received only two votes less than me in the award voting. Residing in Shanghai, Rudkin made about three short visits to Wuxi but was able to wow the members of the Wuxi Expat of the Year Selection Committee over in a way that I never could.”

Kaulins has lived in the Wuxi China Expatdom since 2004, all the while teaching at the same school. He had be enshrined in the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame in 2011 for his role in the ouster of the previous King of Wuxi, the notorious tyrant the Ayatollah of Mordor. But since then, his star in the Wuxi Expat community has waned.

In a press release, commissioner Landis defended giving the award to Kaulins saying it took some strange kind of courage to live in Wuxi for ten years and teach at the same school. “It is something most people would never do.” said Landis. “It is worthy of some kind of award.”