Wuxi Expat Philosopher to Marry Reason

Wudwig Littgenstein, Wuxi Expat Philosopher, has married Reason in a ceremony held in the Benedict Chapel at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub #2 in the Nanchang Jie Bar Street of Wuxi, China.

Blessed Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus was the best man for the ceremony which was conducted by Elite Expat and Priest Andis Kaulins. Also attending were His Majesty King of the Wuxi China Expatdom Gorzo the Mighty and his consort Queen Ayira: The Chosen One, Wuxi Expat Blogger Andrew Cowlinch, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Force Chief Inspector Harry Callahan, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force Supreme Marshall Gregory Peck, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Admiral and Life Guard Lloyd Bridges, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Land Force Commander General Chuck Chugwater, Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango, Wuxi China Expatdom Parliamentary Opposition Leader General Augusto Pinochle, Wuxi China Expatdom King in waiting Sir Alec Guinness, some Wuxi English teachers, the President of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association Mister K, and all the Wuxi Expat Pub owners.

A reception was held afterward with catering services provided by Wally Droop. Blessed Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus and Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Force Chief Inspector Harry Callahan accompanied by Nielson Riddle and his Orchestra performed the music.

Littgenstein's marriage did present some problems for the Wuxi China Expatdom Wedding License Bureau. Though marriage to inanimate objects is permitted in the Wuxi China Expatdom, the original WCE law permitting such marriages stated that Wuxi Expats had to marry physical manifestation of things and that marriages to abstractions were strictly prohibited. The WCEWLB initially refused to grant Littgenstein a license to which the philosopher responded by picketing the WCEWLB. With a backlog of over one million Wuxi Expats seeking to marry their firearms, the WCEWLB told Littgenstein that they would grant his marriage to reason if he could find a person or thing to stand in for Reason at the ceremony.

Littgenstein refused the offer until he meet Wuxi Expat English Teacher Association President and Ex-Stripper Sugar Candy at Dangle's Participle Pub, a popular hangout and drinking hole for Wuxi English Teachers. “When I first lay my eyes on her, I exclaimed Eureka!! Sugar was the physical manifestation of Reason that I had mistakenly assumed never existed!” said Littgenstein. Littgenstein had wanted to marry his reason because it was something that a modern philosopher worth his salt in the Wuxi China Expatdom should do.

Sugar Candy agreed to be a stand-in for Reason at the ceremony and to accompany Littgenstein on the honeymoon. “Ha ha, he he. I am looking forward to him showing me what he means when he says that the human body is the best picture of the human soul. He he ho. I also want him to show me these things of which we cannot speak!”