Wuxi Expat Wins Inaugural Nobel Prize in Cinema

Wuxi Expat Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus is now a Nobel Laureate.

In Stockholm, Sweden, the Nobel Committee announced the awarding of inaugural Nobel Prize in Cinema to Archduke Sir Harry Moore from the Wuxi China Expatdom.

The Nobel Committee decided to create the award for Cinema after the staggering reception that Moore's first film Machismo Unleashed has had on the World (it has, as of this report, grossed over 5 trillion USD, worldwide, at the box office), as well as the previous tremendous impact Moore's film lectures and DVD commentaries had made to the understanding of the cinematic art.

"No person in history," said Nobel Committee Cinema Chairman Lars Erik Sjoberg, " has done so much to make cinema an legitimate art form as his Archdukiness, who has produced in the field of cinema the most outstanding work in an ideal direction."

As soon as Archduke Moore's Nobel recipient announcement was made, world nation leaders, except for one, were quick to praise the creation of the prize and its awarding to Moore.

In the United States, it was Vice President Joe Biden who offered his government's praise to the Archduke for winning the award. Biden unfortunately couldn't escape doing so without a gaffe when he said it was "good to see the Nobel Prize awarded to someone who actually deserved it." Spokesman for the Vice President later said that Biden was objecting to the awarding of the Nobel Prize in Economics to Milton Friedman, not to President Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Biden at a later press conference, said Obama "really deserved the award unlike Friedman who was awarded the peace prize but turned out to be a terrorist all along."

Also praising the Moore's Nobel Prize was the Pope Benedict Emeritus who made a rare public appearance to extend his congratulations to Archduke Moore. "I want to offer congratulations to Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus, a man of great wisdom, and knowledge. He's a man who serves the Lord. And we remember well a film lecture he did at the Vatican -- how his words touched our hearts and the hearts of millions. We join our fellow citizens and millions around the world who pray for him to make a sequel. If I may be so bold as to suggest a title for it, I hope very much to would like to see blessed Harry make Machismo Unchained!"

The Archduke was tracked down by reporters in Wuxi, China and said the following about becoming a Nobel Prize recipient: "Given my reactionary political stances, I am surprised to have received a reward from the Nobel committee. So I first want to thank them for overcoming their ideological biases. Also, I want to say that I couldn't have received this award without the behind the scenes cooperation of many including my wife Miss Moneypenny, the blogger Andrew Cowlinch, His Majesties King Gorzo the Mighty and King Alec Guiness, Her Majesty Ayira: the Chosen One; and many of my dear friends including David Lean, Clint Eastwood, Bruce Lee, Steve McQueen, Wuxi China Expatdom Admiral Lloyd Bridges, Wuxi China Expatdom Armed Forces Commander General Colonel Harlan Sanders, Andis Kaulins the elite Wuxi Expat – not the Andis Kaulins who is an English Teacher or the Andis Kaulins who is a blogger, Wuxi Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Inspector McNaulty, Gambay's Pub Owner Fred Minkleman, and Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force Marshall Gregory Peck."

Asked what he was going to do with his award medal, the Archduke told members of the press to ask his wife. Miss Moneypenny said: "Oh! I suppose I will put it next to darling Harry's three Academy Awards, his five Pulitzer prizes, his seven Stanley Cup Rings, his Super Bowl Ring, his three Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame induction medals, his world welterweight championship belt, his seven Wuxi China Hall of Glorious Foreigners medals, and his autographed photos of David Lean and Sammy Davis Junior."

Archduke Harry Moore is the third Wuxi Expat to have a Nobel Prize. In 2012, Wuxi China Expatdom Queen Ayira: the Chosen One won the Nobel Prize for Economics, and her husband Wuxi China Expat King Gorzo the Mighty won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Wuxi Expat Film Sets Box Office Receipt Record on Its Opening Weekend While Also Getting Rave Reviews

Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus's film Machismo Unleashed, which he co-directs with Clint Eastwood and stars in with Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee, opened on the second weekend of May and achieved absolutely staggering box office receipt numbers, while earning universal praise from movie reviewers, making it one of those very rare films to achieve both commercial and artistic success.

Machismo Unleashed's opening weekend was the greatest for any movie in cinematic history, earning two trillion dollars in box office receipts worldwide, a thousand times more than Avator, the previous box office receipt leader, and in fact more than the top one hundred grossing movies of all time combined for their entire histories.

To achieve such numbers, many extraordinary steps were taken to allow as many people as possible to see the film. The movie was shown in all the hundred thousand seat football and soccer stadiums all over the world. In many cinemas, patrons didn't mind sitting on laps in order to get two or three times more than normal in a cinema. Many professional sports leagues cancelled their games to allow their facilities to be shown the film. In America, Major League Baseball players vowed to go on strike if their game weren't cancelled so they too could see the movie.

Film critics are unanimous in the film's greatness saying another movie of such quality won't be released in a thousand years unless of course, the rumors of Saint Harry working on a sequel Machismo Unchained are true.

Archduke Harry, who during the weekend had a level of popularity never experienced by any other human at any other time in human history, actually spent his time quietly at his 2 bedroom Wuxi apartment. “I went out once to buy myself a carton of Zhongnanhai. Other than that, I re-watched some of my favorite David Lean movies with my wife” said Moore, who with a winsome and coy smile, tossed his tousled hair back before declining to say if he was working on a sequel or not.

1.3 Trillion Dollar Movie is a Labour of Love for Wuxi Expat

Wuxi Expat Double Saint Archduke Harry Moore Emeritus says that post-production work has been finished on his major film Machismo Unleashed.

Archduke Moore has co-directed Machismo Unleashed with Clint Eastwood. He also co-stars in the movie with the ghosts of Steve McQueen and Bruce Lee.

Machismo Unleashed, which has a budget of 1.3 trillion USD, making it the most expensive motion picture ever made, is a labor of love for Moore. "Let me tell you. My wife the Archduchess Miss Moneypenny and I really had to skimp and work hard to raise the money to produce the film. We even had resort to doing things like taking public transportation and becoming professional naturists. I also had to deliver film lectures in all 175 countries of the world before paying crowds as big as five million to make this project happen."

Archduke Moore said Machismo Unleashed cost so much to make because he and his co-director Clint Eastwood eschewed any CGI graphics. "We have scenes in the movie where we destroy multiple aircraft carriers, deploy a million woman Swedish Bikini Army, and reenact the great Lisbon and Tangshan Earthquakes of 1755 and 1976 respectively, which are 100 percent WYSIWYG." said Moore.  "We used real live people in authentic period costumes using actual technology of the time that we lovingly recreated."  Asked why he didn't like using CGI technology, Moore said "They're a bit of a cheat really and I don't believe in cheating my audiences!"

Asked to describe what his film was about, Moore spent some time considering the question before finally saying the following: "I think that this buddy, on-the-road, epic, philosophical , adventure, suspense, musical is going to add hundreds of new words to the lexicon of movie-making. How to describe a movie that is funny, dramatic, medieval, modern, pre-historical, post-impressionist, set in every epoch of human history, sensual, erotic, toe-tapping, full of manly virility, full of womanly femininity, reactionary, biblical, and completely in keeping with the teaching magisterium of the Catholic Church all at the same time in a 150 minute movie?  Modern journalists and writers are going to have a hard time, I know, but I think of it this way: I am giving writers the world over some chances to coin some new words or maybe force them to actually consult their Funk & Wagnall's. Basically, all the things that have ever concerned me about human existence and God and what we must do to save our souls in this world or in the next are in this little film of mine.  As well, it is an attempt on my part to raise the cinematic art.  When the great Sir Kenneth Clark said films were ephemeral, it hurt me to the core, but I immediately realized he had a point.  And so I got to get together with my good friend Clint Eastwood and we spent hours in the hot tub and on the golf course, with our wives by our sides, discussing the matter, hashing out every possible solution to what we called the Kenneth Clark problem.  I think the results of our musings is a film that is paradigm shifting: a challenge that we wish Lord Clark was alive in order to give us a response."

Asked how important the film was to him,  the Archduke said:  "Machismo Unleashed is the labour of my life. It is a labour of love, I should say, that is only second to my performing my duties to my wonderful wife Miss Moneypenny!"

Machismo Unleashed is scheduled for worldwide release in May 2015.

Machismo Unleashed: The Trailer