With the
words “I am not here to be a raconteur”,
Archduke Harry
Moore prefaced a speech to the WCE’s glitterati today that has gobsmacked
Expats around the globe.
At his annual Carl Sagan address in The Expatdom’s Great Hall of Culture, Moore thanked everyone for coming along.
Fears were raised earlier that the expected crowd of 300 million would not
attend, however the Archduke coyly confessed that he’d bolstered the attendance by
handing-out over a million cuddly toy kangaroos, free.
Moore prefaced a speech to the WCE’s glitterati today that has gobsmacked
Expats around the globe.
At his annual Carl Sagan address in The Expatdom’s Great Hall of Culture, Moore thanked everyone for coming along.
Fears were raised earlier that the expected crowd of 300 million would not
attend, however the Archduke coyly confessed that he’d bolstered the attendance by
handing-out over a million cuddly toy kangaroos, free.
“They have batteries”, Moore said, “just flick the switch on the back and
then they’ll hop around a bit”.
Pausing briefly to assist Kennesaw “Hui Shan” Landis, who experienced problems
activating his toy kangaroo’s furry tail to swish about, Moore prepared to deliver the
much-anticipated Carl Sagan Memorial Address.
Following ten minutes of throat-clearing, drinking sixteen glasses of water, and,
a hasty visit to the WC, the Archduke prepared to speak. A stillness descended over the
auditorium, so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.
Pausing briefly to assist Kennesaw “Hui Shan” Landis, who experienced problems
activating his toy kangaroo’s furry tail to swish about, Moore prepared to deliver the
much-anticipated Carl Sagan Memorial Address.
Following ten minutes of throat-clearing, drinking sixteen glasses of water, and,
a hasty visit to the WC, the Archduke prepared to speak. A stillness descended over the
auditorium, so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.
A pin dropped.
“My fellow Expats” Moore at last began, “Carl Sagan did not invent
the phrase ‘400 billion stars’ “, he spake.
- “No, the Universe invented it!”, he concluded.
A full 15 minutes of wild ovation followed
before the Archduke then stunned, and
bewildered, the already-startled, and stunned, crowd. Harry Moore, arms raised, appealed
for hush, and then told the attendees that his other reason for being there today was
to nominate Andis Kaulins, Wuxi’s foremost English Teacher, - for the Nobel Prizes.
Tens of thousands in the crowd, suddenly swivelled and cocked their ears forwards,
like aroused tracker dogs, querying if the Archduke had really used the word ‘Prizes’, not ‘Prize’?
“That’s correct”, replied Moore, “I’ve nominated Andis Kaulins, to their committee
for ALL this year’s Nobel Prizes!, and, in unimpeachable confidence, I call upon
all Expats to accompany Andis to Sweden this November to help him attend all those banquets, and then carry all those medals back to Wuxi! I’ve already booked his First Class airline ticket!”, Moore gushed.
Striding from the podium, Moore was assailed by Expats and guests,
weeping openly and lunging forward to touch the hem of his pants.
Strong women fainted and men wept. Moore’s pants were ripped-off before he reached the exit. Moore paused briefly, to again assist ‘Hui Shan’, whose toy kangaroo’s tail had resonated up to supersonic speed. Then fallen off.
bewildered, the already-startled, and stunned, crowd. Harry Moore, arms raised, appealed
for hush, and then told the attendees that his other reason for being there today was
to nominate Andis Kaulins, Wuxi’s foremost English Teacher, - for the Nobel Prizes.
Tens of thousands in the crowd, suddenly swivelled and cocked their ears forwards,
like aroused tracker dogs, querying if the Archduke had really used the word ‘Prizes’, not ‘Prize’?
“That’s correct”, replied Moore, “I’ve nominated Andis Kaulins, to their committee
for ALL this year’s Nobel Prizes!, and, in unimpeachable confidence, I call upon
all Expats to accompany Andis to Sweden this November to help him attend all those banquets, and then carry all those medals back to Wuxi! I’ve already booked his First Class airline ticket!”, Moore gushed.
Striding from the podium, Moore was assailed by Expats and guests,
weeping openly and lunging forward to touch the hem of his pants.
Strong women fainted and men wept. Moore’s pants were ripped-off before he reached the exit. Moore paused briefly, to again assist ‘Hui Shan’, whose toy kangaroo’s tail had resonated up to supersonic speed. Then fallen off.
Some 400,000
expert WCE media-persons stampeded breathlessly through the rain to the Hylite
English College to record Andis Kaulins’ reaction, only to be told that Andis
was shopping in Hong Kong, and therefore incommunicado for the next four days.
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Aw Schucks!
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