Genuine Real Cowboy from Texas to Spend the Year of the Horse in Wuxi, China

Ambrose “Tex” McCoy, a real genuine cowboy from Amarillo, Texas is going to spend the Year of the Horse in Wuxi, China with his mare “Jezebelle.”

McCoy sat down for an in-depth interview with the Wuxi China Expat blog to explain his decision. [The Interview was conducted at Da Ma Stables in the Hui Shan District of Wuxi where McCoy and his hand Manuel were looking after their magnificent mare “Jezebelle.” McCoy was dressed in his patent leather cowboys, black chaps, and 30 gallon cowboy hat. On each of his hips, he had a genuine Smith & Wesson Colt 45 shooter.]

The interview was conducted by Andrew Cowlinch.

AC: Thank you for the interview. What do I call you?

Tex: Well Pardner. I am a big fan of your blog and I feel like we're pardners from way back. So I let you call me Tex.

AC: Oh my. Thank you.

Tex: No problem pardner. Let's drink on it!

[Tex and AC each drink three shots in a row of whiskey.]

Tex: Wooooooo Eeeeeeeee!! That was good! Now go ahead and shot your questions at me!

AC: Why come to Wuxi for the year of the Horse?

Tex: Well. Let me tell ya AC! Wuxi is one darn good place to live if you love freedom and guns. I tell ya, the things that your King Gorzo has going on here are better than the things we do in Texas. We like to brag about how big things is in Texas, but we ain't ashamed to say that they are bigger in the Wuxi China Expatdom! Yes Sir!

AC: Tex! Is that the only reason?

Tex: Heck no! I love the huge herds of cattle that roam the thousands of square miles of ranges that you have in the District you got here called Tian-something!

AC: Tianyi?

Tex: Yeah! That's it! Thank you kindly for helping me get her right! Anyway. I am working in the Tianyi Ranges because they have a problem with rustlers and the locals need my expertise.

AC: Oh my! Do you have any idea who doing the rustling?

Tex: Really. I ain't at liberty to discuss. But what the hay! I tell ya and all your loyal readers of our suspicions. We don't think these rustlers know how to read anyways. We suspect that these factions still loyal to the old King of Wuxi are doing it. Furthermore, we suspect they are all from Ontaria, Canada except for the notorious Suzhou Expat Julien Felsenburgh. People who say have seen the rustlers talk about these short, squat fellows wearing Toronto Maple Leaf shirts.

AC: Why would they be rustling cattle?

Tex: Normal rustlers want the meat. But these strange men, short and squat, who are loyal to the Ayatella of Morder have secret desires they want to satisfy with these poor innocent creatures.

AC: Oh. What are your other reasons from wanting to spend the year of the horse and the year of firearm with us simple Wuxi Expat folk?

Tex: Well. Of course, year of the gun and the horse is a double whammy reason to be to the Wuxi Expatdom. But then there is the Might King Gorzo. And then there is the surfing on Lake Taihu – better than Hawaii I have heard. There is the cowboy and saloon theme park that rivals anything we got in Texas.... I want to try my hand at riding a camel in your Camel riding park.... I want to be able to reach the summit of the 50,000 foot tall Mount Gorzo... I want to visit the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame... I gots try me a round of beer at Gambay's, the most famous saloon and pub in all the world! But more than anything I wants to see one person. And I bet ya all your dollars and Gorzo bucks in China that you won't need more than a guess to figure out who I am talking about.

AC: Hmmm. Let's see! How about we play twenty questions? If I win, we drink. If you win, I drink.

Tex: Heck! I don't see why not! Nothing I like better than to play a good game of twenty questions with whiskey on the line!

AC: Okay. Here is my first question. Does this man have dark locks of hair that he constantly has to brush back?

Tex: Yes Sir!

AC: Is he a two-time inductee into the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame!

Tex: You betcha! Good buddy!

AC: Does he have the grace and aristocratic manner of Fred Astaire.

Tex: Holy smokes! You must be toying with me! You got to know who is it!

AC: I have narrowed it down to ten potential Wuxi Expats. Does he hail from Australia?

Tex: You mean the land where they ride horses upside down?

AC: Yes.

Tex: Well! Doggies! The answer is a positive affirmative!

AC: Does he deliver award winning film lectures that send the audience into such states of ecstasy that they from mile long conga lines?

Tex: Yes Siree!

AC: I think I know who it is. But I still have a few more questions. Has he bravely survived ten thousand assassination attempts?

Tex: Yeah!

AC: Is his wife the former secretary of the secret agent James Bond?

Tex: Of course!

AC: One more question. Is he the winner of the 2012 and 2013 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award?

Tex: Geez whiz. I wish you would say his name!

AC: Is it..................................................Archduke Sir Harry Moore.

Tex: Yes! Sirree! [McCoy chortles as he slaps both his thighs and then brings out his two pistols and fires approximately forty celebratory rounds into the air. Having expelled all his small arms ammunition, he shoots his ten rifles into the air. He then mounts his mare Jezebelle and gets her to stand on her two hind legs while he waves his thirty gallon hat in the air and lets out an incredible scream] Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I thought you would never say his name! That galoot is quite something!

AC: Have you meet Harry?

Tex: I haven't had the pleasure but I have three of his film lectures during his 2011 tour of Texas. In was in Amarilla that I attended his lecture on the Westerns of James Stewart. I tell ya, Jezebelle and me were transfixed by the Archduke. I thought it was a nice gesture on his part to let horses and native-Americans sit in the front rows near his fifty foot high podium. Of course, we was utterly charmed by his oration and afterwards, us Cowboys, Native-Americans, their squaws and even our horses danced in a conga line that was longer than the one that was formed after the famous battle at the Alamo and after any formed after our many football teams win championships. We've made up-to-date a saying about the Alamo thanks to Archduke Harry's lectures. Remember the Alamo and Archduke Harry's film lecture in Amarilla!!!! [McCoy shots off more celebratory gunfire and drinks six shots of whiskey with Cowlinch to celebrate!]

AC: That's quite a story. I hope you can meet His Archdukiness in 2014.

Tex: I sure do too! Anyway! I hear Jezebelle braying! She always gets excited whenever she hears the Archduke's name spoken. My hand Manuel needs my help in calming her down. So I gots to let you go!

AC: Well. Thank you Tex for you time!

Tex: Anytime, Pardner, anytime. Just see if you can arrange a meeting between me and the Archduke...