Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Pope Benedict XVI Emeritus is the 2015 Wuxi Expat of the Year



Long time Friend of Wuxi Expat Archduke Harry Moore, New Resident of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Pope Benedict XVI Emeritus has been named the 2015 Wuxi Expat of the Year by the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog and the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame.

Judge Kennesaw "Hui Shan" Landis, commissioner of the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame had the following to say about Pope Benedict XVI, aka Joseph Ratzzinger, when he made the 2015 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award winner announcement:  "Anybody who is a man of faith, is a friend of Archduke Harry Moore, and has resided in the Wuxi China Expatdom is certainly a great man worthy of an award.  And to be a Pope as well and thus so full of sanctity, Joseph, as I call him, rises to the even higher level of Wuxi Expat of the Year material.  To meet a man who has as much sanctity, virility, humility, and intellectual breadth and depth as our Archduke Harry is truly amazing!  We all thought Joseph was Harry's older brother the first time he walked into Gambays!  We even began to call Harry and Joseph, the Emeritus brothers until we realized that Emeritus wasn't a family name but a title.  And to continue on with  the Harry-Joseph friendship, I have to say that what Archduke Harry has done for Wuxi Expat discussions about cinema and manhood, Pope Benedict XVI has done for Wuxi Expats discussions of Theology and Moral Philosophy.  These dialogues have risen to the level of the sublime.  We can only hope that there is a Wuxi Expat Plato type around to record them for further generations of Wuxi  Expats to read and to be educated by."

News of Pope Benedict's award was greeted with unanimous approval by patrons of all Wuxi Expat Pubs as well as shut-in Wuxi Expats who didn't get out much.  Wally Dangle, owner of the Pink Kitty, said that the 2015 award went a great way to regaining the trust the award committee had lost when it had awarded the 2014 Wuxi Expat of the Year award to the repulsive Andis Kaulins: the Andis Kaulins who was an English teacher and not the Andis Kaulins who was an elite Wuxi Expat or the Andis Kaulins who was a blogger for the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog.

Double Saint Archduke Sir Harry Moore Emeritus greeted the news of the honour bestowed on his friend with tears of joys.  In a rare moment of emotion, the always calm and serene Archduke Harry choked up for a half second before waxing poetically about his Vatican friend.  "Joseph, as I call him, is an inspiring man of faith.   He and I go way back.  I couldn't count the hours that we stood side-by-side in many seminary classes, and the many rounds of golf we played together.  Joe was a scratch golfer.  One time I was actually able to beat him Ten hole-in-ones to Nine at the Augusta Country Club.  It was the greatest moment of my golfing career.  He was very supportive of my decision to give NFL football a try; and I gave him my Super Bowl ring to show my appreciation.  And then there was his dancing.  He and Fred Astaire taught me all tricks of the dancing trade.  They showed me how to attract millions of my film lectures by just doing a little cha-cha-cha in top hat and tails.  I also can't tell you how much behind the scenes work he did in the two projects I am most proud of:  The Poolside Harry Moore and my little film Machismo Unleashed.  When questions of philosophy, metaphysics, poetics, aesthetics came up during those projects, Joseph was always able to give us the wisdom we needed to hone the projects to perfection."

Pope Benedict XVI, when informed of having won the award, said he was blessed and expressed gratitude to Archduke Harry.  "I was without a gig after retiring as Pope, when Harry and his wife the blessed Mrs. Miss Moneypenny took me under their arms and had me move out to the Wuxi Expatdom.  I very much appreciated their helping me settle in the Wuxi China Expatdom and getting me a nice apartment.  I was further blessed to have Harry make me the Spiritual and Metaphysical consultant for his film Machismo Unleashed.  The position was as challenging as being Pope but with the shorter hours I needed at my advanced age!"

The Wuxi Expat of the Year Award is considered the second most prestigious annual award that can be bestowed on an Wuxi Expat.  Previous winners have been Barack Obama, the blogger Andrew Cowlinch, the English teacher Andis Kaulins, Wuxi Expat King Gorzo the Mighty, Sarah Palin, and Junior Wuxi Expat Tony Kaulins.  

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