"I have tried all the burgers in all the foreign restaurants in Wuxi! I have had the Gigantic Gambay's Burger, authentically charbroiled on fragrant coals exported direct from Italy, and topped with four types of cheese, including Cheddar， Monterrey Jack，Swiss and Mongolian Mozzarella. I have eaten the Black Shark's Hawaiin Oahu Burger made with bacon and succulent pieces of steak and caviar. I have tasted the Walnut's Australian Burger and the Chestnut's quadruple cheese quadruple paddy burger that Duston Short can't swallow whole. I have come to like the Modified Dangling Preposition Burger at Dangle's Participle. I have chuckled as I enjoyed the Walrus Steak and Polish Taco Chip Burger at Hardy's Har Har Comedy Club and Deli. And you can't say you have been to Wuxi till you have tried the General Pinochet Tyrannosaurus and the Ernest "Che" Gueverra Burgers at the Santiago Cafe! I also have had the privilege of being able to eat the Caviar and Truffle burger at the Tai Hu Extraordinary Hotel! But for my money, the McDonald's Double Cheeseburger is the best burger in this town of Wuxi at any price. Portioned properly and always consistent, there ain't a burger that is finer!"
Asked what the second best burger in town was, Zell said he could cook a pretty mean burger when he felt like it. "Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut and Walnut Pubs, has tasted it and has begged me, while on his knees, for the recipe but I have told him to take a long walk on a short pier!"
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