Archduke Sir Harry Moore Wins the 2012 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award

The announcement that Archduke Sir Harry Moore has been voted as having the best legs in the Wuxi China Expatdom for 2012 has resulted in massive celebrations among Wuxi Expats whether they be in Wuxi City, the Shanghai Colony, Bosnia-Herzegovina, or Yixing.

The announcement was made at a special gala held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China. 2012 Wuxi Expat of the Year Andrew Cowlinch was given the honour of making the announcement, but going to the podium, he was roundly booed and the target of rotten vegetable and egg throwers still angry that he, and not the Archduke, had won the Expat of the Year award. For the longest time, Cowlinch was not able to make the announcement till the audience was soaked with the fire-hoses of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Brigade commanded by Marcus Linius Crassus. When Cowlinch did make the announcement, the audience went into such joyful hysterics that Commander Crassus again had to order the the use of the fire-hoses on them.

The celebration quickly spread to the streets of the Wuxi China Expatdom. Mass impromptu Prisyadka dancing, kilometre long conga party trains, and Gangnam Style Dancing could be seen everywhere. Sailors from the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy could be seen kissing nurses from the #2 and #4 People's Hospitals. Arab Wuxi Expats fired automatic weapons into the air. Young men, who had only an hour before been throwing rocks at the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Riot Squad, were seen to be dancing and hugging and sharing a drink with Squad members. His Majesty King Gorzo the Mighty, who is normally one to go to bed early, stayed up an extra two hours to celebrate with his wife Ayira: the Chosen one.

And it wasn't only in Wuxi City proper that the celebrations occurred. Colonials in Shanghai, Suzhou, Beijing, Chongqing, Kunming, and Hong Kong held massive celebrations as well. An estimated eight billion Beijing Expats gathered in Tiananmen Square to celebrate the Archduke's victory.

For his part, the Archduke, who is currently on the surface of Mars with the Zhanshen Mission, had a low-key celebration. After making love to wife Mrs. Miss Moneypenny five times in succession, the Archduke held a small party along with the four other Zhanshen Six crew members and half-a-million Martian girls wearing yellow-polka bikinis and jumping on trampolines.

The Archduke delivered the following acceptance speech: "It is with great pride and the deepest humility that I accept the honour of having been voted as having the best legs among Wuxi Expats in 2012! I consider it the greatest honour to have ever been bestowed on me. And Gosh! I don't know who I am going to thank! But I will try! I apologize in advance to those who I neglected to thank. There is a spot for you somewhere in my heart! I want to begin by thanking my wife Miss Moneyenny. Without her, I would never have learned how to maintain my legs. I had varicose veins till she changed my diet resulting in my legs having a glossy sheen to them. I should also thank my good friend and spiritual mentor: Pope Benedict XVI. I have been blessed to have many great friends, but Ben, as I like to call him, is the best. I also want to thank Clint Eastwood, the three Wuxi Expats named Andis Kaulins, G Gordon Liddy, David Lean, Ian Fleming, Van Morrison, Marc Steyn, Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan, Adam Smith, Cardinal Newman, Omar Shariff, Meatloaf, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Pierce Broslund, Demi Moore, Ursulla Andress, Roger Moore, Sting, the Canadian Curling Hall of Fame, Major League Baseball, Jackie Chen, George S Patton, John Wayne, the WCE Trio, Hans Zimmerman, Wally Droop, Leo the Greek, Ivan Fence, Terry Pickett, Fred Astaire, William F. Buckley, Tony Kaulins, Marcus Linius Crassus, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Lloyd Bridges, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force Commander Gregory Peck, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Land Force Commander General Colonel Harlan Sanders, all the members of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, all Wuxi China Expat colonials, Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango, the wife of the Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Wonder Woman, Sammy Dangle, Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Force Commander Harry Callahan, Supreme Commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Military Force General Clarence Chugwater, Wuxi China Expatdom Poet Laureate Alfred Lord McCluskey, the commissioner of the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame Kennesaw "Hui Shan" Landis, Raquel Welch, Pamela Anderson, Fred and Frank Minkleman, PSY, Dan the Man, Dom Deluise, Sammy Davis Junior, Paul Rudkin, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Willy Aardvark Crazy Kook Yakushev Hardy, Cher, Her Majesty the Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom Ayira: The Chosen One, and His Majesty the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom Gorzo the Mighty."

World leaders, upon hearing the announcement, flooded phone and radio lines, hoping to be the first to congratulate the Archduke on winning the Best Legs Award. The first to get through was North Korean leader Kim Jung Un who said he would take into consideration Moore's advice and possibly ask PSY to perform in Pyongyang. It was said that U.S. President Barack Obama tried forty times to congratulate Moore using Skype, MSN Messenger, Facetime, and his China Telecom long distance card before finally being convinced by his wife, the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, and vice president Joe Biden to give up.

Asked what his plans were for 2013, the Archduke said it was going to be hard to replicate the year he had in 2012 but that was going to try. "I hope to achive a Wuxi Expat grand slam next year. That is, I want to win the 2013 Wuxi Expat of the Year Award, the 2013 Wuxi Expat Best Legs Award, the 2013 Wuxi Expat Most Admirable Pectorals Award, and the Connie Smith Award given to the Wuxi Expat whose conduct is most gentlemanly."