Scenes from My Life in Wuxi, China XX

The Wuxi China Expatdom Zhanshen 6 Manned Mission To Mars Part I

Wuxi China Expats, World Leaders Hold Their Breath As Zhanshen 6 Approaches Mars

Apollo 11 Commander Neil Armstrong Wishes He Was A Wuxi China Expatonaut

"The Expatonauts of  Zhanshen 6 who are heading to Mars are like Babe Ruth.  The Astronauts of Apollo 11 who have landed on the Moon are now like Ezra Sutton!" said Apollo 11 commander Niel Armstrong in an interview with the Wuxi China Expatdom blog.

Armstrong was referring to the obscure Ezra Sutton of the Cleveland Forest Citys who hit the first home run in Major League Baseball history on May 8, 1871 against the Chicago White Stockings in an National Association game; and to the famous major leaguer Babe Ruth who made a name for himself hitting 714 home runs for the Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees and Boston Braves.  "Every one knows about the Babe!  Does anyone know who is Ezra Sutton is?....... They don't and I am afraid that the crew of the Apollo 11 will fall into Sutton-like obscurity now that that amazing collection of manly men and the stowaway Mrs. Miss Moneypenny on Shenzhan 6 are are making their way to Mars!" lamented Armstong

Asked why he felt so dejected, Armstrong compared himself to Shenzhan 6 Commander Archduke Harry Moore.  "Moore is accomplished in so many fields and has good looks to boot.  He can dance, sing, write, and inspire incredible loyalty and acts of heroism among his many admirers and followers.  What can I do?  Spend the rest of my life relying on the fact that I stepped on the Moon.  I might as well have starred on Star Trek or as Batman in the campy 1960s t.v. series.  Moore's trip to the Mars will probably not even make the top ten accomplishments of his life!"

Armstrong then made a dramatic confession and  revealed to the WCE Blogspot that he had courted Miss Moneypenny, the future archduchess and wife of Archduke Moore, in the early 1970s.  "I was like the pilot in the Truffault movie.  There I was thinking I was on the top of the world, and then Miss Moneypenny rejected me.  My trip to the Moon had been for naught!  What was the point of going to the Moon if you are rejected by the woman you love?  I kept myself going, through the latter part of the 20th century and the early part of the 21st century, by playing the role of first man on the Moon at conventions and such, and the adulation I got was able to sustain me.... until I heard about Archduke Harry Moore and Miss Moneypenny making it on the Moon, my Moon, my turf as it were, and my self-esteem took a beating!"

Asked if he felt any animosity to Archduke Moore, Armstrong said that he and the WCE Archduke were the best of friends, and spent many a Sunday afternoon golfing together and talking about sci fi movies.  "In Harry's presence, you can't feel any jealousy.  He is so great that you quickly feel proud that you are able to be near him.  His excellence and earnest ease of manner easily erase any envy you may have entertained before your entered into his most estimable presence!"

Armstrong added that he was a fervent admirer of the WCE Archduke, maybe even a fan.  "I do one day hope to boast of having the largest collection of the Poolside Harry Moore books in the world.  Currently, I have 1,969 leather-bound copies.  Heck!  I have taken my photo, of my stepping on the moon, that I had, on my mantelpiece, all these years, and replaced it with a unwrapped and autographed first edition of the Poolside Harry Moore!" 

Armstrong when talking about Moore seemed to take on a healthy glow.  And so when asked why he was having self-esteem issues, Armstrong said he was full of resentment that he hadn't been asked to join the Zhanshen 6 Mission.  "They are such a great bunch of men on that mission and I feel such envy because I am stuck on the Earth's surface.  It drives me to crazy to think of all the laughs and camaraderie that merry bunch of real men are having on that souped-up Saturn V Rocket!"

Zhanshen 6 is currently on schedule to land on the surface of Mars on September 11, 2012.

Wuxi Expat Says Yixing Tea Pots Are His Cup of Tea

Sir Whieldon Wedgwood from Bazington Stokeshire on the Mersey, England says he has fallen in love with the teapots of Yixing.  Wedgwood, a teach of English at Meicun Experimental High School, says he spends his days off in Yixing adding to collection of Yixing teapots.

"I really like teapots you know!  Back in the home country, I had a marvelous and diverse collection of over three hundred ceramic teapots from the late 17th century to the present day.  I was especially proud of my 1792 Wedgwood.  After acquiring it, I had my name legally changed to Wedgwood from Augusutus Fink Nottle.  When an opportunity to teach English in China presented itself I was reluctant to leave my beloved Mersey and my teapot collection.  But when information came to light that Wuxi was near Yixing, the revered city of Chinese teapots, I hesistated not to accept a job offer to teach English and catch the first BOAC to China!"  said Wedgwood.

Wedgwood says his collection of Yixing Teapots is enormous.  "I have over a thousand Yixing Tea Pots in all sizes, you know.  I have had many custom-made.  My most prized ones are from the Poolside Harry Moore special collection.  The teapots are shaped to match the provocative poses of Moore in his all-time best-selling book."

Asked if he was going to have other Teapots custom-made, Wedgwood told the WCE Blog that he had finished the initial drawings for the Zhanshen 6 collection featuring the five Expatonauts and the one stowaway who were members of the Wuxi China Expatdom mission to Mars.

Wuxi Expat Is Proud to be Called a Potato and Gratin

Duston Short, disgraced former Wuxi China Expatdom Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion and English Teacher, says he has found something he can finally boast of.

"Chestnut Pub Owner Wally Droop has telling me that I be, from now on, a potato and gratin at his pubs.  He told me he were doing this to I because I drink the water of the toilets.  Still, me see this as a great honor.  Growing up where me did in Ontario, me ate spaghetti-ohs and potato-and-gratin and loved them very much.  It showed such foreign sophistication on my part to eat potatoes with a sauce!  It made big  my heart to be compared to my best favorite food from my growing up!" said Short.

Short then went on to praise his relationship with Droop.  "I knew when we first meet, we had a super-glue relationship.  He and me both liked to whine, watching video and rubbing Vicks vapor rub all over our bodies.  I always remember his first words to me: cognition is not your summing.  I had no idea what he meant, but I am sure he was being nice!"

When asked about Short being called a potato and gratin, Droop became very angry with the reporters from the WCE Blog saying "Look!  Don't you fools knows your latin!  I told him that he is a person anon gratuitous and can't come to the pub anymore!"

Wuxi Expat Pub to hold Drain Cleaner Night

Dangle's Participle, the pub for English teachers in Wuxi, China will be holding Drain Cleaner Night every Friday.   Sammy Dangle, owner of the "third part of the verb" pub as it is affectionately called by its English teaching patrons, told the WCE Blog that "patrons get a free one litre bottle of Best Ultra Javex drain cleaner with the purchase of a tall mug of Snow Draft!  They can also get a 500 ml glass of Classic Xtra drain cleaner if they would bring in a potato or a persimmons!  And any English Teacher who can accept the conjugation challenge** and conjugate the verbs do, be, go, say, read, run, write, ride, steal and take, correctly will win a lifetime supply's Dangle's Deluxe Bavarian drain cleaner!"

Asked if he was forced to hold Drain Cleaner Night promotion because of competing potato and persimmons night promotions at the Chestnut Pub and Santiago Cafe, Dangle said "No!   Nope!   It merely is a coincidental occurrence happening at the same time as the other pubs.  I am a person of mine own who stoops never so low like to steal or copy the ideas of others that are had by them!"

News of the promotion was greeted with great acclaim by the English Teachers who came from Ontario, Canada.  Said Duston Short, a disgraced former sumo midget wrestling champion and now English teacher at Broadway English:  "For too long, us Ontario Expats who from come to Ontario have had to have been to butts of jokes of all Wuxi Expats that aren't from Ontario.  Me mean that just because stupid things done by we are means not that us should be disrespected as us have been.  And so it is nice that Sammy of the Dangle is having a promotion for a product that is the national drink of where us be from!  Bravo Dangle!"

Andis Kaulins, the English teacher who doesn't want anyone to confuse him with the Andis Kaulins who is the president of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association, the Andis Kaulins who is a general in the Wuxi China Expatdom Marine Corps and the Andis Kaulins who is the president of the Wuxi Expat Elite Expat Association, told the WCE Blog that he may go the Dangle to take advantage of the promotion, and so break the moratorium imposed by his wife on pub-going.  "The warmth and fellowship that I associate with drinking drain cleaner in a packed pub with fellow Canadians, even those form Ontario, brings back memories of living in Canada!"

The Dangle will hold its first Drain Cleaner Night on August 24th.

**So far, none of the patrons of the Dangle have been able to conjugate the ten verbs correctly.

Wuxi Expats First Humans to Make Love on the Moon?

Rumours are rapidly circulating around the Wuxi China Expatdom that WCE Archduke Sir Harry Moore made love with his wife WCE Grand Duchess Mrs. Miss Moneypenny when the Shenzhan 6 Martian Module made a brief landing on the moon on Saturday.  If the rumors are true, Moore and Moneypenny are the first members of the "Moon club."   Moore and Monneypenny had earlier made love-making history when they were the first couple to make love on the grounds of the Provincial Legislature during their honeymoon in Regina, Saskatchewan.

"He stepped on the Moon in a perfunctory and conspiratorial way!  He quickly said his lines before he teed up and the ball and drove it only 450 km!  As I watched the video of him climbing back into the Martian Module, he was humming "Fly Me to the Moon!"  And then the module shook for twenty minutes and there was the sound of grunting and moaning before it finally lifted off to join the Zhenshan 6 orbiting comannd module!" said Andis Kaulins, the WCE Marine Corp General who made a point of saying he had nothing to do with the Andis Kaulins who was an English Teacher.

The Andis Kaulins, who was an English Teacher, said "Has anyone seen Miss Moneypenny recently?  She didn't attend our book club meeting last night where we discussing Florence King's With Charity Toward None: A Fond Look at Misanthropy,  FA Hayek's The Fatal Conceit: The Errors of Socialism, and John Locke's Theory of Knowledge.  It was the first time, she had missed a meeting of our club in five years!  I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I bet you that the Archduke managed to smuggle her on board!"  ET Kaulins then backed his assertion that he wasn't a conspiracy theorist by saying that he believed Oswald killed JFK, and that Bush didn't stage the 9/11 attacks.

Archduke Moore, who is on the Shenzhan 6 Saturn V5 Rocket heading to Mars told the WCE Blog, when asked directly about what happened on the surface of the moon, lifted tousled locks of dark shimmering hair out of his piercing blue eyes, smiled broadly and sunny, began to sing....  "In other words, hold my hand!  In other words, baby kiss me!"

Zanshen 6 Commander Archduke Harry Moore And Crew: "All Systems Go For Mars Mission"

          Crew-members of the Wuxi China Expatdom's bold Zanshen 6 Mars Mission,
have reported that they and the Command Module are on-track for their arrival on the planet Mars in September. The six Expatdom-men, - trail blazers all, have signalled the Expatdom's CAPCOM, via downlink, that everything is going swell.

          Mission Commander Archduke Harry Moore took with him every mission-to-Mars DVD movie ever filmed,  aboard the space-rocket. "I'm reviewing these films to glean details that we'll need for the touch-down", he radioed. "These movies contain a wealth of authentic information. They feature data that is factual and 100% accurate, and I am relying-heavily upon them", he continued.

          Archduke Harry Moore says that the most authoritative movies included in the 25, 987 he stowed aboard are: Mars Monster X Strikes Back;  Abbott And Costello Go To Mars;  Robinson Caruso On Mars (a musical);  Santa Claus Konkers The Martians;  The Troll-Beast From Mars, and
The Day The Earth Looked Stupid.
          Commanders Gregory Peck, and Loyd Bridges, are prepping their fellow crewmates with
the correct terminology essential for space-missions. This phraseology includes
axis-alignment;  partially-polarized exponential pulses;  amplititude-modulation; interferometry;
wave-band 23 gigahurts, and of course the crucial AOS (acquisition-of-signal, in lay-Expat vernacular).

          Squad Commander Detective Chief Inspector Harry Callahan has been testing his arsenal of the weaponry, - laser blasters and photon torpedoes, that he needs to neutralise the felonious, hostile punk-creatures that inhabit the red planet. Commander DCI Callahan said that he also intends to blast the Face On Mars to smithereens while he's at it.

          The most-recent message received at the Expatdom's Mission Control Facility, (in the Hong-shi Road Complex), were that status-checks are optomised, and that the capsule's 3-dimensional global-communications "are go".

Wuxi Expats Make Space History as Zhanshen 6 Passes the Moon on the way to Mars

The five Wuxi Expats on Zhanshen 6, the Wuxi China Expatdom Mission to the planet Mars, became the first humans to ever go beyond the Moon's orbit on Sunday.

On Saturday, their souped up Saturn V5 Rocket   successfully lifted off from the plains of the Meicun District as a crowd of  fifty million prisyadka-dancing and hot dog eating Wuxi Expats watched.   The five man Zhanshen 6 crew:  Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force Commander Gregory Peck;  Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Lloyd Bridges;  Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Squad Commander Chief Inspector Harry Callahan; Co-Manager of Gambay's Pub Fred Minkleman; and  best-selling author, Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies and the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, Archduke Sir Harry Moore, were ecstatic at the launch's success.

Out of the earth's atmosphere, Zhanshen 6 headed for the Moon so that Mission Commander Archduke  Sir Harry Moore could become the first human since 1972 to walk on the Moon's surface.  "One small step for a Wuxi Expat.  One great leap for the Wuxi China Expatdom!" said Moore as he climbed down from the Martian Rover and touched the lunar soil.  Moore then teed up a golf ball, brought out his trusty driver given to him by his good friend Bing Crosby, and drove the ball about 450 km.  He then got  back on the Martian Rover and returned to the Zhanshen 6 Module orbitting the moon so he and his crew could continue on their way to Mars.

Wuxi Expat Pub to Hold Persimmons Night Every Friday

Not to be undone by the Chestnut Pub Potato Night Promotion, the Santiago Cafe will have a Persimmons Night on Friday Evening.

"Bring in a persimmons and you can get a free bottle of Suntory Beer!  Bring in two and you can get two free Suntories!" said Moe Muggins one of the three co-owners of the Santiago Cafe.

Ask why he wanted patrons to bring in persimmons, Muggins told the WCE Blog that he really was very persnickety about persimmons.  "If someone brings in a really nice persimmons, I may give him two Suntories!   What did you think of those apples?"

Asked who his last comment was directed to, Muggins said "With all due respect to Wally Bally Droopie Whoopie Whoopy Do, ain't nobody going to his pub with a potato when they can go to ours with a persimmons!"

Wuxi Expats to Land on Mars in September

Buzzie Aldrich, director of the  Wuxi China Expatdom Aeronautic and Space Administration (WCEASA), at a press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, proudly announced that the WCE will launch its first manned mission to Mars on Saturday.   The Zhanshen 6 mission , in a souped up Saturn V Rocket,  will be launched from the wide open steppes of Wuxi's Mei Cun District, and with its five man crew of prominent Wuxi Expats, is tentatively scheduled to land on the surface of Mars on September 11, 2012.

Asked how the WCEASA was going to be able to pull off the feat that America in all its might has not been able to accomplish, Aldrin said that the WCEASA had commissioned several major private WCE rocket companies to play around with the old Saturn V Rocket design and see if they could make it go faster.   "We, in keeping with the spirit of free enterprise in the WCE, had private companies do all the work and made extra sure that none of our bureaucrats, especially our live ones, were involved in the Zhanshen mission." said Aldrich, who seemed very keen on making sure the media knew that the government wasn't involved.  "The eventual winning design came from the Wuxi Expat Extreme Rocket Design Company which added some spoilers and nitro fuel injectors to the classic Saturn V Rocket so that it could attain speeds of 302,419.4 km/hr.  The WEERD company had first made a name for itself when it built the world's first amphibious aircraft carrier." added Aldrich

Aldrich then announced the five members of the Zhanshen 6 crew:  "The Martian module pilot will be Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force Commander Gregory Peck!  The Command module pilot will be Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Lloyd Bridges!  The driver of the Martian Cruiser will be Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Squad Commander Chief Inspector Harry Callahan!  The Zhanshen 6 Chief Engineer will be the Co-Manager of Gambay's Pub Fred Minkleman!  And The Zhanshen Six Commander will be best-selling author, Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies and the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, Archduke Sir Harry Moore!!!"

Asked who would manage Gambay's while he was away, Zhanshen 6 Chief Engineer Fred Minkleman said he had great confidence that his twin brother and spouse Frank Minkleman could run the shop while he was gone.  "And if the pub goes to pot while I am gone....  Who cares!  This being in close proximity to Gregory Peck, Lloyd Bridges, Harry Callahan and Harry Moore is the chance of a lifetime for me!"

For his part, the commander of Zhanshen Six, Archduke Harry Moore, said that while he was honored to be the commander of the Expatdom's first manned mission to Mars, he was going to have a hard time being away for so long from his wife Miss Moneypenny, and was thinking of stowing her on board, probably hiding her in the Saturn's cafeteria.

Wuxi Expat Pub to Hold Potato Night Every Friday

The Chestnut Pub, in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, will hold a Potato Night every Friday night.

Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut, tells that the WCE Blog, that any patron who brings in a potato will a get a free bottle of Snow Beer.  "Bring two, you get two free snow beers.  Bring Three, you get three! said Droop.

Asked where he got the idea for potato night, Droop said that a good friend of his bought him a burlap sack for his birthday and told him to fill it with potatoes.  "I really like potatoes!" said Droop.  "If you have ever read Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations, as I have!  And I have read it five times, you will never forget what he says about potatoes!"  Taking out his well-worn copy of the Wealth of Nations,  Droop read the following passage:

In some parts of Lancashire, it is pretended, I have been told, that bread of oatmeal is a heartier food for labouring people than wheaten bread, and I have frequently heard the same doctrine held in Scotland. I am, however, somewhat doubtful of the truth of it. The common people in Scotland, who are fed with oatmeal, are in general neither so strong nor so handsome as the same rank of people in England, who are fed with wheaten bread. They neither work so well, nor look so well; and as there is not the same difference between the people of fashion in the two countries, experience would seem to shew, that the food of the common people in Scotland is not so suitable to the human constitution as that of their neighbours of the same rank in England. But it seems to be otherwise with potatoes. The chairmen, porters, and coal-heavers in London, and those unfortunate women who live by prostitution, the strongest men and the most beautiful women perhaps in the British dominions, are said to be, the greater part of them, from the lowest rank of people in Ireland, who are generally fed with this root. No food can afford a more decisive proof of its nourishing quality, or of its being peculiarly suitable to the health of the human constitution... 

"So the man who brought me the burlap sack gave me the best present I could ever ask for!" said Droop.

Wuxi Expat Complains of Drainage Problem in His Shower

Earl Gray, an English Teacher at Meicun Experimental Middle School, says that the water doesn't drain properly whenever he takes a shower in the apartment provided for him by the school.

"Whenever, I take a shower, the water pools on either side of the drain.  The only water that does go into the drain is the water that lands in front of the drain and can flow directly into it.  It seems that the workers who put the shower into the apartment must have been in a hurry to get the job done and didn't bother to test to see if all the surfaces around the shower were sloped as to cause water to flow into the drain.  So after every shower, I have to use a squeegee to get all the water to go down the drain." said Gray in an exclusive interview with the WCE Blog.

Asked if his school was able to help him with his shower drainage problem, Gray said he hadn't been able to get the staff at the school to help him.  "I have contacted the Wuxi China Expatdom  Charge D'Affaires official in charge of liaising with the Wuxi local government on matters of shower drainage, his name being Lloyd Axworthy, and he tells me there is a good chance that my case may be dealt with in the six months!" said Gray.

Wuxi Expat Says He Feels Just-A-So-So After Being Hit in Head by A Piece of Metal Siding

Wuxi Expat Duston Short told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog that he is feeling just-a-so-so after he was hit in the head by a piece of metal blown off a building during the typhoon that struck Wuxi on Wednesday.

Short, the former Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom, said he didn't know why an area of Zhongshan Road had been roped off during the typhoon.  "I went under the rope and continued on my way when a big piece of metal fell of a building and hit me in right in the noggin!  Boy did it hurt!  But was more painful was the consternation I got from the people who had roped off the area of street.  You would think that they would have showed more sympathy to me for my mishap than they did!"

Short was eventually rushed to the nearby #2 People's Hospital.  The doctors there were shocked that despite sustaining massive brain damage, Short didn't seem to have lost any of his mental facilties.  When it was explained to the doctors that Short was from Ontario, Canada, the mystery was solved.  "It is a universal fact that people from Ontario, Canada don't use their brains much!" said Short's Chinese handler who had been summoned from the Fleet Street English School where Short currently is employed.

Short, who beside being an English Teacher in Wuxi has tried many unsuccessful Western party businesses, is expected to be in hospital for a week.  "I promised the guy at Fleet Street that I will make it in to teach eventually!"  said Short who  has yet to actually teach a class since he was hired by Fleet Street one month ago because he said he has had a rash on his leg.

Wuxi Expat Says He Has a Skipper-Gilligan Relationship with the Locals

Wuxi Expat Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut and the Walnut and the Pink Kitty Pubs in Wuxi, says he likes to maintain a Skipper - Gilligan relationship with all the local Wuxi men.

"I like to think of all the local male Wuxirens as my little buddies just like the Skipper thought Gilligan was his little buddy on the t.v. show Gilligan's Island.!  Whenever, I walk down the street, I will give them a hug.  Nothing surprises them more than to have a large foreign man hug and fondle them!"

Asked if there was any truth to charges that he sometimes became cross with the locals and hit them with his hat like the Skipper did to Gilligan on the T.V. Show, Droop said "Only a little!"

Wuxi China Expat Writer Carter Sassoon Dies

Wuxi Expat literary heavyweight Carter Sassoon, who had legendary literary feuds with Male Normaler and Harry Moore, died at 87 this week in the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Sassoon and Normaler's feud eventually ended up in the fighting ring, as the two writers staged bouts of boxing, greco-roman wrestling and ultimate fighting.  The bouts were considered to be the greatest of WCE history till her Majesty Queen Ayira: the Chosen One fought Oprah Winfrey.

Sassoon proudest achievement was being the cause of Archduke Harry Moore's only public loss of temper.  In 1968 at the Naturist Expatdom Convention, Moore said to Sassoon "Now Listen here you goddamn Suzhou Expat!  Stop calling me a crypto-nudist or I punch you in the face.  Why don't you just stay plaster!"  Moore later apologized for calling Sassoon a Suzhou Expat but forever remained critical of Sassoon's Ayatollah of Mordorism.  Moore would have the last laugh when his book "The Poolside Harry Moore" became the best selling and most-read and most-printed book of prose and photography in all of human history, thereby making "The Salon Sassoon" the most remaindered book in all of human history.

Sassoon was humiliated when Wuxi Expats ignored his book and embraced Harry Moore.  For a while, he became a sycophant of the Ayatollah of Mordor.  With the former King of Wuxi became thoroughly disgraced, Sassoon attempted to stage a charm offensive to get back in the good books of the WCE.  However, when he could only earn one follower:  Duston Short, the former WCE midget sumo wrestling champion; Sassoon went into hiding for the rest of his days.

Wally Droop Seen Walking down a Street in Wuxi, China

The Wuxi Expat Community is still in shock after the owner of the Chestnut, Walnut and Pink Kitty Pubs was seen walking down a street in Wuxi, China.

"I didn't think Wuxi Expat Pub Owners walked down streets.  I thought they lived in pubs and took taxis everywhere!" said Wuxi Expat Sir Guy Battersee, who wished to remain anonymous.

"I was struck by how provocative he looked wearing shorts as he walked down the street!" said Pink Kitty patron Gus Stall who hails from Caesarville, Kentucky, USA

"I studied his gait and I was wondering where he put his wallet!" said General Andis Kaulins of the Wuxi China Expatdom Marine Corps.

"I got my Chinese assistant to write the address for the #7 People's Hospital after I saw Droop.  I thought I was hallucinating!" said Andis Kaulins, who told the WCE Blog to not mix him up with the Andis Kaulins who was the president of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association, the Andis Kaulins who was the president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Elite Expat Association, and the two Wuxi China Expatdom Marines named Andis Kaulins.

"I wish I could have taken a film.  It would have been as big as the Bluff Creek Big Foot Video!"  said Duston Short, the former Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Asked why he was walking down a street in Wuxi, China, Droop told the WCE Blog that he had forgotten his wallet at the pub.

Asked why he also wasn't carrying a copy of the Poolside Harry Moore, Droop turn red-faced and told the media to vacate his pub.  "I made a mistake! Okay!  Please don't persecute me!"

WCE Foreign Teachers Refute Gay-Allegations - "We Are Naturists!"