Wuxi Expats to Land on Mars in September

Buzzie Aldrich, director of the  Wuxi China Expatdom Aeronautic and Space Administration (WCEASA), at a press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, proudly announced that the WCE will launch its first manned mission to Mars on Saturday.   The Zhanshen 6 mission , in a souped up Saturn V Rocket,  will be launched from the wide open steppes of Wuxi's Mei Cun District, and with its five man crew of prominent Wuxi Expats, is tentatively scheduled to land on the surface of Mars on September 11, 2012.

Asked how the WCEASA was going to be able to pull off the feat that America in all its might has not been able to accomplish, Aldrin said that the WCEASA had commissioned several major private WCE rocket companies to play around with the old Saturn V Rocket design and see if they could make it go faster.   "We, in keeping with the spirit of free enterprise in the WCE, had private companies do all the work and made extra sure that none of our bureaucrats, especially our live ones, were involved in the Zhanshen mission." said Aldrich, who seemed very keen on making sure the media knew that the government wasn't involved.  "The eventual winning design came from the Wuxi Expat Extreme Rocket Design Company which added some spoilers and nitro fuel injectors to the classic Saturn V Rocket so that it could attain speeds of 302,419.4 km/hr.  The WEERD company had first made a name for itself when it built the world's first amphibious aircraft carrier." added Aldrich

Aldrich then announced the five members of the Zhanshen 6 crew:  "The Martian module pilot will be Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force Commander Gregory Peck!  The Command module pilot will be Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Lloyd Bridges!  The driver of the Martian Cruiser will be Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Squad Commander Chief Inspector Harry Callahan!  The Zhanshen 6 Chief Engineer will be the Co-Manager of Gambay's Pub Fred Minkleman!  And The Zhanshen Six Commander will be best-selling author, Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies and the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, Archduke Sir Harry Moore!!!"

Asked who would manage Gambay's while he was away, Zhanshen 6 Chief Engineer Fred Minkleman said he had great confidence that his twin brother and spouse Frank Minkleman could run the shop while he was gone.  "And if the pub goes to pot while I am gone....  Who cares!  This being in close proximity to Gregory Peck, Lloyd Bridges, Harry Callahan and Harry Moore is the chance of a lifetime for me!"

For his part, the commander of Zhanshen Six, Archduke Harry Moore, said that while he was honored to be the commander of the Expatdom's first manned mission to Mars, he was going to have a hard time being away for so long from his wife Miss Moneypenny, and was thinking of stowing her on board, probably hiding her in the Saturn's cafeteria.