School offers Wuxi China Expats Toilet Training Course

The Sam Browne School for the Vocational Arts announced it has a toilet training program for Wuxi China Expats who are reluctant to use Chinese-style squat toilets.

Peter American Standard, head of the SBSVA toilet training department, in an interview with Orient Express, had the following to say about the program and courses on offer:

"For too long, Wuxi China Expats have had their dining experiences in Wuxi ruined by lack of nearby western toilets. Many an Expat, tries to "hold it" in these situation, and so ends up ruining a social outing and having medical problems later in life. A desperate Wuxi Expat, actually trying to use the squat toilet will most times have accidents, such as having poo lines on pants, and actually falling into toilets."

"Now, all these troubles can be avoided with our Expat toilet training problem. No longer, will a Wuxi Expat have to suffer discomfort, embarrassment, and shame because of a lack of a sitting toilet. After our course, an Expat will be able to squat like a local, and perhaps even better than a local as we will have the best squatting personal trainers in the world -- the German squat toilet team the einborrusiobundestoiletsquattenwaffe-- to train you."

"We have various squat toilet courses on offer to suit any Wuxi Expat's budget and situation -- whether it be the English Teacher with a drinking problem, the successful businessman with a busy schedule and places he has got to go, or the Engineer with money to burn and a harem of local girls to maintain. We have a simple three hour course where students learn how to squat in a balanced and comfortable way. We also offer a 120 hour platinum certificate-awarding course that complies with European Union, ISO, and American EPA requirements. The platinum course will not only teach the practicalities of squatting. Platinum students will also learn the history of toilets, Mandarin and Wuxi dialect phrases to use in toilet situations, environment-friendly disposal techniques, advanced squatting posture and breathing techniques, how to read while squatting, gender squatting issues, and other advanced health and safety techniques. Successful platinum graduates will receive the coveted SBSVA certificate -- a passport to a successful Chinese business experience."

"We as well offer a myriad of other programs to help Wuxi Expats adjust to local Wuxi life such as our courses in chop-stick training, basic plumbing, riding the bus, and crossing a Wuxi street."