Mango Mania in Australia

Australia's Foreign Minister, Keven Rudd, returned to Sydney
last night after holding talks with W.Expatdom's Mango.

"Our three days of dialogue have been fruitful", Rudd said.
Speaking in fluent Mandarin, Rudd showed media representatives
several cartons he'd been presented with by Mango. "What have we got here -
ahh, yes, juicy succullent pears, peaches, oranges, - oh, and a couple of buxom melons!".

Mr Rudd will be contacting Harry Moore (Australian Cultural Attache' to the Expatdom)
to discuss Mango Mania marketing rights. Rudd said "this will be bigger than big. It is like a fever. The Mania is unstoppable!".

Interest in finding the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto is waning.

There seems to be little interest in finding the missing Wuxi, China Expats from Toronto, Canada.  Since not finding them in Xihui Park, the International Expeditionary Force searching for them has been barracked in Gambay's Pub trying to think of a next move.  The mobs gathering in  Harry Moore Memorial Square seem more interested in protesting the price of Bobble Head Dolls, than lighting candles to maintain the hope that the missing Expats will be located, dead or alive.  Wuxi China Expatdom and the World are still enraptured with WCE Prime Minister Mango who, rumour has it, will be eating Fettuccine Alfredo today at the WCE parliamentary cafeteria.

 

Orient Express, the official news service of the Expatdom, sent a reporter to Gambay's Pub.  Patrons, when asked about the missing Wuxi Expats, quickly changed the topic to whether a good DVD copy of "True Grit" could be found.  Fred Minkleman complained of having excess busts of the current IEF commander Karl Malden.  "Malden heads are selling like cold cakes!" added Minkleman.

 

 

Did Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango influence George Clooney's decision to not run for political office?

Speculation is rife that George Clooney's stunning announcement that he was not going to run for elected office was on account of his much publicized fascination with Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango.

Clooney; who made a splash by becoming a movie star, and had made the headlines more recently by going to Sudan for some reason and contracting malaria; just last week, put the media on fire and tenderhooks by revealing his desire to make a romantic movie, in the modern mode, with Mango. Sources close to Clooney say that he was not delirious because of the malaria and had instead been cured of it when he first saw photos of Mango. "No longer does he talk about politcs, he talks of peaches and strawberries and satin sheets." said anonymous Clooney confidante Max Stern.

Wuxi China Expatdom Pub to have a parlour games night.

Fred Minkleman, owner of the Gambay's Pub, voted the WCE's best Expat pub for the 60th consecutive year, announced that there will be a parlour games night.

 

Said Minkleman:  "On parlour games night, Gambay's patrons will be able to play a slew of popular parlour games including dominos, halma, tiddleywinks, spillikins, cup and ball, nap, spoil five, hezique, mah jong, twenty five, beggar my neighbour, draughts, chess, and backgammon.  Beer will be at our regular low price, but tofu will be fifty percent off."

Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango has a sumptuous first official repast

The WCE Prime Minister's first official lunch was attended by an all-male bevy of reporters and admirers who saw Mango eat ripe, shamefaced Wuxi peaches and devour young, crinkled, and plump red tomatoes.

 

Not to be outdone, the leader of Gorzo's loyal opposition, Iggy Poop, said he ate "pretty, perfect, plums with sugar and milk" for his first official dessert.

 

John Hefner, leader of the WCE parliament's third party:  the Wuxi Sexpats, said he ate "a nice pair of melons."

Survey says Wuxi China Expats are world's biggest cheapstakes.

The Ishmaelian Express World Survey of Charitiable Giving placed The Wuxi China Expatdom 147th out of 147 surveyed countries in 2010. Wuxi China Expats gave .0000001 percent of their income to charity, the survey found. In comparison, citizens in 146th ranked Madagascar gave 1.2 percent of their income to charity, making Madagascans twelve million times more generous than Wuxi China Expats.

Wuxi China Expat Saint Thomas Aquinas blamed the WCE's embarrassing showing on "that devil Andis Kaulins whose pockets are deeper than that trench in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean." Aquinas also noted that "if you take Andis Kaulins out of the survey, Wuxi China Expats give 150 percent of their income to charity, easily out giving the #1 country in the survey, Australia, whose citizens give eight percent of their income to charity."

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi China Expatdom, sets up alliance with the Empire of Azania.

Gorzo the Mighty, King of the Wuxi China Expatdom announced that he and Seth, Emperor of Azania, Chief of Chiefs of Sakuyu, Lord of Wanda, Tyrant of the Seas, Bachelor of the Arts of Oxford University, have signed a treaty of friendship and mutual defense.  

To cement the alliance, Gorzo has agreed to marry an Azanian princess, and to find a virgin from the Wuxi China Expatdom to become the bride of Seth.  The Azanian princess will be Gorzo's seventh wife, his first from the planet Earth.

Gorzo says he is "in the process" of finding a WCE virgin for Seth.  He admits it is a daunting task, and asks that any virgins interested in becoming a Queen of Azania, leave an application, complete with photos and notarized proof of virginity, at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District.  "I feel this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for the ideal candidate to raise their status in the world," added Gorzo.

Wuxi China Parliamentary Leaders offer Conflicting Visions of the Expatdom

At an impromptu Q&A session held last night at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District, three party leaders from the parliament of the Wuxi China Expatdom had the following to say about their vision of the Expatdom:

Leader of the Wuxi Sexpat Party, John Hefner, said he wanted the WCE to become a new Greece. Asked what Greece he was referring to: whether Modern Greece, or the Greece of Plato and Aristotle, Hefner said he didn't know who those "two guys" were, but he was thinking of the Greece “where they ran naked” and the place where "everyone got a job!"

Iggy Poop, leader of the Opposition Nudist Party said he wanted the WCE to be like ancient Rome: "Imperial, Impervious, and Imperative!"

Mango, Prime Minister and leader of the majority Naturist Party said that the WCE was "the promised land." "For so long， Wuxi China Expats were in the wilderness, and then we got on Hui Shan mountain. It was meet to be there. It was there we decided to build an altar to Gorzo.... Which we did： The Expatdom of Wuxi, China!"

Wuxi Expatdom to Host World Big-Wave Surfing Championships in 2012

Speaking at a packed media conference held at Gambays earlier today,
head of the IBWS commitee, Andy Devine, said that preparations are
already "well underway". "We anticipate that the Expatdom will host up to
328,000 spectators for the 3-day event next January", Devine said.

Speculation is mounting that the world's oldest surfer, Hawaii's Efrem
Zimbalist Jr, 102, may compete.

To cope with the massive influx of visitors, Expatdom residents who
may be able to accomodate up to 32 guests in their apartments, have been
asked to complete the forms which will be posted-out next week.

Leader of Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition tries hard to warn against a Mango Cult of Personality.

The Leader of the Nudist Party of the Wuxi China Expatdom warned against what he sees as "a perverse, pernicious and perplexing  cult of personality developing around WCE Prime Minister Mango."

Nudist leader Iggy Poop, whose real name is Michael Ignatieff, said "the whirlwind of world wanderlust for the WCE PM is just the sort of atmosphere where an audacious, authoritarian, august-seeming politician can ride roughshod over carefully crafted, constitutional rights 

that take hundreds of years to evolve in a normal, nuanced, and natural manner."

Added Poop: "Don't misinterpret, misconstrue, or mistake my meaning!  You could also say: don't get me wrong.  Mango's brand of indeterminate, insouciant, idealistic androgynousity turns me on just as much as any red-blooded randy reasoned voter, so that I find  it hard his oppose his charm.  But the Nudists have a bigger tent than the Naturists and so everyone should come sleep with us.  Enjoy Mango!  But I just wish everyone would exercise prudence and remember that I am really much more rational, reasoned, and realistic about things than the marvelous, magnificent, and mesmerizing Mango!" 

Search for missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada continues despite protests, no budget, and lack of searchers

The IEF's Ziggy Zimmerman looked in Xihui Park and didn't find the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada.  Asked if he had checked the tunnel and Hui Shan at the Park, Ziggy said "oops!"  International Expeditionary Force Commander Karl Malden said that there wasn't money in the budget to return.

Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Memorial Square had to be booked for three protests relating to the Search for the missing Expats.  

The first group of protesters wanted refunds for their Dwight Eisenhower Bobble Head Doll purchases.  Eisenhower was disgraced and deposed for incompetence and because of revelations he was once the chief of the Ayatollah of Mordor's Secret Police during the dark times.  Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District, offered to give 50 percent credit towards purchases of Karl Malden Bobble Head Dolls.  But, Protesters  responded with demands for credit towards Mango Bobble Head Dolls as well.

The second group of protesters demanded the search be stopped, saying the search had become "a blight on the human spirit," and that the "missing Expats were from Toronto anyway."  This group said they were from Australia, making the demands for a cessation of the search International.

The final group had planned to protest Commander Karl Malden purgings of "loafers, idlers, ne'er-do-wells, mountebanks, layabouts, and pool-players" from the IEF.  The one protester, who could be roused, said "the purge was inhumane and a violation of their human rights."  However, the group didn't show up.

Karl Malden, in an interview about the third protest, said he now regretted the purge because "the IEF has shrunk to a force of six people."  Previously, there had been 100,000 members in the search task force." admitted Malden.

International Expeditionary Force searching for Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto enters Xihui Park

Karl Malden, commander of the International Expeditionary Force, announced that the search for the Missing Wuxi China Expats has begun in Xihui Park.

"We were able to raise enough cash to get one member into the park.  IEF members drew straws to determine who would go in, and the winner was Ziggy Zimmerman, brother of Hans.  He entered the park at 908 a.m. this morning.  Before he entered, we all tearfully wished him the best, and told him we would pray for his safe exit from the park.  We also mentioned that we hoped he could find, dead or alive, the missing Expats."

The members of the IEF not able to enter the park have returned to Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District where they will maintain a candle-light vigil and drink beer.

World Male Celebrites becoming fascinated with Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minster Mango

Mango was sworn in as the Prime Minister of the Wuxi China Expatdom on Friday morning, amid a bout of Mango mania that has swept the world.  Not only have world leaders like Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov expressed a fascination with Mango, who looks like a combination of man, woman, pretty boy, supermodel, and god-slash-goddess;  world celebrities from the various genres of entertainment have also said they can't get Mango out of their minds.

Mick Jagger, has announced plans to hold a concert in the Wuxi, China Expatdom with all the proceeds going to Mango's favorite charity.

George Clooney, has said that as soon as he recovers from the malaria he got in Africa, he will find a pretext to make a movie where he and Mango have a love scene.

Don Rickles, who is to appear this weekend at Hardy's Har Har Comedy Club in the WCE, says since he has seen Mango, he has forgotten his snarkiness.

Hugh Hefner is offering 4 billion U.S. dollars to Mango to appear nude in Playboy.

Lebron James has talked of showing "his talents off" one day to Mango, is asking the Miami Heat to release him from his contract so he can play with the Wuxi Taihu Lakers of the China Expat Basketball League.

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom, asked if the attention given to Mango threatened his Deity status said, "This Mango thing is a fad, and I have seen many a fad  come and go in my time.  I remember in the 1970s how during the Glam Rock phase, Richard Nixon was asking the New York Dolls to come to the White House to perform at a state dinner for the Emperor of Ethiopia, and Chairman Mao was dressing up like David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust phase."

Canadian Wuxi China Expats demand end to search for Missing Expats from Toronto

One Hundred Thousand Wuxi China Expats from Canada gathered in Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Square to demand an end to search, currently being undertaken by the International Expeditionary Force, for the missing Expats from Toronto, Canada.

 

While the crowd shouted "T.O. sucks!", "Leafs suck!", and "Toronto is not part of the Rest of Canada",  protest organizer Don Getty, from Edmonton, said "It has been Toronto this, and Toronto that in all the WCE media.  I left Canada to get away from this Toronto-centric view of the universe.  And now it is being shoved in our faces again!  I resent it.  The chances are that these Toronto Expats did a "runner" from their place of work."

Frank Mahovilich, an Expat from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, said "Those big city Toronto people should screw in their own light bulbs, and leave us small-town folks to go hunting!"

Fred Boilbaum, an Expat from Medicine Hat, Alberta said "Those wine-and-cheese types couldn't take the lack of central-heating.  What a bunch of  E.I. wusses.  Like you know what I am saying eh?"

"Boom Boom" Bouchard, an Sexpat from Chicoutimi, Quebec said "Voulez vous couchez avec mois?"

Joey Smallwood, an Expat from Newfoundland said  "I like Spaghetti and Meat Balls, don't you know! ar!"

Towards the end of the rally, counter-protesters from Ottawa showed up, resulting in a hockey-style square-filling brawl in which 500 game misconducts and 30,000 minutes in penalties were handed out.

Search for Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada encounters difficulties at Xihui Park

The search for the Missing Wuxi Expats has encountered "unforeseen difficulties" announced Karl Madden, commander of the International Expeditionary Force searching for the Missing Expats.

Said Malden:  "We didn't realize that we would have to pay to get in the park.  And no one wants to buy tickets unless they get reimbursed.  A meeting of the IEF chief of staffs will be convened this afternoon, at Gambay's Pub, to discuss the issue.  Now, we have heard there is a backway to get into the park involving ascending a lot of stairs, but we all took a look at the stairs and decided that there were too many, especially since we had spent an hour looking for this back way.  There is no one willing to try the stairs tomorrow.  So, if we don't get reimbursed for tickets, we ain't going in!"

Camera placed on Toy Train in the Wuxi, China Expatdom.

Riga Port asks the Wuxi China Expatdom for assistance in breaking up ice

The Riga Free Port Authority has requested the Wuxi China Expatdom to take a greater share of responsibility in breaking through the ice-packed Gulf of Riga, the business information portal Nozare.lv was informed by Riga Free Port Authority spokeswoman Anita Leiskalne.

Said Leiskalne: "Help Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom, you are our only hope.  And we would really love it too if you could bring along some of Gambay's delicious baby-back ribs when you come to break the ice."

Toe Blake, head of the Wuxi China Expatdom ice-breaking authority said that of course they would help.  Off the record he said "Those goddammed Latvians! Why don't they ask the Danes!  I am thinking that they just want us to bring the baby-backs and need a pretext to meet Mango!"

The Wuxi China Expatdom’s wish to have its own LNG terminal attracts consultants

Great interest in a liquefied natural gas terminal project has surprised the CEO of WCE Nafta, John Homes, the daily Orient Express writes on Wednesday.  

Said Holmes: "Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is trying to give me advice about.  I tell them leave me alone.  I know what I am doing!"

Search for Missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto, Canada begins anew.

Karl Malden, in an exclusive interview with the Wuxi China Expatdom's Orient Express, said the International Expeditionary Force is "renewed, invigorated, and has begun, anew," its search for the Missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto, Canada." 

 

Malden, appointed, on Monday, to take IEF command from the discredited Dwight Eisenhower, had to spend two day reorganizing the IEF.  Malden, said he has purged the ranks of the  IEF of "loafers, idlers, ne'er-do-wells, mountebanks, layabouts, and pool-players", and though his force is "considerably smaller", he maintains it is "much more focused on the task of locating, dead or alive, the missing Expats from Toronto, Canada."

 

Asked if he preferred to find the expats "dead or alive", Malden said he simply wanted to do the task assigned to him in a business-like and unsentimental way.  "And because of the time wasted by the previous commander in searching for DVDs instead of the missing Expats, in looking in Suzhou Bars instead of in Wuxi proper, we don't have the time to worry about such niceties as life or death."

 

Tomorrow, the IEF will search in Xihui Park for the missing Expats.  "We are operating on the theory that  the missing Wuxi Expats wanted to go to the Wuxi Zoo, but weren't aware that it had been moved to Li Hu." said vice-commander of the IEF, George S. Patton.

Wuxi China Expats more satisfied than Latvians and Estonians

An Eurobarometer survey conducted last autumn shows that 72% of residents of Wuxi China Expats were satisfied with their life. At the same time the figure in Latvia was 58% and in Lithuania it was 56%.  In Nanjing Expatdom, the figure was 25%.

World Male Leaders express a fascination with the Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Elect Mango.

The New Prime Minister of Wuxi China Expatdom has become a world sensation, especially among World leaders.  Many say that since seeing Mango, they can think of nothing else.  They wonder if he is man or woman; god or goddess; Latino, Asian, African or All of the above; and young, old, wise, clever, or just plain winsome.

Kim Il Jung, North Korea's glorious leader, has said that he will pay a visit to the Wuxi China Expatdom to see Mango -- the furthest foray that the dear leader will have made into the outside world.

Barack Obama, president of the United States, says he finds the election of the WCE Prime Minister to be intriguing, and that he can't concentrate on his job.

Kevin Rudd, in perfect Mandarin Chinese, said he would like to meet the new WCE Prime Minister in person.

President for Life of Turkmenistan Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov has cancelled the visit of Gorzo the Mighty to his country and has said that he will instead pay the Wuxi China Expatdom a visit so he can see "the voluptuous Mango."

Bill Clinton, former president of the United States, says he would like to invite Mango out for some drinks and dancing.

Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, is cashing in on Mango fever.  He says that he has already received an order of 100,000 Mango bobble-head dolls from the United States Department of Defense.

Mango will be sworn in as Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister this Friday.

Naturist Party wins solid majority in the first Wuxi China Expatdom Parliamentary elections!

Tuesday, the Naturist Party won a solid majority of 65 seats in the first ever Wuxi China Parliamentary elections.  Leader of the Naturists, Mango will become the WCE's first ever fairly elected Prime Minister.

 

"Whether their party won or loss the election, I am sure that all Wuxi China Expats can agree that these free and honest elections are a magnificent event for the WCE.  These elections represent a repudiation of the Dark times when the WCE was run by the Ayatollah of Mordor.  God bless the new WCE and our magnificent king Gorzo the Mighty!!" said Mango, leader of the Naturist Party, to a crowd of cheering supporters at a conference room in Gambay's Pub, where Monday night  the beef is boiled at half the regular price to honor British Wuxi China Expats.

 

George McGovern, leader of the Nudist Party which won fifty seats in the election, likewise praised the honesty and transparency of the election saying "it could only be attributed to a change of Monarchs in the WCE.  It pleases me so to be the leader of Gorzo the Mighty's loyal opposition.  Gorzo says!  I do!"  He also used Gambay's as his election night headquarters.

 

The five remaining seats in the 120 seat WCE parliament were won by the Wuxi Sexpats (4) and the Less Gray Party (1).

Dwight Eishenhower, dismissed commander of Wuxi China Expat International Expeditionary Force, revealed to have been a Commander of the Mordorian Secret Police

Dwight Eisenhower, dismissed for his lackadasical efforts at commanding the International Expeditionary Force searching for the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, has been revealed to have been an agent of the Ayatollah of Mordor, ruler of the WCE in the dark times before the Monarchy of Gorzo the Mighty. 

 

Harry Callahan, chief inspector of the WCE police squad, at a press conference today held at the cafeteria of the Gorzo the Mighy University for the Humanites, said that Eisenhower's blindness and indecisiveness, in the first few days of the search for the missing Wuxi Expats,  was nothing of the sort.  "It was a deliberate attempt to sabotage the search in a vain attempt to somehow turn the WCE back into a Caliphate with the currently exiled Ayatollah of Morder as ruler!"

 

Callahan further revealed that Eisenhower had a dual role of the Ayatollah's regime in the dark times: Eisenhower was head of the Ayallotah's secret police force, that had been known as the "corndoggers" for their manner of interogating the many enemies of the regime, as well as the Ayatollah's right hand man in trying to bring High Speed Rail to the Wuxi China Expatdom.  "Thankfully, Gorzo was able to stop the latter idea in the bud." 

Millions of Wuxi China Expats demanding refund on their Dwight Eisenhower memorabilia purchases.

Despite the high turnout and long lineups to vote in Tuesday's Wuxi China Expatdom parliamentary elections, three million Wuxi Expats were able to stage a protest in the WCE's Harry Moore Memorial Square.

 

The Expats were demanding a refund on their purchases of Dwight Eisenhower t-shirts and bobble head dolls they made at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  Eisenhower was dismissed, on Monday, as Commander of the International Expeditionary Force searching for the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada; and so his memorabilia has become worthless.

 

The Reverend Jack Jensen, organizer of the protest, said the atmosphere at the protest of one of peace and reminded him of the protests in Egypt.

 

Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's Pub and the only authorized dealer of IEF and Search Memorabilia, said the protests reminded him of Wisconsin.  "They just want to rob and exploit the poor workers who were employed making all the Eisenhower memorabilia! "

Wuxi China Expatdom Parliamentary Election Turnout estimated to be at 95 percent.

Turnout for today's Wuxi China Expatdom Parliamentary Election has been high. Preston Manning, head of the Wuxi China Expatdom Elections Commission, estimates the turnout could be as high as 95 percent.

Exit polls show that the Wuxi Naturist Party may well capture a majority of the 120 parliamentary seats.

International Expeditionary Force searching for the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada appoints a new commander.

The IEF looking for the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada now has a new commander.  Karl Malden, in a press conference held at Gambay's, in Wuxi's 1912 Bar District announced that he has taken over responsibility for the search from Dwight Eisenhower. 

 

Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's and official licensee for IEF  and Search memorabilia, said that all IEF Dwight Eisenhower bobble-head dolls and t-shirts were now fifty percent off, but that no discounts would be given to those who had already bought official IEF Eisenhower gear.

 

The search for the Missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto has been suspended for the next two days as the IEF reorganizes itself and allows its members to vote or participate in Tuesday's Wuxi China Expatdom parliamentary elections.

Wuxi China Expatdom to hold Parliamentary Elections on Tuesday

Polls open early tomorrow as the Wuxi China Expatdom holds its first ever fair-and-free, truly democratic elections.  "It is all part of my effort to bring true, pluralistic, representative, consensual, honest, accountable democracy to the Expatdom.  The previous King of Wuxi staged rigged Monarchical elections where his palace got 150 so-called "electoral college" votes while the votes of general population of everyday average-joes, the common Wuxi Expats -- all 74 millions of them, counted for three.  It was an election that an Iranian Ayatollah would have been proud....  Now that I think of it, I think will posthumously strip the previous King of Wuxi of his title of King.  From now on, I decree that  decent, thoughtful, caring people should refer him as the Ayatollah from Mordor!" said Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom.

 

One Hundred Twenty Seats are up for grabs in the Wuxi China Parliament.  Experts predict that the free-market and socially-conservative Wuxi Naturist Party will win the most seats, but it remains up in the air as to whether they can achieve a majority.  Other parties competing include central-command-progressive Nudist Party, the libertine Wuxi Sexpat Party, the Molasses and Pork Chops Party, the Popular Wuxi Molasses and Pork Chops Party, The Rhino-Squishes, The Pork Chops Party, The New Apple Sauce Party, the Alcoholics Brotherhood, and the environmental Less Gray Party. 

 

Day Five of the Search for the Missing Expats from Toronto Canada full of rumours of a shakeup in the command structure of the IEF.

There was no actual searching for the Missing Expats from Toronto, Canada on Day Five. The IEF's planned trip to Suzhou was postponed because the Sunday trains were sold out. "We waited for three hours in line for nothing! That was complete b.s.! I going to call my congressman about this or complain to city hall!" said Lestor M. Ole, a frustrated IEF member. Asked if he thought of taking off his clothes like the Chen Weiwei, Ole said "I was already naked when I got there!"

Because of the lack of the results in the search for the Missing Expats, who were last seen at a rally demanding molasses, pork chops, and a government job, there is a speculation that Gorzo the Mighty may appoint a new commander of the IEF. Possible candidates include Omar Bradley, George C. Scott, Milton Bradley, and Karl Malden.

Outlaw Electric Bicycle Gang terrorizes Wuxi, China Expatdom Night Club

The patrons and staff of Gambay's, voted most popular Wuxi Expat Pub for the past ten consecutive years, were terrorized last night when members of the Wuxi Chapter of the Purgatory Propects Electric Bicycle Club paid a visit.

Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's said the members of the gang, who wore black leather jackets, black beanies with propellers, long straggly hair wings, and and fake ZZ-Top beards, came into the bar and rearranged the place settings. "They thought it was grand fun to switch the spoons and forks."

A female patron Cherry Soda, who wished to not have her name publicized said the gang members came up to her and asked to see her ankles. "They also said that I reminded them of their mothers."

The engineer in charge of W.C. maintenance said the gang members didn't flush the toilets.

A table of Expats discussing their latest DVD purchases were savagely mocked by gang members who said their knowledge of movies was "poo". The patrons were them forced, with cheese sticks and nerf guns, to discuss the first season of Desperate Housewives.

Asked where the gang members could possibly be from, one bar patron who wanted his name to be published said "that some of them had Danish accents. Another one I think was from Belgium and another spoke with an Etonian English accent."

Harry Callahan, the Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Mounted Police force, said he would detectives round to investigate the incident "on the by and by."

Comedy Club to open up in the Wuxi China Expatdom

Hardy's Har Har Comedy Club is to open in Wuxi's 1912 Bar District this week.  "We hoped to open the pub on April Fool's Day, but things got way scheduled of my head!" said the Comedy Club's Manager Willy Aardvark Crazy Kook Yakushev Hardy, a Canadian from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

Asked what acts he had lined up, "Wacky" Hardy said "Opening night we will have Don Rickles come to insult everyone, even the Gorzo the Mighty.  We have also signed Richard Lewis to do a show, Vice President Joe Biden who will deliver a major policy speech, the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Toronto Maple Leafs."

Hardy also said that patrons will get chances to display their comedic skills. "We will have an open mike night, a try to open the wallet of Andis Kaulins night, a try to pronounce the president of Turkmenistan's name right  night, and Wuxi Sexpats try to seduce a bar girl evening.  All will be good for a chuckle, and a laugh as well."

Nanjing Expat group to come to the Wuxi China Expatdom to learn about milk production.

Recent news about the increase of milk production per cow in the Wuxi China Expatdom has been the cause of much soul-searching among the dairy farmers of the Expatdom of Nanjing, China.  Nanjing Expatdom Dairy Farmers were embarrassed to hear their milk-production per cow has decreased by 75 percent in the time that Wuxi Expatdom production has increased.

A group of Nanjing Expat Dairy Farmers will come to visit to the Wuxi China Expatdom next week to investigate the reasons for Wuxi China Expatdom tremendous milk per cow production increases. 

Wuxi China Expat farmer Dennis Groveman, head of the official reception committee of the Dairy Farmers of the Wuxi China Expatdom in charge of dealing with visiting dairy farmers, said: "I think it is all about how you treat your cows.  Happy cows, not afraid of being the object of untoward affection, will produce more milk than cows that are always fearful for their purity!"

Asked where the dairy farmers from the two expatdoms would meet, Goverman said: "Gambay's of course!  Gambay's, in the 1912 bar district of Wuxi, has the best meeting facilities for business of all the pubs in Wuxi, China!  It's the place where Wuxi Expats, who are in the know and on the go, go!"

Official Memorabilia to commemorate the Search for the Missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto, Canada now on sale at Gambay's.

It is the weekend in the Expatdom of Wuxi, China, so the International Expeditionary Force searching for the missing Expats is taking a break so they can learn the official theme song for the search, as well as participate in the unveiling ceremony for official search and IEF memorabilia which can be bought exclusively at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District.

Said Dwight Eisenhower, Commander of the IEF:  "In association with Fred Minkleman of Gambay's, the International Expeditionary Force is proud to introduce to you the official commemorative memorabilia of the 2011 search for the Missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto.  Now only will you be able to get the always popular hats, t-shirts, and underwear bearing the official logo of the IEF and its current mission; you will also be able to buy bobble-head dolls, photos, intimate photos, autographed photos, biographies, busts,  the old underwear, and the holy socks of your favorite IEF member.  And with each purchase, you can buy your next beverage at Gambay's at 50 percent off!"

Asked if there were any clues found in the search for the Missing Wuxi Expats, Eisenhower, said: "We have heard a rumour that there might be video of the Missing Expats taken the day before they decided to stage a protest for more pork chops and molasses.  As well, there is a rumor that lost laowai have been seen in Taixing.  The descriptions of the laowai in Taixing match the Expats from Toronto to a "T" but we don't want to go to that place, just yet. because we have heard there is nothing to do and you can't get there by train.  The IEF general council has instead voted that we search the bars of Suzhou first!"

Freeport of Wuxi, China Expatdom starts the year 2011 with 23.3% increase in cargo turnover

January 2011 has been one of the busiest months in the Port of Wuxi, China Expatdom lately, as altogether 2.7 million tonnes cargoes have been handled, by 23.3% exceeding the result of the respective period of the previous year, informed Orient Express, the official press service of the port.

"This increase in cargo turnover be attributed to the wise rule of Gorzo the Mighty", said port official Jack Cousteau, who said that after work he was going to the all-you-can-eat-peanuts night at Gambay's, the pub real Wuxi Expats go to, in the heart of the 1912 Bar District.

Search for the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada now has theme song.

Despite not finding any sign of the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada after three days of searching, the Commander of the International Expeditionary Force searching for the expats, Dwight Eisenhower, insists that hope and interest in finding the missing Expats is still high, and notes that a search theme song has been written. 

 

Said Eisenhower: "Yesterday's search of DVD shops yielded some good finds for IEF members.  Now some of them are late today because they were up late last night watching the DVDs, but the plan today, which is to search in the shopping areas of Wuxi has IEFers keen to keep searching, ....as soon as they can shower and get out of their apartments (or call girls he he he!).  Be that as it may, the search has a theme song, which goes as follows:

 

Oh where! Oh Where! have the missing expats from Toronto have gone?

Oh Where!  Oh Where! can they be?

 

We looked inside all the DVD shops and there they couldn't be seen!

Perhaps they are hiding under a Wuxi Bridge!

Perhaps, they are in Gambays, eating chicken's feet!

Perhaps, they are at Turtle Head Park!

 

Oh where! Oh Where! have the missing expats from Toronto have gone?

Oh Where!  Oh Where! can they be?

 

Perhaps they took the bus to Suzhou!

But mistaken ended up in Xuzhou!

Perhaps they wanted to to go Jiangyin!

But instead bought to tickets to Jiangxi!

 

Oh where! Oh Where! have the missing expats from Toronto have gone?

Oh Where!  Oh Where! can they be?

Perhaps they got lost in the tunnel at Xi Hui Park!

Perhaps they went to visit Hans Zimmerman!

Perhaps they went to eat Japanese food on Hu Bin Bar Street!

Perhaps they are staying at the Kempenski!

Oh where! Oh Where! have the missing expats from Toronto have gone?

Oh Where!  Oh Where! can they BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

As soon as the IEF knows the lyrics, we will start a full-on search.  We will learn the lyrics at Gambay's in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi where Friday Night is all-night happy hour!"

 

 

 

President Obama makes statement about the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada

The speech made by Barack Obama to a special joint session of congress about the Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada:

"I and the American people, whether Republican or Democrat, whether Old or Young, whether heterosexual or trans-gendered or bisexual or gay, whether man or woman, whether Stones or Beatles fans, whether Christian or Jewish or Muslim or Pagan or Catholic or Buddhist or Hindu or Agnostic or Atheist, whether documented or undocumented, whether in prison or not, whether African, European, Latino, or Asian, whether ideologues or pragmatists, whether working in the private sector or in public service, whether feeling under the weather or not -- all Americans from all sides of the divides that I am working as President to transcend so as to amend... Yes!! Yes indeed! All Americans are united and, except for some reactionary elements, full of profound serious concern and sympathy for the fate of the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada. And in doing so, Americans and I have joined folks from all over the world who wonder, while full of the highest and graceful concern, where the missing expats could possibly be. I personally join those who are praying for them, while at the same time acknowledging to those who may be offended by my expression of religiosity that I do so in a manner of placebo-like good will.

The Wuxi Expats who went missing demanding molasses and pork chops were expressing a demand for basic human dignity. They were like the freedom marchers going down to the Southern USA in the 1960s to battle the forces of intolerance and segregation. I wish to express my clear support for the ideals and aspirations these Expats expressed. I not only want molasses and pork chops, I want a side of apple sauce mixed with a dollop of social justice and equality for all!

I have spoken to Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi China Expatdom as well as to Dwight Eisenhower, commander of the International Expeditionary Force that is searching for the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada. I have told them both of my irreversible, credible, concrete, irrevocable support for their efforts. I further told them with perfect "let me be clear" unambiguous clarity that all Americans support their efforts and hope, strenuously, that the missing Wuxi Expats can be found as swiftly as possible. And then I added in a verbose manner that I wasn't George W. Bush and they should be very pleased with me.

When I think of Toronto, Canada, I think of their magnificent hockey team, the Canadiens, and how, even though, I hated it when the swift players of their team seemed to always outscore my beloved Chicago Black Birds, one couldn't help but admire their aspirations to always win the Stanley Cup, and so gain the respect of the world.

In this difficult time, I know that the people of Wuxi China Expatdom, the people of Toronto, the people of America, and the people of the world will persevere, and they must know that they will continue to have a friend in me.

Thank you, and God bless me!"

After two days of searching, still no sign of missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada.

Dwight Eisenhower, commander of the International Expeditionary Force that is searching for the Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada, says that no sign of the expats has been found after two days of searching.

Said Eisenhower:  "Day Two of the search had the IEF exploring all the DVD shops in the Wuxi Expatdom area.  No one saw the Toronto Expats.  However, we did make some interesting DVD finds.  Gary said he found a copy of The Wizard of Oz that also had a one-hour documentary about the making of the Wizard of Oz.  Anders was proud to have found a 3 rmb copy of They Drive by Night, featuring George Raft, Humphrey Bogart, Ida Lupino and the actor who later played the skipper in Gilligan's Island.  Boris found a copy of the original True Grit starring John Wayne.  Hank is all excited because he has found a box set of Hogan's Heroes.  Frank has found a tall package DVD set containing all the films of Astaire and Rodgers.  So, even thought the search for the missing expats, has been unsuccessful, we are thrilled with the DVD purchases we have been able to make."

Asked if anyone was able to find a good copy of the Coen Brothers version of True Grit, Eisenhower said "that the guy at the shop he went to said the copy currently circulating in Wuxi Shops isn't very good."

Asked what the plans were for the third day of the search, Eisenhower said "The general council of the IEF will convene a meeting tonight at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District.  It should be a productive meeting because all beers at Gambays are half-priced tonight and it is all you-can-the-clams-you-can-eat for just 19 rmb as well!"

The Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada went missing after staging a protest for Molasses and Pork Chops at Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Square on February 14.

King of Wuxi Expatdom lines up speaking gig for Hosni Mubarek

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi China Expatdom, has lined up a speaking engagement for disposed Egyptian dictator Hosni Mubarek at the Fairmont Hotel in the Expatdom of Winnipeg, Canada.

Gorzo had done a similar thing for Arnold Schwarzenegger after his failed governorship in California.  Schwarzenegger spoke at the Fairmont Hotel in Winnipeg spoke about "making electric automobiles and his secrets to living a successful life."

Said Gorzo: "I have told Hosni he should talk about the same sort of things and gloss over his later troubles."

Wuxi China Expats trounce Nanjing China Expats in Basketball

The Wuxi Taihu Lakers easily defeated the Nanjing Southern Capitals 135-63 in  a China Expat Basketball League game played  Wednesday Evening at the Kaulins Center in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  The Lakers, who jumped out to a 100-0 half-time lead, all left the game during the intermission to assist in the search for the Missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto, Canada.

 

The 35,000 fans who attended the game all left after three quarters to attend the all-you-can-eat Ribs night at Gambay's Pub in Wuxi's 1912 Bar District.

Wuxi Expat King to meet President Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov of Turkmenistan

ASHGABAT:  President for Life of Turkmenistan Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov has invited Gorzo the Mighty, The King of Wuxi China Expatdom to visit Ashgabat for a state visit.  

Gorzo the Mighty has accepted the invitation because he wants to learn how to pronounce Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov correctly.  Other than that, they will be discussing matters of affairs.

Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov sees the meeting as forging the friendship between his and Gorzo the Mighty's peoples.

Dates for the visit have yet to be determined.

Search for Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto continues

A full day of search, by the International Expeditionary Force, for the Missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada has yet to find a trace.

 

Dwight Eisenhower, an American in charge of the search force had the following to say:  "Quite frankly, we are baffled as to where the Expats might have gone to.   The IEF has spent the day doing an extensive search of all the pubs in Wuxi, China Expatdom.  No one, after continuing question, has given us any clues as to where in Wuxi China Expatdom we should start looking.  I do want to compliment Fred Minkleman and the staff at Gambay's for the world class job they have done in serving the IEF.  The food and beer here is excellent, the portions are ample, and everyone gets their money's worth...  That is not to say that the other Expat pubs don't do a good job, but they got to pay me to plug 'em!"

 

Eisenhower says that the IEF plans to search the ground tomorrow after everyone has had a good sleep and recovered from their search of the pubs.

Pontiff Laments the fact that the Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada have gone missing.

VATICAN CITY: The fact that Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada have gone missing, has Benedict XVI calling for a more just and solidary society. The Pope made this appeal today before reciting midday Angelus together with those gathered in St. Peter's Square, including those who heard about the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Ontario. The Expats from Toronto, Canada had gone missing after staging a protest for more molasses and pork chops in the Expatdom of Wuxi, China's Harry Moore Square.

"Charity is the fullness of the Law," the Pontiff stated. "In the face of this demand, for example, the sad case of the Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Ontario gone missing, makes us ask ourselves whether or not are a more solidary and fraternal society, more consistent in love, that is, more Christian, might not have been able to prevent such a unfortunate event.

"And this question applies to many other sad events, known and unknown, that occur daily in our cities and our countries."

The Holy Father's comments were made in the context of a reflection on Christ's proclamation of the "new law." Benedict XVI asked: "In what does this 'fullness' of the Law of Christ consist? And what is this 'superior' justice that he demands?"

He stated: "The newness of Christ essentially consists in the fact that he 'fulfills' the commandments with the love of God, with the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in him. And we, through faith in Christ, can open ourselves to the action of the Holy Spirit, who makes us capable of living divine love.

"Thus, every precept becomes true as a demand of love, and they all are summed up in a single commandment: Love God with your whole heart and love your neighbor as yourself."

World Leaders express concern for the fate of the missing Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada.

Leaders of nations all over the world including Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper, German Chancellor Andrea Merkel, Cuban Leader Fidel Castro, French President Nicolas Sarkozy, the leader of Egyptian Military Council supervising upcoming presidential elections Tutakhamen, Kevin Rudd from Austrailia, President Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov of Turkmenistan, and Latvian Prime Minister Valdis Dombrovskis have expressed concern for the lost Wuxi Expats from Toronto, Ontario.

Kevin Rudd, in perfect mandarin, said he has personally pledged to join in the search.

Fidel Castro blamed the fact that the Expats are missing on Capitalism and the USA.

Barack Obama, is withholding comment till he has convened a meeting of National Security Council. He will then make a statement on the missing Expats to a specially convened joint session of Congress.

Massive International Expeditionary Force to search for lost Wuxi China Expats from Toronto, Canada

A search team of 100,000 has been put together to look for the thirty or so missing Wuxi Expats from Toronto, Ontario.  The Toronto Expats were last seen trying to catch a bus home after staging a protest for molasses and pork chops in Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Square.  They were supposed to be back in the Wuxi New District an hour later but have not been seen in two days.

 

Hans Zimmerman, who talked to them once at Gambay's, voted Wuxi Expatdom's number one pub forty years in a row, suggested that perhaps they had caught the wrong bus home.  "I really don't know them all that well, you see, so all I would have to say, about what they have done and where they have gone, is merely speculation or supposition or visitation or incubation or something.  But they did wear their hockey skates on their head and their Maple Leafs shirts backwards.  One of the woman wore less clothes because it was cold out.  I mean that is what she told me!  I may be eccentric because I have married my long underwear, but those people have jumped or tripped a long way onto the other side of rationality."

One billion attend rally to celebrate Wuxi Red Guards Super-Duper Bowl victory.

One billion Wuxi Red Guard Fans packed Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Square to celebrate the Red Guards 63-24 victory over the Super Bowl XLV champion Green Bay Packers.  Many fainted at the sight of Gorzo the Mighty.  Those who didn't heartily cheered Mrs. Gorzo who had played the game in a bikini and no equipment , while passing for 304 yards and 3 touchdowns.

 

Said one Red Guard Fan:  "The Guards are so clearly superior to any other he-man football teams out there that there will either have to be a galactic all-star team to play the Red Guards in hopes of having a competitive game, or the Red Guards will have to clone themselves!"

 

Fred Minkleman; owner of Gambay's, where Tuesday is all-you-can-eat lobster and prawn night, is the official licensee for Wuxi Red Guard memorabilia.  At the rally, he said to come down to his pub before all limited-edition Wuxi Red Guard Super Duper Championship gear was sold-out.

King of Wuxi China Expats cancels dinner with Barack Obama

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats, has announced that he has cancelled a state dinner he was to have had with President Barack Obama at the White House this Saturday evening.

 

"Seeing how he is the president of the USA and all, I thought it was important that I accept his invitation.  But he would keep changing his mind about what food would be served.  First he said fish.  Then he said chicken.  Then he said chicken and fish.  Then he said he said salad.  But he couldn't make up his mind about what dressings could be put on.  Then he worried about the order that the courses would be served.  First, the chicken should be served right away.  Then he said that maybe there should be an appetizer.  Then maybe the beef and fish should be served together.  And then he went Hamlet when deciding what beers or wines should be served.  Oy Vey!  You'd have thought we were having fifteen dinners at one time and he wanted to get his positioning on them all right.   Either that or he wanted to be seen eating fifteen different ways.  I couldn' figure it out.  I got frustrated and said what about McDonalds or Pizza? and he said that while it was okay to have some of that kind of food now and then, and that he understood the urges of folks to eat that kind of food that one should understand how many of these restaurants were financed and how they exploited workers even though it was understandable that they needed workers....  I decided I rather spend my Saturday evening with the Misses Gorzos."

Wuxi Expatdom - The Movie - Version II

Casting: the (provisional) A-list:

Fred Minkelman - Michelle Pfeiffer

Moses Mendelson - Clint Eastwood

Gorzo the Mighty - cannot, of course, be portayed by a human actor. To be represented
by a subliminal, Haiku-reciting, voice-over

Fidel Castrato - Woody Allen

Andis Collins - Gerard Depardieu, voice-dubbed by Oprah Winfrey

Neils Bohr - Ed Begley Jr (or senior - yet to be auditioned)

the former KOW - Jack Nicholson (one-line cameo role)

Harry Moore - Piers Brosnan

AND, Kennesaw "Hui Shan" Landis - Robin Williams

Who loves Wuxi China Expats? Who do Wuxi China Expats love?

Gorzo the Mighty, of course!

 

Not since Jesus Christ, has such a loved figure and such a figure so loving of Wuxi China Expats, walked the face of the earth.

 

This is the thought of many a Wuxi China Expat, who is not in love with a I-Pad or a man or woman or boy, on Valentine's Day 2011.

 

Gorzo says, I do!!

Wuxi Red Guards defeat Super Bowl XLV Champions Green Bay Packers

The Wuxi Red Guards scored six first quarter touchdowns and cruised to an easy 63-24 victory over Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers in the First ever Super Duper Bowl held this year in Hawaii.

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi China Expatdom, playing He-Man Football for the first time, quickly became bored as his first four passes to Red Guard Running Back Moses "Maniacal" Goldberg were for touchdowns.  A bored Gorzo was replaced by one of his wives Gorzodenia, who passed for 504 yards and five touchdowns in the rest of the game.

After the game, disconsolate Green Bay Packers all announced their resignation from Football, saying there was no point in trying to win Super Bowls now that the wife of the King of Wuxi China Expatdom has exposed weaknesses in their secondary, and made Aaron Rodgers look like a girl. 

The game was watched by a record 4 billion television viewers.  The half-time show was performed by Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack brought back, via time machine, from 1959.

The game ball was given to the brother of little Jimmy Terwilliger who has fallen down a hole in the Nanjing Expatdom

Wuxi China Expat plans to have a romantic Valentine's Day with his long johns

Hans Zimmerman, said to have been recently dealt a rebuke by the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame, says he will console himself on Valentine's Day.

Zimmerman, Wuxi China Expatdom's most eccentric expatriate, says he will have a romantic dinner with his long underwear which a recent WCE supreme court decision allowed him to marry.

Said Zimmerman: "I plan to take Mrs. Zimmerman, my "little weinershentzel" to Gambay's Pub for their heart-shaped pizza and all-the-baijoe-and-chicken's feet-you-can-consume night on February 14!  I was just talking to Fred Minkleman, the Pub Owner, and he has told me there are still tables available for what should be the most romantic day on the Wuxi China Expatdom social calendar.  Gorzo the Mighty has also told me that he will bring all his Mrs Gorzos to the pub for a rare respite from his work at making the WCE the most wonderful place on earth."

Wuxi China Expats from Toronto demand Molasses and Pork Chops

A group of angry Expatriates from Toronto, Ontario, Canada went to Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Square to protest something.  When they arrived at the square, they had all forgotten what they were so angry about.  Not wanting to forget about it and return to their apartments in the Wuxi New District, they brainstormed for reasons to be angry.

Finally, one of them, Shirley Copps, talked about how she missed Pork Chops and Molasses.  And the group decided to demand Molasses and Pork Chops.

Said another Toronto Expat:  "It is a violation of my human rights that I didn't have Pork Chops and Molasses with my cakepans and grease this morning.  It is time to speak powerful truths to this, and so we demand that the Mighty Gorzo the Mighty give into our demands with forthright quickness!  Because we are tired of being hassled and made to take showers once a day."

Jovi Bon Jon coming to Wuxi, China Expatdom

Gambay's, the home of the 7 rmb Double Sichuan Chicken Sandwich with cheese, is proud to announce that Jovi Bon Jon, international galactic pop sensation will be playing in the pub for a week in March, exact dates to be determined.   Tickets will be 50 rmb; 75 rmb if you want dinner.

Jovi Bon Jon, having had many million-selling smash hits like "Runaway she is" and "Praying for a living", have the international prominence that makes them the perfect band to play in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's said that booking the band was no problem and that the band had agreed to give all the proceeds of the concerts to Gorzo the Mighty's charity for the deserving impoverished who won't blow the money on drink and lottery tickets.

Jovi, in an interview with Orient Express said that he "was forward-looking to a Wuxi China Expatdom visitation and that a friend of mine, long time, Gorzo the Mighty has been always."

Three Billion Viewers expected to watch the Wuxi - Green Bay Super Duper Bowl

An estimated three billion people, half the world's population, are expected to tune into broadcasts of the Super Duper Bowl featuring the 2010 Wuxi Red Guards, the official fantasy football team of Wuxi Expats, and the Green Bay Packers, Super Bowl XLV Champions. 

It will be the most-watched sporting event in all of human and inter-galatic history.  Never before in the history of sports, have so many people been keen to see what will happen as the Green Bay Packers, fresh from their Super Bowl victory see how their he-man football abilities match up with the perhaps the greatest fantasy football team of history.  

The line in Vegas has the Red Guards as six touchdown favorites.

Questions remain as to who will be the Red Guards starting quarterback and running back.  Andis Kaulins, expected to be the Quarterback, has to work that day at his school and may not be able to get the time off.  Hans Zimmerman, the Red Guards starting running back, doesn't seem too enthusiastic about playing.  Said Zimmerman:  "We easily beat the Lombardi-coached Packers.  Now we have to play these little boys.  Nunderschenstuperball!"

Number of Real Estate Transactions increase by 21,800% in the Wuxi, China Expatdom.

Already in the administration of Gorzo the Mighy, real estate transactions have increased by 21,800% over the previous WCE administration.  When the first King of Wuxi, China Expatdom had the run of the place there was one real estate transaction.  Now that Gorzo the Mighty is in charge of the Expatdom, there have already been 21,800 real estate transactions.

Said Barnaby Rudge, WCE real estate expert: "After the real estate collapses in Europe and America recently, people want to go to rational land and building markets.  The Great Gorzo inspires confidences in people that they will not lose their shirts.  Unlike the previous King of Wuxi who wanted to hoard all the land for himself."

Wuxi Expatdom - The Movie

From the 'Director's Cut' commentary:

"Ok, so we've got the big Hui San opening-shot here. Had
six Panaflexes rolling. George Clooney mid-frame, lookin' good,
but no, a huge dog came outta no-where, lifted it's leg on poor George.
Had ta send the entire crew home early that day - a pain in the ass".

"oh yeah, here's the Baoli wc shot. We had three of our stunt guys
positioned just right. Bob had the anamorphic framed perfectly.
Then, yeah...see here....in the left of the frame here...some German
engineer-guy, a real jerk, stumbling into our set! 'No!', I yelled, 'that aint a real one, its a prop
wc!' But, too late, and (groans) just when we thought we had it in the can too."

"This sequence - the New District bus ride - my personal favourite. There's
Brad, in the Englush teacher role. Now, right about here....in she comes....Angelina
had to time that one just right. She got that chopstick straight down the back of his pants,
110% script-perfect. Beautiful".

"ahh, yeah, here's our panning-shot inside that big store. Whatzit called...Bow Bow Barn...yeah.
I tried to kinda borrow a...a.....ah, a, y'know, a Hitchcock-ian style, back-lit scene there.
You could say, well, it sorta worked fine, yet

112% more tourists have already stayed in the accommodation establishments of Wuxi China Expatdom in 2011.

According to the Wuxi China Expatdom Bureau of Statistics, already in 2011, 112% more tourists, than all of 2010, have already stayed in the accommodation establishments of the Wuxi, China Expatdom.  In the first month of 2011 and of the reign of Gorzo the Mighty, the number of tourists exceeded the December 2007 result, the best month for accommodation establishments of the previous administration, by 600%.

Clearly, Gorzo the Mighty is a great ruler; and people from the world over want to see what he has done in the Wuxi, China Expatdom!

Wuxi Expat King has nothing to say about the Egyptian Crisis.

Unlike other world leaders, who had nothing to say about the Egyptian Crisis yet felt they had to say something anyway, Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom had nothing to say about the Egyptian Crisis.

Gorzo the Mighty has said that his favorite American President was "Silent" Calvin Coolidge.

Harry Moore is the first inductee in the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame

Harry Moore was the controversial first choice to be the premier inductee into the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame.

Kennesaw "Hui Shan" Landis, curator of the WCHOF, in making the announcement said that while Moore spend less than a year in Wuxi, he compiled tremendous statistics. Said Landis: "While in Wuxi, Harry Moore hit 714 home runs, drove in 2214 runs, had a batting average of .342, an on base percentage of .452, and a slugging percentage of .690. And as a pitcher, he compiled a record of 94 wins and 46 losses. His statistics are Babe Ruthian in their tremendousicity! It was a real no-brainer that he be the first WEHOF inductee."

Some long-time Wuxi Expats have objected to the induction. Say an Expat named Stag Derkowitz who wished to be anonymous "Why didn't they induct Baby Fats Larry, Zigmund Freund, Dandy Barrell, Neils Bohr, Fred Minkleman, Fidel Castrater, Mutt Gascogne, Hans Zimmerman, Andis Kaulins, Moses Mendelson, or even the guy who started the pub whose name I would mention if he paid me 1000 rmb? Those Expatriates represent the true spirit of Wuxi China Expatdom, even if their activities can't be spoken of in public or in front of the ladies. And they spent more than a year in Wuxi!"

Still other Expats, who aren't reactionary nudists, have applauded the decision. Said Pat Smith, English Teacher, German Engineer, Toronto female impersonator: "Harry Moore was always a gentleman to me. He was a true raconteur when it came to conversation. He had more civilization in the tip of his smallest finger than most old-time Wuxi Expats possess in their fat beer bellies. And let face's it, he had Babe Ruth like numbers. In fact, I think he had Babe Ruth's exact numbers."

Landis said to expect further announcements of WEHOF inductions in the next few weeks.

One billion people attend Wuxi, China Expatdom party for Ronald Reagan's Centennary

One billion people gathered in Wuxi China Expatdom's Harry Moore Square on February 6 to celebrate what would have been Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday.

Andis Kaulins, local Wuxi Expat, said "Reagan was the greatest.  Anyone who doesn't think so is either stupid, willfully obtuse, or jealous that an American person can be so great.  As an Expat of Latvian heritage, I am forever grateful for Reagan calling the Soviet Union what was it was: an evil empire."

Green Bay Packers to meet the Wuxi Red Guards in the Super-Duper Bowl

The Packers victory in Sunday's Super Bowl game has set the stage for this Sunday's Super-Duper Bowl game to be played in Hawaii.  The NFL Champs will see how they match up against the colossal Wuxi Red Guards, the official NFL fantasy football team of Wuxi, China Expats.