Archduke
Sir Harry Moore has won his second consecutive Wuxi Expat Best Legs
Award.
He
beat out ten other nominees for the award including Raquel Welch,
U.S. Vice President Joe Biden, pop singer PSY, the lead singer of the
K-Pop band Brown Eyed Girls, and German Chancellor Andrea Merkel.
Andis
Kaulins, the AKIC blogger, said Moore's victory wasn't just a case of
him using the same legs that won him the award for 2012.
“It was a
case of Moore pulling off one of the most audacious strategy changes
in human history. Imagine the 1927 Yankees deciding to drop Babe
Ruth and Lou Gerhig from the line-up because they weren't excellent
enough. Imagine Capital Records cancelling its contract with Frank
Sinatra in the 1950s in hopes of finding a more excellent singer.
Imagine the Marx Brothers kicking out Groucho in hopes of finding
someone more witty. That may give you an idea of the sheer
courageousness of what the Archduke pulled off in 2013.”
“Archduke
Harry wasn't happy with the state of his legs in January 2013. Sure,
they had won him the most prestigious leg award in human history, but
it just wasn't good enough for Harry, the most perfect perfectionist
humanity has ever known. Harry, with legs that would make Betty
Grable proud, said it wasn't good enough. He wanted legs that would
make Angie Dickinson proud as well. So he changed his training
regimen. He fired his staff (but gave them 2 years severance pay)
who had help him win the 2012 best legs award. He then proceeded to
run two marathons a day and spend 17 hours a day in the weight room
to get his legs looking just the way he wanted which was radically
different from what they had looked like in December 2012. He could
have had surgeons transplant his legs but he choose instead to be the
first person in human history to change the look of his legs through
hard work and sheer will. All the while, he was solving world
hunger, delivering ten award-winning film lectures a week, and
writing thirty five best selling books, fiction and non-fiction.”
“Archduke
Harry incredibly changed his legs from being Betty Grablesque to
Angie Dickinsonian. It would have been like Frank Sinatra turning
himself into Ella Fitzgerald, Omar Bradley turning himself into
George S Patton, and Bob Cousy becoming Bill Russell.”
The
announcement, of Moore's winning the award, was made by His Majesty
King Gorzo the Mighty on the deck of the aircraft carrier U.S.S.
Ronald Reagan currently docked at the Wuxi Freeport on Lake Taihu.
The
announcement caused millions of Wuxi Expats, to brave smoggy air, to
celebrate on the streets. One Expat, Jack Lyndon, said it was the
greatest night of his life to be in Wuxi at the time of Archduke
Harry winning a best legs award. “I can now go to my grave
satisfied!” said Lyndon.
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