Good Manners Have Come to Wuxi, China Because of the 2014 Year of the Firearm

With Wuxi Expats, whether they be boy or girl, engineer or English teacher, Jew or Gentile, Civilized or European, interesting or Canadian, reticent or loud, currently possessing an estimated 1.4 billion firearms of all calibers and sizes because of the 2014 Year of the Firearm in Wuxi, veteran Wuxi Expats are saying that they have noticed a considerable improvement in manners in Wuxi, China.

“The great science fiction writer Robert A. Heinlein, I believe, is that the one who said that a well-armed society is a polite society.” said Wuxi Expat blogger Andrew Cowlinch. “And Wuxi, China in the first month of the 2014^th year of our Lord is proving that Heinlein's adage is indisputably true and correct. Wuxi, China in January 2014 is the most polite society in all of human history because it is the most well-armed society in all of human history. When we achieve our goal of having 100 billion firearms, you aren't going to hear a swear word, woman's virtues will not be threatened, men will wear hats and ties again, a man who takes away a woman's virtue when enter holy matrimony, children will be seen and not heard, and English teachers won't be late for class, call in sick because they went to the pub the night before, and eat cheeseburgers in the classroom. By December 2014, Wuxi, China will be a veritable Eden on Earth!”

Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Sir Harry Moore says he is amazed how people have began to copy his gentlemanly behavior around the ladies. “For the longest time it was I and Andis Kaulins, the Andis Kaulins who is the father of China Expat of the Year Tony Kaulins, who were the only male Expats who would hold doors open for ladies, who would pull chairs out for ladies, who would yield our seats to ladies on the bus, and who would refrain from using coarse language in front of the ladies. Because of this we were called fascist throw-backs who were waging war on women. It was a charge that didn't make sense because all the other expats would elbow their ways ahead of ladies when boarding the bus, would throw coins on the ground so they could look up ladies dresses, slam doors in the faces of woman who were entering the pub behind them, and think nothing of letting a woman stand while they sat in a crowded pub. Now, all the male expats have adopted our manners. Of course, every one of them will tell you that they have been doing it all along. But what happened was that once my darling wife Miss Moneypenny fired her 7.65mm Mauser in the air in disgust at the language used by the male patrons at the Pink Kitty, male expats realized that a woman with a firearm is not one to be trifled with.”

Wuxi Pink Kitty Owner Wally Droop credits the presence of so many firearms in Wuxi for the virtual extinction of the Wuxi Sexpat. “The leader of the Wuxi Sexpats, Chuck Hefner has married the leader of the Wuxi Expat Feminist Alliance Deloris Morris. In fact, the number of Wuxi Expats who say they will never get married has dwindled to zero. Woman possessing firearms has made honest men of them!”

Droop also tells the Wuxi China Expatdom blog that he hasn't had to call in either Chief Inspector Harry Callahan or Officer McNulty, acting Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Force (the WCERMPF) during the Year of the Firearm. “Since January 1, 2014, the pub has been so peaceful. I haven't seen even the slightest bit of rancor among the patrons. There have been no fights. It is amazing! It's got to be because everyone has a least one gun!”

WCERMPF Officer McNulty tells the WCE Blog that the increase in the number of firearms in Wuxi, China has left him feeling like the Maytag repairman. “Whether in fact, the Maytag repairman really had nothing to do is open to dispute. But there is no dispute that there hasn't been any crime in Wuxi, China since the large influx of firearms started on January 1^st. I am worried that the Wuxi China Expatdom may become the first jurisdiction in the world to disband its police force because there isn't any crime!”