New 'Tex-pat', Tex McCoy in Conversation with Archduke Harry Moore

After their arrival last month, the colourful and nimble Ambrose “Tex”
 McCoy and his stunning mare, ‘Jezebelle’ have captured the imagination of the entire Expatdom.

Archduke Harry Moore was keen to meet them, and in their interview, Tex describes
his initial experiences, and feelings of being an Expat-Texan in Wuxi. The interview was conducted outside the tea-house, at Lihu.

HM: Wonderful to meet you at last, Mr McCoy. I hope that you and Jezebelle are both very well?

Tex:  (waves hands, and six-guns) Why, none of that formal ‘mister’ stuff, call me Tex! Yep, both me and Jez, we are more than happy here in the WCE. Woo-eeee,  if that ain’t a fact, God’s a possum.

HM: I was wondering if you and Jezebelle had an opportunity to spend some time at Lake Taihu, where our own Andis Kaulins recently won the Big Wave Surf epic?

Tex: Ohh, shoot, yeah! An’ let me tell ya,  even though we Texican folks see lots of big things, well, that wave that Andis slithered down, just never seen anything like that before.
Me not being a surferin’ type person, hard to imagine. Yes sir, that Andis Kaulins, he has got more guts than you could hang on a fence! (fires both revolvers in the air).

HM: He certainly is fearless. Tex, can you tell me a little about your life before you came here, and perhaps, what it was that attracted you to be here in the Expatdom?

Tex: Yup, love to. But first, I know that you aint a drinkin’ person, Archdook, but if its ok with you, I’ll just sip a little of this firewater (knocks back three shots in a row).
Let me see, must’ve been around four year ago. My young nephew, ‘Scrup’ McCoy, he is one of these people who know about computer things. Confess neither Jez nor I aint never had use of such-like. So Scrup shows me his computer doo-hickey one night, and it’s a story on there all about this-here Woo-shia Chy-neese ‘Spatdom!

HM: So, you mean, you looked at the website, Andis Kaulins’ Wuxi China Expatdom?
What was in the news here, at that time?

Tex: If I remember correctly, ‘twas something about that varmint, that Ayatella, and there was a whole posse of you folks chasing him clean across Canada. (By the way, Harry, would you happen to have a spare cheroot on you?)  Got a man to thinkin, like, we hafta take a look at the WCE sometime.

HM: And here you both are, wonderful! But it must have an emotional wrench, for both of you, leaving Texas?

Tex: That is so right, amen to that. But, just because a chicken has wings don’t mean it can fly.
 Gotta admit I was inspired by the most beautiful lady here on God’s Earth.  Yes sir, Mrs Barbara Bush, our First Lady back home.  One night on the prairie, settin by the campfire, I picked up some local radio station, and that was how I heard Mrs Bush talking. (dabs eye with bandana). Well, so here we are, and me and Jez is living proof that there’s more than one way to break a dog from sucking eggs! (knocks back four shots of whiskey in a row).

HM: (scratches head)  Yes, and I’m told that you are a fan of James Stewart, and Western movies?

Tex: (fires guns in the air) Aint that the truth! (spits loudly).

HM: Tell me, Tex, have you, and Jez, sampled the Wuxi nightlife yet? Any restaurants, bars, special social events?

Tex: Glad you mentioned that. Matter of fact, only last week Jezebelle and I nosed-in to your
Pink and Red Cat-thing-amee place. Oh, but no, I don’t mean no pink lace type, cat-place like that, no sir! (chortles).

HM:  Oh, of course, you mean the famous Expat café and bar, the Pink Kitty. And how was it?

Tex: Well, me being a shy, retiring type, a man didn’t know which way to turn, at first. But then I felt two big, fat, warm, wet and hairy paws grip me tightly around my…

HM: You got the famous Wally Droop welcome!

Tex: (fires revolvers for 45 seconds and knocks back countless shots of sarsaparilla).

Yeeee-HAH! Only been there two seconds and straight away we was like brothers! But first he made sure he got a fresh nosebag, for Jezebelle, before we sat down to play cards. Harry, I gotta tell you, that the WCE is a magic-land. Y’see, I’m from the wide-open plains, deep in the heart of. And, just down the road a spell you got Nature’s finest gentleman, Andis Kaulins, a man, and I do mean a REAL man, from the big-sky country of Manitoba, and he’s got plenty of arrows in his quiver. And then there is you, from Australia, so, heck, we is talking the same language, sure as pigs get fat. Mind you, I had some trouble getting m’self home that night, from the Pink Cactus, let me tell ya. But a whole swag of right-friendly Australian and Canadian boys helped me get into a taxi-cab, and oh golly, the noise was like someone wrestling a bear in a telephone-booth!

(could you spare me another cheeroot, while I’m at it?)

HM: One last question, Tex, as I know you’ve got to get back to your wrangling,  is to ask what your next moves might be here in the WCE?

Tex: Jezebelle and me, we got a thing about having a place of our own, you know, a place where I can hang m’ boots every night. So right now, we is lookin’ at buying ourselves a spread, oh, maybe ten thousand acres, up at HuiShan. Beautiful lush green valley, cedars, a stream, stars at night, yes sir, that’ll be our homestead…

HM (interrupts) HuiShan? Well, then you’ll be neighbours of Andis Kaulins, if you settle- down there, at Hui Shan!

Tex:  Lick that calf again? You, you, you mean,  - me, she, him, us,  - neighbours of Mister Andis Kaulins?     Woooo-wooooo hoooooo-weeeee!! Yip, yip, yippey, yi-ayee!! (turns to horse) Hear that, Jez, we and Andis Kaulins, all up on our ranch, at HuiShan! (Jez rears, snorts, snuffles, excitedly).  Catch you later, Dook, we got HuiShan ranch-buyin’ to do! I’ll charge hell with a bucket of ice-water!