Doug the Dastardly, who says he is a real Viking born of Viking stock, can't understand why he and his marauding band of Vikings can't put fear into the locals.
"It is really embarrassing " says Dastardly. "I and my merry band of really very vicious Vikings have raped and pillaged in Europe, South America, Outer and Inner Mongolia, and the Canadian Province of Saskatchewan, and we have put fear in the hearts of people where ever we have gone! But not in Wuxi! Usually when people see the fierce-some prow of our ships coming up their rivers and canals they flee. And if they can't flee, they kill themselves rather than dealing with the likes of us! But in Wuxi, they just roll over and laugh. It makes it hard for us to pillage and rape when people don't fear us or take us seriously!"
Dastardly and his band of green hat wearing toughs, to a man, have reported the same reaction where ever they have gone on raids in Wuxi. The Vikings who can work through the mirth, and go on to rape and pillage locals, said their victims just won't stopping laughing at them.
"I just don't understand what we are doing wrong!" lamented Dastardly's second-in-command Hagar the Horrifying. "It is a real shame! You would think that with Wuxi being so close to Lake Taihu and the Chang Jiang (Yangtze) River, and with Wuxi having an extensive network of canals and rivers, that Vikings would be a natural fit here. But no! Instead, we feel like Rodney the Can't-Get-Respect from Orillia, Ontario!"
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