The Wuxi China Expatdom Blog is proud to announce present the first of a series of interviews of prominent and long-time Wuxi Expats: Ask a Wuxi Expat.
The first guest of this series is Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Sir Harry Moore, one of the most accomplished Expats in Wuxi China exaptdom history.
Is there anything the two-time inductee in the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame hasn't accomplished? As president of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society,he has survived a thousand assassination attempts and has not let the threat of a assassin's bullet or knife or atomic bomb stop him from delivering his inspiring film lectures to audiences as big as ten million people all over the world. The WCE ambassador to the Vatican has made love to more women than Wilt Chamberlain or Chairman Mao. And he ended up marrying the most unattainable woman in history: Miss Moneypenny. He was first inducted into the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame for his baseball accomplishments -- an incredible thing for an Australian. He wrote the best selling book of all time which also included photos of him in a swimsuit: The Poolside Harry Moore -- a book which straddled the lines between literature, philosophy and coffee table book. He was inducted for a second time to the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame for his contributions to the cinema. He was the first man to make love on the Moon and on Mars. And there are the many untold acts of charity and generosity he has done while adopting many disguises. Moore is truly one great Wuxi Expat.
The WCE Blog, represented by Andis Kaulins, was able to interview the Archduke two months ago, at his modest 145th floor penthouse apartment in the Casa Bella Kaulins 360 Degree Building in Downtown Wuxi, where he had allowed himself a brief moment of rest before his trip to Mars with the Shenzhan 6 Mission.
WCE Blog: How did you come to the Wuxi China Expatdom?
HM: Well, firstly, may I say how thrilled I feel to be interviewed by you, Andis. As you know, I've been interviewed by so many famous TV/media hosts, such as Larry King, (and his brother, Don), Conan the Barbarian, Ellen de G, and a few others. But none of those people possessed your caliber and insight, Andis. I'd left my native-homeland, Down Under, a couple of times and lived in other, remote Expatdoms. Just that those other places weren't my cup of tea. When I answered the call to join you in the Wuxi China Expatdom, it was my Road-to-Damascus moment, yes, the turning-point in my life. In terms of specific details, I arrived aboard a big airliner, and there you were to greet me after touch-down. You picked me up in that stretched-limo, and as we sat and talked, why, I immediately realized that you were the most wonderful, humorous (knee-slapping), intelligent, intuitive, and charismatic Expat I'd ever encountered. Of course, that was just the curtain-raiser for my first glimpse of the WCE. And right then and there, I felt just like Dorothy. Yes, that marvelous scene, as you will recall, with Toto and......[Andis coughs politely to steer the Archduke back on-topic, "we'll cover the cinema in just a moment, Harry"]
"Also, Andis, at that time, things weren't good back home. A despotic man named Rudd had seized control of my country. We suffered pogroms. People like me were as mad as hell, and couldn't take it anymore. DVD stores were crammed with Michael Moore boxed-sets, Quentin Tarantino Special Editions, and all-manner of Trotskyite-influenced movies. Adam Smith was banned in primary schools. Keynes made mandatory in high schools. So, I jet-planed out before the Fabianists jet-planed me!
WCE Blog: Can you tell us about your youth? What was it like be friends with G. Gordon Liddy and Clint Eastwood? You must have lots of tales to tell us!
HM "Clint Eastwood, - oh, yes. Must've been back in, let's see, around '74. I did the 'Mansions Of The Stars' tour in LA. But that became very boring, so I left the tour-bus and took a stroll down Rodeo. Bumped into Jack, Bob, and Roman, (who was in a spot of bother at that time). Felt like a coffee, and right there, in that cafe, was The Man With No Name himself! Why, I wet my pants. "Lots of people have this mistaken-image of Clint as the rugged tough-guy who is a mean guy with a Magnum .44, and a hard-hitter with his big fists. But, after we spoke, and gradually became close friends, I saw the real Clint, - a kind, straight, gentle guy. Heck, whenever I'm in times of trouble, I go see him at his place, and we line-up a few tossed hubcaps and shoot 'em down. Always makes my day. I consider Clint as my therapist, as well as a dear, sweet friend. And of course, he's definitely on our side of the fence. In many ways, Clint is the natural-successor to another great friend, (sadly, no longer with us), Bill Holden. I first met Bill on the set of - [Andis, again, deftly steers the Archduke back on-track]. "Oh! I'm sorry! Andis, before I forget, Clint called me just last night. He's on his way to Ohio right-now, but he asked me to pass-on his warmest regards to you, Andis. Told me to give you a great big smooch, but this being a family-show and-all, err, might have to leave that to him, next time he comes here to stay at your place, I think. He sure does admire you, Andis. He refers to you as "The Greatest Living Canadian".
"Now, G.Gordon, I don't know where to begin. First met him at about the time he arrested Dr Timothy Leary. Would've been about 1966, or maybe 1967. GG was the kind of guy I liked. Subversive longhaired-prevert types were ripping-up the fabric-cornerstones of civilization in those days. I don't know if I can tell you much about GG that hasn't been written already, Andis. Except, he did ask me to help him out with a quote he was having trouble with, you know, the one about liberals and their debts. So I suggested he change "our money", to "your money.". He loved that one. Gave me an autographed bullet-proof vest in gratitude.
WCE: What is your favorite film?
HM: "Andis, now you really are putting me on-the-spot! And I thought Gordon was a hard-hitter! [Long pause] I'll simply have to nominate two choices for that. I love the Expatdom's masterpiece production, "Wuxitown", with that stellar cast of Jack Michaelson, Done Fadeaway, and Athens Polanski. Crowned, of course, by your prefectionist cinematography, Andis. Gripping. Just so many other great movies, but, in equal first-place has to be 'Lawrence of Arabia'. Sir David's brilliance; a 'miracle of a film', I'd call it. I watch it frame-by-frame, with the zoom-feature, so I can drill-down to the individual micro-pixels. Andis, do you like the Turkish bey sado-masochistic-flogging sequence, err, that is, the suggestive allusion to a scene of that nature? I don't. I don't believe he was a homo sapiens. No, I like the crossing-the-Sinai-to-the-Suez-Canal-where-the-British-officer-on-the-motorbike-calls-out-to-Lawrence 'Who Are You?' scene best. I have a audio-recording of Sir David's lecture to the BFI, on that intricate scene. Fascinating, because this resonates with the allegoric-motif that is thematic of Robert Bolt's reflection on the enigmatic and elusive Lawrence. And, now I think of it, so too was Kubrick's........ [Andis swiftly presents the next question].
WCE Blog: Who has had the most influence on your art, thought, and philosophy?
HM: "Well, that's an easy one, - you, Andis. I won't ramble-on here about Carl Sagan, David Selznik, Pope John Paul II, Sir David Lean, Ronald Reagan, Claude Monet, Shakespeare, Sir Isaac Newton, Field-Marshal Montgomery, Jack Hawkins, William Wyler, Sea Biscuit, Richard The Lionheart, Terri Hatcher, Jerry Lewis, Oskar Schindler/Liam Neeson, Carl Rogers, Brunel, Peter Lorre, Rommel, et al!. No, no, 'pretentiousness is the trait of the Devil!'. Frank Minkleman told me that.
WCE Blog: This may seem like a dumb question. But given all your great accomplishments, how many hours do you sleep in a day?
HM: "No such thing as a dumb question, Andis. Let me ask you, did you ever see "Die Another Day", starring Pierce Brosnan as 007? That's right, yes, he was in deadly combat with an arch-villain, a Nork who had his face and brain re-constructed, and then he masqueraded as a sneering upper-class Brit industrialist. ("Gustav Graves"). That evil Nork guy caught a slug in his brain which disabled his need for sleep. But he was still responsive to external stimuli, and so, being awake all the time, he was able to build a mighty business empire. That appealed to me, so I asked my doctor about it. But my doctor declined to fire a gun at my head. 'Oh, OK , I thought, I'll figure-out a different way then. Couldn't get in touch with Gordon just at that time, so I altered my circadian-rhythms myself. Yes, there is a method with that rhythm. You don't need a dance-band either. "On average, maybe three or four hours in any given 24-hour cycle. No problems whatsoever! [Long pause, 'Andis, can you repeat that last question, please?']. No amphetamines, stimulants, booze, sex, or any other harmful things needed. Wait, I tell a lie, - cigarettes. And coffee. The Expatdom is a smoker's paradise! I know this tobacconist-guy down in Chong Ning Road (think he is an Amish man) who sells me the cheapest cigarettes in any Expatdom anywhere! (here, a pack of Kools for you, Andis).
WCE Blog: Who is your favorite Wuxi Expat?
As a lifelong amateur military-buff, I like men-in uniform. Women in-uniform are even better, of course. So, this is a noodle-scratcher. [Andis leans-forward, silent, steady eye-contact. The Archduke won't get off this hook!]. "Right, I'll say Commodore Lloyd Bridges. Ahhh, but as President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) I idolize great film-makers too, therefore, my vote goes to Andis Kaulins, The English Teacher and Lord of The Tewb. When Clint returns from the campaign-trail, he and I are going to sit-down and begin penning the draft screenplay for the Andis Kaulins movie-trilogy. Would you like to portray yourself, Andis, or maybe use a Shakespearean-trained actor instead? Kenneth Branagh would render you quite well, although he is a little short, maybe?
[Andis replies:- George Clooney with the brain of Thomas Sowell]
WCE Blog: Of your many great endeavors, of which are you most proud?
HM: Oh, Andis, you are naughty! Modesty prevents me!
However, since you ask, I'll say that it was being chosen to serve as god-parent to Wally Droop's love-child. (who, oddly, bears a striking-resemblance to
Prince Leonard of Nimoy's third-removed cousin).
And 'The Poolside Harry Moore' gives me pride. Although, the strange thing is that I cannot recall how, when, and where, I put that together.
Lastly, and most-pridefully, I am the only person on this planet-Earth who hasn't seen
that (so-called) movie which has blue alien people in it.
WCE Blog: Can you tell us about your romance with Miss Moneypenny? Is it true that you had to overcome opposition from her parents? And if so, how did you overcome it?
HM: "Yes, that is true. Miss Moneypenny and I had a lengthy courtship. We danced-around for a long time. Miss, that is, Mrs. Miss Moneypenny's folks are high society people. A charming couple, but they didn't warm to my antipodean-homespun background at all. But I was, and am, besotted with Mrs Miss Moneypenney, therefore considerable effort was needed to plight my troth. [(!) AK, this is impossible! My responses are pretentiously-worded lectures! Ohh, I'll get shot for this. I hope that anyone who might read this will realize that I'm going over the top! And, are you familiar with the slang expression "brewer's droop"? It's an Aus idiom (and in Brit usage too, I think.) Relates to the physical effects of too much alcohol on the male 'parts', I am too prudish, and too hysterical, right-now, to go into detail! Wally Droop! oh, what a hoot.].
"So I covertly studied your speech-mannerisms in an effort to smooth-over the rough-hewn Wally Droop-speak. I can't drink dry Martinis, as you know, so I faked that with apple-juice. Yes, lovely pingo. Her father had a military background, so he was impressed when I showed him the Walther. He never realised that the 'Walther' was a plastic water-pistol either. Eventually, they came around, and so they consented to give me their lovely daughter's hand.
WCE Blog: Describe your relationship with His Majesty King Gorzo the Mighty.
HM: Purely platonic. Like you and the tens of billions of Expats in the realm, he fills me with awe. Awe. I haven't seen him very often, however, when he makes his regal-process down Zhongshan, he doesn't 'walk', - he glides. We must wonder if he is an ethereal being, perhaps? My loyalty to His Majesty has no bounds. If ever He, or any of our Royal family were threatened, I'd be the first to draw my sword and rush to their defence.
WCE Blog: What three words would you use to describe the Wuxi China Expatdom?
HM: "Ars Gratia Artis"
WCE Blog: What epitaph do you want inscribed on your grave stone?
HM: (laughs) "ha-ha-ha! I'd have to say that I don't want the epitaph. I heard they have planned for Jefferey Archer: "Here Lies J. Archer". Woo! (Forgive me, that's not a funny joke). Truth is, I prefer a aquatic exit. Yes, that my carcass be committed to the beautiful algaeic-petalled waters of Lake Taihu, please. And no need for the "Astaire", or any Commander Bridges naval-style send-off. No, only that when you, and other Expat surfers are out there hanging-ten, I'll be smiling and content too, I assure you!
WCE Blog: Thank you for the interview Archduke!
HM: The pleasure is all mine! Anything I can do to help the greatest blog in all of human history!
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