Wuxi China Expatdom Contingent has Ayatollah of Mordor "Holed up"

Admiral Lloyd Bridges, commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom Steamboat Joseph Conrad, says that he and the WCE Contingent (King Gorzo, Queen Ayira, Fred Minkleman, and Harry Callahan) have the Ayatollah of Mordor cornered in 40 meter deep hole in Winnipeg, Canada.  Said Admiral Bridges, "We have him in a hole.  We are trying to get him to come out."

Asked how it came to be that the Ayatollah of Mordor hid himself in a 40 meter deep hole, the Admiral had a riveting story to tell:

"After we lost the guide who was to take us to the Ayatollah's lair, we had to find the way there, ourselves.  

Minkleman, owner of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District, has a talent for mimicry which was why we brought him along.  So we had Minkleman do a Crisco and Chocolate Buzzard call which brought out a hairy, unkempt man who identified himself as Van Der Meer.  

"We asked "Van Der Meer" if he knew the whereabouts of the Ayatollah of Mordor.  This "Van Der Meer" said he had never heard of the Ayatollah.  We found this suspicious.  So, Gorzo then unsheathed a long Oh Henry! chocolate bar from its package, and this "Van Der Meer" began to salivate.  Ayira then brought out a bar of lard, and the man sprang upon her, taking the Crisco and her with him.  He tried to run away from us, but we stayed on his tail.   He then ran up a tree with Ayira and lard.  We offered him another package of lard if he would give us Ayira back.  Thinking he was clever, he asked for another bar of lard.  We gave it to him, without hesitation, and he released Ayira.

With Ayira back to safety, Callahan brought out his badge, and the extraction papers,  and then shouted "Ayatollah!  You are under arrest!  Anything you say won't change the fact of your guilt so best take your punishment like a man!  But first, I want you to listen to my friends Smith and Wesson!"  Callahan fired a full clip, then unloaded the clip and replaced it with another clip which he fired off and then replaced with another, so that in total he fired three full clips of ammo in the air.  Callahan then asked the Ayatollah to guess how many rounds had been fired.  The Ayatollah asked how many rounds were in each clip.  Callahan told him that there were eight.  The Ayatollah then started to count his fingers as he scratched his head.  Looking confused, the Ayatollah, scratched his head, took off his shoes, and counted his toes, before using the calculator on his mobile phone.  After all this counting, the Ayatollah said that twenty two rounds had been fired.  Callahan told the Ayatollah he was wrong, that three times eight was twenty four.  To which the Ayatollah said "Doh!"  

Callahan then reminded the Ayatollah of the fact that he was under arrest, to which the Ayatollah said "you'll never take me alive!" before changing his mind and saying "you'll never take me!"  The Ayatollah then jumped from his tree into a 40 meter deep hole.

We are currently in communication with him, but the Ayatollah claims he is defiant and wishes that we would go away."

Asked how long it would be before the Ayatollah was in custody, Admiral Bridges said "Sooner than later. If he doesn't come out on his own volition.  We have ways of drawing him out!"