Wuxi Expat English Teacher falls in love with his Thesaurus

Sir Guy Battersbee, an English Teacher and Wuxi Expat from Stokes Carlyle Pier Middlesborough Common, England, has fallen in love with the Merriam Webster Thesaurus that he purchased at the Foreign Language Bookstore in the Shanghai, China Expatdom.  He and his darling Merriam have applied for a Marriage License at the Wuxi China Expatdom Wedding License Office.

Battersbee told the WCE Blog of his romance with his Thesaurus.  "Being in China and teaching English can be bad for the size of one's vocabulary!  Having to always choose my words carefully with the students, I find myself always using the most common and inelegant of words.  So, I was in the bathroom one day examining all aspects of myself and to my horror I found that my vocabulary had shrunken.  So, I called in sick, took the train to Shanghai, got on the subway to People's Square, and found the Shanghai Foreign Bookstore and bought a thesaurus."

"At first, my relationship with Merriam was strictly practical.  I used her everyday and found my vocabulary swelling to its original vigorous size.  I felt confident again of my performance.  But I discovered I had worn out Merriam with my frequent consultations of her.  I then took care to mend her spine and re-enforce her covers.  When I gave her a new cover, I tried to find a design that she would like that was flowery and perfume-smelling.  One thing lead to another thing as the expression goes!  I found myself quite taken with the romance of Archduke Harry Moore and Miss Moneypenny.  Theirs was truly a fairy tale love.  I then watched their honeymoon video and was inspired to be as loving of Merriam as the Archduke was of his darling wife!  I found that I had fallen in love, passionately and head over heels!  And thanks to being in the Wuxi China Expatdom with its laws permitting the marriage of humans and inanimate objects, I had myself a spouse!"

"I love Merriam.  She is simple to search with clear guidance for finding the right word.  She lists her words in alphabetical order which helps me find the right word in seconds.  She can provide me with over 157,000 concise word choices.  Her main entries provide me with a statement of core meaning.  And not only can I find Synonyms in Merriam!  I can also find Antonyms!.....  Oh!  How I love antonyms!  Opposites attract they say!"

Battersbee says the only objections he has had to his marrying his Thesaurus were from other English Expats who objecting to his marrying a Webster Thesaurus and not a Cambridge or Oxford Thesaurus.  "Anti-Americanism is akin to anti-Semitism if you ask me!" said Battersbee, an admitted Americaphile.

Battersbee told the WCE Blog that he and Merriam plan to honeymoon with Merriam in Regina, Saskatchewan, like their role models Archduke Harry Moore and Mrs. Miss Moneypenny.  "I want to get on with Merriam on a flat plain where one can be seen for miles like the Archduke and his secretary did from 35:49 to 48:24 of their honeymoon video!"