Polls open early tomorrow as the Wuxi China Expatdom holds its first ever fair-and-free, truly democratic elections. "It is all part of my effort to bring true, pluralistic, representative, consensual, honest, accountable democracy to the Expatdom. The previous King of Wuxi staged rigged Monarchical elections where his palace got 150 so-called "electoral college" votes while the votes of general population of everyday average-joes, the common Wuxi Expats -- all 74 millions of them, counted for three. It was an election that an Iranian Ayatollah would have been proud.... Now that I think of it, I think will posthumously strip the previous King of Wuxi of his title of King. From now on, I decree that decent, thoughtful, caring people should refer him as the Ayatollah from Mordor!" said Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom.
One Hundred Twenty Seats are up for grabs in the Wuxi China Parliament. Experts predict that the free-market and socially-conservative Wuxi Naturist Party will win the most seats, but it remains up in the air as to whether they can achieve a majority. Other parties competing include central-command-progressive Nudist Party, the libertine Wuxi Sexpat Party, the Molasses and Pork Chops Party, the Popular Wuxi Molasses and Pork Chops Party, The Rhino-Squishes, The Pork Chops Party, The New Apple Sauce Party, the Alcoholics Brotherhood, and the environmental Less Gray Party.
No doubt that this will be a close-fought,
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However! There are at least three parties that've been omitted from this list:
- The Swanee, Swanee - How I Love Ya, How I Love Ya Party;
- The Amalgamated Resurrection of Gis'card D'estaing Alliance Party of Wuxi, and,
- The Royal and Ancient Guild of Shakespeare-Wasn't-the-Real-Author-But-Who-The-Heck-Was? Party.
AND, I request the right to cast a postal vote,
please.
You can have five votes.
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