The greatest television audience of all human history, an estimated four billion people, watched the marriage ceremony of Gorzo the Mighty, King of the Wuxi China Expatdom; and Ayira: the Chosen One, an Azanian princess. The ceremony held at the Wuxi Christian Church in the New District, was attended by every major world leader of any consequence. A crowd of well-wishers, estimated at 100 thousand, stood outside the church watching the ceremonies on their I-Phones. Another two million Wuxi Expats gathered at Harry Moore Memorial Square to watch the ceremony on the world's largest video screen.
Princess Ayira, whose father died as a result of malaria contracted after the infamous ban on DDT canvassed for by Radical Environmentalists, had Fred Thompson, U.S. Senator and star of the series Law and Order, do the honors of giving her over to Gorzo.
Mango, the Prime Minister of the Expatdom, served dual roles in the ceremony, being Gorzo's best man, and Ayira's maiden of honour. Mango and Ayira both studied and earned their Ph.D.'s in Economics from the University of Chicago studying under the great Milton Friedman.
When prompted by Augustine of Hippo, who conducted the ceremony, Ayira and Gorzo both vowed "to love each other till death do them part and to establish a dynasty and sovereignty to stand ever firm and be as lasting as the heavens". Prime Minister Mango then brought forth the rings and crowns for the Royal Couple to exchange.
When Augustine of Hippo pronounced them man and a wife, and then King and Queen, the applause could be heard all over the world from the suburbs of Vladivostok to the downtowns of Regina, Brisbane, and Garmish-Parkinggerkin. A ten-minute show of fireworks from outer space was then seen, which was powerful enough to light, like daytime, the parts of the world that were shrouded in nighttime darkness
At the end of the ceremony, the King and the Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, boarded a carriage be-studded with the finest diamonds, coated with 24 Karat gold, and a cardboard saying "Married Just!" Drawn by 36 horses, the carriage took the royal couple through Wuxi as a crowd, estimated at 75 million, lined the streets. Following the carriage were a thousand cars all blaring their horns.
The Royal Procession's final destination was the reception held at Gambay's Pub in the Queen Elizabeth II conference hall where 15,000 guests were catered to efficiently by the always friendly, professional, and chaste Gambay's staff. The guests had over 75 meal items to choose from including five types of soup, four kinds of bread, pizzas assembled on the spot, Peking roast duck, and Taixing chicken's feet -- all at a affordable price. As the guests ate, they were entertained by the insults of Don Rickles (who called Mango's Prime Ministership trannyforming) and the fond reminisces of Gorzo from Chuck Norris -- Norris and Gorzo were classmates at the Ronald Reagan School of Philosopher-Monarching. Inspector Harry Callahan, Harry Connick Jr., Bono and Mick Jagger accompanied by the WCE Trio, the Gambay's Pub house band, performed during the dance part of the reception. The local practice of giving the couple money in red envelopes was kept, but with all money going to Gorzo's charity of choice: the fund for local girls and boys who have been molested by Sex-Crazed Expats and Baboons. Only Andis Kaulins and Barack Obama didn't give money -- President Obama, mixing up Gorzo with the former King of Wuxi, gave a life-time supply of Crisco. Kaulins muttered something about already having "gave at the office."
Botticelli, a long time Wuxi Expat from Italy, said the wedding was "fifteen to sixteen times better than the Lady Di -- Prince Charles wedding." Clive Tough, a scowling and cynical-looking engineer from the coal mining areas of the British Isles, said he shed tears for the first time in his life, as he was so overcome by the "romance and pageantry" of the occasion.
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