The Ayatollah of Mordor, the former King of Wuxi, has been issued a summons to appear to Wuxi Expatdom Court of High Justice, announced Commissioner Blakelock, head of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police.
Said Blakelock, "He has been summoned to answer to charges that during his reign, he engaged in the following illegal acts: highway robbery, cruelty to children and animals, obtaining money and chocolate under false pretenses, forgery, embezzlement, misappropriation of public money, betrayal of public trust, malingering, mayhem, corruption of minors, corruption of miners, criminal libel, blackmail, contempt of court, arson, treason, felony, mutiny on the high seas, trespass, burglary, jail-breaking, practice of unnatural vice, desertion of the armed forces in the field, perjury, poaching, usury, intelligence with the Expatdom's enemies, impersonation, criminal assault, manslaughter, and willful and premeditated viewing of "grade b" science fiction movies."
Blakelock added that he didn't expect the Ayatollah to personally answer the charges, and so he was initiating extradition procedures with the province of Manitoba, Canada.
Extraordinary, to think that in all those years, nobody had any idea of his heinous activities.
ReplyDeleteOrient Express asks: "in this staggering litany of charges, has the D.A. (in the formal indictment), specified which "grade b" science fiction movies were viewed?"