Wuxi China Expat's Spouse, a bag of salt, missing, believed stolen.

The current craze for Salt in China,  which has claimed many victims, who have paid more for salt than normal market conditions would dictate; has resulted in its first kidnapping or theft.  Bob Gerlach, a long-time Wuxi Expat from Overland Park, Kansas, U.S.A., told local media that a 30 kilogram bag of road salt had been stolen Sunday afternoon from his apartment while he had gone to Harry Memorial Square to watch the King Gorzo -- Princess Ayira marriage ceremony. 

 

Gerlach who had married the bag of salt three weeks ago was heart-broken.  "I wanted to take Saltie-Waltie with me to the Square so we could watch the wedding ceremony together, but my love was too heavy for me.  I think she might be pregnant.  There I was beaming with pride at the fact that I had married Saltie Waltie in the same church that the Royal Wedding was being held.  I waved with pride as the Royal Carriage passed.  And then I, feeling romantic, went home wanting to hug...."  Gerlach broke off into uncontrollable sobbing.

 

He publicly begged Wuxi China Expatdom Chief Inspector Harry Callahan to find Saltie-Waltie before the thiefs opened the bag and tried to consume her.

 

Callahan, who was singing at the Gorzo-Ayira Wedding reception, was able to get his trusty assistant Tonto, to start an investigation.  Said Tonto to Gerlach, "You. No Worry.  We find Saltie Waltie before the sun set and the wolves begin to howl!"