Not surprisingly, Inspector Harry Callahan and the Wuxi China Expatdom Trio won the World Expat Vision Song Contest held at the Keystone Stadium in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada. The worldwide panel of music experts and judges, the live audience of one hundred thousand people, and the estimated worldwide t.v. audience of two billion all agreed that Callahan and the Trio's performance of Ave Maria et Christina was the finest thing they had ever seen and heard. FOX news, and CNN news monitoring the worldwide tele polling results declared Callahan and the Trio victors four minutes after the polls opened.
What was surprising about the performance was the amount of hysteria it created. Callahan , through iron strength of will, raised his level of singing to a Zen Buddhist Nirvana Chuck Norris state of perfection -- he put all his existence into the performance. The live audience went crazy, shrieking, panting, even fainting, and began to willy-nilly rip off its clothes -- it soon looked like World Naturist Day at Harry Moore Memorial Square. Reports soon filtered in of whole towns in Russia, the Middle East, Africa, and Western China engaging in mass strippings. Even scientists working in Antarctica, where exposure to cold is fatal, decided to strip.
George Stephenson, an 55 year old electrical engineer from Surrey, England, weeping with joy, was heard to say "Oh my God! OH MY GOD!!! He is God! He is God! I am his true fan! IOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I love Harry, Neils, Hans, and Kennesaw!" before he fainted. When revived, he and a panting group of a thousand other engineers, some retired, stormed a local t-shirt shop to buy the first batch of Callahan and the Trio t-shirts -- but not before they had ripped off their shirt and ties.
In London, a girl lost her job because of her love for Harry Callahan and the Trio. Her boss saw the girl watching the World Expatdom Vision Song Contest on television.. He gave her an ultimatum -- her job, or Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio. She chose the band and took off her clothes.
In Toronto, Canada, many of the citizens had to take a shower after watching Callahan and the WCE Trio's performance.
Callahan and the Trio, for their part, were bemused by the tumultuous reaction to their performance. Said Callahan, "We have a couple things to get done in the province of Manitoba before we return to our beloved Expatdom. This singing thing was merely a sideshow to our true purpose which will be revealed, in good time."
Naturally everyone here, and in NZ, Fiji, and Samoa, were epoxy-resined to their chairs during the live telecast.
ReplyDeleteMany viewers reported having experiences redolent of Lourdes-pilgrimages.
DVD stores have been flooded with enquiries as to when the 3-disc DVD set will be released.