Lake Taihu, Monday March 18
- With the much-anticipated arrival of Andis Kaulins at the WCE Big Wave Surfing Pro Am, Archduke Harry Moore has been appointed to fulfill the crucial role of surfing lifeguard, and, personal bodyguard to Andis Kaulins.
- Admiral Lloyd Bridges spent several weeks putting the Archduke through a diver's bootcamp, involving dawn-to-dusk training. The deputisation was necessary as Admiral Bridges and the WCE Royal Navy are currently absent, on active service. Before leaving, Admiral Bridges said that he was taking the mighty battlewagon Fred Astaire, to an "undisclosed location".
- Bridges refused to provide further details, apart from explaining that the WCE Navy has been deployed to the Black Sea, on a DefCon 5 status. "Sorry fellas", said the Admiral, "I can't tell you anything about a classified deployment. Well, all I'll say is that we'll be there to keep an eye on some guy named 'Vlad', who is apparently rattling some clunky old Russian sabre right now".
- At Lake Taihu, Archduke Moore is eager and excited to be placed on duty as the official
guardian of surfing activities. "Yes, I sure am", he said. "But I'm only here for Andis Kaulins.
Admiral Bridges has trained me in all aspects of sea rescue. Naturally I do not expect that Andis Kaulins will find himself in any difficulties amongst the huge waves of Lake Taihu.
- "However", he continued, "should any danger threaten Andis, I will instantly go to his aid. Whether he is threatened by sharks, krakens, jellyfish, or drunken Suzhou Sexpats, I'll protect Andis with my own life and limb.
"It is of no consequence, whatsoever, to me if a shark rips my arms off - I'll still be more than capable of preventing any harm befall Andis Kaulins. I'll just use my legs, or my own teeth, to defend him from dangerous beasts. Andis Kaulins is inviolate, in my book", said the Archduke, with his characteristic modest
selflessness.
Who is that sexy man? Oh my!
ReplyDeleteI have got front row seats to see him take a shower in Wembley. It will quite a thrill of us!
ReplyDeleteI think her majesty means a thrill for we.
DeleteWhat amazes me is how he can take on the extra duties.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't he have a giant one trillion zillion billion dollar charity to run, and a world shower tour to take part in?
Hi there everyone. I see that the Archduke mentions some Suzhou sexpats.
ReplyDeleteI just got here in Wuxi, from N'jing. Will be living here for, oh, I don't know,
a couple of months. Just that everyone told me that Wuxi was a great place for
us sexpats.
That can't be right as I've been here almost a week and no shaggin' in the wagon, yet.
Whats a sexpat-man like me gotta do, I mean?
So fellow-fornicators, drop me a line and tell me which bar or cafe in Wuxi I oughtta be parking my butt, and get into some action, pls?
Maybe you should broaden your Sexual horizons. The local women, I hate to say, are on to us. That is why you will have to mate up with laoweis and men. Go to the docks near the Wuxi Freeport of Taihu and dress like a sailor. You will be, to paraphrase a headline, awash in propositions.
DeleteStick to Western women.
DeleteThey can be had for a couple of drinks and revel in being used as gym equipment.
Wuxi women, on the other hand, demand commitment from men and a wedding ring. Reactionary, I know, but there doesn't anything us more progressive sexpats can do to change their minds.
No. No. No.
DeleteYou can string the Wuxi women along or lock them out of the apartment.
It also helps to have three or four cellphones. Don't ever give a phone number to two Wuxi women.
Or just give them a little money at the end of the session. For them it is a head-scratcher of a conundrum that is kind of like free water to a Scotsman.
As a Scothman, I am offended by the comments made by the Greek.
DeleteThe truth hurts.
DeleteHow dare you insult. You are Greek!
ReplyDeleteYou guys hurt sheep.
How dare you insult me! You are Greek!
DeleteOh yeah! Well. You are Scottish and all that implies.
DeleteGreeks and Scotsmen both suck if you ask me!
Deletewhooaaa........what have I done. Just asked a question about getting a little sexpat-action in, and now a Greek, and a Scothman, are disagreeing.
ReplyDeleteAll too much for me, - I'm going down to that Taihu Wuxi Freeport you mentioned, and get washed.
For a good time. Me at the bathroom in the alley next to the Burger King.
DeleteOh sorry. I was so excited. Meet at the bathroom, I should say. Ha ha ha. Say What?!?
DeleteA Greek, and a Scothman, yes, now it would be an interesting exercise for the
ReplyDeleteExpatdom's Statisticthian-General to record the places of origin, of Expats.
Then we'd see the big melting-pot!
So, we have a Scothman. And there might also be people from New Thealand,
Authtralia, the Britith, and from the United Thtates. Oh, and not leaving out Mr McCoy, from Texath.
Isth there any other nationths missthing?