Over 2 Million more Andis Kaulins's On Earth After Big-Wave Surf Epic; Didn't Get His Hair Wet

Lake Taihu, Wuxi Monday March 24

        - The Wuxi China Expatdom's Big Wave Surfing classic has been won,
as everyone anticipated, by Andis Kaulins after his death-defying ride this morning.
A crowd of around 1 billion observers and fans lined the Lake's shores to witness the epic achievement, whilst pictures were beamed live to every television network in the world, adding another 5 billion to the spectators.

        - There was some last-minute tension when an unseeded surfer, Monty "JP" Fassbinder
surfed a wave measuring 60 metres.  Onlookers held their breath as Andis Kaulins responded by surfing the largest wave ever surfed, or seen, or photographed - a towering monster estimated at some 300 metres in height.

       - Car-makers and computer manufacturers have announced new limited edition productions, bearing the sealed initials, 'AK', whilst fast-food giants are trampling over each other to christen their new meals after the Wuxi-based surfer.

      - Archduke Harry Moore has not been available for comment as yet as he is still shepherding and shoo-ing hordes of fans, either swimming or in passenger liners, away from Andis Kaulins on Lake Taihu.
The pair are expected to take at least another six hours to make any progress back to the Lihu
podium, where Gorzo the Mighty will present Andis Kaulins with a hundred million dollars, as well as the priceless gold Baton of Jiangsu.

     - Within minutes of the what experts are calling the Surf of All Human History, parents around the world, from Dar es Salaam to Finland, rushed to christen their their newborns 'Andis Kaulins'. UN officials said that on the current naming-rates, by the end of this week there will be over 33 million new babies named Andis Kaulins in the world.

Further projections place the figure at around 1.8 billion within the next two years, at which time there will be more people named Andis Kaulins than any others in global history.