One Hundred Million People, around the World, Fall for Wuxi China Shower Scam

Scam artists, saying they were selling tickets to see Wuxi Expat Archduke Sir Harry Moore take a shower live at the Wuxi Worker's Stadium, managed to sell four hundred million fake tickets before their scam was discovered on Monday evening.

People from all walks of life, from simple housewives to world leaders to religious leaders to movie stars to industry leaders to philosophers to fans of the Archduke Sir Harry Moore, were taken in by the scam which had only been on the Internet for ten minutes before it was discovered.

Because so many people had been taken in and had paid money for the chance to see the Wuxi Expat Archduke take a shower in a stall which they had believed was going to be placed in the center of the Wuxi Worker's Stadium, there was no end of people, for journalists to interview, who were willing to tell their reasons for being taken in.

Mildred Malone, a housewife from Akron, Ohio, told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog that she had been a fan of the Archduke since he saw him give a film lecture in nearby Cleveland. “Since being able to witness the Archduke's oration live, I have been completely fascinated by everything and anything about the Wuxi Expat Archduke. I want to know his thoughts, his diet, his thoughts on love, and of course his personal hygiene habits! I also hope that I could get my husband Stanley to be like the Archduke!”

Spokesmen for U.S. President Barack Obama said that he had ordered the Democratic National Committee to buy every citizen and illegal alien in the United States tickets for the supposed event. “It is all part of our effort to distract the electorate from the trouble we have been having with Obamacare!” said Obama's press secretary Jay Carney. Carney blamed the Republicans in the congress for blocking the purchase.

Many people bought tickets out of professional interest. Shower head salesman Del Griffith told the WCE Blog that he heard that the Archduke was using state of the art shower technology such as the H2Okinetic® technology which was the product of an intensive study of water in motion, and the Brizo Custom Shower Systems which were the first to bring the revolutionary technology to market. “By controlling water’s shape, velocity and thermal dynamics, they’ve reinvented the showering experience—creating a warmer, more luxurious shower experience that blankets the body while using less water.” said Griffith. Glenda Passion, a female exotic dancer, who says she takes a shower during her performances, told the WCE Blog that she wanted to see if the Archduke had a pole in his shower as had been reported in the Wuxi Expat Enquirer, the Expatdom's number one scandal sheet.

Some bought tickets out of curiosity. Duston Short, from Ontario, Canada told the WCE Blog that people “from around where he lived” didn't take showers or baths, and after having told “so many times” that he should, his curiosity was piqued. “I want to know like taking a shower is all about. Perhaps, there are like some benefits like everyone like tells me!” said Short, an English teacher who wasn't sure what school he was “teaching at now.”

Some of the curiosity was very prurient. “I want to see the Archduke's whatyoucallit. I want to see if his darlingly delicious wife Mrs. Miss Moneypenny takes a shower with him or at least scrubs his back!” said Konstantinos Karamanlis, an English teacher at All Natural Naked English School and patron of the Pink Kitty Pub.

Some said they wanted to see the Archduke shower for creative inspiration. Alfred Lord McCluskey, Poet Laureate of the Wuxi China Expatdom, told Colonel Charlie of the WCE Blog that he hadn't written a good ode in a long time, the muse seemingly having abandoned him. “Forsooth, the muse would be found lurking in the glinty green grasses of the Wuxi Worker's Stadium where his magnificence, the angel of hope to hundreds of dry whittered souls, cleaned himself in a shaft of the purest and cleanest ambrosia-like water piped from the winding Yangtze river or from the translucent effervescence of Lake Taihu where the Kraken doth dwell!” said the poet laureate in a sonorous manner. Mickey Angelo, a Wuxi Expat sculptor, told the WCE Blog, that he wanted to do a modern version of the Statue of David. “Who would have been a better model that the Archduke?” asked Angelo.

Steve Pinker, a Canadian experimental psychologist, cognitive scientist, linguist, popular science author, Harvard College Professor, the Johnstone Family Professor in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University, known for his advocacy of evolutionary psychology and the computational theory of mind, said he had purchased twenty tickets. “I sure that the sight of the Archduke taking a shower would have proved beyond a doubt that my thesis advanced in my book The Better Angels of Our Nature!”

The Archduke, when hearing of the scam, told the Wuxi Expat Blog that he was full of thoughts of the unacceptableness of the scam. “My heart goes out to all the pour souls taken in by this scam. I pray that they get their money back!” said the Archduke who was doing charity work when he heard the news. He also admitted that he was flattered in the interest in his showering techniques. “Nothing in my life could possibly surpass the fun of posing for the Poolside Harry Moore Picture Book and its incredible reception which saw every person on the earth owning at least five copies of it. The fact that so many people want to see little old me take a shower is nearly as flattering.”

Asked if he would seriously consider the possibility of actually taking a shower before hundred of thousands of adoring admirers, Archduke Harry, with a blink of his eye and then a glint of his eye, said “I will do whatever it takes to help the charities I ardently support!”