Wuxi China Expat Archduke To Go On World Shower Tour

As a result of the great Wuxi Shower Ticket Crisis, Wuxi China Expatdom Archduke Sir Harry Moore is going on a world shower tour. He will be taking showers in public at the biggest venues in the biggest cities in the world.

The Archduke made the dramatic announcement at the Hui Shan District Convention Center before an emotional crowd of journalists and members of the general public, many of whom cried tears of joy after as soon as the full import of what the Archduke announced was comprehended.

“I do this because that is what the world wants!” said the genial archduke whose presence reeked of a knightly virility last seen during the time of the medieval knights. As he brushed back the dark raven locks of glimmering and tousled black hair that had fallen into his intense and yet saintly eyes, women at the press conference fainted. The women were revived by Moore's compassionate concern for their welfare as he interrupted his announcement to inquire if they had been hurt.

Asked by the one jaded member of the media if he was pursuing filthy lucre, Moore earned the swooning admiration of the males in the audience with his Dirty Harry like response to the charges. “Look here punk. If you could take off your clothes and help the poor, you would too, wouldn't you? And I will be doing it with my friends Moen and Speakman!” Chastised by the Archduke, the media man prostrated himself and asked for the Archduke's forgiveness. With the grace of the finest of the aristocracy, the Archduke complimented the media man for the toughness of his question and for his courage in asking it.

Moore then announced that all the proceeds from the tour would be going to the Archduke Sir Harry Moore Honorary Fund and Charity for All the Poor and Unfortunate People of the World (the ASHMHFCAPUP). “ ASHMHFCAPUP is not run by me, but my good friend Andis Kaulins, that is the Andis Kaulins who is the head of the Wuxi China Expatdom Elite Expat Association, not the Andis Kaulins who is an English teacher. The latter Andis Kaulins is infamous for his parsimoniousness!” added the Archduke.

At the end of the press conference, the media members all wanted to start a celebratory conga line but were prevented by the chastisement of the Archduke. “I may not be a member of a media, but isn't it your job to just report the news, not to celebrate it!” asked the archduke. The media members quickly began to behave in a more professional manner.

World wide reaction to the shower tour announcement was completely positive. At the Vatican, Pope Frances told media that the tour was sure to be a blessed event. “Archduke Sir Harry Moore does more than clean his body when he takes a shower!” said the earthly representative of Christ's church. “He also cleanses his soul! I am sure that his public showers like his wonderful film lectures will be very educational and informative! I look forward to watching the Archduke take a shower in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican, and I hope he will let him do a special mass before he begins!”

Dates and locations for the Archduke Sir Harry Moore World Shower Tour will be announced in the next few weeks.