2,750,000 Wuxi Expats fight in the battle of Xueqian Street

In one of the greatest armor clashes since the Battle of Kursk, almost three million Wuxi Expats from the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society and the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society squared off at the corner of Xueqian and Zhongshan Roads on Monday, the second day of the WCEDVDAS Civil War. Nearly 8,000 super tanks, 36,000 guns and mortars, 5,000 planes and twenty amphibious aircraft carriers were involved in the battle.

Wuxi China Expatdom International Expeditionary Force Commander Karl Malden, whose organization is the exclusive official supplier of WCEDVDAS memorabilia, said the size of the battle should be great for their sales. "The fact that the battle wasn't one-sided and that there were several counter-offensives during the day, coupled with many controversial command decision by commanders of both armies will mean the official computer simulation of the battle, available on apps for both the Iphone and Android phones, will be very popular. As well, we have bobble head dolls of all the commanders of today's battle including WCEDVDAS commanders Erich von Manstein the second and Nikolay Vatutin Junior. We have managed to collect all the debris from the 2,400 planes, 2,000 tanks, and 4400 guns destroyed in the battle and are taking bids! And who won't deny his child's request for a model of a seemingly indestructible amphibious aircraft carrier which can only be bought at a WCEIEF shop!?"

The WCEDVDAS Civil War which began as a frivolous conflict, between the the two WCE organizations with the same acronym, over a double-booking of Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore has become one of the most lucrative wars for memorabilia purchasing in all of human history. "I figure that we will exceed the gross revenue taken in, to date, by the model, book and movie sales generated by World War Two!" boasted Commander Malden.

Wuxi China Sexpats award Sandra Fluke Medal of Honour

Deloris Morris and John Hefner, co-leaders of the Wuxi Feminist Sexpat Alliance, announced that their organization would give Sandra Fluke a golden medal of honour.

Morris said it was courageous of the 31 year old Georgetown Law Student to want to speak up for woman and free birth control before the U.S. congress.  "Those evil Republicans, especially Rush Limbaugh, who want all women to die but not before they do housework, wouldn't let Fluke speak, but the nice Democrats did!  It was important for members of Congress and the world to hear about the real impact that having or not having insurance coverage for contraception can have on women!" said Morris, one of the Wuxi China Expatdom's most outspoken Feminists.

Hefner praised Fluke as well saying "I liked to hear that woman needed to spend three thousand U. S. dollars on contraception.  She must have needed all that money on french ticklers and exotic foams!  I can just imagine the fun she has when she not studying law or doing her activism work!  Yozza Yozza!  Hang out me with me Fluke Honey and you will get all the contraception you need!  A ha!!!"

Feminist Leader Morris said that she hoped that women could get free contraception in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  Sexpat leader Hefner said he was in complete agreement and would start a fund to provide free contraception for bar girls.

Wuxi China Expat to marry Public Washroom near the Nanchang Jie Bar Street

Wuxi Expat Zbeigniew Ostrowski, a Canadian Engineer from the province of Ontario, wants to marry a Public Washroom that is located in an old Wuxi neighborhood near Nanchang Jie Bar Street.

Ostrowski told the WCE Blog that one day he was walking down Nanchang Jie and "had to go."  He located his eventual bride after asking a few Security guards and street-side hawkers for directions to a W.C. before finally having locals take him to "her."

"I wasn't smitten with "her" at first!' said Ostrowski, "She was old, stinky and nausea-inducing, but I had to go and I did my business in her!  A week later, I found the knowledge of her location useful as I found myself wandering Nanchang Jie Street at five in the morning after having had drunk too much and being abandoned by a local girl who I had thought was to accompany me home!  That second time, feeling lonely and not wanting to wet my pants, I  went to "her."  I admired the relief she gave me and the fact that she hadn't abandoned me -- I felt an emotional bond then and there.  I also started to take in "her" exoticism.  Heck!  I found myself liking "her" odour.  And it carried on from there!  One thing leading to another, as it were.  Even when I was in a bar with a urinal, I found myself eschewing the short trip for the out-of-the-way trip to "her!"

Ostrowski told the WCE Blog that he had filed an application for a wedding license with the Wuxi China Expatdom Marriage Bureau.

Gabriel Conroy, spokesman for the WCE Marriage Bureau, says he may not be able to grant a wedding license to Ostrowski. "The Public Urinal belongs to the locals, and we would be infringing on their sovereignty if we permitted Ostrowski to marry it." said Conroy in yet another exclusive interview with the WCE Blog.

Ostrowski is the twentieth-second Wuxi Expat to have announced a desire to marry a Wuxi, China Public Washroom.  Earlier this year, twenty one members of the Occupy Movement applied, but didn't receive permission to marry the urinals at the Chestnut Pub.

Drinking Associates of Ostrowski say he has threatened suicide if he cannot marry the Public Washroom.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to permit Human -- Inanimate Object marriage.

The Wuxi China Expatdom International Expeditionary Force is the exclusive supplier of WCEDVDAS War memorabilia

WCEDVDAS War memorabilia sales have been brisk now that the two organizations, with the same acronym, have declared war on each other.  Karl Malden, commander of the WCEIEF which is the exclusive worldwide supplier of WCEDVDAS War memorabilia, told the WCE Blog that his production staff managed to get official WCEDVDAS War hats, t-shirts, posters, beer mugs, coffee mugs, coasters, helmets, combat boots, fridge magnets, bobble-head dolls, lighters, shoes, underwear and lingerie to the shops in three days after beginning production.  "Already we have sold all we have produced and will we be hiring more factory personal for tomorrow's production run." said Malden.

Asked what WCEDVDAS War products have been most popular, Malden said that  t-shirts and lingerie bearing an image of Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore between a helmeted Dick Van Dyke and a camouflaged DVD sold out in five minutes after stores opened.

The WCEDVDAS War, itself, got off to a smashing beginning as the two WCEDVDAS navies fought a opening skirmish on Lake Taihu in which they both claimed victory.  Neutral observers have agreed that 5 carriers, 1 destroyer and 1 cruiser were sunk, and that 398 aircraft were destroyed in the Battle of Lake Taihu, but have widely disagreed about the numbers lost by each Navy.

On day two of the WCEDVDAS War, there is scheduled to a be a major land battle  involving tanks, infantry, artillery and amphibious aircraft carriers at corners of Xueqian and Zhongshan Roads near Wuxi Yaohan, formerly Ba Bai Ban.

The two WCEDVDAS organizations are at war because of a booking conflict involving Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Harry Moore.  Each WCEDVDAS blames the other for the booking conflict which ruined their respective grand conventions held on March 1.

War in the Wuxi China Expatdom!!

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore did not speak to either the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society or the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society at seven p.m. on March 1 as he had been scheduled to do.

When it was apparent that Moore wasn't coming, all the attendees at the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society grand convention began to wail in agony.  The President of the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society, Donnie Van Digital then declared that a state of war now existed between his WCEDVDAS and the other WCEDVDAS.  "The Dick Van Dykers are to blame for this outrage!  Harry Moore, as we all know, is above reproach so it stands to reason that it was the other WCEDVDAS that knowingly caused the double booking crisis!" said Van Digital.

When it was apparent that Moore wasn't coming, all the attendees at the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society grand convention began to moan in agony.  The President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society, Rip Van Larsen then declared that a state of war existed between his WCEDVDAS and the other WCEDVDAS.  "The DVDers are to blame for this outrage!  Harry Moore, as we all know, is above reproach so it stands to reason that it was the other WCEDVDAS that knowingly caused the double booking crisis!" said Van Larsen.

Spokes-girl and secretary for WCEFAS President Harry Moore, Miss Moneypenny, at a press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, told assembled media personnel that she and "dear darling Harry" had in been "close and passionate" consultation about how to resolve the double-booking conflict all March 1.  "Gosh!  Dear Harry was perfectly dreadful!  And so was I!  We honestly forgot the matter at hand and decided to play Tarzan and Jane, and later Doctor and Patient!  The next thing we knew, it was late in the evening and the moonlight was so wonderful!  I remember I poked Tarzan and mentioned he had a lecture to deliver but he told me not to worry.  He was such a naughty mountain lion!"

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President says he will speak to the WCEDVDAS on the evening of March 1.

Responding to cries and moans from Wuxi Expatdomites begging him to tell them what he was going to do about the WCEDVDAS booking conflict crisis, Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore issued a press release saying he was looking forward to speaking to the WCEDVDAS on the evening of March 1.

The press release didn't resolve the issue since the two organizations that Moore is scheduled to speak tonight, the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society and the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society, both share the acronym WCEDVDAS. Long time Harry Moore watcher Andis Kaulins, not be confused with the English Teacher of the same name, or the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association President of the same name, said that either "President Moore was unaware there was a conflict or he was again displaying his calm, virile, sunny and optimistic manner under pressure for which he is famous!"

After the release of the ambiguous statement, millions of media men searched every nook and cranny of the Wuxi China Expatdom hoping to locate President Moore. He was eventually found by CNN at a local Kedi buying tea-leaf eggs and a Snickers bar. When asked about the booking conflict, Moore told CNN that the conflict was the fault of his secretary Miss Moneypenny. "That naughty secretary! Every time I spank her for this, she calls me "Tarzan", her "Big Mountain Lion" and "Harry dear", and you know, I just don't have the heart to spank her in a rough way! I just pat her gently! This afternoon, I will go round to her place -- I like to let her work at her place or mine -- and we will consult, passionately, I mean sternly and seriously, about how to resolve this conflict! She has suggested that I toss a coin! But I don't know where on my person I left my change. Thankfully, Miss Moneypenny says she will help me find it!"

The two WCEDVDAS organizations are both holding their grand convention tonight and both have Harry Moore scheduled as a Keynote Speaker. They have threatened to go to war if Moore speaks to the other organization. Thousands of tanks, amphibious aircraft carriers and infantry have been seen massing on both sides of Xueqian Road in Downtown Wuxi where the organizations are headquartered.

Wuxi Expat from Ontario, Canada doesn't go to work on February 29

Duston Short, English Teacher and the Wuxi China Expatdom Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion, didn't go to work on Wednesday, February 29.

"Wednesday, I normally go to work if I am not sick!" said Short, an Ontario Canada Expat who has a reputation for tardiness and absenteeism.  "But when I saw I was scheduled to work Wednesday, February 29th, I thought it must be a mistake because everyone knows there are only 28 days in February!  And so I stayed in my apartment!"

Officials at the school, where Short is currently employed, say they aren't buying Short's excuse this time and will fine him a day's pay.  Short said that he was ill because of this news and may take the rest of the week off to recover.

Clouds of War gathering in the Wuxi China Expatdom?

As far as the WCE Blog can determine, the March 1 Harry Moore booking conflict between the Wuxi China Expatdom Dick Van Dyke Appreciation Society and the Wuxi China Expatdom DVD Appreciation Society has not been resolved, and the Expatdom is rife with rumors that war between the two organizations which share the same acronym could break as early as March 2.

There have reports of heavy infantry and tank movements,  military aircraft flyovers and camouflaged amphibious aircraft carriers parked along Xueqian road where the two organizations both have offices.

In response to the rumors of a WCEDVDAS war, panicky Wuxi Expats have been stocking up on canned foods, DVDs and Tsingtao Beer.  As well, the Wuxi China Expatdom religious community has held prayer services for peace at the million churches, mosques, synagogues and temples in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  Wuxi Sexpats, in turn, have been extra active with Bar Girls and have set up a sanctuary for them which they say they will keep open whether there is a war or not.

The eyes of the Wuxi China Expatdom will be on Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore the evening of March 1 when he is still scheduled to deliver a lecture to both WCEDVDAS grand conventions at 700 p.m.   Unfortunately, the conventions are being held in different parts of the Expatdom making it physically impossible fro President Moore to speak to both organizations at the same time.  By only speaking to one, Moore would offend the other of the WCEDVDAS groups and both of them would see it as a casus belli to attack the other WCEDVDAS.

Wuxi Expat wants to marry the Ling Shan Big Buddha

Henrietta Nabors, a Wuxi Expat from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, wants to marry the Big Buddha at Lingshan near Wuxi, China.

Nabors said it was love at first sight when she laid his eyes on the Big Buddha.  "I came to Ling Shan expecting to fall into a tourist trap.  Instead I fell in love!  Despite what Let's Go says about the Ling Shan Big Buddha, I was instantly entranced!  I broke through security because Ihad to fondle, grope and caress all 100 meters of him from the top of his head to the bottom of lotus pedestal on which he stands."

Nabors told the WCE Blog that she had filed an application for a wedding license with the Wuxi China Expatdom Marriage Bureau.

Gabriel Conroy, spokesman for the WCE Marriage Bureau, says he may not be able to grant a wedding license to Nabors. "The Ling Shan Big Buddha belongs to the locals, is a religious shrine and we would be infringing on local sovereignty if we permitted Nabors to marry it." said Conroy in an exclusive interview with the WCE Blog.

Friends of Nabors say she has threatened suicide if she cannot marry her 88m tall Adonis.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to permit Human -- Inanimate Object marriage.

Wuxi China Expatdom opens world's biggest Martial Arts studio and theme park

A 10 million square meter Martial Arts studio and theme park has been opened in the Hui Shan District of the Wuxi China Expatdom. 

"Dragon's Martial Arts Park will have every possible thing to appeal to the serious Martial Arts practitioner looking for a challenge, the Martial Arts fanatic, or the casual fan interested in new experiences!" said owner Bruce Dragon in an exclusive interview with the WCE blog.  "We will have Martial Arts coaches, sages and trainers on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 or 366 days a year, including Christmas and Spring Festival to cater to your martial arts training needs!  And there isn't a style of Martial Arts you can't learn at Dragon's!  We have the Northern and Southern Chinese styles like the northern fist (北拳) or the southern fist (南拳).  And you can learn the horse, bow, drop, and dragon stances, whether in the traditional or modern manner!"

"If you don't have time to study, we have professional Martial Arts mercenaries for hire whom you can spar with or whom you can enlist to help you settle your personal scores!   And we also have miles and miles of pristine bamboo forest for you to stage martial arts gang battles!"

"And If you are just a martial arts fan, you will need a week to explore all our exhibits and to have lots of yuan to buy our martial arts specialty products and services!    Every day we hold a world championship Martial Arts competition.  Our Marital Arts museum is the biggest museum in the world.  We have every Martial Arts movie ever made playing in our ten thousand screen multiplex cinema.  We have an authentic to-scale replica of Hong Kong 1972 where Bruce Lee lived.  We have one million authentic Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris look-a-likes for you to pose with and test your Kung-Fu skills.  Our library and database contains all ancient and current research and thought about Martial Arts!  We have on-site plastic surgeons who can make you look like Bruce Lee, Jackie Chen or Chuck Norris.  Our souvenir shop is as big as Ba Bai Ban!  And as a special treat, thanks to the our physicists, who are world experts in multi-verse theory, we have all the movies that Bruce Lee would have made if he hadn't died so young!"

On Dragon's Martial Arts Park grand opening night, Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore delivered a special lecture about the films made in this universe and other parallel universes by Bruce Lee.  After the lecture, the audience began to dance a new dance:  the Kung Fu Prisyakda Hustle to the virtuoso musical renderings and vocalizings of Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio.

Originally from Seattle, Bruce Dragon studied philosophy and Martial Arts, spending lots of time in Hong Kong and Hollywood where he opened prestigious Martial Arts Studios catering to the stars.   When he conceived the idea for his enormous Martial Arts Park, he shocked many in the Martial Arts industry by choosing the Wuxi China Expatdom to be the park's site.  But  Dragon had no doubt in his mind that it was the right thing to do.  "There was Bruce Lee!  Then there is the Wuxi China Expatdom which has Gorzo the Mighty, Mango, Harry Callahan, Admiral Lloyd Bridges, General Colonel Sanders and Harry Moore -- that's Bruce Lee to the power of seven.  The Wuxi China Expatdom is the world capital of Martial Arts!!"

Expats from Ontario, Canada open a restaurant in Wuxi, China

Monday night, the Short Brothers: Duston and Justin who hail from Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada opened a new restaurant in the Meicun District of Wuxi, China.  

Rae's Restaurant, named after a former Ontario provincial premier, will eventually have a menu and utensils.  In the meanwhile the Short brothers told the WCE blog that they would encourage Wuxi Expats to take the forty five minute Number 19 Bus ride, from the Wuxi train station south square, out to Rae's and check out the Toronto Maple Leaf and Ottawa Senator hockey team memorabilia that they had on display.  "We also tables and chairs where you can sit!" added Duston Short.

Asked about the cuisine they would eventually serve the Short brothers said they would serve Etobicoke cuisine. "When we find a supplier we can trust, we will serve Kraft's Macaroni & Cheese Dinner, Rowntree Aero Chocolate Bars, Captain Crunch cereal for breakfast, Maxwell House instant chocolate flavored coffee and cola served in your choice of can or plastic bottle!"

"We also have a toilet you can sit down on!" said the Short brothers in unison.

Wuxi China Expatdom King sick of Europeans phoning him and asking for money

Gorzo the Mighty, King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, says he has to keep changing his phone number because European leaders and finance ministers, panicking about the Euro, won't leave him alone.

"They keep telling me that I am their only hope!" said the Monarch, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep.  "I told them their crisis serves them right for thinking they were immune to the laws of economics and thinking they didn't have to work so hard and could just leach off the Americans!  I was willing to give the Greeks a loan, even a gift bail-out, but they weren't willing to change their lifestyles one iota!"

King Gorzo the Mighty said he now won't even consider giving them a loan with stringent conditions because the Eurocrats then went too far.  "When they couldn't reach me one night, because I changed my number, they began to phone my wife Ayira's number.  That was just unforgivable!"

Over 1,000 Chimpanzees to be let go in the Wuxi China Expatdom

Prefabricated's Prefabricated Wooden Homes announced that they will let its entire staff of 1,000 chimpanzees go.

Pete Prefabricated, long-time Wuxi Expat and owner of Prefabricated's Prefabricated Wooden Homes, said his decision to hire over 1,000 chimpanzees to work in a his Prefabricated Wooden Home factory in the Wuxi New District was a big mistake.  "I have always taken pride the in high quality and slightly lower prices of our products, but I wanted to do better.  I wanted our prices to be substantially lower!  The only way to do this, I thought, was to hire Chimpanzees who would work long hours for peanuts and bananas!  But I am afraid they work was of substandard quality and almost as bad as the work I had done when I hired some Ontario, Canada Expats for a month!"

Prefabricated told the WCE blog that each chimpanzee would get three month's supply of bananas for severance pay and a bus ride to the Wildlife Safari Park in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.

Wuxi China Expatdom Police Squad launches Operation Hephaestion 2

Officer McNulty, acting chief inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police, (the WCERMP) announced the launch of Operation Hephaestion 2 which will try to rid Wuxi China Expatdom speech of pretentious French phrases and words.  The first Operation Hephaestion had been a tremendous success in correcting the bad grammar of WCE English teachers.

McNulty announced at the operation's launch on the grounds of Richilieu's Castings, a French company with a plant in the Wuxi New District.  As he spoke from his podium set up on the plant's front lawn,  many moaning and beaten French engineers could be seen in the background, sprawled on the grounds, floating in the nearby canal, and strewn on nearby roofs and trees.  When it was pointed out to the McNulty that the beaten Frenchmen were speaking their native tongue, McNulty said to think of how they could only get Al Capone for tax evasion.  "Who doesn't deserve to sample my personal idiosyncratic and euiponderant brand of justice more than a Frenchman!" asserted McNulty.

McNulty then  told the assembled media that a million WCERMP officers would be involved in Operation Hephaestion 2 , and that he had also received commitments from the Wuxi China Expatdom Armed Forces for assistance in the crackdown on pretentious French words and phrases. Said McNulty: "Beside the million police officers, General Colonel Harlan Sanders of the WCE Land Force has pledged armor and artillery assistance: WCERAF Air Marshall Gregory Peck says his ten thousand bombers will be on the highest alert for as long as it takes us to rid the Expatdom of pretentious French speaking; and WCERN Admiral Lloyd Bridges has told me that if need be, we can use his aircraft carriers and that the 200m cannons of his battleships can easily rain down fire on anyone using pretentious French phraseology where ever they may be in the Expatdom!"

Officer McNulty told the WCE Blog that he was inspired by Harry Moore, the WCE's Minister of Colonies, who had set-out on a crusade to eradicate all French movies in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  "I agree with President Moore's contention that French movies have a bad influence on personal character of Wuxi Expats and on the beauty of standard English spoken correctly!"

Five year old Atlanta, Georgia boy wants to be a Wuxi Expat when he grows up

Five year old Bobby Tewilliger, a primary school student at Bethune Elementary School in Atlanta, Georgia, already knows what he wants to be when he grows up.  He wants to be a Wuxi Expat like his heroes Harry Moore, Lloyd Bridges, Harry Callahan, Gregory Peck, Colonel Harlan Sander, Mango and Gorzo the Mighty.

Tewilliger's home room teacher Miss Wilkinson says Tewilliger is already his own man and rules the Bethune Elementary playground.  "Bobby is a preternatural polymath.  He already runs a ten million dollar a year plumbing contracting business, written three novels, gotten five female students and four of his teachers pregnant, pitched a no-hitter for the Atlanta Braves baseball team,  discovered material that can be a super conductor at room temperature, and designed and manufactured an amphibious main battle tank that can be driven two miles under the ocean's surface.  When he walks the playground sporting a monocle, wearing a Gorzo the Mighty t-shirt, carrying a copy of the Poolside Harry Moore and performing the Prisyadka dance, the girls swoon and all the boys bend their head down reverentially in admiration!"

Tewilliger told the WCE Blog that before he heard about the Wuxi China Expatdom that he was just a run-of-the-mill toddler who liked to watch Dora the Explorer, pick his nose, scratch his bum and drink too much coca-cola.  "But when I  read and heard about Gorzo the Mighty, Archduke Harry Moore's many great accomplishments and his novel the Poolside Harry Moore, the revolution that brought down the Ayatollah of Mordor, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy commanded by Admiral Lloyd Bridges;  the music of Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio, and Wonder Woman; I realized that there was more to life and that a Wuxi Expat was what I had to be!" said Tewilliger, who says he is saying money from his plumbing contracting business to buy an airplane ticket to the WCE.

Wuxi China Expatdom Amphibious Aircraft Carrier WCERN Basil Rathbone breaks world land speed record

Saturday, at the Tianyi Salt Flats of Wuxi, China, a new world land speed was set.

With Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy Commander Admiral Lloyd Bridges at the helm, the WCERN Amphibious Aircraft Carrier Basil Rathbone achieved a land speed of 1500 km/h easily exceeding the previous land speed record of 1228 km/h set by the ThrustSSC Super Sonic Car in 1997.  

The record was surprising since on water, the 150,00 ton WCERN Basil Rathbone's top speed was 70 knots. 

For Admiral Bridges, the setting of the land speed record was sweet vindication.  "They thought I was nuts when I first proposed the building of amphibious aircraft carriers.  The critics scoffed and said that amphibious aircraft carriers were too cumbersome to ever travel overland.  They didn't understand just how revolutionary was my super sonic nuclear motor technology and the quantum friction-reducing metal which I placed on the WCERN Basil Rathbone's keel!"

After setting the land speed record, the crew of the WCERN Basil Rathbone could be seen Prisyadka dancing on the deck.  Archduke Harry Moore, one of the first to back Admiral Bridges amphibious aircraft carrier idea, was permitted to join the crew as they danced on the deck.  Admiral Bridges then made Archduke Moore an honorary WCERN Admiral and presented him with the keys to the ship.

Shock Expose': "Harry Moore Secretly Having Cybersex Tryst With French Gargoyle Sculpting!"

A team of investigative journalists has published startling revelations that Harry Moore has been having a clandestine and torrid Net romance with the sculpting of a French gargoyle.

The gargoyle's identity has not yet been disclosed, however it perches on the
Notre Dame de Paris, at a height of around 8,888 metres.

The journalists have learnt that Harry Moore's passions have been directed
at the sculpting process of the gargoyle.

Harry Moore isn't in a position to comment on these claims at present, however
the luscious gargoyle-sculpting has been more forthcoming. Asked if it had any comments to make, it responded: " ", but " ", and that "
".

Wuxi Expat wants to marry the Hongdou Building

Tex Schram a Wuxi Expat from the U.S.A., has fallen in love with Wuxi's Hongdou Building, and wants to marry it.

Schram, a businessman, says it was love at first sight for him when he first laid his eyes on the 814 foot tall building in 2011. "Since then, I have been able to fondle, kiss, grope and caress all her 48 floors and her 136,218 square meters of floor space. I have run my toes over her glass, steel and concrete. It is my dream to one day be able to straddle her 92 foot tall spire." said Schram.

Schram told the WCE Blog that he had filed an application for a wedding license with the Wuxi China Expatdom Marriage Bureau.

Gabriel Conroy, spokesman for the WCE Marriage Bureau, says he may not be able to grant a wedding license to Schram. "The Hongdou Building belongs to the locals, and we would be infringing on their sovereignty if we permitted Schram to marry it." said Conroy in an exclusive interview with the WCE Blog.

Schram is the second Wuxi Expat to have announced a desire to marry a Wuxi, China skyscraper. Earlier this week, Irishmen Michael Furey announced his plans to marry the Moresky 360 Building.

Drinking Associates of Schram say he has threatened suicide if he cannot marry his dear, dear Hongdou.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to permit Human -- Inanimate Object marriage.

Prisyadka Dancing Craze in the Wuxi China Expatdom claims its first victims

Thursday evening, twenty Wuxi Expats, from Ontario, Canada, were injured when they tried to perform the Prisyadka Dance, the traditional Russian squat kicking dance. Millions of Wuxi Expats had been performing the dance after it had been done in the celebrations that followed Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore's lecture at Ford's Theater in Washington D.C.

Acting Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Officer McNulty provided details of what might have happened to a packed press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China. "To be honest," said McNulty, "we don't know what exactly the Ontario Expats were trying to do! Many of them had black eyes and broken noses from being kicked in the face. Many of them fell in the canal behind Dangle's Participle, so we suspect that they were trying to perform the dance on a pier with no fence. Two of them managed to get run over by car traffic. Three of them went to the bathroom, tried to do the dance there and so were clobbered by other patrons. A few of them accidently swallowed their monocles which they tried to wear as they performed the dance. Many of the others have to go get their monocles surgically removed from intimate parts of their bodies. And we don't think we will ever find out how Duston Short managed to swallow a football, four pairs of traditional Russian Prisyadka dancing slippers and his twin brother Justin's watch -- it may well be that these swallowings were unrelated to the dancing incident!"

McNulty then said that he would canvass the WCE parliament and ask them to make laws regulating Prisyadka Dancing and Monocle Wearing. "I think that one should have a license before attempting to Prisyadka dance and wear monocles at the same time!"

The newly-formed Wuxi China Expatdom Monocle Wearers Society (WCEMWS) and Wuxi China Expatdom Prisyadka Dancers Association (WCEPDA), after hearing McNulty's comments quickly issued a joint press release saying that regulation and laws were unnecessary. "Millions of Wuxi Expats have been able to enjoy Prisyadka Dancing and wear monocles without doing harm to anyone. Why should we let a stupid minority of Ontarians ruin it for everyone? This group of Ontarians previously got lost walking home, got all their heads stuck in cupboards, and had to be hospitalized because they drank Chestnut Pub toilet water. You cannot make laws against stupidity so why trample on the freedoms that Wuxi Expats currently enjoy by bringing in an evil centrally-concentrated bureaucratic infrastructure?"

Rain and Alcohol make Wuxi Expat think he is back in England

Monty Byng, an English English Teacher living in the Wuxi China Expatdom, thinks that he is back in England in a really big China town. "The skies are gloomy, the streets are wet, there are lots of Chinese takeaways and alas, I can't find my wellingtons. I must have left them down around my local pub! lamented Byng to the WCE Blog interviewer whom he then asked how the flight from Shanghai to his native Lincolnshire had been.

Byng's true local is Dangle's Participle, the pub for English Teachers, located on Wuxi China's Nanchang Jie Bar Street. Sammy Dangle, owner of Dangle's Participle, told the WCE Blog that Byng has been the Pub's best customer during the recent spell of rain and does seem to have lost some of his senses. "At closing time, I have to pick him up off the floor and put him in a cab! He insists that his mum is going to pick him up so there is so need, but we do know better!" said Dangle who denied he was taking advantage of Byng's alcoholism and then stated that Byng was never all there to begin with.