Some Wuxi China Expats will celebrate Canada Day

Canada Day Celebrations will be low-key this year in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  Other than Andis Kaulins pulling out his Canadian Flag, no major public events are planned in the Expatdom this July 1.

WCE King Gorzo the Mighty prefers the day again be called Dominion Day, saying he doesn't understand the philistines who changed it. 

WCE Prime Minister Mango says that given many Expats from Ontario claim to be Canadian, the Former King of Wuxi the Ayatollah of Mordor claims to be Canadian, and the notorious cheapskate  and muckraker Andis Kaulins claims to be Canadian; there is an understandable resentment of Canada among many Wuxi China Expats.  "As well", says PM Mango, "the behavior of Vancouver Hockey Fans really sullied the reputation of the country!"

Still, some prominent Wuxi China Expats can easily list some things they like about Canada:

John Hefner, Wuxi Sexpat, says he likes Pamela Anderson.

Hans Zimmerman, noted eccentric, says he likes hockey pucks.

Yedgurgy Kaminev, Wuxi China Expatdom Communist Party member, says he admires Pierre Elliot Trudeau.

Oswald Mosley, Wuxi China Expatdom International Socialist Party member, says he also admires Pierre Elliot Trudeau.

Big Bobby Clubber, Wuxi China Expat from Ontario, says he admires Anthony Wiener.

Andis Kaulins, Wuxi China Expatdom English Teacher, says he likes Canadian Tire Money and Tim Horton's Donuts.

Gorzo the Mighty, King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, says he admires Canada's efforts in World War Two.

Mango, Prime Minister of the Wuxi China Expatdom, expresses admiration for Preston Manning.

Harry Moore, prominent Wuxi China Expatdom author, says he admires Mordecai Richler and Anne Murray.

Alfred Lord McClusky, Wuxi China Expatdom Laureate, says he admires Leonard Cohen.

Ayira:  The Chosen One, Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, says she likes to read columns by Marc Steyn.

Window China Expatdom Window-maker to celebrate Claude Frederic Bastiat's Birthday

June 30th is the birthday of the great French Economist Frederic, and leading Wuxi China Expatdom window-maker Terry Garcia plans to celebrate it in grand style by introducing his latest line of Terry's Groovy and Unbreakable Windows.

"When I first read Bastiat's essay about the "broken windows" economic fallacy, I was blown await", said Garcia, sporting long hair, a long beard, and a tie-dye loin cloth.  "When I was young, I was a bad dude and went round the 'hood breaking windows to get a business drum-roll effect.  Bastiat made me fell ashamed of myself.  I said to myself "the man" does some good.  No need for destruction.  The capitalist way was a way-out way of making everyone richer, even the window-maker.  Property laws I realized were totally anti-fascist.  Bastist totally rocked my world for the better.  I decided to make indestructible groovy windows that come in all sorts of patterns whether church-stained glass or tie-dye residential.  My latest line of Terry's Groovy and Unbreakable windows comes in all the styles.  Whether you tastes are square or hip or hippy or preppy or funky, I have cool windows for you home or office that will last longer than the building itself.  I guarantee it!  Peace!  Man!"

Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister asks subjects to curb Thrasonical Effusions

Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango is using the bully pulpit of the Expatdom Prime Ministership to curb what many see as a growing problem: the growing amount of thrasonical effusions coming from Wuxi China Expats when they visit other parts of the world.

 

Said PM Mango, "Just because we have the best leadership, the most freedom, the highest per-capita GDP in the world, Gorzo the Mighty -- the greatest monarch ever, the Wuxi Red Guards NFL football team, the world's largest navy, the world's largest army, the world's largest air force, the most McDonalds per capita, cheap cigarettes, ten statues of Harry Moore, the Wuxi Jaywalkers Baseball Team, tamed Germans, the Wuxi Taihu Lakers Basketball team, the biggest Jewish Community outside Israel, the biggest China Town outside San Francisco, liberal Human-inanimate object marriage laws, no need to wear clothes, the world's biggest supply of testosterone, the Gorzo School for the Humanities, a wild life park in an urban setting, Harry Callahan, Gambay's Pub, and the world's biggest factory manufacturing Log Cabin homes, doesn't mean we should go to other Expatdoms, especially Suzhou, and lord it over on them with thrasonical effusion after thrasonical effusion.  I think a little modesty would be in order!"

Wuxi China Expatdom Feminists and Wuxi Sexpats form new coalition party.

In a dramatic announcement that is sure to shake the Wuxi China Expatdom political landscape, John Hefner, leader of the Wuxi Sexpat Party, and Deloris Steinem, leader of the Wuxi China Expatdom Feminist Co-operative, announced that their parties will join together to from a new WCE political party called the Feminist Sexpat Coalition of the Wuxi China Expatdom (FSEXCWCE).

 

Why did Wuxi China Feminists choose to jump into political bed with Wuxi Sexpats?  Wuxi China Feminist leader Steinem said they chose to in order to preserve the advances made by the Sexual Revolution which she said had destroyed "the oppressive Patriarchy."  When asked if Feminists could trust their virtue with Wuxi Sexpats, Steinem said she was insulted by a Victorian question that assumed women had virtue to maintain.

 

Why did Wuxi Sexpats chose to be in a situation involving nagging Feminists?  Wuxi Sexpat Party leader Hefner said Sexpats had done so because they were all totally in favour of preserving the advances of the Sexual Revolution, especially in China.  Hefner added, on a personal note, that he was glad to hear that co-leader Steinem was going to use "Paprika or Pepper Spray when she was cooking, yozza, yozza, oh yeah, baby, shake it, shake it, shake it!"

 

The FSEXCWCE co-leaders are still debating when to hold a leadership convention.  Hefner is hoping to have it "Friday round at his place", while Steinem wants to have it at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub.

 

Sources close to Sexpat leader Hefner say that he hasn't had it in weeks, so was very amenable to the coalition with Feminists, who Hefner has come to realize are chicks too.

Gambay's Pub voted Wuxi China's best Expat Pub for tenth consecutive year.

Gambay's Pub, in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, has been voted Wuxi China's best Expat Pub in a poll of Wuxi China Expatdom pub-goers conducted by the Ipsus-Reid-Cornway Polling Consortium. It was the 10th year the poll had been conducted and the 10th year that Gambay's was voted the top Wuxi China Expatdom Pub.

Fred Minkleman, co-owner of Gambay's, full of emotion accepted the Ipsus Reid Cornway Cup, symbolic of Wuxi China Expat Pub supremacy, for winning the poll. After being presented the cup by the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, Minkleman raised the trophy in the air, and began his victory lap around the Wuxi China Expatdom. He made a point of stopping in front of competing Wuxi Expat Pubs and doing a victory dance. During the victory lap, he handed off the cup to his twin brother and spouse Frank Minkleman. The huge crowds wept at the romance of the handoff, as the twin-brother-spouse-pub-co-owners embraced each other and kissed. Frank carried the cup aloft for a while, before handing off the trophy to little Jimmy O'toole, a poor boy who had been stuck under a bridge in a deep hole for ten years till he was rescued by the Wuxi China Expatdom Contingent. At the end of the victory lap, Fred Minkleman dedicated the poll victory to "all the poor children of the world who don't have parents or matchbox toys or sober parents or a school with a roof to attend and so on....."

Asked to what he attributed Gambay's long stretch of popularity among Wuxi Expats, Fred Minkleman said "A belief in Civilization, and a dislike of all that is base and barbarous. Eleven years ago, they told me that Wuxi Expats weren't interested in a pub where one could listen to good music and engage in sparkling and witty conversation. They told me that all they wanted hip-hop, necrophilia, bestiality, rock and roll, drugs, oy-oy talk, easy sex, and German-precision vomiting. Well, I showed them they were wrong! At Gambay's, I have created an atmosphere of civilization comparable to Florence of the Renaissance, and the Salons of France in the time of Voltaire."

General Allenby Gives Wuxi China Expatdom's Safari Tours Full Marks (Almost)

Last night, at a special plenipotentiary meeting of the WCE's
committee assembly of the cabinet of the legislature, held in Gambays'
oak-lined Special Plenipotentiary Committee Assembly of The Cabinet of the
Legislature Conference Room, PM Mango presented the survey results of the Expatdom's
Safari Tours.

"The tours have been operating for six months now. We were keen to
know how well our tours have been received by visitors to our Expatdom.
We needed someone to take charge of this venture, and our own Hall of Famer,
Major T.E.Lawrence, suggested we appoint his CO, General Allenby.

"Whilst not an expert on wild beasts, General Allenby is a first-class administrator.
He travels here to the Expatdom twice each month, from his HQ in Damascus,
where he is engaged in negotiations with King Feisal, and the Howitat.
I'll now hand over to General Allenby and he will deliver his report".

General Allenby:- "Thank-you very much indeed, your Excellency, most gracious indeed.
I thoroughly enjoy my part-time tasks here in the WCE. It gives me a chance to catch-up with my Major Lawrence - although I don't know him well.

"I base my assesment, and report to you, on the "Give Us Your Feedback" forms that we place inside all the tour buses, and I study these very carefully indeed. The Safari Tours have proven most succesful, I'm delighted to tell you.
An average of 228,000 tourists a day come here to view the jolly fine animals that are roaming the WCE's inner city, an suburbs.

"Operations have proceeded smoothly, however I have had to deal with a couple of minor problems. One of the Tour Bus drivers, Blatislavic Hatzimokosnoscu, was a troublesome fellow, forever upsetting our guests, and generally a lazy type of chap. I called him into my office, and told him that "you are undisciplined.....unpunctual.....untidy. Your CV shows that you have
a knowledge of music....knowledge of literature.....knowledge of a great many things. You are an interesting man, there's no doubt about that. But I'm relieving you of your duties here forthwith - I can't abide a man who fails to salute me and who is dashed insubordinate" " Strange thing is, Allenby said, "is that although I had to fire that man, there was something else. What then?, I asked myself, and then, realised that I, well, I enjoyed it."

"I'll now read out a sampling of the tourist's survey forms, and copies will be distributed to you all afterwards.
(Reads) :-

- "Miss Carrie Okey, Tokyo: "Beautiful and lovely. I was inspired to sing one of my favourite songs, 'a-wimmerway, a-wimmerway, a-wimmerway, woo-oo-oo, oo-oo, oo, a-wimmerway, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, a-wimmerway, a-wimmerway, oo-oo, oo, a-oo-oo-oo, a-wimmerway'.
- "

- "Mike Raffone, paper clip designer, Yorkshire, UK: "Not bad at all.I was
enchanted watching all those vultures feasting on scraps of chicken in your Zhongshan Loo"

- "Pope Benedict XVI, Rome: "Beatus bestia, et beatus decorue WCE popule".

- "Kam-Jung Dung-Ill,Pyongyang: "Rerease the panthers!"

- "Bishop Desmond Tutu, coach, WWE Tough Enough: "All magnificent. But your lions - very scruffy and unwashed, no pride at all. Can you not run them through a carwash?"

- "Hilary C.,NY, DC, and all over the world: "Very, very impressive. But all those
baboons in your 1912 Bar District - oh my gravy, don't they do anything else but fornicate?!! Though seeing that reminded me to phone my husband, back home, to ask if everything was OK".

General Allenby: "So, all in all, a damned-fine report-card, in my opinion. I congratulate you all in the Expatdom. PM Mango, Your Excellency, Sir, will you now
join me for a gin and tonic in the Officers' Mess downstairs, I brought our Foreign
Office chap, Mr Dryden, with me, and we'd enjoy sitting down for a chat with you".

General Allenby, with his cap and swagger stick, and PM Mango, then left the Special Plenipotentiary......................

Wuxi China Expatdom Pub Owners to honeymoon in Saskatchewan

Fred and Frank Minkleman, twin brothers and co-owners of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, shocked the Bar and Tourism Industries simultaneously by announcing their plans to spend their honeymoon in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. 

 

Fred Minkleman, acting as spokesman for recently married couple, defended his admittedly "unorthodox" decision by saying that the people he has meet only nice people from Saskatchewan -- the only place in the world which he could say that of. 

 

"Sure!", said Minkleman, "Saskatchewan has a reputation for dullness and turpitude, but all the people I have meet from these so-called exciting places like British Columbia and California are a---holes.  They seen to take greater pride in being from these places than in their actual persons.  People from Saskatchewan are as nice as their topography is flat.  I and Frank will rather hang out with nice people than hang out at a so-called nice place with self-actualizing travellers!"

 

The Minklemans will spend the entire month of July in Saskatchewan.

Wuxi China Expatdom Windmill Factory Shuts Down

Wally Wind De Meer, owner of WCE Windpower, the world's leading manufacturer of Windmills and other Windpower devices as a alternative source of power, announced he was shutting down his company despite the fact that it was profitable.

 

Said Wind De Meer, "The only reason, the company was turning a profit was because it was accepting government subsidies.  I have come to the realization that no red-blooded, iron-willed, he-man, or she-woman businessman or businessperson of honour should be taking a dime or fen of money from the government unless they happen to be in the business of arms manufacturing!  To otherwise accept government money is not Evel Knievel Evil, but the Devil Evil!  So, I am shutting down my windmill factory, joining the Catholic Church, and will instead engage in oil exploration in Lake Taihu.  I feel thoroughly ashamed of myself because I have participated in a process whereby government bureaucrats, some of who may have good intentions, are cheating tax payers of hard-earned money and using it in quixotic and immoral wind power schemes. In consultations with my priest, I will find ways of making amends in a vain hope of redeeming myself."

 

Wind De Meer attributed his change of heart to reading the prose stylings of the smash-hit-best-all-time-selling The Poolside Harry Moore.  "After spending hours contemplating the good looks of Master Moore, I took the time to read his essays.  I found the prose to be robust, earthy, sensual, concise, and full of wonderfully creative and original metaphors.  I found a man with a superb intelligence who was easily acquainted with the language of the common man.  Re-reading the essays, so as not to be over-dazzled by the brilliant sparkling prose, I found Moore expressed a philosophy that revealed the real meat-and-potatoes, gears and guts, aspects of living the manly life.  Moore expressed a libertarian philosophy of living that was a combination of Ayn Rand and Pope Benedict XVI.  Moore expressed his earthly philosophy in a manner that was not so heavily-laded with the pedanticism and atheism of Rand, while at the same time transcending the earthly bounds of our existence with a sensuality that the Pope had lacked!  His essays were a triumph of the human spirit!  I realized then and there that I had to get out of the Wind Power leaching process."

Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition Leader ousted in Military Coup D'etat.

Iggy Poop, long-time leader of the opposition Wuxi China Expatdom Nudist Party, was yesterday ousted in a dramatic military coup d'etat that featured water balloons, unicorns, cavalry, zebras, Polish infantry, Ukrainian airmen,  Greek sailors, and failed airborne candidates from Ontario, Canada.

 

Poop was ousted by the South American caucus of the Wuxi China Expatdom Nudist Party.  Not much fancying the Nudist Party chances in the Autumn Parliamentary elections under Poop's leadership, the South American caucus of the WCENP, most of whose members are ex-generals in Paraguay, Bolivia, and Venezuela, decided a leadership change was needed if there was to be any chance of the party keeping the fifty seats it currently had in the WCE parliament.  The Junta also did not like the Nudist policy of determining leadership on the basis of primogeniture -- Iggy Poop had succeeded his father Doggy Poop as party leader.  Many Nudist Party faithful were not excited at the prospect of seeing Iggy's son Diarrhea become leader.

 

The coup took place at the Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition Leaderial Palace.  At 700 a.m. the Nudist Military Junta began the coup with an aerial assault.  However lacking bombs and planes, the Ukrainian pilots hired had to resort to hurling water balloons at palace from a nearby Ferris Wheel.  Then from a nearby canal, Greek Sailors threw rocks at the palace before quickly giving up and deciding to bugger themselves.  Next an airborne assault with no planes and parachutes nevertheless saw all the participants, who were all from Ontario, Canada, plunge to their deaths.  At twelve noon, all coup participants, except the Ontarioians, went to either KFC or McDonalds for lunch.  Resuming the coup at one, Polish Infantry were able to attack and enter the palace, but full of too much enthusiasm, the Poles run out the back exit thereby losing the advantage.  And so it was up to the Shuo-Feng-Kambojas-Lancers-Hussars-Dragoons-Cuirassiers lead by the handsome Harry Moore on his steed Secretariat to over-run the palace, capture Iggy Poop, and put the newly-former leader of Naturist on a one-way train to the Expatdom of Palookaville near Suzhou.  Asked why he would choose to take part in a coup for a party which he had said he detested with "every fibre of his being", Moore tossed back his shiny, handsome, black locks of tousled hair, laughed heartily exposing his patented golden smile, and then said "I spent some time in the haciandas of South America you know!  I grew to love the gaucho culture of Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay. And I developed a soft spot in my heart for an old-fashioned coup d'etat, the kind that my good old mom used to wax poetically about.  I was also intrigued at the challenge of trying cavalry attacks with zebras and cavalrymen having horns on their forehead!"

 

There is no word yet on who will become the new leader of the official WCE opposition.  The head of the Nudist Party Military Junta, General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle doesn't have a seat in the WCE parliament.  And with the next parliamentary elections taking place in September, it is too late to hold a by-election for Poop's vacated seat.  Observers predict that Nudist back-bencher Bob Rae, a former lackey of Karl Marx and currently good friend of General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle, will act as leader in parliament.

 

Members of the Nudist Party broke into loud cheers and hip-hip-hurrahs when they heard the news of Poop's ouster.  They then went to Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China and sang " General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle is a jolly fellow!  General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle is a jolly fellow!  General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle is a jolly fellow! and so say all of us!"

 

Asked if military coups were not in keeping with a spirit of a party that saw itself as progressive, Naturist Party Member Harry Reid said "Military Coups are only bad if they are right-wing coups.  Left-wing coups are okay!"

  

Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister and Naturist Party leader Mango, when mobbed by reporters, declined to comment on the coup saying  " it was an internal matter of the opposition party."  When pressed, PM Mango did say that "How they choose their leaders is their business.  Far be it for me to judge.  After all, being a politician and all, I don't want anyone to think I am anti-this or anti-that.  I love the South Americans who choose to live in the Wuxi China Expatdom and I have always respected their banana republic way of doing things in their home countries."

 

 

Wuxi China Expat pub owners to marry each other

Fred Minkleman, now co-owner of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi China, said he didn't care what the world thought.  Monday, he announced at packed press conference at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and Buffet Room of Gambay's Pub, that rumours of plans for he and his twin brother Gambay's Pub co-owner Frank Minkleman to marry, were true.  He told stunned Wuxi China Expatdom media members, as well as shocked members of the Wuxi China Expatdom general public, that he and brother Frank were going to go to the Wuxi China Expatdom government building to get their wedding license.

 

Declared Minkleman, "I don't care what the world thinks.  Sure, most of the world will say that our love is forbidden and unnatural.  But I don't care.  If pub goers find it objectionable, well, good luck drinking at our over-priced competition!  These nabobs will miss out on our games night, quiz night, boxing night, stripper night, political discussion night, Rolling Stones Tuesday, The Who Fridays, as well as the Swedish Bikini Team Mud Wrestling Hour.  If they are so close-minded as to not understand our love....  Well... The heck with them!"

 

Asked how they planned to marry when the Expatdom had no laws allowing Same-Sex Marriage, Fred Minkleman said that his twin-brother Frank was from Ontario, Canada, and so it would be easy to have Frank's brain declared an inanimate purpose for wedding license purposes.

 

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world to allow humans to marry inanimate objects.

Wuxi Sexpats declare Andis Kaulins to be a heretic

In an unanimous motion passed at the Wuxi China Expatdom Sexpat Party Policy Convention, long-time Wuxi China Expat Andis Kaulins has been declared a heretic.  Wuxi Sexpats objected to the Expat and English Teacher's not going on a bachelor jaunt while his wife and son were away from Wuxi for two weeks.  The Expat's wife and son went to her parents place in the Beixin China Expat territory.

 

Said newly appointed Wuxi Sexpat Party leader Anthony Weiner, former U.S. congressman and now English Teacher, "Mister Kaulins is making a mockery of the point of men becoming a Wuxi Expat.  Foreigners come here to engage in sodomy, necrophilia, bestiality, relations with minors, and other lewd acts.  While his wife was away, Mister Kaulins should have been doing all this as well as satisfying his fetish for bridges, of which Wuxi has plenty.  But what does he do?  He stays home, watches some films, studies Chinese, and makes sure the house is clean for his wife and son's return.  Absolutely disgusting!  He should be burnt at the stake!"

 

The motion condemning Andis Kaulins as a heretic was the second time, the Wuxi China Expat from Canada had been declared a heretic by elements of the Wuxi China Expatdom.  Previously, Mister Kaulins was declared a heretic by the former King of Wuxi, aka the Ayatollah of Mordor, for declaring that governments were not immune from the laws of gravity and economics, and that choclate-covered caramel balls were not suppositories.

Wuxi Expat says he wants a cheese sandwich

A long time Wuxi Expat says he longs for a simple cheese sandwich. 

 

Gordon Smorrman, English Teacher and champion pool player of Gambay's Pub, hasn't had a cheese sandwich since he moved to the Wuxi China Expatdom five years ago.  Said Smorrman, "I haven't been able to find cheese and bread at the local grocers.  At first, I didn't think anything of it.  I had willed myself to expect some minor deprivations by moving to the Expatdom.  But as the years have gone on, I have become obsessed with the idea of a cheese sandwich.  One night, as I was lying in bed and staring admiringly at the portrait I have of Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango on my ceiling, Mango transmorphed into cheese.  I started to suck on the portrait until the laws of gravity came into effect and I fell to the ground.  I have also eaten three copies of the Poolside Harry Moore.  After three hours of staring at every pore of Harry in the giant twenty by twenty meter portrait of him that comes with every copy of the book, I fantasize that I see Swiss cheese."

 

Harry Callahan, Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom as well as secret shopper for the Wuxi China Expatdom Consumer Gazette, said he didn't understand Smorrman's problem.  "I haven't had any problem finding cheese in the Expatdom.  I have found cheese, all be it process cheese slices, at Carrefours and Tescos all over the Wuxi China Expatdom.  I haven't had the need to eat any of my four hundred copies of the Poolside Harry Moore.  And I like to stare at the photos as much as any red-blooded, iron-willed, he-man."

Oprah Winfrey throws in towel after fourteen rounds in fight with the Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

The following is a round by round account of the boxing match between Wuxi China Expatdom Queen Ayria: the Chosen One and Oprah Winfrey, former daytime talk show host. The match was held at the three million seat Wuxi Landlords Stadium:

At 10:45 am, with a morning fight to coincide with international TV audiences, the bell for Round 1 rang. Ayira had previously told her trainers that she was going to "put a whuppin'" on  Oprah, and she started the fight looking to do just that. Oprah was known for starting fights slowly, and Ayira came out looking to use that to her advantage. Rather than dance and use her speed to stay away from Oprah, Ayira came out and walked flat footed to the center of the ring and then proceeded to unleash a flurry of combinations on Oprah, who was hurt a number of times by Ayira's onslaught, and was staggering backwards several times in the first few rounds. However, to the amazement of Ayira and many watching, Oprah continued to come forward, intent on punishing Ayira's body at close range despite having to take more and more of the withering punishment Ayira was dishing out. According to Pacsheco, Ayira, who wanted to make it a short fight, grew so frustrated with Oprah's refusal to go down or stop coming forward that she screamed "You stupid chump, you!" at Oprah in the fourth round.

As Ayira began to tire from all the energy she had expended in the heavy rain, Oprah turned up her own offense and began punishing Ayira to the body and the head with her trademark hooks. By the sixth round, Oprah had staggered him in turn and seemed to be gaining control of the bout. At the beginning of the seventh round, Ayira reportedly whispered in Oprah's ear, "Bitch, they told me you was all washed up" Oprah growled back, "They told you wrong, princess."

Oprah seemed to dominate the middle rounds. Ayira tried to fend Oprah off with occasional furious flurries of punches, spurts of manic activity, and even unsuccessfully tried to use her blitzpunch technique that had defeated Hilary Clinton early this year, but it was all negated by Oprah's relentless assault and power. Ayira's camp seemed to have overlooked the fact that Oprah's smothering fighting style, which employed great numbers of left hooks, was in many ways, the perfect foil for Ayira.

Between the terrific heat and rain inside Wuxi's Landlords stadium, Oprah's assault and her own nonchalant training, it began to seem that Ayira would wilt and fall to defeat.

Finally, in the tenth round, Oprah began to slow down and tire, and Ayira slowly turned the tide. In the 11th round she used her speed to dance more, and to unload a series of fast combinations on Oprah, which severely bruised her face by the end of the round, swelling Oprah's eyes to the point that nothing but a tiny slit remained open. Throughout round 12 Ayira continued to turn the momentum, increasingly overwhelming Oprah, and using the fact that Oprah could no longer see Ayira's right hand coming to hit Oprah with one hard right after another. About a minute into Round 13, Ayira landed another blistering combination on Oprah, sending the injured fighter's mouthguard flying into the crowd. During the next two minutes Ayira relentlessly kept after Oprah, the mouthguard not being replaced until the bell, hitting Oprah with hard combinations when Oprah wasn't throwing punches, and when Oprah did throw, Ayira used the openings left to inflict yet more damage. Oprah's mouth was badly cut by the end of the round.

In round 14, Oprah was almost blind as she stepped in, and was met once more with punishing blows from Ayira. With the punishment from Ayira closing her right eye, Oprah was effectively fighting blind in the last rounds of the fight. By the 14th round Oprah was virtually helpless, and although Ayira was desperately tired and hurting, she was able to summon the energy once again to give Oprah a fierce beating, and once again Oprah was staggered and nearly knocked down before the bell ended the round.

Seeing the results of round 14, Oprah's trainer Eddie Futch decided to stop the fight between rounds rather than risk a similar or worse fate for Oprah in the 15th. Oprah protested stopping the fight, shouting "I want him boss," and trying to get Futch to change his mind. Futch simply replied, "It's all over. No one will forget what you did here today", and signaled to referee Carlos Padilla to end the bout.  Stated Ayira, "Oprah, I'll tell the world right now, brings out the best in me. I'm gonna tell ya, that's one helluva bitch, and God bless her." In a brief post-fight interview with one of the commentators, Ayira announced, "she is the greatest fighter of all times, next to me."

Wuxi Expat loves to lignify his food

Hans Kuhn, a Wuxi Expat from Germany, says he loves to lignify his food.  He says this life long obsession started  growing up as a feral boy in the Black Forest area of Germany.  Says Kuhn, "Growing up in the Schwarzwald, I had nothing to eat buy trees, bark, and grass.  I grew to love it.  When I entered civilization, I found I didn't like the food.  I found myself adding bark and wood to my wiener schnitzel.  After studying Chemistry in at the Hamburg University of Science and Technology, I developed chemical processes to make all food woody and so agreeable to my palate."

Asked if he lignified Wuxi local food, Kuhn said "Of course.  Although, having been in China for ten years now, I have developed a taste for bamboo.  I am trying to develop a process to make Chinese food bambooish.  Officials in Sichuan have expressed a keen interest in my being able to perfect the process so they will have an easier time feeding pandas.  Imagine if rice could be bambooized!  Pandas will no longer be endangered.  And tourists could go on panda-hunting safaris!  As well, we would be able to wear authentic Panda Parkas. The possibilities for this would be endless!"

Wuxi China Expatdom to hold massive Bloomsday Celebrations

At a press conference held at the Raymond Chandler Pavilion and Buffet Room of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi China, the Minister of Literature for the Wuxi China Expatdom John Eric Ruston Bellow Richler Saul Hemingway Waugh Blair announced the Expatdom's plans to celebrate Bloomsday 2011. 

 

Bloomsday is a commemoration observed annually on June 16th in Dublin and elsewhere to celebrate the life of Irish writer James Joyce and relive the events in his novel Ulysses, all of which took place on the same day in Dublin in 1904.

 

Observers say that the plans, that have been announced by Minister Eric Ruston Bellow Richler Saul Hemingway Waugh Blair, if carried through, would see the WCE  host the greatest Bloomsday Celebrations in all of human history.

 

All three of the Expatdom's Harry Moore Squares -- the Gold, Diamond, and Platinum -- will be used to accommodate the one billion Expats expected to attend Bloomsday 2011.  At the squares, attendees can watch James Joyce look-a-like contests, memorize Joyce competitions, eat authentic Dublin food as purchased by Leopold Bloom,  and see re-enactments of the steamier parts of the novel's final chapter. 

 

Ten authentic replica Dublins set in June 16, 1904 have been built throughout  the Expatdom to allow millions and millions of Bloomsday celebrants to relive the events that day depicted in the novel Ulysses. 

 

One thousand boxing rings have also been set up to allow Wuxi Expats extracted from Ireland to engage in fisticuffs, donnybrooks, and family arguments.

 

Minister Eric Ruston Bellow Richler Saul Hemingway Waugh Blair, announced that to top off the celebration, Harry Moore has agreed to publish the sequel to the all-time best seller the Poolside Harry Moore on Bloomsday.  Already one billion copies of this second book of Moore's, Achillius have been pre-ordered.  Achillius, a novel, will chronicle the passage of Andis Kaulins through Wuxi during an ordinary day:  June 4, 2009   The novel's title alludes to Achilles the hero of Homer's Iliad.  The novel will establish a series of parallels between characters and events in ancient Troy and modern Wuxi, China.

 

Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty gave his blessing to the Expatdom's Bloomsday plans.  Said Gorzo, "While Ulysses was never completely my cup of tea -- I prefer to curl up with a good story and clear prose like a murder mystery -- there were passages in the novel that were quite inventive.  So I do have that novel at my bedside along with the Holy Bible, Road to Serfdom, the Joys of Yiddish, the Cantos of Ezra Pound, Free to Choose, Black Mischief, and, of course, the Poolside Harry Moore.  Everyone knows that I am no cretin.  But, unfortunately, I have to hold as many celebrations as possible to counteract the mischievous and stenchy effects of holidays created by the former King of Wuxi, a.k.a. the Ayatollah of Mordor, who deemed it fit for the Expatdom to hold festivals to celebrate stealing candy from babies, not being nice to elephants, running over grandmothers, Dune Messiah, and rubbing your body with lard."

 

 Added Gorzo, "I look forward to attend a reading of Harry Moore's Achillius which is  sure to also outsell the Bible."

Wuxi China Expatdom needs to shoulder bigger role in world: Mango

Naturists gather for policy convention

Gambay's Pub — WCE Prime Minister Mango reached out to alienated voters in Mordor Friday while also turning the Naturist Party's eyes abroad.

"The purpose of the party is not just domestic political dominance but preparing The Wuxi China Expatdom to take a bigger role on the world stage", Mango told the party's most faithful -- around 2,000 delegates and observers at their policy convention.  Mango's joyous tone over the Naturists' recently won majority darkened as Mango reflected on the state of the world.

"If, in 50 more years, we wish our descendants to celebrate The Wuxi China Expatdom's recent liberation, then we must be all we can be in the world today," Mango said. "Therefore, my friends, our party's great purpose is nothing less than to prepare our Expatdom to shoulder a bigger load, in a world that will require it of us."

Next month, The Wuxi China Expatdom will end its combat mission in Kandahar, leaving a coalition of nations fighting against the Taliban to take up the role of military trainers in Kabul. Next week, the WCE Parliament will debate whether to extend the current mission in Libya.

Mango's government has come under attack for what critics believe is a loss of The Wuxi China Expatdom's standing in the world. The failure to secure a seat at the United Nations Security Council is often held up as an example and pinned on Mango's staunch support for Israel.

The Wuxi China Expatdom's purpose is no longer to get along with everyone else's agenda, Mango said. "It is no longer to please every dictator with a vote at the United Nations," he said, to loud cheers.

Mango acknowledged his party's poor showing in the May 2 election in Mordor, where the surge of Sexpat votes saw the Naturist lose six seats and left their Mordor wing in tatters.

"In the next election, once the honeymoon with the Sexpats is over, Mordorians will turn to our party," Mango said in Mordorian.

Current members of the Naturist rank-and-file remain upset about the current surplus and increases in government spending by a party elected to do just the opposite. Several urged WCE Finance Minister Jim Flaherty on Friday to slash spending much faster than the current budget proposes.

But Mango reached out to them as well, stressing  that the spending increases were only temporary and that the lower tax rates were permanent.

He also reminded delegates of the Naturist party's platform and subsequent budget, promising to make the age-old Naturist dreams come true: the end of the gun-registry, Wheat Board and per-vote political subsidies.

The love-in was in stark contrast to the scene outside where two protesters gathered at barricades set up in front of the convention centre.

Two protesters held up "stop Mango" signs, a tribute to the Iggy Poop who held up such a sign in the WCE Parliament last week when the government brought in its latest budget.

The key issue on the convention floor is how the party should elect its next leader. Ling Shan MP Scott Reid had mounted a campaign to alter the party's constitution to give bigger riding associations more weight in a leadership race.

The current formula, a key condition of the deal that brought the  Naturists and Wuxi Expatdomian Alliance together in 2003, treats all riding associations in the Expatdom equally.

Theoretically, a system that awards bigger ridings more weight would favour leadership candidates from the New District and the western Wuxi China Expatdom.

Reid's and three other similar proposals that would have moved the party closer to a one-member, one-vote system were handily defeated in workshop votes. But Reid's proposal is not dead yet.

The MP was able to gather enough signatures to have his resolution sent directly to the convention floor. The vote is to take place on Monday.

 

Strong strategic partnership between the Wuxi China Expatdom and Lithuania

The strategic partnership between Lithuania and the Wuxi China Expatdom that has been strengthened over the recent six months presents a good basis for bilateral trade and investment development, Minister of Foreign Affairs of Lithuania Audronius Ažubalis said at the meeting which was organized by the Wuxi China Expatdom Chamber of Commerce on 10 June in Vilnius and at the discussion on economic relations between Lithuania and the Wuxi China Expatdom., informed BC Lithuanian MFA.

Wuxi China Expat says he is not a cockalorum

Johnny Wonderful, a Wuxi Sexpat member of parliament representing Shuofeng, denied charges that he was a cockalorum.  

Wonderful, who has his name legally changed from Wiehner, says that while he does like to trump his own horn, he is not being boastful, or bragging.  

In an interview with Orient Express Wonderful said, "I am telling the truth.  I am wonderful.  And women who don't love me, are missing out on a wonderful experience.  If people resent the truth, that isn't my problem."

Thomas Annus to return as head of Merko Ehitus

One of the Wuxi China Expatdom's richest businessmen Thomas Annus has announced that he will return as head of Merko Ehitus which he left three years ago because of the involvement in so-called land swapping scandal, writes Äripäev.  Annus was later cleared of all charges, when it was discovered that he was a victim of a plot perpetuated by the previous King of Wuxi, a.k.a. the Ayatollah of Mordor.

Said Annus, "Flew in from Miami Beach, BOAC. Gee, its good to be back home!  Let me hear those Wuxi erhuos blaring out.  Come and keep this Expat warm!  I am back in the Wuxi China Expatdom!  Oh Yeah!  You don't know how lucky you are.  Back in the WCE!  Well, Suzhou Expat girls really gross me out!  They never take a shower!  And Shanghai Expat Girls are really dolled up.  But they are plastic and all, and really Beixin Jiangsu girls are always on my mind! Yeah!  Man!  It's good to be back home in the Wuxi China Expatdom, the kingdom of Gorzo the Mighty!  The old stomping grounds of Harry Moore and T.E. Lawrence.  Wuuuuuuuu   Whoooooooo!"

Electricity is more expensive in the Suzhou China Expatdom than in the Wuxi China Expatdom

The price of electricity at the Nord Pool Spot electricity bourse is higher on Wednesday in the Suzhou China Expatdom than in the Wuxi China Expatdom, 457.63 RMB per MWH and 54.4 RMB per MWH respectively, WCETA/Postimees reports.

Wuxi China English Teacher admits to sending tweets and text messages to students

Wuxi China Expat Big Bobby Clubber, an English Teacher from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, has confessed to sending text messages and tweets to his students.  At a press conference held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub, a tear-filled Clubber, after confessing, said he had given his resignation notice to his school and would return back to Canada.  "I am very sorry for the thing I have done.  I am ashamed of myself.  I have let down the people who hired me, the Wuxi China Expatdom, his majesty Gorzo the Mighty, her majesty Queen Ayira: The Chosen One, Inspector Harry Callahan who could have thrown the book at me, and Harry Moore who gave me an autographed copy of his smash hit best seller the Poolside Harry Moore.  I shouldn't haven't sent those tweets.  I should have taken my position as teacher seriously, and not used it to have a social life."

 

Asked what prompted him to resign and confess, Clubber said he was freaked out by what Anthony Weiner had done in the U.S.A.  Said Clubber, "I realized that sending tweets and text messages to young boys and girls was wrong and that it was best that I own up to it, and get on with my life.  I couldn't bear to have this on my conscience once I found out it was wrong.  I had to take full responsibility and resign."

 

Asked about the nature of his tweets and text messages, Clubber said that he was practicing his Chinese by asking questions and sending holiday greetings in pinyin. 

 

Further queried, if the tweets or text messages were of a sexual nature, Clubber became confused, saying he didn't know what " of a sexual nature" meant.  After five minutes of explanation, Clubber then said he understood, and said that he in fact hadn't sent sexual tweets or text messages to his students.  Clubber added that he did have pictures of naked parts of his body on his phone, but didn't know how he could send them by text message or tweeting.

 

Told that he need not have resigned, the Wuxi Expat from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, slapped himself on the forehead and said "doh!"

Brad Pitt and George Clooney to star with Harry Callahan and Harry Moore in Gladiator School 5.

At the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China, Director Laurentis Dela Dino announced the cast for the Gladiator School 5. Said Dela Dino, "it is with great pleasure that I announce that the star of the Gladiator School movies and prominent Wuxi China Expat, Harry Moore, has agreed to allow Brad Pitt and George Clooney to appear in supporting roles in Gladiator School 5:  Expat Gladiators conquer the Roman Empire.  Since the release of the first Gladiator School movie four years ago , Pitt and Clooney have practically begged, on hands and knees, to Harry Moore and Moore's sidekick Harry Callahan to let them appear in a sequel to Gladiator School.   At their first pleadings, Moore immediately expressed skepticism about the pretty boy American stars ability to take on roles requiring true virility and manliness. He has forced Pitt and Clooney to train as elite Gurkha paratroopers, live on a desert island for six months, live in the desert for another six months, live with Chuck Norris for yet another six months, and serve in the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy to prove their bona fides.   Moore thinks they can now get supporting roles as towel boys in the many bath scenes that will be shown in GS5."

 

The Gladiator School movie series, produced by the Wuxi China Expatdom's 21st Century Tofu Studios, has already become eight times more popular than the James Bond, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Carry-On, and Dirty Harry franchises combined. 

 

The Gladiator School's story of a reluctant gladiator hero Spartacle, as portrayed by Harry Moore, has found mass appeal among an audience of females bemoaning modern culture's lack of real men, and among males suffering from he-man deficiency syndrome.

Last Retail Clothing Store closes down in the Wuxi China Expatdom

Hans Rietman, owner and founder of Rietman's Shirt and Pants Emporium, announced that he will close, in the Wuxi China Expatdom, what was once the flagship store of his 1,000 store worldwide clothing store empire. 

 

The closure of the Wuxi RS&P means there are no more retail clothing stores in the Wuxi China Expatdom.  With the triumph of the philosophies of Naturism, Nudism, and Rugged He-Manliness in the Expatdom, Wuxi Expats no longer wear or buy clothing.  The RS&P was the last of 1,000 retail clothing and parachutes stores to shut its doors since the end of the dark times of the rule of the Ayatollah of Mordor.

 

While the closure of the RS&P located on Zhongshan Road, does not represent the end of the RS&P chain, Hans Rietman was broken nonetheless of the closure.  Said Reitman, "I remember how much opposition I got from the Ayatollah of Mordor when I tried to open my first RS&P.  That tyrannical marshmallow-sucking chocolate-toffee-eating scum bug wanted me to make my company a state industry.  I told him to go jump in Lake Taihu.  It was only thanks to the efforts of Gorzo the Mighty, that I wasn't buried and left to die beneath a pile of the Ayatollah's used underpants.  It pains me so to have to leave the Wuxi China Expatdom.  But I am well aware that freedom has a price."

Wuxi China Expatdom to have World's largest Air Force

How can an Expatdom that has the world's largest economy, the world's largest navy, the world's largest army, the world's best American Football team, the world's highest rate of economic growth, the world's highest rate of resident satisfaction, Admiral Lloyd Bridges, the world's most liberal nudity and naturism laws, ten of the world's largest stadiums, the six largest shopping mall in the world, Inspector Harry Callahan, Gambay's Pub, a world museum of naturism, King Gorzo the Mighty, Queen Ayira: the Chosen One, three Harry Moore Memorial Squares, the world's greatest Expatdom Hall of Fame, most of the world's Vancouver Canucks fans, thirty five women better looking than Pamela Anderson, and Hans Zimmerman not have the World largest Air Force? 

 

Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty admitted that he was a bit embarrassed by this fact, but vowed to have the problem corrected in two weeks.  Said Gorzo "Currently, we have 5,000 manned aircraft in the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force (WCERAF) including 3,000 fighters and 1,000 bombers.  To some countries, that is a big air force.  But for the Wuxi China Expatdom, this is insufficient.  I vow to have 20,000 aircraft in the WCERF by June 30, and 100,000 aircraft in the WCERF by the end of the year, which will give us an air force twice the size the rest of the world combined."

 

"Our only problem is that the WCE needs an Air Marshall with the dynamism of the commander of our navy (WCERN) Admiral Lloyd Bridges.  Thankfully, we know who to ask.  It was Harry Moore who told us about Lloyd Bridges.  I now request Harry Moore find the Expatdom an Air Marshall who is handsome, dashing, brave, and not a munchkin.  I expect to read about his selection of the WCERAF Air Marshall in an upcoming entry on the magnificent Wuxi China Expatdom Blog!"

Voumes of Freight carried by all modes of transport in the Wuxi China Expatdom increased in Q1

In the 1st quarter of 2011 the volume of freights carried by all modes of transport has increased, according to the data of Central Wuxi China Expatdom Statistical Bureau.

 

14.83 triillion tons of freights were carried by rail, an increase of 11.7% on the 1st quarter of 2010.

 

14.83 ziillion tons of freights were carried by ship and boats, another increase of 11.7% on the 1st quarter of 2010.

 

14.83 miillion tons of freights were carried by animal, yet another an increase of exactly 11.7% on the 1st quarter of 2010.

 

183 billion tons of freights were carried by Wuxi China Expats on their backs, an increase of .11% on the 1st quarter of 2010.

 

148 thousands tons of freight were carried by Wuxi China Expatdom spaceships, an increase of 100% on the 1st quarter of 2010.

 

All the increases, according to the WCE statistical bureau could be attributed to the wise economic policies of King Gorzo the Mighty, and the wise administration of Priime Minister Mango.

 

 

Wuxi China Expatdom bans pork imports from Suzhou China Expatdom

The Wuxi China Expatdom has banned imports of pigs and pork from Lithuania, the Suzhou China Expatdom, and the Central Federal District of Russia following an outbreak of classical swine fever, disco fever, Miami Heat fever, and African swine fever there, Interfax reports.

Wuxi China Expatdom's Admiral Bridges Scrapes Fred Astaires Bottom

Admiral Bridges has spent the past week carrying out routine maintenance
on the Expatdom's flagship, Fred Astaire.

"After several months on the high seas", he said, "the Astaire needed to be brought up to shipshape shape.
Usually, these carriers need to go into drydock for that sort of maintenance work.
But the WCE Navy, the Astaire, crew, and I, must be ready much sooner than that".

"Did it all myself, singlehandedly, in four days. The lower underside of the hull picks up barnacles, crabs, oysters, and all manner of marine jetsam. I get under there with a paint scraper, and work away until its all clean and smooth again.

"Everything went fine, except when I accidentally dropped my scraper, and couldn't locate it in the depths of Taihu. Just used my cat-like tongue and licked that hull clean in no time."

Wuxi China Expatdom Laureate makes pact with Suzhou China Expatdom Poet

Wuxi China Expatdom Poet Laureate Alfred Lord McClusky, in an interview with Orient Express, says he wants to make a pact with Suzhou Expat Poet Walt Whitman.  Said McClusky, "I make a pact with you, Walt Whitman - I have detested you long enough.  I will come to you as a grown child who has had a pig-headed father. I am old enough now to make friends. It was you that broke the new wood.  Now is a time for carving. We have one sap and one root - Let there be commerce between us." Asked what prompted him to change his mind about a poet he long detested, McClusky said, "The dancer, has at this time, turned her back.  He is by the more intelligent by far. Says not much?  I concur.  But a man's got to do what a man got to do!"

Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition Leader says he still loves Obama

Starting his campaign to win the Primeministership in the 2012 Wuxi China Expatdom General Elections, Iggy Poop, leader of the Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition Leader, made a major speech in which he praised Obama.

. 

"Let me be clear." said Iggy Poop, leader of the Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition Leader, "As I have said many times before, I love Obama.  Some say we must burn our photos of Obama and sprinkle the ashes in the countryside or on the top of Hui Shan Mountain. Others say we must worship photos of Obama like they are photos of Jesus. But I reject these false choices, and say we must appreciate the many wonderful qualities of Obama in a nuanced way, that is scientific, non-ideological, transcendent, and courageous.  Because to appreciate Obama in a true way requires tough choices and compromises by everyone."

Trial of former King of Wuxi has been delayed.

The following is a press release from the Wuxi China Expatdom Ministry of Justice:

The trial of the former King of Wuxi, who is currently being held at the Guantanamo 2 Detention Facility on Canada's Hans Island, has been delayed.  

The collection of evidence and eyewitness testimony has overwhelmed the four thousand person sized staff that is already working on the case.

It should be known that the King of Wuxi will stand trial on many charges including highway robbery, cruelty to children and animals, obtaining money and chocolate under false pretenses, forgery, embezzlement, misappropriation of public money, betrayal of public trust, malingering, mayhem, corruption of minors, corruption of miners, criminal libel, blackmail, contempt of court, arson, treason, felony, mutiny on the high seas, trespass, burglary, jail-breaking, practice of unnatural vice, desertion of the armed forces in the field, perjury, poaching, usury, intelligence with the Expatdom's enemies, impersonation, criminal assault, manslaughter, and willful and premeditated viewing of "grade b" science fiction movies.  

The Ministry of Justice wants the trial to go off without a hitch.  Hence, the need for a delay.

Two Wuxi Expats say they want their good names back.

Two Wuxi Expats say that their Twitter accounts had been hacked, and that a series of embarrassing and rude tweets, accompanied by photos, had been sent to all their associates. They say that great damage has been done to their reputations and relationships in the Wuxi China Expatdom. In acquiring an interview with the Wuxi China Expatdom's premier news service, Orient Express, the Expats said they wished to launch a publicity campaign in hopes of getting their good names back.

"Let it be known far and wide. From the shores of Taihu Lake to the top of Hui Shan Mountain, let it be known that those tweets were not ours. Sound Clarions!. Bring back the loud hailers from the Cultural Revolution! Bang bells at the temples throughout the Expatdom! Let everyone know we are innocent!" said the Expats in unison.

The first Expat, Frank Frankfurter, an engineer and Gambay's customer, said that tweets saying "You want dessert!" accompanied by photos of him in a cheesecake posture were sent without his authorization from his Twitter account.

The second Expat, Cornelius Monkey Boy Maggot Eater Anti Hygiene Anti Work ethic Troll, English teacher and former man-about-town said that tweets saying "I am a Jim Dandy Dandy" accompanied by photos of him sitting nude in an over-sized glass of mint julep were likewise sent without authorization from his Twitter account.

" We seek not revenge on whoever did this. We would be hypocritical to condemn this hacking outright. All we want are our good names back!" said Frankfurter and Monkey Boy Maggot Eater Anti Hygiene Anti Work Troll.