Iggy Poop, long-time leader of the opposition Wuxi China Expatdom Nudist Party, was yesterday ousted in a dramatic military coup d'etat that featured water balloons, unicorns, cavalry, zebras, Polish infantry, Ukrainian airmen, Greek sailors, and failed airborne candidates from Ontario, Canada.
Poop was ousted by the South American caucus of the Wuxi China Expatdom Nudist Party. Not much fancying the Nudist Party chances in the Autumn Parliamentary elections under Poop's leadership, the South American caucus of the WCENP, most of whose members are ex-generals in Paraguay, Bolivia, and Venezuela, decided a leadership change was needed if there was to be any chance of the party keeping the fifty seats it currently had in the WCE parliament. The Junta also did not like the Nudist policy of determining leadership on the basis of primogeniture -- Iggy Poop had succeeded his father Doggy Poop as party leader. Many Nudist Party faithful were not excited at the prospect of seeing Iggy's son Diarrhea become leader.
The coup took place at the Wuxi China Expatdom Opposition Leaderial Palace. At 700 a.m. the Nudist Military Junta began the coup with an aerial assault. However lacking bombs and planes, the Ukrainian pilots hired had to resort to hurling water balloons at palace from a nearby Ferris Wheel. Then from a nearby canal, Greek Sailors threw rocks at the palace before quickly giving up and deciding to bugger themselves. Next an airborne assault with no planes and parachutes nevertheless saw all the participants, who were all from Ontario, Canada, plunge to their deaths. At twelve noon, all coup participants, except the Ontarioians, went to either KFC or McDonalds for lunch. Resuming the coup at one, Polish Infantry were able to attack and enter the palace, but full of too much enthusiasm, the Poles run out the back exit thereby losing the advantage. And so it was up to the Shuo-Feng-Kambojas-Lancers-Hussars-Dragoons-Cuirassiers lead by the handsome Harry Moore on his steed Secretariat to over-run the palace, capture Iggy Poop, and put the newly-former leader of Naturist on a one-way train to the Expatdom of Palookaville near Suzhou. Asked why he would choose to take part in a coup for a party which he had said he detested with "every fibre of his being", Moore tossed back his shiny, handsome, black locks of tousled hair, laughed heartily exposing his patented golden smile, and then said "I spent some time in the haciandas of South America you know! I grew to love the gaucho culture of Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay. And I developed a soft spot in my heart for an old-fashioned coup d'etat, the kind that my good old mom used to wax poetically about. I was also intrigued at the challenge of trying cavalry attacks with zebras and cavalrymen having horns on their forehead!"
There is no word yet on who will become the new leader of the official WCE opposition. The head of the Nudist Party Military Junta, General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle doesn't have a seat in the WCE parliament. And with the next parliamentary elections taking place in September, it is too late to hold a by-election for Poop's vacated seat. Observers predict that Nudist back-bencher Bob Rae, a former lackey of Karl Marx and currently good friend of General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle, will act as leader in parliament.
Members of the Nudist Party broke into loud cheers and hip-hip-hurrahs when they heard the news of Poop's ouster. They then went to Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China and sang " General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle is a jolly fellow! General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle is a jolly fellow! General Augustus Caesar Ramon Chavez Allende Mah Jong Pinochle is a jolly fellow! and so say all of us!"
Asked if military coups were not in keeping with a spirit of a party that saw itself as progressive, Naturist Party Member Harry Reid said "Military Coups are only bad if they are right-wing coups. Left-wing coups are okay!"
Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister and Naturist Party leader Mango, when mobbed by reporters, declined to comment on the coup saying " it was an internal matter of the opposition party." When pressed, PM Mango did say that "How they choose their leaders is their business. Far be it for me to judge. After all, being a politician and all, I don't want anyone to think I am anti-this or anti-that. I love the South Americans who choose to live in the Wuxi China Expatdom and I have always respected their banana republic way of doing things in their home countries."
No comments:
Post a Comment