Andis Kaulins Inducted Into Wuxi China Expatdom Hall Of Fame

For the past ten days, Expats, foreign dignitaries, and
media representatives have been making their way into the central
district of the Wuxi China Expatdom, - and today the moment they'd been waiting for arrived.

Some 40 billion people (somehow) gathered at the corner of
Zhongshan and Xuegian, to witness the Induction Ceremony of Andis Kaulins into the
Hall of Fame.

There was high-drama before the ceremony began. WCHOF curator, Kennesaw
"Hui Shan" Landis, staggered under the weight of the Andis Kaulins Induction Speech,
526,780 pages, and was unable to scale atop the towering scaffolding that had been
erected as the address-podium.
Harry Moore rushed to Landis' aid, and together they carried the 28 bound-volume speech to the top of the tower.

A visibly-emotional and breathless Landis said "I just don't know where to begin in narrating the Andis Kaulins biography." However, after being pumped with several cylinders of oxygen and amphetamines, Landis at last began the speech.

"Andis Kaulins is a towering figure in the WCE. He has been here from the time when Wuxi was a mere village, and has played a monumental role in building the Expatdom into the biggest, most-advanced Expatdom there ever was, and is likely to ever be, anywhere.

"Andis began his life on the prairies of Manitoba. A prodigy, he advanced directly from primary school Year 3 to the University of Winnipeg. In his sophomore year, Andis showed his flair for macro-economic theory by revising every written work of Milton Friedman - converting Friedman into an apostle of the laissez-faire.
Andis graduated, magna cum laude, as both a Doctor of Economics, AND Emeritus Professor of Advanced Linguistics.

"At his Alma mater, during one mid-semester break, Andis learnt that the Montreal Olympics was about to begin, so he ran all the way from Winnipeg to Montreal, thereby winning Gold in the men's marathon in the process.

"In Montreal, Andis went on to garner a record 226 Gold medals, un-matched to this day. He out-swam Mark Spitz. He out-decathloned Bruce Jenner. He
out-skated Torvill and Dean. He KO'd Sugar Ray Leonard 3-seconds into the first round. And he out-ran Princess Anne - on her horse.

"At that time, Andis singlehandedly played a part in re-writing the
history of modern Canada. Infuriated by the Fabianistical ethos of the tyrant,
Pierre Trudeau, Andis sneaked, unnoticed, into a grand reception for visiting
Headless of State Nicolaue Ceauseskew. Covertly, Andis slipped a whoopee-cushion on Pierre Trudeau's chair. "Merde!", shrieked a humiliated Trudeau, outraging the Canadian populace, and from that day forth, Trudeau began his inexorable slide into public-life oblivion.

"Arriving as the first English teacher in the Expatdom, Andis initially held an influential position as Lord Chamberlain to the former KoW.
But then, he was instrumental in the eventual dethroning of the criminal sovereign, exposing him as the Ayatollah of Mordor. Andis said "At first I never suspected that the Emperor had no clothes. But when he unexpectedly appeared at my front door, nude, well, I saw his true colours, and shortcomings."

"In the Expatdom", Landis continued, "Andis' accomplishments
are far too numerous to read-out here. But, here are but a few:"

- author; photographer; triple-Grammy vocalist; and of course,
an auteur whose films have been viewed by more people than can even be estimated!
, 'Th
"Andis began his cinema-photographic career early, as Second Unit
Director on the set of "Top Hat - The Remake", and few people know that it was in fact Andis' winged-feet, filmed in close-up, that appear in that movie.

"Here in the Expatdom, in 2007, Andis filmed the blockbuster "Woman Walks Her Dog", hailed by Otto Preminger, William Wyler, David Selznik, and
David Lean as, quote, 'The landmark of all cinema of all time'.

"Andis' other accomplishments here include an un-matched triple
Grand-Prix wins (electric scooter) on the tortuous Jiefang street-circuit, earning him the accolade "Colossus of Roads".

"His other sporting-triumphs, to list just a few, include:
- out-batting DiMaggio, nailing 3,376 homers;
- out-hockeying Bobby Orr; prior to leaving Manitoba, Andis
made 257,000 appearances in NHL regular season with 28 million
goals, 12 million assists and 98,515 points.

"Of course, Andis is also recognised as the finest English teacher
in all Expatdoms, anywhere, in the history of the language.
Harry Moore, the Boswell to Andis Kaulins, recalls: "One day I was sitting down with Andis (I was proud to be his whiteboard-wiper), and said to him: "Andis, you are the greatest teacher who ever lived, a film-maker, author, singer, advisor to Gorzo the Mighty - tell me, how do you DO all these things?!".
"Superbly", Andis replied.

Harry Moore told of the day when a female student said to him: "Harry, you're a teacher of some class!". "No, no, not all, I scoffed, laughingly, (pointing to Andis) "I stood on the shoulder of a giant!". My student, Harry continued, spontaneously emoted, of Andis: "I did but see him passing by, but I will love him until I die." Harry Moore then broke-down and wept unashamedly.
"So will I!", sobbed Harry.

Landis then lavished praise on Andis' seminal book, the complete
guide to teaching English. "Even the title of Andis' 14-volume text is pure-poetry: "From The Halls To Monty's Zoomer; From Balta To Malta (To Hell With Yalta), and From The Kama To Sutra".
Before Landis could deliver the induction-pronouncement (superfluous), on a pre-arranged secret signal, the crowd of 40 billion placed
on their top hats, put on their white ties, and their tails, and carried Andis, on their shoulders all the way to Taihu, in an unprecedented scene redolent of a
Roman triumph. The celebration partying is expected to continue for at least three months.