In what was probably the most exciting thing to happen to the Wuxi China Expatdom since the deposing of the Ayatollah of Mordor; the capture of the Ayatollah of Mordor; Mango Mania; the coronation of King Gorzo the Mighty; the marriage of Gorzo the Mighty and Princess Ayria: The Chosen One; the Wuxi Red Guards winning the Super Duper Bowl; the election of the first Monkey Parliament; the capture of the Kraken in Lake Taihu; the launching of the Wuxi China Expatdom's tenth aircraft carrier; the victory of Harry Callahan and the Wuxi Expatdom Trio at the World Expatdom Vision Contest in Brandon, Canada; the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy sailing to Shilo, Manitoba; the search for the Swedish Bikini Team in the tunnels of the Wuxi train station; the marriage of Prime Minister Mango and Wonder Woman; the coup d'etat that installed a military junta as the Wuxi China Expatdom opposition party; the two inductions of Harry Moore into the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame; the inductions of TE Lawrence, Rush Limbaugh, Tony Kaulins, Andis Kaulins in the Wuxi Expat Hall of Fame; Queen Ayria's three boxing victories over Hilary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, and Michelle Obama; the opening of a wildlife safari park in the 1912 Bar District; and the return of Doc Delaney to his chiropractor practice; Wuxi China Expatdom entrepreneur Marvin Monroe announced that the Wuxi China Expatdom has been awarded a franchise in the World Roller Derby Association which will begin play in 2012. Over the next few months, a contest will be held to determine the team's name.
Said Monroe at a press conference held in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub:
"I am proud to tell you that smash mouth, smash head, Roller Derby excitement is coming to the Wuxi China Expatdom! By being awarded a franchise in the World Roller Derby Association, the Expatdom and Wuxi China will be part of the world's first truly global professional sports league. Along with the Expatdom, the World Roller Derby Association will have teams in London, Paris, Des Moines, Philadelphia, Baghdad, Tehran, Tokyo, Moscow, Cairo, Sydney, Manila, Winnipeg, Berlin, Warsaw, Oslo, Copenhagen, New York, Seattle, Regina, Moose Jaw, Manchester, Cork, Cardiff, Dublin, Edinburgh, Mexico City, Guatemala, Santiago, Havana, Brasilia, Lima, Shanghai, Chong Ching, Hefei, Saigon, New Delhi, Montreal, Rome, Athens, Madrid, Vienna, and Taipei!
Already, great athletes and great individuals, from other fields of achievement, have agreed to join the league. The Super Bowl Champion Green Packers, half the English Premiership, the entire Australian Rules Football League, the participants in the Rugby World Cup, the Stanley Cup Champion Boston Bruins, the Vancouver Canucks, the entire Canadian Football League, the top two division of Italian Soccer, the Premier Liga, 15 Nobel Prize Winners, Lady Gaga, U2, JK Rowling, Brad Pitt, the entire senate of New York State, Joe Biden, the Black Caucus of the United States Congress, half the work staff at the Jet Propulsion Labratory, NASA, author Harry Moore, Stripper Zach Landon, half the Communist Party of China, three quarters of the Berlin Philharmonic, the top one hundred Ping Pong players in China, Steven Spielburg, Richard Dawkins, Paul Krugman, Stephen Hawking, Leftist English teacher Tom Butler, New Gingrich, Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner, Terry Pickett, and Mick Jagger have agreed to join the league and give up their normal professions. There is a rumour, which I won't say is not true, that President Barack Obama is thinking of not running for a second-term as U.S. President and instead joining our league. Already Michelle Obama has pledged to skate for our Washington D.C. franchise!
Construction of the Wuxi China Expatdom Roller Derby Palace has begun. It will be the largest stadium in the Expatom with seats for four million spectators!"
Wuxi China Expatdomites, who are not ones to be bereft of excitement, expressed the most passionate of enthusiasm when hearing the news that Roller Derby was coming to the Expatom. Andis Kaulins, who told stories of watching Team Canada and Skinny Mini Miller in the 1970s, said he might reach into his deep pockets and buy season tickets. "I can have my son Tony sit on my lap so I only need to buy two tickets for me and my wife."
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