Saturday, February 4, 2012

Wuxi China Expatdom Police Squad Officer McNulty has Helper Gorillas

Not to be outdone by other Expats who have helper monkeys, the acting Chief Inspector of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Police Squad, Officer McNulty, has acquired a whole troop of rabid African Helper Mountain Gorillas to to be employed during routine investigations, riot control, questioning of suspects, and enforcement of Expatdom by-laws and English grammar rules.

"The Mountain Gorillas, all male and smokers, have been feed Viagara and made to quit smoking cold-turkey, to ensure they are in heat and thus at a maximum level of ferocity." said Officer McNulty to a packed standing-room-only press center of the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  To demonstrate the gorilla's ferocity, McNulty released one of his helper-gorillas, named Constable Snuggles, into the crowd -- seven reporters from the New York Times were torn to shreds before McNulty said "bananas."

"The Gorillas have also been taught to ride horses!" said McNulty to the surviving Press Men.  The remaining media, from Fox News and the Wall Street Journal and the Wuxi China Expatdom blog, gave McNulty a standing ovation.

In all, the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Helper Gorilla Police (WCERMHGP) will have a hundred members.  McNulty says they will be deployed immediately at the new Wuxi, China Nanchang Jie Bar Street.  "There's a lot of bad grammar spoken there!" declared McNulty.
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5 comments:

  1. Harry Moore at the University of QueenslandFebruary 4, 2012 at 4:33 AM

    Officer McNulty's last statement ("theres a lot of...")!!

    - Those baboons down in the 1912 might need to be careful.

    And, is CI Callahan still in the Suzhou Expatdom, chasing the outlaw Josey Whales?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chester GilbertFebruary 4, 2012 at 6:18 AM

      Baboons? Which ones? The English Teaching Baboons or the Baboons from the Wildlife Safari Park. Not that it would be easy to tell the difference.

      It is a scandal in Wuxi that no one wants to talk about. Some schools are so desperate for English teachers that they have been hiring Baboons.

      I expect that CI Callahan will back a dramatic return to the WCE. I heard he has gotten rid of all the gangs and dandruff in Suzhou.

      Delete
  2. Harry Moore at the University of QueenslandFebruary 7, 2012 at 3:23 AM

    According to probability theory, if ten baboons were
    placed in a room and each given a typewriter, they would, eventually,
    produce the complete works of William Shakespeare.

    Harry Moore is now busily working on a converse theory - if
    ten English teachers were placed in a room and each given a typewriter,
    what literary accomplishments might they (eventually) produce?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pope Benedict XVIFebruary 7, 2012 at 6:26 AM

    Blessed Harry Moore likes to find answers to the difficult questions.

    I'll stick to questions of our existence, God's existence and how to live a good life.

    ReplyDelete
  4. wuxi andisFebruary 7, 2012 at 6:27 AM

    I know the answer.

    English Teachers using typewriters would write novels by Howard Fast, the Communist Manifesto and Jill and Jack up went the Hill.

    ReplyDelete

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