Acting Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Mounted Police Spokesman Officer McNulty prefaced his press conference discussion, of the two gimlet incidents, with the following statement: "You must understand that there are two definitions of a gimlet. A gimlet can be a cocktail made with vodka or gin, sweetened lime juice, and sometimes effervescent water and garnished with a slice of lime. A gimlet is also a small hand tool having a spiraled shank, a screw tip, and a cross handle and used for boring holes. Both of these types of gimlets played a part in the two Wuxi Expat English teachers injuring themselves."
The first incident involved English Teacher Thor Lyndon whose hometown is Minnehaha Falls, Minnesota, USA. Said Office McNulty: "Teacher Lyndon, who works at the World Wide English Federation Experimental School, was at the Chestnut Pub drinking gimlets with his brother Svenson when things got out of hand. To make a long story short, I will simply say that the end result of the Lyndon brothers drinking spree was a very severe concussion for Thor. He decided it would be a good idea to climb the to the top of the Moresky360 building in the nude, but he ended up slipping and falling on his head when he reached the fourth floor."
The second incident involved English Teacher Duston Short, from Orillia, Ontairio, Canada who is currently between English Teaching assignments. "Short who was plugged-up because of a daily 200 cheeseburger-a-day habit, thought a gimlet tool would be the perfect way to unplug himself. I won't go into details, suffice to say that Short couldn't get anyone to assist him in the operation, and his decision to use a mirror instead wasn't a good idea!" said Officer McNulty.
Short and Lyndon are currently in critical condition at the 101 People's Liberation Army Hospital in Wuxi, China.
Serves them right!
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