So far, three million Wuxi English Teachers have attended FYDbY which has been running all week at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District. And their reasons for going, though diverse, suggest a common pattern of personal inadequacy among all Wuxi English Teachers. Thirty Two year old Duston Short, an English Teacher who has worked in every English school in Wuxi, says he is attending to find solutions to his intimacy problems. Seventy-five year old Aristotle Sysprios says he is attending to find solutions to his erectile dysfunction. Fifty-nine year old Steve Clark says he is attending to overcome his addiction to drugs dealing with his erectile dysfunction. Another English Teacher, Samuel Worthington says he "go to Seminar fix his grammar of English which is no goody."
Zaius, in his seminars, teaches attendees to find their destiny by sitting down and imagining where it is that they want to be at that moment in time. But to do this, says Doctor Zaius, involves being totally honest with oneself. "What is that you really want? I ask them after I turn off the lights. What is it that you really want? I ask again. And it they need help, I tell them to drink or play their favorite Xbox or PSP game -- this seems really popular. And in fact many of the teachers return!"
So far only one English Teacher in Wuxi has not attended the Seminars: Andis Kaulins -- not the Andis Kaulins who is the president of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association. In an interview with WCE Wordpress, Kaulins said Doctor Phil Zaius was a charlatan and that the people who attended his seminars with kool-aid drinkers. Wuxi English Teachers, when asked about Kaulins's thoughts, said that he was "probably trying to rationalize his cheapskatedness and that his views of the seminars was definitely that of a fringe minority figure in the Expatdom.
Dear Doctor Zaius,
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you could dispense some Buddha-like wisdom to my neighbours? I live next door to the Hoares, - Horace and Maxine Hoare, an elderly couple in their mid-80s. A charming, respectable couple.
But Horace ('Horrie') Hoare is telling everybody that he is going to the Wuxi China Expatdom to be an English Teacher.
Except that Horrie secretly tells me that he is going to the WCE so that he can "sow his wild oats", and, "spread his seeds far and wide".
Is he talking about going into agriculture? I cannot understand what he is talking about.
awaiting your reply, with baited-breath,
Dirt E.
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TWO Andis Kaulins????? Both in the WCE? Are they both from Canada? Do they both love the Canucks (even though the Canucks like fightin' the Bruins)??
Dirt, I think you should tell your neighbour to
ReplyDeletestay away from the WCE. They have a tough-guy cop there, McNulty, who doesn't like that kind of (mis)behaviour. He rooted-out all my old pals there, too.