Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Wuxi Expat will put fireworks in his pants on Chinese New Year's Eve.

Duston Short, Sumo Midget Wrestling Champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom and an English Teacher who has taught at every school in Wuxi, says he is putting firecrackers in his pants on Chinese New Year's Eve.

Asked why he was going to do this, Short told the WCE blog that he wanted to show the locals his commitment to Chinese culture and that his bar mates at the Chestnut Pub were daring him.

Wally Droop, disgraced owner of the Chestnut Pub, said that he no problem with Short doing this as long as he didn't do it on the premises.  Droop added that now that Short had finally settled his bar tab, he had no care either way what happened to Short.

Acting Wuxi China Expatdom Chief Inspector McNulty said he would see if there was any laws against Short doing this, and that even if there weren't, Short was probably doing something illegal and deserved to dealt McNulty's eccentric brand of rough justice.

Other Wuxi Expats said that Short was a short, fat, lazy dope and though he would harm himself, it would be a good result if Short was rendered incapable of fathering children.

One man, however, seemed sympathetic to what he called "Short's daring."  "Perhaps!" said Wuxi China Expatdom self-help guru Doctor Phil Zaius, "he will find his destiny!"

2 comments:

  1. Doctor Phil Zaius!! Wondered where he was these days.

    Does he have a forum, or blog, to take questions, like, from lonely, delusional, perverted or lost Expats who can't find their mojo? e.g.,

    Duston Short writes: "Dear Doctor Zaius, what will happen when I put a firecracker down my pants?"

    "It will explode"

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  2. I think that Duston Short is really an alien.
    He probably came from Andromeda. He could be a space-god.

    And the WCE government is secretly covering this up, so that there is no panic in the streets. I know this because I found a little magazine at the supermarket once that had a story all about these scary things.

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