Support Group for Mixed-Up Talkers holds convention in Wuxi, China Expatdom

Says Wanda Wanda:"When people say to me that my husband is mixed up, I tell them he is up-mixed.  That, I believe, puts a positive spin on what really is a misunderstood and over-persecuted mental problem that really should be thought of as an eccentricity."

 

Wanda Wanda is president of the Support Group for Mixed-Up Talkers (SGMUT) which is holding its annual convention at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi。

 

"There are 150 groups from 120 countries at the convention. Or is it 120 conventions from 150 groups in the country?" Said Wanda Wanda's husband Seth Sethson.  Sethson has suffered from MUT syndrome for as long as he can remember or as he says "can long as remember I."  Sethson credits his wife for helping him "come all over the problem."  It was her efforts inspirational that lead him to suggest to her that she "start a group to find other husbands she could support who has his problem just as well."

 

Asked what it is like to have the SGMUT group in his pub, Gambay's Fred Minklemen said that "there have been some confusion.  And some hot-headed Englishmen will take everything the Yank SMGUTers say the wrong way. Too bad, some people have to be like that.  I feel the SMGUTers are really wonderful people."

Chuck Norris to visit Wuxi, China Expatdom in March, 2011.

Chuck Norris, the most virile man in Human history, is to visit Wuxi, China Expatdom in March 2011 to meet Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi, China Expatdom.

 

Norris and Gorzo, besides making a whole lot of trade deals, solving world problems, making a movie together, and being co-parade marshalls at the first ever Wuxi Expat Naturist Parade, will compete against each other for the world championships of many athletic events including heavy-weight boxing, weight-lifting, arm-wrestling, drinking, log-rolling. tree-chopping, and ironman-septhapaloning.

 

Norris, whose visit to the WCE in 2008, saw him leave in disgust at effeminacy and perverseness of the Expatdom, says that the WCE has since redeemed itself by having Gorzo become its supreme monarch.

 

"Gorzo", said Norris, " is the one being in the universe I respect and I am proud to call him my friend."

Wuxi Red Guards defeat Super Bowl VII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers

In preparation for February 13th's Super Duper Bowl, in which they will play the winner of the Super Bowl matchup, the Wuxi Red Guards, the official fantasy football team of Wuxi Expats, went back in time to defeat the Super Bowl VII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers 35-10. 

 

Red Guard Quarterback George Orwell picked apart the vaunted Steel Curtain defence throwing three passes for touchdowns.

 

Red Guard Running Back Irving Kristol scored a touchdown and ran for 150 yards.

Toyota to check 990 “Avensis” and 127 “Lexus IS 250″ cars in Wuxi, China Expatdom

Toyota WCE, the official importer of Toyota and Lexus cars to the Wuxi, China Expatdom, plans to carry out a service campaign, during which 990 "Avensis" car owners will be invited to replace fuel pipe and the fuel pump check valve, and 127 "Lexus IS 250" owners to tighten fuel pressure sensor, as spokesperson for Toyota WCE, Raji Kaibaldson informed the Wuxi China Expatdom business information portal Orient Money Express.

 

Fred Minklemen, owner of Gambay's Pub, where Wednesdays is All-You-Can-Eat Pancake Night, in the 1912 Bar District, was unavailable for commnet.

People from all over the world are coming to Wuxi, China Expatdom to marry their favorite things

Fred Minkleman, owner of Gambay's Pub, home of the 10 rmb two-foot pizza, in the 1912 Bar District, has had more marriage business than he can handle since the Wuxi, China Expatdom Supreme Court allowed Hans Zimmerman to marry his underpants.  Minkleman's 24 hour Vegas-style marriage chapel is booked solid for the next six months as people from all over the world are coming to the WCE to take advantage of the WCE's human-stuff marriage law.  Minkleman is contemplating opening a second chapel.  Meanwhile, a competing pub, which shall remain nameless unless it pays this blog 1000 rmb, has opened its own 24 hour wedding chapel.

Said Minkleman: "We have had a lot of Continental Europeans reserve ceremonies.  A few people from Ontario, Canada are asking if they can marry their body parts -- they don't know inanimate means.  Either that or they want to marry their brains.  Ha!"

Ask what these people want to marry, Minkleman said:  "We are getting teenagers who want to marry their I-pads, I-phones, and Play Stations.  The older people want to marry their 8-tracks, their vinyl record collection, their purses, their fur coats, their football shin guards, their photos of  Edith Piaf, and so on.  Germans want to marry their leiderhosen.  Italians want to marry photos of their mothers.  The Swiss want to marry their cuckoo clocks.  The French want to marry their mirrors or piles of dung.  The Dutch want to marry their wooden shores and windmills.  There have been, needless to say, many strange requests.  One man wants to marry to his coffin.  Another man wants to marry his artificial leg.  One man from Ontario, Canada actually wants to marry his grandmother."

Asked if there was anything people, who want to marry their stuff should keep in mind, Minkleman said: "Every one should remember that Bigamy and Polygamy and Polyandry are against the law in the WCE.  So don't marry collections of things -- marry the container."

Chen Weiwei inspires Wuxi, China Expats to take off their clothes

Chen Weiwei, the Chinese migrant worker who got rail tickets after shedding his clothes, has inspired  Wuxi, China Expats to take off their clothes.

Hans Zimmerman, not happy with having to wait for his basket of chicken's feet took off his clothes at Gambay's Pub, where you can have a double-cheeseburger for just 3 rmb, in the 1912 Bar District.  Fred Minklemen, owner of Gambay's and angry at what he perceived to be Zimmerman's insolence, took off his clothes in response.  Onlookers soon took sides and everyone was naked.  An orgy ensued in which the police and the society for the prevention of cruelty to bar girls had to be called in.

Fred Lait, not happy with the length of the lineup at Carrefour, took off his clothes and was able to get VIP Service.

Rhoda Morris, wanting to get a marriage certificate, took off her clothes at the Wuxi, China Expatdom Wedding License office.

Hugh Hefner, a leading Wuxi, China Sexpat, took off his clothes in protest at what he perceived to be outrageous call girl prices.

Bobby Sittler, a Wuxi Expat from Ontario, Canada, took off his clothes in hopes of getting his job back.

Betty Armstrong, another Wuxi Expat from Ontario, Canada, took off her clothes to protest the cold weather.

Denmark attacks the Winnipeg, Canada Expatdom

Isolated internationally by the diplomatically brilliant maneuvering of Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi, China Expatdom, Denmark did the only thing it could do and became allies with the Expatdom of Wuxi, Canada, the only possible ally a scoundrel nation can have.

It then attacked the Winnipeg, Canada Expatdom.  A force of eight million Danes attacked Winnipeg.  Danish Artillery fired a thousand rounds a minute at the city for twenty-fours hours using a deadly combination of White Phosphorous and High Explosive shells.  The Danish Air Force carpet-bombed the city for an additional forty-eight hours dropping ten-ton bombs at a rate of fifty an hour.  Danish Infantry, convinced they had the locals underground, occupied the ground firing all manner of rifles, machine guns, RPMGs, mortars, rockets, and chemical weapons at the city. Hundreds of Danish Armour brigades, using the latest Tiger 2.0 I-tanks, rumbled on the plains around Winnipeg, firing hundreds of shells at the slightest movement.  The Danish Navy also used their brand-new amphibious Air-Carriers to further intimidate the locals.

At the end of the massive attack, no Winnipeg people were killed and property damage was 88 cents.  Asked why such a tremendous, unprecedented use of military force resulted in no damage, Danish Supreme Commander Hans Christian Anderson said that perhaps his troops "didn't know how to shoot straight!"

When queried why Denmark would attack an ally it had just signed a treaty of mutual and everlasting friendship with, Danish Prime Minister Soren Kierkegaard said "What is an ally?"  When it was explained to the Danish Prime Minister that allies were friends, Kierkegaard became red-faced and said "Oopsy-Daisy-Mork-Mork!"

Milk production per cow is increasing in Wuxi, China Expatdom

More and more people, the world round, are saying that Gorzo the Mighty's Wuxi, China Expatdom is now the land of Milk and Honey.  

But is it?  People who like to study things are coming from all the world to study the Expatdom and see if these Milk and Honey claims are true.  One study has just been released.

The World Expatdom Dairyman's Association has released its reports about the productivity of Wuxi, China Expatdom milk cows.  It says that Milk production per cow in Wuxi, China Expatdom has risen 200 percent since Gorzo the Mighty's ascension to the Wuxi, China Expatdom throne.

Fred Lait, Wuxi, China Expatdom minister in charge of milk cows, with great humility said she appreciated hearing the report.  She attributed the amazing production increase to some intelligent policy decisions by Gorzo the Mighty:  "His Mightiness reversed the policy  of the previous King of Wuxi to have only people from Ontario, Canada look after the cows.  It turned out that these people had the lowest i.q. levels of Wuxi, China Expats, and were as well molesting the cows."

Meanwhile, milk production per cow has gone down dramatically in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada where the former KoW is said to be living in hiding.

Danish Tourists flock to Wuxi, China Expatdom despite Hans Island Spat

Danish visitor numbers are up 27% to a record 8.6m this month despite a diplomatic dispute with the Wuxi, China Expatdom as the Expatdom has sided with Canada in the dispute over Hans Island.

Said Dave Schultz, the Expatdom's tourism officer: "I think many Danes know deep in their heart of hearts that the Island is Canadian territory; and that Hans Islanders would have more freedom and would retain their basic human rights if they were Canadian citizens."

Wuxi, China Expat likes Chicken's Feet.

Mmm!  Mmm!  Mmm!     Put some in my pants!  Baby!  Yeah!  Oh!  Ahhhhhh!

That's not the typical reaction of an Expat to Chicken's Feet, but Hans Zimmerman is not your typical Wuxi Expat.  He loves them and says Chicken Breasts makes okay toilet paper.  This Continental European has brought an esoteric brand of eccentricity to Wuxi.  The tolerant among the Expats and the locals have learned to love the guy and his companion underwear.  Gambays Pub, in the 1912 Bar District, home of the 4 rmb Chicken Sandwich, will serve Chicken's Feet exclusively to Zimmerman on Buffalo Wing Nights.

 

Zimmerman finds Chicken's Feet to be more delicious than Chicken Breasts or Chicken Wings.  When asked how he tried Chicken's Feet in the first place, Zimmerman said that back in Bavaria, he had developed a fondness, thanks to an uncle, for pig's knuckles and cow's knees, so it was nothing unusual for him to try Chicken's Feet. 

 

Asked if he was inconvenienced by long line-ups of the locals for Chicken's Feet, Zimmerman said that he got deferential treatment from the locals.  "It is no unusual for a woman who has been waiting an hour in line for Chicken's Feet to yield her place to me."

 

Zimmerman also loves Smelly Tofu, saying that not only does he eat it, he rubs all over body when taking his monthly shower.

Wuxi, China Expat Pub has free donuts and coffee

Gambays Pub, in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China will be giving out free authentic Canadian Donuts and Coffee Monday Afternoon between one and four p.m.

 

Pub officials says the free donut and coffee event is in support of Canada in its efforts to free Hans Island from the tyrannical designs of Denmark.

Gorzo the Mighty - Singing In The Reign

PART 1. The Plantagnets.

Historians and scholars have often likened Gorzo the Mighty, sovereign of the Expatdom, with many of the famous autocrats in history.

In Part 1 of this study, we will begin by comparing and contrasting Gorzo the M
with England's King Richard the Hundred and Eleventh (III).

Whilst Gorzo - benign, yet uncompromising in His tenure, could not of course
emulate the malevolent episode of the Princes in The Tower, a tangible
event of similarity has been witnessed.

During one His frequent regal progresses through the thronging masses
of Nan Chang Temple, His flamboyant attire - robes of silk - attracted some
irreverent remarks. After chasing the little kids, Gorzo meted-out stern
punishment by tickling their feet with a chicken's feather.

In Part 2: Gorzo the Mighty, in the Bedchamber of Ivan the Terrible.

For 3rd Straight Year, Continental Europeans Remain Strangest Looking People in Wuxi, China Expatdom

Wuxi, China  --  According to a report published this week by the University of Central Bavaria's Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Expatriates, for the third straight year, the highest percentage of bizarre and unconventional-looking Wuxi Expats come from Continental Europe.

Wuxi Expats asked about this, seemed to agree to a man, and woman that this in fact was the case.  Said Duchess Sedvig Wallenstein, from Monte Carlo, "Most of the Europeans who come to the Expatdom of Wuxi, China are of the Euro-Trash-Fascist-Nudist Variety.  They are the ones who have really embraced this fashion of marrying inanimate objects that came as a result of the Wuxi, China Expatdom Supreme Court ruling about object-human marriage.  You would never see anyone from Canada, England, or Australia marrying a caliper, a cuckoo clock, suspenders, rococo wallpaper, or vinyl siding.  But that is what Continental European Wuxi Expats do!"

UK Summit strengthens Nordic-Baltic-Wuxi,China Expat alliances against Denmark

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom, took part in the Nordic-Baltic-Wuxi,China Expat Summit in London. A two day event, which was hosted by the UK's Prime Minster David Cameron, saw politicians, policy innovators, entrepreneurs and business leaders discuss how best to boost economic growth, enterprise and job creation whilst improving people's well being. Cameron said that the nine countries that participated should follow "the 'avant garde,' delivering jobs and growth policies of Gorzo the Mighty. Gorzo is the only world leader who seems to have a handle on making one's jurisdiction rich."

Denmark, which did not participate in the conference, was the odd man out as all the countries signed an alliance and made plans to attack it anytime the Danes try to assert that they own Hans Island.

Wuxi, China Expat Pub to open 24 hour Marriage Chapel

Gambays, a Wuxi Expat Pub in the 1912 Bar District, home of the 17 rmb T-Bone Steak, is opening a 24 hour marriage chapel is hopes of cashing in on the Wuxi, China Expatdom Supreme Court ruling that legalized marriage between humans and inanimate object(s).

Said Gambays owner Fred Minklemen: "The Chapel would be authentic and ecumenical, with seats for forty and facilities for receptions afterwards.  The official(s) presiding will be from any religion you want."

Asked why so many Expats are seeking to marry inanimate objects, Minklemen had a few theories: "Some see tax advantages to doing it, no doubt.  Some were probably already married to and divorced from inanimate humans, if you know what I mean.  And some people do fall madly in love in their stuff."

Wuxi, China Expat wants to marry her Bra and Panties.

Hans Zimmerman is not the only Wuxi Expat who desires to marry his undergarments.

Rhoda Morris, long-time Wuxi bar patron and English Teacher, wants to marry her ten year old brassiere and panties.  Unfortunately, she has run into some legal snags.

Wuxi, China Expatdom law explicitly forbids polygamy and bigamy.  Officials at the Expatdom Marriage Licensing Agency have told her  this means that a Wuxi Expat can't marry two objects at once.  Morris, who has countered that her bra and panties are part of a matching set with the same polka-dot yellow and beige pattern, is taking the agency to the Expatdom's Supreme Court.  If the case fails, she will petition the Wuxi, China Expatdom legislature, which will convene in the new lunar year, to change the law to allow Expats to marry matching sets of objects.  Morris says that the law as it stands now is discriminatory against women and people who fall in love with sets.

Gorzo the Might, King of Wuxi Expatdom, vacationing in Belarus, could not be reached for comment.

Wuxi, China Expat Jones to marry his basketball

Jones from America, has taken advantage of Wuxi, China Expatdom allowing human-object marriage to marry his basketball.

Said Jones:

Ever since I was a little baby, I always be dribblin' 
In fac', I was de baddest dribbler in the whole neighborhood 
Then one day, my mama bought me a basketball 
And I loved that basketball 
I took that basketball with me everywhere I went 
That basketball was like a basketball to me 

I even put that basketball underneath my pillow 

And that is why I want to marry my basketball...

Ambassadors of the EU countries in the Wuxi, China Expatdom visited the Gorzo the Mighty Humanities University

On 21 January 2011 fifteen Ambassadors of the European Union countries in the Wuxi, China Expatdom met with students and teachers of the Gorzo the Mighty Humanities University. The delegation included  Ambassadors from Ireland, Estonia, Italy, Great Britain, Lithuania, Poland, Romania, Milque Toat Wet Blanket Land, Slovakia, Dumb Ontario Province, Finland, Sweden, Hungary, Obamaland, Germany and the representative of the European Commission.

Wuxi Expats beat Chengdu Expats in Ice Hockey.

The Wuxi Canadians easily defeated the Chengdu Cougars 7-2 Wednesday evening in a China Expat Hockey League match held at the Wuxi Forum. 

 

Guy Lafleur lead the way for the Canadiens scoring a hat trick.

 

Tony Esposito provided stellar goalkeeping blocking twenty of twenty two shots directed his way.

The Return of the King?

As all Wuxi Expats would have now discovered,
their email Inboxes have been inundated with requests for info
as to the whereabouts of the King of Wuxi.

Reports last week that he had been sighted driving a farm tractor near
Nantong have not yet been confirmed.

Would anyone in the Expatdom know if the King is still in the realm?

Also, can anyone please confirm, or deny, rumours that construction of an 88 metre bronze statue of the KOW - in Renmin Lu - is about to commence?

Any leads would be welcome, please.

Wuxi, China man marries his underwear

The Supreme Court of Wuxi, China Expatdom today overturned the ban on Expats marrying their underwear.

 

The ruling means that Hans "dirty shorts" Zimmerman can marry his biege Stanfield-brand long johns.

 

Asked if he would be fateful to his long underwear during the hot steamy Wuxi, China summers, the German Wuxi Expat said "But that is all I wear in summer!"

 

 

88.8 Richter Earthquake hits Wuxi, China Expatdom

An earthquake, 88.8 on the Richter scale, hit Wuxi, China Expatdom,Tuesday Night about 1130 pm.  The massive quake, while not causing any property damage or loss of life, did stir a few Wuxi Expats out of their slumber and cause a few Wuxi Sexpats to roll off their call girls.

 

The epicenter of the quake was at the restroom of Gambay's pub in the 1912 Bar District, home of the 10 RMB Double Cheeseburger.  Hans Spiegel Fiegel, a 180 kilo Engineer from Dusseldorf, had a massively enjoyable bowel movement after eating four 10 RMB Double Cheeseburgers, and two  8 RMB plates of Gambay's Spicey, Curly Fries.

Is Obama's praise of Wuxi, China Expatdom and Gorzo the Mighty sincere?

American President Barack Obama, since losing a chamber in the 2010 elections, has  appeared to be moving rightwards in an attempt to regain the crucial support of political independents whose votes put him in the oval office in 2008.

 

After writing an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal, praising Capitalism and and urging De-Regulation, Obama had a hard-hitting interview with Wuxi China Expatdom's Orient Express in which he praised Gorzo the Mighty's Wuxi, China Expatdom Administration.  Said Obama:  "Gorzo the Mighty is greater than Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Pope Andis Kaulins, Martin Luther King, Jesus Christ, Oprah Winfrey, and Reinhold Neibehor combined"

 

Asked about the times he said "Gorzo's ideas of basic human decency, freedom of conscience, personal autonomy, Hayekian Economics, pro-life, and societal power resting in the individual make my want to projectile-vomit"; "I wish Gorzo would stick a banana up his ass!"; and "Gorzo should go back to the planet he came from!"; Obama insisted that he was taken out of context.

Foreign investors urge Wuxi, China Expatdom to continue tax reforms

Foreign investors urge the Expatdom of Wuxi, China to continue shifting tax burden from labor force onto consumption and real estate, as board chairman of the Foreign Investors Council in Wuxi, China Expatdom, Gunnar Ljungdahl says in an interview with the newspaper Orient Express.

Wuxi, China Expatdom becomes Estonia's largest export partner.

In November 2010, Estonian exports to the Expatdom of Wuxi, China amounted to 861 million euros which is 48% higher than a year earlier. November imports increased 38% in a year to 901 million euros at current prices.  Trade deficit decreased, but was still at 40 million euros, according to Statistics Estonia

Wesley Sherman named Wuxi, China's Expatdom Minister in charge of Comic Books.

Gorzo the Mighty has a small collection of Comic Books: 3 Mad Magazines from the 1970s, and a official copy of the original Superman Comic book.  In keeping with his policy of helping the recently-fired by giving them cabinet positions, Gorzo has decided to give a cabinet position to Wesley Sherman, who was fired from his job as English Teacher for repeated tardiness, drunkenness, and other unprofessional conduct. 

 

Sherman will look after Gorzo's Comic Book Collection.

 

Yesterday, Gorzo had given a cabinet position to Keith Olbermann.

Green Bay Packers or Pittsburgh Steelers to play the Wuxi Red Guards for the World He-man Football Championship

The Winner of the Super Bowl to be played in Texas on February 6, will win the Lombardi Trophy emblematic of the championship of the National Football League, and earn a berth in the Super Duper Bowl to be played February 13 in Hawaii against the reigning champions of He-man football, the Wuxi Red Guards.

 

To stay in shape for the Super Duper Bowl, the 2010 Red Guards have gone back in time to play great NFL Championship teams of the past.  Yesterday, the 2010 Red Guards beat the 1972 Miami Dolphins 21-3.  The '72 Dolphins had been the only unbeaten team in professional football history.

Wuxi, China Pub to hold a Social Awareness Night

Gambays!  in Wuxi, China's 1912 Bar District will be hosting a social awareness night every Monday evening.  Shots will be five rmb all night.  From six to eight pm, a basket of a dozen Wuxi Buffalo Wings will be only 10 rmb.

 

Roberta Steinam, a Wuxi English Teacher, Lesbian,  and founder of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Chinese Bar Girls will m.c. the evening of Social Awareness where concerned patrons can talk about issues like racial profiling, the environment, poverty, gender-stereotyping, sexual stereotyping, occidental accounting, comic books, the greatness of Gorzo the Mighty, freedom of worship, women's issues, men's issues, alcoholic's issues, racism, Palinism, drugs, parenting, smoking, activism in an post-oriental environment, global addictions, spousal abuse, and the greatness of the 2010 Wuxi Red Guards, the official NFL fantasy football team of Socially Aware Wuxi Expat Activists,

Keith Olbermann appointed Wuxi, China Expatdom's Minister in charge of Crybaby-Hissy-Fits

Kieth Olbermann, whose crude blowharding Left-Wingness made him a source of many a laugh for Conservatives and Republicans all over the world, has quickly found a new gig after being canned from MSNBC.

 

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom announced that Olbermann has agreed to become the Minister in charge of Crybaby-Hissy-Fits for Wuxi Expats, effective immediately.  Said Gorzo:  "Say what you like about Oblermann's thoughts, but he makes other Hissies look like men.  He is the best candidate to run the newly-created ministry.  For whatever reason there is a lot of anti-Americanism in the Expatdom, and being a merciful ruler, I created this Ministry for these people 'cause that is all they're gonna get from me!"

 

Olbermann, when asked why he would choose to work for such a Conservative Republican like figure as Gorzo the Mighty, said that "for a ruler whose right-wing rhetoric most certainly causes people to want to spill the blood of Christian babies, and go on shooting sprees, so as to make matzo balls, he pays really well."

 

 

Wuxi Expats beat Nanjing Expats 160-85 in Basketball.

Despite having only four players on their roster, the visiting Wuxi Taihu Lakers had no trouble beating the Nanjing Nine-Headed Dragons in a China Expat Basketball League game played Saturday night before 125,000 people in Nanjing's Olympic Stadium.

Laker scoring was shared equally among Moses Maimonides, Arthur Schopenhauer, Arlos Singletary, and Harold Morgenstern, each of whom took turns being a quarter's forty point scorer.  Wilt Chamberlain lead the Dragon scoring with seventy points.

 Laker Head Coach Andrew Klavan praised his team's magnanimosity in letting the out-talented Dragons score some points.  "We hate too see so many people go home sad."  

"We wish the leaders of Nanjing Expatdom would learn from our example." added Klavan.  Currently, the Wuxi and Nanjing Expatdoms are having cold relations.

Berlusconi Wuxi-Summit In Doubt

Beleagured Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi's proposed Summit
talks with Gorzo the Mighty in Wuxi, have been cancelled, according to
A Wuxi Expatdom media release late last night.

The talks, scheduled to commence on January 28th, now appear to be
"shrouded in fog", according to the spokesperson. Responding to, an at-times,
chaotic media conference, Wuxi Expatdom officials responded to a barrage of questions.

They said that "maybe Julian Assange could act as mediator between Wuxi and Rome.
But first we want to know what the Nanjing and Shanghai Expatdoms positions will be.
We are in accord with the Pontiff - that spiritual and moral roots would not be compromised."

In what is becoming an increasingly-deepening crisis, further confusion arose today, after
the head of Suzhou Expatdom said that they would be "deeply touched" if Mr Berlusconi could
visit there. "he will be received warmly", the statement added, and, that
" we have pole-dancers aplenty for the Italian PM's visit, provided he can stay out of the nick".

Wuxi,China Expatdom and Nanjing, China Expatdom seem to have hit an icy impasse

The Nanjing Expatdom was one of Wuxi Expatdom's best friends in
December 2010. As the Euro-Trash-Nudist Cabal tried to impose a
puppet regime in Wuxi, the Wuxi Expatdom's foreign minister, Algirdas
Saudargas, fled to Nanjing, ready to head a government-in-exile if the
worst happened. Nanjing Expatdom politicians condemned the
Euro-Trash-Nudist coup. It failed, but 14 unarmed protesters were shot
and crushed by Euro-Trash-Nudist Cabalists.

Now it has been revealed, that all the while the Nanjing Expatdom was
secretly financing the Euro-Trash-Nudist coup. They never intended to
voice their support in public, planning only to have relations with
the cabal after a period of "cold" relations.

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats, has expelled the Nanjing
Expatdom ambassador to Wuxi, and demanded an official apology from the
Nanjing Expat government.

UK PM s Cameron seeks to boost trade, pool ideas with Wuxi, China Expatdom.

British Prime Minister David Cameron welcomed Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats, to Downing Street Wednesday evening ahead of Thursday's summit meeting between the two heads of government as they seek to strengthen trade links and share ideas on how to tackle a diverse range of challenges from flatulence, excessive sexpat drunkeness, tight North Korean underwear, the criminal attempts by Denmark to annex Hans Island, the inability to capture the previous King of Wuxi and bring him to the ICC, and Lady Ga Ga, The Wall Street Journal informs.

 

Cameron told Gorzo the Mighty that he looked forward to visiting the Expatdom of Wuxi, China in February, and going to Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar Street area where patrons can a second drink, no exceptions, at half-price all day Tuesday.

Free Taxicab Service commences

The Committee of the Expatdom, under the presidium of Gorzo the Mighty,
has agreed to fund a free cab service in Wuxi. A fleet of stetched Skodas
will commence operations on February 1st.

The cabs will be - painted bright pink and orange;
- carry the national bonnet flags of Canada,
the USA, and Australia, and
- be fitted with roof-top loudspeakers (playing a
selection of popular big-band melodies).
It is anticipated that a 15 minute shuttle service will operate a triangular
route between the New District, Taihu, and Zhongshan Lu, commencing in March.
Exemptions from posted speed limits is proposed.

To access the service, email the Committee for your free pass.
Then simply phone 0410 55552 6289 74223 1811270, specifying your pick-up address, and time. Please note: any inebriated persons using the free cabs will be
summarily catapulted into the Canal, and banned therafter.

Super Bowl Winner to play Wuxi Red Guards for World He-Man Football Championship.

While all American and Manly sports fans the world over are talking about the big NFL playoff games this weekend, there is one question they thought would never be answered:  How would the eventual Super Bowl Winner do against the mighty Wuxi Red Guards, the official NFL fantasy football team of Wuxi Expats?

He-Man Football Fans over the world will be able to find out.  In a press conference held at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District (Tuesday is 5 rmb Tsingtao Night), Gorzo the Might, King of Wuxi Expatdom, and Paul Taglibo, Commissioner of the National Football League announced plans to change the format of the Pro Bowl to be held in Hawaii the week after the Super Bowl.  This year, the Pro Bowl will see the winners, of the previous week Super Bowl game, play the Wuxi Red Guards for a true world He-Man Football championship.

Wuxi, China Expatdom to host the 2013 Autumn Olympics

The IOC in hopes of having Olympics every year has decided to start the Spring and Autumn Olympics to be held in the odd-numbered years.

Seth Blatherer, president of the IOC, announced that the Wuxi, China Expatdom has been awarded the first ever Autumn Olympics to be held in 2013.

At a press conference held at Wuxi's Gambay Pub in the 1912  Bar District, Blatherer said: "After talking to Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expatdom, I saw no need to hold a bidding contest for the games.  Gorzo is a true visionary.  None of us of the IOC ever noticed how deficient we were in not making some Autumn games Olympic sports."

At the Press Conference, Blatherer also announced that the 2015 Spring Olympics will be awarded to Miami, Florida, USA. 

Clinton barred from visiting Wuxi, China Expatdom

The famous American government personality Clinton has been barred from visiting the Expatdom of Wuxi, China Expatdom ever again.

 

"Clinton's behavior," said Stern Mantz, Wuxi Expat Press Relations Officer, "was boorish to the extreme. Clinton made unsolicited advances on anything that moved in the Expatdom.  As well, Clinton ate a year's supply of Chocolate Cake."

 

Clinton husband's Bill had earlier been prevented from attending a conference for Sexpats at Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi.

God gives Thirteen Commandments, and a bonus Commandment to Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats.

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats, encountered God at Wuxi's Hui Shan Mountain recently. God said the following to Gorzo to pass on to Wuxi Expats:

'I am the LORD your God…

ONE: 'You shall have no other gods before Me.' But it is okay to worship Gorzo.

TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.' "You can do this for Gorzo.'

THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God or Gorzo in vain.'

FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.'

FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother and Gorzo.'

SIX: 'You shall not murder.'

SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.'

EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'

NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.'

TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet the local girls, you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'

ELEVEN: 'The Wuxi Red Guards are your official NFL fantasy football franchise.'

TWELVE: 'You shall be in Wuxi for the hot summertime months.'

THIRTEEN: 'You shall read all AKIC blogs.'

FOURTEEN; 'Gorzo is one my other official representative on Earth.'

2011 Wuxi, China Snow is the biggest recorded dump since the Summer of 2010.

The snow that has fallen in Wuxi, China on January 20, 2011 is the biggest dump of snow the city has seen since 2008.  

However, it is the biggest dump to have been recorded in Wuxi, China Expatdom since May 2010 when the previous King of Wuxi Expats took his last official bowel movement.  That dump was said to have been 20 kilos or a three flusher, depending on what standard one accepts for the measurement of these things.

King of Wuxi, China Expatdom announces plan to put a Wuxi Expat on the Moon by 2016.

Flush with the news of Wuxi Expatdom's incredible economic growth, Gorzo the Mighty, the best king Wuxi Expats have ever had, announced plans to send a Wuxi Expat to the Moon by 2016.

Said Gorzo; " It has been done, and we got the money and resources, so we can do faster and better than it has ever been done before!  By tomorrow, we should have the our first probe land on the moon."

Wuxi Expat placed in People's Hospital Number Seven for thinking he is a Cock-A-Doodle-Do!

Wuxi People's Hospital #7 is where those with mental issues are taken care of in Wuxi, China.

 

Wuxi Expat Stern Nardbergen was acting strangely at a local pub asking bar girls to take off their clothes because he was a big "Cock-A-Doodle-Do."  He then put on a chicken suit, opened the crotch part, and said "Look at me! I am Napoleon Brandy."

 

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats, has promised to pay all of Nardbergen's hospital costs.  Said Gorzo:  "Unlike the previous King of Wuxi who put people with mental problems and disagreeable political views in concentration camps, I care about mental health issues and desire to see that those harmed by their mental issues get treated humanely."

 

 

Wuxi Expats beat Shanghai Expats 120-85 in Basketball.

The Wuxi Taihu Lakers easily beat the Shanghai Pudongers in a China Expat Basketball League match played in Shanghai, China.

 

The Lakers had a 100-4 point lead at halftime, and decided to rest all but two of their players for the rest of the game. 

 

Because of the Wuxi Expats dominance of the CEBL, none of the other China Expat sites are willing to admit the league exists.

South Korea and Wuxi, China Expatdom sign Defence Treaty

Reversing the policy, of the previous King of Wuxi Expats, which had been to be an ally of North Korea, Gorzo the Mighty, the current King of Wuxi Expatdom, has signed a mutual defence treaty with South Korea.

 

If South Korea is attacked, Gorzo the Mighty will use his atomic blasters against the attackers.

Confused Foreigners flub up performance on Chinese stage.

Wuxi, China Expatdom's early January GDP equals America's entire 20th Century GDP!

Gorzo the Mighty's policy of encouraging laissez-faire Capitalism in Expatdom of Wuxi, China has seen incredible results. Halfway through the first month of his reign, the GDP of Wuxi, China Expats already equals the 1900-1999 GDP of the USA.

Under the previous King of Wuxi, the Expatdom's economy had to be subsidized by North Korea.

Wuxi, China Expat Parliament to convene after Spring Festival.

Wuxi, China Expatdom has always had a legislature.  But during the despotic and authoritarian reign of the previous King of Wuxi, the legislature was never allowed to convene.  Gorzo the Mighty seeking a more democratic Expatdom has decided to let the legislature convene in the Year of the Rabbit.

Four million Wuxi, China Expats take off their clothes

In a show of unsolicited and uncoerced love, four million Wuxi Expats took off their clothes to show their allegiance and love for their current king, Gorzo the Mighty.  The spontaneous demonstration took place on Wuxi's 1912 Bar Street on Thursday night as part of the ongoing year of celebration of the current King of Wuxi Expatdom's coronation.  It was also demonstration of disgust for the previous King of Wuxi Expatdom, who is now seen as having been a tyrant and a nudist.

Said a Wuxiren onlooker: "I have never ever seen so many laowai before!"

Wuxi Expats beat Suzhou Expats 140-35 in Basketball.

The Visiting Wuxi Taihu Lakers trounced the Suzhou Gardeners 140-35 in a China Expat Basketball League match held Wednesday Evening in Suzhou, Jiangsu, China.  

The Lakers, who had a 140-0 lead after three quarters, left the game early to get dressed and go home, thereby letting the Gardeners score points for the first time in ten basketball games that have been held between Suzhou and Wuxi expat teams.

Should the former King of Wuxi, China Expats be taken to the International Criminal Court for underwear crimes?

There is a growing body of evidence that the former King of Wuxi Expatdom didn't change his underwear every day, and now Leftists all over the world want him to be punished for this.

 

The current King of Wuxi Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, showed awesome mind-bending powers of magnanimity on the issue by refusing to comment when asked about it.

Wuxi, China Expats to take part in Underwear Census

The District of Wuxi, China and The Expatdom of Wuxi, China announced plans to conduct a joint census of the underwear and socks of all expats living in the Wuxi, China on February 14, 2011.  It is believed to be the first census of underwear in human history.  It will be conducted because of a belief that Wuxi Expats are bringing their underwear and socks with them from their home countries, and not buying locally-made free-range underwear. 

 

Said Angus O'Loom, a Scotsman Census Conducting Expert: "Socks and underwear, produced and consumed locally are good for the enviroment.  And so Wuxi Underwear manufacturers want to know what underwear Wuxi Expats wear, how much they wear, and their gitch's fabric portioning."

 

Gorzo the Mighty, King of Wuxi Expats, when asked if a underwear census was a breach of privacy said the following:  "I suppose it is, but what the hay!  It is fun!  And none of the Wuxi Expats I talked have objected.  In fact, all want to be able to fill out the 200 page long underwear census form."

888m Buddha to be built in Wuxi, China Expatdom.

Gorzo the Mighty, the King of Wuxi Expats, has announced plans to build a 888m tall statue of Buddha in the Gorzo Shan district of Wuxi, China.

 

The statue will be part of The Really Tall things Park that will be constructed in the Expatdom that will be constructed by a consortium of interests from the Vatican, Switzerland, and the Canadian province of Alberta.

500 million attend the Coronation of the King of Wuxi, China Expatdom

On Saturday, the biggest gathering of people in all of human history gathered at Wuxi's Taihu Square to witness the coronation of Gorzo the Mighty as King of Wuxi Expats.  Among the attendees were such luminaries as Pope Benedict XVI, Don Cherry, Mark Steyn, former U.S. Presidents George Bush, Pamela Anderson, Don Rickles, Bobby Orr, Joe Namath, Maradona, Madonna, and Simbad the Comedian.

The highlight of the coronation was Gorzo the Mighty's speech in which he had the crowd dancing to "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy", and "What was Robinson Crusoe doing with Friday on a Saturday Night?"

The coronation ceremony ended with the a mass stomping on one million painted portraits of the previous King of Wuxi, the economist Paul Krugman, and Michael Moore.

Gorzo the Mighty allows the Catholic Church to appoint its own bishops in the Expatdom of Wuxi, China.

Gorzo the Mighty has announced that the Expatdom of Wuxi, China will allow the Catholic Church to appoint its own bishops, reversing the policy of the previous Wuxi Expat King.

Gorzo the Mighty saves Wuxi, China Expatdom from sinking 200m below Sea Level.

Gorzo the Mighty, the King of Wuxi Expats, did something the previous King of Wuxi would never have done:  Gorzo the MIghty saved Wuxi Expatdom from sinking under the sea by using his incredible strength of mind, will, and body.
 
Wuxi Expats!  Hail your saviour!   And reform your ways or you may drown in other ways!

Gorzo the Mighty saves Wuxi, China Expatdom from sinking 200m below Sea Level.

Gorzo the Mighty, the King of Wuxi Expats, did something the previous King of Wuxi would never have done:  Gorzo the MIghty saved Wuxi Expatdom from sinking under the sea by using his incredible strength of mind, will, and body.

 

Wuxi Expats!  Hail your saviour!   And reform your ways or you may drown in other ways!

Gorzo the Mighty saves Wuxi, China Expatdom from sinking 200m below Sea Level.

Gorzo the Mighty, the King of Wuxi Expats, did something the previous King of Wuxi would never have done:  Gorzo the MIghty saved Wuxi Expatdom from sinking under the sea by using his incredible strength of mind, will, and body.

 

Wuxi Expats!  Hail your saviour!   And reform your ways or you may drown in other ways!

Gorzo the Mighty thwarts Euro-Fascist-Trash-Nudist Plot to take over Wuxi, China Expatdom.

Just days before his coronation, Gorzo the Mighty has announced that he has thwarted an attempt of a nefarious alliance of:  Europeans sympathetic to the European Union, Australian -- North-Korean Double Agents, people from the dreaded Canadian Province of Ontario, Toronto Maple Leaf fans, Obama supporters, Iranians, and Hugo Chavez supporters to take over Wuxi Expatdom.  This Euro-Fascist-Trash-Nudist Cabal would not only have threatened all civilized humanity's desire for freedom and simple decency, it would have forced all to become Nudist thereby thwarting every free man's Naturist desires.

Thwarting these people has been a great service for not just freedom-loving Wuxi Expats, but for all humanity full of decency and good will.

Gorzo liquidated most of the plotters with his atomic blasters, but, being merciful, he has decided to let a few live, for as he says "Stupidity is its own reward."

Pope Benedict XVI, Canadian Prime Minister Steve Harper, The Australian Prime Minister, The Queen of England, and Jack Nicholson all expected to attend Gorzo the Mighty's Coronation as King of Wuxi, China Expats

In a January 8th, ceremony expected to attract one hundred million observers, including great World leaders and celebrities, Gorzo the Mighty will be crowned King of Wuxi Expatdom.

After the ceremony, everyone will go for beers at one of the three major Wuxi Expat Pubs, all of which are offering special drink deals to mark the event.

Why are so many local Chinese attending an Expat event?  One resident was quoted as saying that the previous King of Wuxi Expats was a tyrant even to them, and they had high hopes that a man from outer space could shower them with benefits.

Specifications for the Crown of the King of Wuxi, China Expatdom

• Powerplant – eight boilers producing over 280,000 horsepower
• Crew complement – 5,100 with air wing aboard
• Length – 1,071 ft., 11 in. (304 m)
• Width at flight deck – 271 ft. (19.3 m)
• Height – 97 ft. (29.5 m) Waterline to Bridge
• Draft – 36 ft. (11 m)
• Displacement – 81,000 tons
• Rudders – 2 at 45 tons
• Propellers – 4 at 21 feet diameter each
• Maximum speed – 30 plus knots
• Catapults – 4 steam powered
• Arresting Wires – 4 hydraulic
• Aircraft elevators - 4
• Anchors – 2 at 30 tons each
• Anchor chain links – 1,128
• each weighing 360 lbs.
• Aircraft complement – 70 to 80 assorted
• Telephones – 2,300
• Ipad and Ipad manual
• 75 Tiara Diamonds
• Jacuzzi
• Soft Comfy Sofa

350 million gather to celebrate the accomplishments of the 2010 Wuxi Red Guards.

A crowd estimated to be 350 million people, the largest gathering in history, came to Wuxi, China's Taihu Square to celebrate the accomplishments of their NFL fantasy football team, the Wuxi Red Guards.

 

There was a brief desire to turn the gathering into a rally for Consensual Democracy, but instead it turned into a festival of biajoe drinking.

All Wuxi, China Expats are pregnant, thanks to Gorzo the Mighty.

Over the next month, every Wuxi Expat will be experiencing morning sickness.  The King of Wuxi Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, got all his subjects pregnant on the evening of January 3.

 

Male Wuxi Expats may have to get their plumbing changed or else their deliveries will be difficult.

My first beer of 2011