Duston Short, the Wuxi China Expat Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion, claims to have been abducted by space aliens who took him up to their space ship and probed him. The abduction happened, insisted Short who hails from Ontario, Canada, as he was going to his English Teaching job at Leprosy International English. Said Short: "That's why I was two hours late."
Inspector Harry Callahan said he asked Short to make a report that would be put in a "WCE P.D. filing cabinet."
Short's Leprosy International English supervisor, Guy Mounteby said Short was the most unlucky person he had ever meet. "In the short time Short has worked for us he has been stuck in 35 traffic jams, had the elevator to his fourth floor apartment break down ten times, had ten uncles and aunts die, had five grandparents die, had a bad knee prevent him from walking ten times, and eight times gotten diarrhea at a bar Friday or Saturday night. Last week, he had a great grandfather die. And this is the third time he has been kidnapped or abducted. I really feel sorry for the guy. I can't blame him for being an alcoholic and addicted to cheeseburgers. And I agree with him when he says that keeping one's word and showing up for work on time are bourgeois conceits. If I got mad at him, I would only be oppressing him. The poor baby!"
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