Says Sledgehammer, who works at a undisclosed middle school in the Hui Shan district of Wuxi, "I found the students to be too shy and quiet when I first taught them. I immediately realized I had to put the fear of God if was to get them to say something and teach them anything! The usual practices of electrocution and making them stand in a corner, or on their head didn't seem to work. So finally, in a fit of rage, that I occasionally have while teaching, I brought out my trusty 5.65 mm SMG. I was teaching imperatives as I sprayed rounds over the students' heads when they wouldn't speak. I then pointed the SMG at one of them and asked to say some imperatives. He, who had been the quietest student in the class, came up with a lot like "Don't shoot", "Please don't shoot!" "Don't kill me!", and "No guns in class!" I was very impressed with all the students' performances the rest of that day -- and it was the turning point in my teaching career. Still, I also had to make English class an English place with an English atmosphere. There was still too much Chinese speaking going on. My shooting any student who spoke Chinese proved to be counter-productive. But I found that showing the students how to use my pistols, AK-47s, rocket launchers, my Carl Gustav anti-tank weapon, and my old Gatling gun was a way to establish a bond with them. A bond in blood, but a bond nonetheless. The students now enforce the no-Chinese rule themselves. Every class, two students are designated class snipers."
Sledgehammer's favorite lesson? "I particularly like teaching the present continuous with rifles. I never get tired of asking the students what I am doing and how with great enthusiasm, they tell me I am bayoneting the class monitor."
Does Sledgehammer only use sidearms? "After training my students to do mortar drill, they will speak nothing but English to each other, because they don't get that sort of training from their other teachers. Again. How often can you get Chinese students to use English amongst themselves?"
What are his students like now? "My students are a well-oiled English-speaking killing machine. I feel sorry for the son-of-bitches they will encounter at the annual Wuxi, China Middle School English Speaking Contest!"
Asked what he thought of the English Teaching in general in China, Sledgehammer said that most of the teachers were slack-assed buck privates who lacked discipline and balls. "95 percent of them aren't worth a warm bucket of spit. Left-wing degenerates and morons with sociology degrees. I would love to do some basic training on all their sorry asses! Teach them what life is all about!"
Sledgehammer is from Alberta, Canada, was taught by Jesuits and became a member of the Canadian Airborne Regiment before being discharged for over-enthusiasm during weapons training. After the abrupt end of his military career, he decided to take a TEFL course. Looking for places to teach he decided the Wuxi China Expatdom was the place to be. "Reading about Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty, Prime Minister Mango, and Chief Inspector Harry Callahan," said Sledgehammer, "I realized I had found god-fearing decent leaders worth killing, and even dying for."
Sledgehammer sees himself as a down-to-earth guy who sometimes gets passionate. "I worship the Virgin Mary and swear worse than a rapper. And you will never see me mistreat a woman!"
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