Because the wedding was scheduled on August 23, the birthday of Wuxi's one super expat: Anthony Arnis Peng Kaulins, guests were invited to show up on August 26 and then be teleported back to August 23 via time machine. Because the church where the ceremony would be held had seats for only a million people, special rotating multi-time dimensional simultaneity switchers were used to allow the three billion invited guests, among them Clint Eastwood, Guy Lafleur, Marc Steyn, and Pamela Anderson, to all feel they were in the church with front-row seats for the ceremony.
The ceremony was conducted by his holiness Pope Benedict XVI. Frodo the Hobbit was the ring-bearer. Sir Dirt E. Harrie was encharged with carrying Wonder Woman's bouquet, as well as supervising the lifting of the two mile train behind Wonder Woman's wedding dress. His majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, was the best man. Acting as Wonder Woman's bridesmaids were the female members of the Wuxi China Expatdom Justice League, and Her majesty, the Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Ayira: the Chosen one. After the Pope declared Mango and Wonder Woman to be Mango and Wife, the crowd cheered lustfully. The male members of the Wuxi China Expatdom Justice League held aloft ten 155mm howitzers each to form a 150 gun arch of love for the newly-weds to be under as they walked to their motorcade.
The motorcade consisted of a 120 horse drawn carriage and 85,000 limousines for all the important people who attended the wedding. The motorcade route took the newly-weds and the V.I.P.'s through every street in Wuxi. All Expats and locals were out to see the couple and festoon their carriage with flowers. An estimated five hundred million stood on the motorcade route.
The main reception was held in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub. Three secondary receptions were held at the Harry Moore Memorial Squares Diamond, Gold, and Platinum. Music at the main reception was performed by Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio -- Irish Pop Band U2 was the warm up act. The bride threw her garter and bouquet into the crowd. A Joyous Hilary Clinton, U.S. Secretary of State, caught the bouquet. Sir Dirt E. Harrie was able to grab the garter away from U.S. President Barack Obama.
All in all, it was a fine day. Long-time Wuxi Expats said the wedding was the second greatest they had ever witnessed. The greatest was the Gorzo-Ayira wedding held earlier in 2011. The third greatest they said was Neils Bohr's also held in 2011.
Yes, it was a really beautiful wedding-day.
ReplyDeleteHarry Callahan did a fantastic performance on the honk-tonk piano, wow, when he plays the blues!!
I always cry at weddings. And I cried at this one too. When Obama wouldn't let me have that garter, I cried "Hey look, Barack, watch-out at New Hampshire!!". Sure enough, he fell for my trick, and I grabbed that garter, hehehehe!