Karl Malden, commander of the Wuxi China Expatdom International Expeditionary Force that is currently searching for the Swedish Bikini Team, has responded in dramatic fashion to a note from Orient Expresss. Orient Express, who is believed to be trapped with the Bikini Team in the tunnels below the Wuxi China Train Station, sent a note to the WCEIEF claiming he was being molested by the team and that he really wanted Harry Callahan or Andis Kaulins to find him. Within an hour of receiving the note, Malden came up with a plan.
"The WCEIEF marketing division," announced Commander Malden, "will arrange for a world-wide benefit concert for Orient Express. Already, what is left of the Who, the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, the Byrds, U2, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Steppenwolf, the Sex Pistols, Echo and the Bunnymen, the Mormon Tabernacle choir, and Lady Gaga have agreed to appear in the concert for free. Andis Kaulins will sing every song Sinatra ever sung. Harry Callahan has agreed to reunite with the Wuxi China Expatdom Trio and an reincarnated Jimi Hendrix to perform in the Orient Express Concert Grand Finale! There will also be a variety of memorabilia from the concert for sale such as bobble head dolls, t-shirts, and hats. Proceeds from the concert will go to funding a blue ribbon panel which will decide what can be done to rescue Orient Express. As well this panel will analyse the report that will be made by another blue ribbon panel that is looking into to what can be done about the one million WCEIEF entangled in string in the tunnels underneath the Wuxi China Train Station! Expect decisions to be made after most of us are retired!"
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