Wuxi China Expatdom Naturist Party Leader wishes everyone a Happy Nude Year!

Wuxi China Expatdom Naturist Party Leader and Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango made a Nude Year's address to Wuxi China Expats, Wuxi China Colonial Expat subjects, and all persons of good will on the first day of 2011.

PM Mango, with Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Ministerial Consort Wonder Woman standing to the side, thanked God for the wonderful 2011 the WCE had, and hoped that 2012 could be an even more astonishing year in the WCE.

PM Mango also voiced a personal hope that Wuxi Expats would see it fit to again vote for members of the Naturist Party in the parliamentary elections to be held in September 2012.

Streaker interrupts Wuxi China Expatdom King's AKIC award acceptance speech.

Chestnut Pub Owner Wally Droop is at it again.  He again tried to steal the limelight from a prominent Wuxi Expat by streaking during his speech.  Friday evening, Droop took off his clothes and ran behind Wuxi China Expatdom King Gorzo the Mighty who was delivering an acceptance speech at the AKIC blog awards banquet.  Earlier in the week, Droop had run behind Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore who was lecturing about the films of David Nevin.

The million people in attendance at the banquet didn't seem the least rattled by Droop's antics.  It was only at a press conference held after the awards banquet that his majesty King Gorzo the Mighty made reference to the incident.  Droop, he said, had maybe been in Wuxi too long and it was perhaps time for him to return to his native Austria.  He gave credit to the audience for not going into hysterics during Droop's streaks.  "All Wuxi Expats are well aware of Droop's shortcomings but they politely let him live with his delusions of grandeur!" said his majesty.

Wuxi China Expat says that just after he takes a shower, his hair looks like Mitt Romney's

Wuxi Expat Robert Opel, an engineer at Johnken Bearing Company, says that after he takes a shower, his hair looks that of Mitt Romney, a front-runner for the Republican Party nomination in the 2012 U.S. Presidential election.

"When I come out of the shower, I can slick my hair back like Mitt and I think I look really cool and technocratic!" said Opel.  "Unfortunately, my hair becomes fussed up during the day; so that by lunchtime, my co-engineers tell me I look like Michelle Bachmann!"

Opel, a registered Republican back in his home country, said he was a fiscal conservative and hawkish on National Defence, and that his first choice to be President among the current crop of candidates was Rick Santorum.  "Of course, while I shower, I have fantasies of Sarah Palin entering the shower, or rather the presidential race, but alas, it is not to be!"

Gorzo the Mighty is the AKIC 2011 Wuxi Expat of the Year

Above:  Gorzo the Mighty, disguised as Miss USA 2010 Rima Fakih, points to his wife Queen Ayira: the Chosen One after being presented with the AKIC 2011 Wuxi Expat of the year award.  Crowning him is Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango.

Gorzo the Mighty is the 2011 Wuxi Expat of the year as determined by the Andis Kaulins in China blog.  He received the reward at the 2011 AKIC Awards banquet held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.

It was a decision that surprised no one.  In a year full of great Wuxi Expat personalities like WCERN Admiral Lloyd Bridges, WCE Prime Minister Mango, his wife Wonder Woman, WCE Chief Inspector Harry Callahan,  WCERAF Marshall Gregory Peck, WCELF General Colonel Harlan Sanders, WCEFAS President and Minister of Colonies Harry Moore,  and Gambay's Pub owners Fred and Frank Minkleman, there was only person who could claim be the inspiration for all their amazing accomplishments:  His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty.

It was a little over a year ago that Gorzo the Mighty was kicked off a local website www.wuxiguide.net.  Undaunted, Gorzo showed up the runners of the site by taking over and creating the most amazing territory in all of human history:  the New Wuxi Expatdom.  He took the Expatdom out of the mess that the previous King of the Wuxi Expatdom, the Ayatollah of Mordor, had made of it.  He invigorated the spirits of Wuxi Expats and made them feel that they, themselves, and not some centralized bureaucratic community organizer, were responsible for their destinies in the universe.  Said one Wuxi Expat:  "I learned the moral imperative of changing one's underwear, something that many of us had forgotten in the previous WCE administration!"

Gorzo did not center power on himself, and quickly established the WCE as a parliamentary constitutional monarchy democracy with the finer elements of American Classical Liberal Republicanism thrown in.  So successful was the model that many Expatdoms in the world applied to join it, even if only in a colonial status.

Gorzo personally lead the Expeditionary Force that captured the previous King of Wuxi, the Ayatollah of Mordor, and took him to the Guantanamo 2 Detention Facility on Canada's Hans Island.  After all the evidence of the Ayatollah's maleficence is collected, the former King of Wuxi is scheduled to go on trial sometimes in 2012.

At the announcement of Gorzo's winning the 2011 Wuxi Expat of the year award, Expatriates all over the world opened champagne bottles to celebrate and formed impromptu naturist conga lines of celebrations.

Andis Kaulins, the head of the AKIC blog, said he hoped his selection of Gorzo as a Wuxi Expat of the year would redeem his blog which in 2009 had named President Barack Obama as its Wuxi Expat of the year.  "Bowing to the forces of political-correctness I made that choice insulting the many Wuxi Expats who had bravely fought the tyrannical rule of the Ayatollah of Mordor!  I hope that this selection will honor their courage!"

Sam Neill Emotes Charisma in Screen-Test For Role of Andis Kaulins In Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Birth Movie

Screen-Test Auditions Begin For Role Of Presidente Andis Kaulins in Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Birth Movie

Accomplished, famous star of scores of movies, Sam Neill, is in the Expatdom to audition for the role of Sir Andis Kaulins in the Royal Birth blockbuster.

Sam Neill, who bears a striking-resemblance to El Presidente, said that
the role would be a challenging one, and he would have to use all his method-acting skills to render an authentic portrayal.

"Of course I'd undertaken detailed research on Andis Kaulins", he said, "but, well, I wondered how I'd be able to capture his infinite nuances, explore his many dimensions, these are difficult tasks for any actor". "They had the cameras set up ready for my screen-test, but I just couldn't get it together, you know", Neill said.

Then, I spotted Harry Moore, on the set, so I went to get his advice.
Harry Moore told me that, playing Andis Kaulins, well, he said that I have the suave, dashing looks, the charm, and the intellect, needed to portray Andis Kaulins.

Then Harry Moore identified the one missing element I needed. "Sam, - charisma. Deliver mountains of charisma. Oceans of charisma. Galaxies of charisma!", Harry Moore told me.

"Phew!", said Sam Neill, "I'll project the charisma in the screen-test, and then, I guess, I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed that I get the role!"

Wuxi China Expat says he will not go to Expat pubs on New Year's Eve.

Wuxi Expat Larry Drysdale, the Wuxi China Expatdom's leading curmudgeon, vows that he won't go out on New Year's Eve saying he would god-damned if some pub owner, who wasn't from North America, took his hard-earned money. 

In an interview with the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog, Drysdale said that "All Expats in Wuxi were for shit, including German engineers who he said were for shiterzain, English Teachers who he said were useless shits who couldn't speak proper English, Australians who he said were barbarian shits, Russians who he said were fucking commie shits still, Canadians who he said were amoral duplicitous shits, Expat Pub Owners who he said were overcharging shits, Europeans who were all for shit on account of their all being central bureaucratic control pederast fascists, and the many Expat pool and billiards players who he said should take their personal-custom-bought cues and shove them up their butts so far that they would have to chalk their tonsils.  Of course, Gorzo the Mighty and his wife are mostly not for shit.  But because they are so good, they attract shits like veal parmigiana, real good veal parmigiana, left outside will attract flies!"

Because of this, said Drysdale, he "wasn't going to go to any pub on New Year's Eve to celebrate the day which was another day for shit anyhow!"

Asked if his desire to boycott pubs on New Year's Eve was the result of an argument he had with Chestnut Pub owner Wally Droop, Drysdale ignored the question and said that Droop had disgraced himself with the shit-for-brain idea of streaking during Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore's lecture about the films of David Nevin.  Drysdale then said "that any pub owner who actually charged his patrons for drinks on New Year's Eve is a pussie!"  He then suggested that Wuxi Expat Pub owners should man up and give free drinks to their patrons on holiday occasions instead of trying to chintz them.

Asked what he was going to do on New Year's Eve, Drysdale told the WCE blog that it wasn't any of their god-damned business.

All World Leaders, with a few exceptions, to attend the AKIC 2011 Awards Banquet.

Queen Elizabeth II, U.S. President Barack Obama, Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper, Swedish Bikini Team Captain Britt Salming, and Pope Benedict XVI are among the great world leaders who win attend the AKIC 2011 Awards Banquet to be held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China on the evening of December 30th.

They, along with the million others attending the banquet, will be witness to the announcement of the AKIC's 2011 Wuxi Expat of the year, considered to be the most prestigious award given to human achievement in the world at this or any other moment of history.

The only world leaders not attending will be Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, the Iranian leader what-his-name, and the new leader of North Korea Kim Ill Un.

2010 Wuxi Expat of the year Tony Kaulins will attend, but he has requested that he not be made to sit anywhere near President Barack Obama who he says is an emperor without clothes.

Nude Streaker interrupts Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President's Discussion of the films of the David Niven

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Society President Harry Moore's Wednesday evening film talk, the first since the coup against his leadership was thwarted, was briefly interrupted by a nude streaker.

Fifteen minutes into Moore's discussion of the films and the acting career of David Niven, a nude Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut Pub, flashing a V sign and wearing no clothes, ran onto the stage.

Many of the crowd intent on every word Moore spoke didn't notice Droop, but this didn't stop a deadpan Moore from noting that "this thing was bound to happen, and it was interesting to see that Droop for once in his life was getting a few genuine laughs!"  Droop is notorious for making bad puns and dumb jokes that patrons pretend to laugh at in hopes of getting free drinks.

The Wuxi China Expatdom introduces two new prestigious international awards

His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty has announced that his realm will sponsor two new and prestigious international awards:  the Harry Moore Prize and the George S. Patton Prize.  The prizes will honor the two great Wuxi China Expats famous for their accomplishments in literature, film criticism, tank warfare, male role-modelling, colonial administration and living.

The George S. Patton Prize will be awarded on an annual basis, starting in 2012 to the male world figure who best exemplifies the image of manliness first made famous by the great Wuxi China Expatdom general, famous for winning the Kursk II battle against the forces of the Ayatollah of Mordor.

The Harry Moore Prize will be awarded on a biennial basis, starting in 2013 to the male world figure who best exemplifies, as near as any ordinary mortal can, the natural effervescence of the great Wuxi China Expatdom author, film critic, and colonial administrator.

Besides getting a 8.8m tall gold cup to put on the roof of their homes, winners of the two prestigious prizes will also win 163 billion U.S. Dollars.

The 2011 AKIC Award Ceremony is the hottest ticket of the year for Wuxi China Expats

Five Hundred thousand temporary seats have been added to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China for the AKIC blog 2011 Award Ceremony which will be held on Friday evening, December 30.

Fred Minkleman, co-owner of Gambay's, said demand for tickets was incredible, and that many of those who couldn't acquire tickets were threatening suicide.  Said Minkleman: "We had no choice but to raise the top on the DC Pavilion 888 meters and add half a million seats!"

Speculation on who will be named AKIC Wuxi Expat of the Year has been intense and many a Wuxi Expat wants to be in the DC Pavilion of Gambay's when the announcement is made.

Betcha Can't Tell the Difference is the Wuxi China Expatdom's Best Disguise Design Company

Many Expats who come to the Wuxi China Expatdom do so to escape a shameful past.  Many Wuxi China Expats, if forced to return to their home countries, would either be put in hand-cuffs or would have responsibilities to face up to, like children or taxes.

It is for these reasons and the Wuxi China Expatdom's new spirit of Gorzo entrepreneurship that the Wuxi China Expatdom is the disguise company capital of the world.  Ten of the world's leading makers of disguises, whether for personal, industrial, or governmental use, are located in the Wuxi China Expatdom in a undistinguished-looking part of Wuxi's Beitang District.  The Wuxi China Expatdom is, of course, their biggest market.

Most of these companies prefer to keep their low profile, but one night a year, the Harry Moore Cup award ceremony night, they make a public appearance, of sorts.  All members of the WCE disguise industry, come out to see which company will win the prestigious Harry Moore Cup, awarded to the WCE disguise company which does the best job of hiding their clients' true identities.

The 2011 ceremony was held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  However, many attendees expecting an award ceremony setup in the Pavilion were surprised to see a hockey rink and a game featuring the Hershey Bears and the Adirondack Phantoms.  It was all part of the disguise.

Chuck Barris, President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Disguise Company Association (WCEDCA), said it simply the WCEDCA's way of disguising itself.  "We know that police forces, the world over, are keen to see who we are, and so of course we can't let them."

The game between the Hershey Bears and the Adirondack Phantoms was the WCEDCA's way of picking its 2011 Industry Champion.  Hershey won the game four-three in a thrilling game that needed three periods of overtime to determine a winner.

As soon as the game ended, the Betcha Can't Tell the Difference owner Sam Betcha accepted the Harry Moore Cup (disguised as the Calder Cup) from WCEDCA President Chuck Barris who was wearing a gorilla suit.  

Betcha and his staff posed for a photo with the Harry Moore Cup before heading off to the Wuxi China Expatdom's Mason Lodge for a celebration party.

Korean Expatdoms apply to become colonies of the Wuxi China Expatdom

Citing worries about the transition of North Korean leadership after the death of Kim Il Whathisname, all Korean Expatdoms, south of the DMZ,  have applied to become colonies of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

The leader of the Korean Expatdom delegation, paying a visit to his Majesty King of the Wuxi China Expatdom Gorzo the Mighty to present their colonial status application, Sam Window Sill, a Seoul Korea Expat, said that while it was great that the U.S. Army was helping defend Korea Expats, all Korean Expatdom leaders agreed that they very much needed a figure exuding Ronald Reagan-like-sunny-optimism to get them through the trying time of the leadership transition taking place north of DMZ.  That leader was, of course, none other than the inestimable Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies Harry Moore.

Said Sill: "Harry Moore is so sunnily optimistic in his demeanor that he possesses the sunniness of eight suns and four Ronald Reagans.  I can just imagine that when the locals catch a glance of his shimmering locks of dark virile hair, his strong jaw supporting an effervescent smile, and his beaming and piercings blue eyes, they will call him Harry Moore Sun Sun Sun Sun Sun Sun Sun Sun, or the Great Sun, or the Greatest Sun ever Sun."

Centralized Bureaucratic Control Enthusiasts decry names of the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Triplets

Tom Castro-Kinnock, leader of the Wuxi China Expatdom Centralized Bureaucratic Control Appreciation Society (WCECBCAS formerly the WCECP), said he was insulted by the names given to the three new-born sons of The King and Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, and hoped that they could be changed.

"Come on!", said a visibly angry Castro-Kinnock, "Who names their children Buckley, Friedman, and Hayek? Those guys was right-wing ideologues and were very nasty people! Yuck! Why don't you just name them Hitler, Pinochet, and Mussonlini and be honest about where you ideological loyalties lie?"

Asked what names he would rather the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Triplets have, Castro-Kinnock, a self-described CBCer, suggest names like Marx, Engels, Lenin, Alinsky, Chavez, Castro, Obama and Moore. Asked if he was thinking of the great Wuxi China Expat Harry Moore, Castro-Kinnock replied in the negative and said he meant Michael Moore, a great film-maker.

Asked home many members the WCECBCAS had, Castro-Kinnock said that since the name change from WCECP, he has been able to recruit some English Teachers and the Wuxi China Expatdom midget Sumo-Wrestling champion Duston Short.

Wuxi China Expatdom Queen gives birth to triplets on Christmas Day!

Ayira: the Chosen One, Queen of the Wuxi China Expatdom, has given birth to three boys on Christmas Day.  

Ayira gave birth to her sons Buckley the Mighty, Friedman the Mighty and Hayek the Mighty at the Wuxi China Expatdom lamb stables near the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Palace and Residence.  She and her husband Gorzo the Mighty, King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, could not find a bed at any hospital in the Wuxi China Expatdom due to the high number of patients injured in the celebrations following Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore warding off of a Coup D'etat.

King Gorzo, said the birth being in such modest circumstances was probably a grand thing.  "There was a birth over two thousand years ago that I understand was in similarly modest circumstances and has been celebrated ever since!"

Besides King Gorzo, who was at his wife's side during the delivery of the triplets, there were three men, including one named Balthazar, claiming to be wise and bearing Ipads, Iphones, and Gold; an Officer McNulty, who had come to investigate a bright star shining over the birth scene; several thousand lookie-lou locals who had never seen a foreigner bear a child before; and several English Teachers with nothing to else do because they couldn't afford to pay 288 rmb to attend a Christmas Expat dinner.

Above the Wuxi China Expatdom a bright star blazes

A strange celestial phenomenon has brightened the Wuxi China Expatdom on Christmas Day.  A bright star has appeared in its sky.  So bright is the star that it can be seen in the daylight.

Many can see a beam of light from the bright star leading to an area of lamb stables near the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Palace.

McNulty, the Wuxi China Expatdom's acting chief police inspector, told the WCE Blog that he would investigate.  Said temporary CI McNulty:  "It is a sign of something!  But I don't know what!"

President Presents Present To Presidente

President Obama arrived in the Expatdom today, the first of the leaders of every nation in the world, to stage a suprise birthday party for WCEHOF Inductee and El Presidente of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association, Andis Kaulins.
President Obama told Andis "no Party dogma today - a colossal birthday party instead!".
To accept the cake, baked by the First lady, Andis Kaulins donned his party jacket. A knighthood is expected to be conferred later today, as well as investitures for Lady Kaulins, and Lord Tony Kaulins.

A gleeful Balthazar, one of the three Magi who'd arrived in the Expatdom a few day's ago to present Andis with rare and exotic gifts, said that this was the first of the three momentous events they had come for, and that there'd be two, perhaps three, more phenomona which will occur in the next few days.

Also at the presentation of the cake, (but just out of the frame in the photograph), were Harry Moore(released shortly before), and an ensemble of dazzling musical talents including Stevie Wonder, Sting, Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, and Placido Domingo, who, backed by the WCE Trio and The Harry Callahan Project, performed a celebratory birthday song for Andis Kaulins that Harry Moore sto-, plagia-, err, 'adapted' for this incandescent day:-

"You know it doesn't make much sense
There ought to be a law against
Anyone who takes offense
At a day in your celebration

"'Cause we all know in our minds
That there ought to be a time
That we can set aside
To show just how much we love you
And I'm sure you will agree
It couldn't fit more perfectly
Than to have a world party on the day you came to be

(Chorus)
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday!

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday

We just never understood
How a man who is so good
Could not have a day that would
Be set aside for his recognition
And we all know everything
That he stands for time will bring
For in the WCE our hearts will sing
Thanks to Presidente Andis Kaulins

Harry Moore then spoke the homily -
We know the key to unity of all
Expatdoms
Is in the dream that you had so
Long ago
That lives in all of the hearts
Of Expats
That believe in unity
We'll make the WCE dream become
A reality
I know we will
- Because our hearts tell us so

The WCE's supreme legislative assembly proclaimed that henceforth,
December 24th will be an international holiday which will be celebrated in every
Expat Dominion, every country, and by all 7 billion people on Earth.

It will be known as WCEHOFIAWCERAEP Andis Kaulins Day.

And a jam-packed day and night of celebrations and festivities is about to begin....!

Conga Line Exuberance Injuries fill Wuxi China Expatdom Hospitals

Injuries from Massive conga line celebrations that took place after the coup attempt against Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President Harry Moore failed, have strained the resources of Wuxi China Expatdom Hospitals.

Doctor Marcus Welby, director of the Wuxi China Expatdom Saint Aloisius Hospital, the biggest hospital in the Expatdom, says that patients have had to lie on stretchers in the all the hallways of his hospital.  Added Doctor Welby:  "It is so busy that we even have them taking up all the spaces in the maternity wards!"

An estimated one million Expats were injured when "a kink" developed in the two billion person long conga line which was formed after it was announced that  WCEFAS President Moore had been released by coup plotters.

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Emergency Reconciliation Council releases Harry Moore

The four member leadership of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Emergency Reconciliation Council (WCEFASERC) announced that they have released Harry Moore against whom they had staged a coup.  The WCEFASERC said that Harry Moore was the true and rightful President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society and that they had made a grievous error in seeking to topple him in a coup.  The Gang of Four of the WCEFASERC: River Qing, Zorro Chuqiao, Kobe Wenyuan, and Dick Hongwen said they in their dealing with President Moore, they had been suitably chastened for staging the coup, but added that if were deserving of greater punishment, they would submit to it willingly.

The Gang of Four said the massive four billion person rally, held on Wednesday, to demand Moore's release did not play a part in their decision to release Moore.  The Gang, as a whole, said they were unaware of the huge rally as they had become so enthralled with various aspects of Moore's bigger-than-life personality.  In fact, each member mentioned a different aspect, of Moore's personality and thought, as the cause of their changing their mind about staging the coup.

River Qing said he was formidably impressed by President Moore's sunny optimism.  "Moore was Ronald Reagan to the power of eight!" said Qing.

Zorro Chuqiao said he was impressed by Moore's shimmering locks of hair, his magnificent dimples, and strong jaw.  "Moore was George Clooney and Brad Pitt put together to the eighty eighth power!" said Chuqiao.

Kobe Wenyuan said he was flabbergasted by Moore's argumentative skills.  "He quickly turned the tables on us when we put him on trial.  His defense of himself was so strong that we ended up declaring ourselves guilty!  Harry Moore was Perry Mason to the eight hundred and eighty eighth power!"

Dick Hongwen said he was stunned into submission by Moore's iron strength of will.  "He wasn't the least bit phased by our continually showing him Young Einstein staring Yahoo Serous.  Any man who can sit through that movie multiple times is indestructible!  Harry Moore is 15-5PH Stainless Steel to the power of eight thousand eight hundred eighty eight!"

All the members of the Gang of Four said they were impressed by Moore's theory of film aesthetic.  "It is such a convincing theory that we can't seen it being overthrown for thousands of years!  In fact, it is probably the final word on film aesthetic!" exclaimed the Gang together.

When news of Moore's release hit the street, an estimated two billion Wuxi Expats and Wuxi Expat Colonials celebrated by forming the longest Conga Line in human-partying history.  The celebration was so massive that observers feared they would all forget about Christmas.

Four Billion gather in the Wuxi China Expatdom to demand the reinstatement of Harry Moore as the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society

Four billion people have converged on the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Presidential Palace to demand the release and reinstatement of Harry Moore as the President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society.  

Moore has been captured and imprisoned in a coup staged by a group calling itself the Wuxi China Film Appreciation Society Emergency Reconciliation Council (WCEFASERC).   The four leaders of the WCEFASERC: River Qing, Zorro Chuqiao, Kobe Wenyuan and Dick Hongwen say they had to arrest Moore after he committed crimes against film criticism.

However, billions of people, from every corner of the earth, who have come to admire Moore after listening to many of his filmtalks, strongly disagree with the notions of the WCEFASERC Gang of Four.  And they come from everywhere on the planet Earth to the Wuxi China Expatdom to demonstrate their disagreement.

One such protester, Raoul Sanchez, a poor peasant from Guatamala who had never left his village in his forty years,  felt so aggrieved by the coup against WCEFAS president Moore that he  sold his donkeys and his family so he could come to the Wuxi China Expatdom to join in the protest.  Senor Moore, he said, was bueno filma critica.

Another Moore supporter, Elvis Presley, told the WCE blog that he had come out of hiding, to join in the protest.  "Time to rock the supposed jailhouse" said the old and pudgy former singer.  

Wuxi Expat Rifle Association President's Official Christmas Photo Sent To All World Leaders, All Expatdoms, And To Every Person In The World

Wuxi China Expatdom edition of Time Magazine names its person of the year

The editors of the Wuxi China Expatdom edition of Time thought the choice of the protester as the person of 2011 was lame. Especially in the WCE which has probably had the greatest year of any jurisdiction in human history. There is nothing to protest about when it comes to the WCE and its rulers.

And who are the rulers of the WCE? The movers and shakers, as it were? The Naturists. Whether, it is WCE Prime Minister Mango or WCE Minister of Colonies Harry Moore or any other of the 8 million Naturists living in the Wuxi China Expatdom, the Naturists have succeeded in 2011 like no other peoples in any other previous year in human history.

Said TIME WCE editor Whitaker Chambers: "Imagine having Einstein, Shakespeare, Confucius, Jesus, Napoleon, Beethoven, Bach, Pamela Anderson, Isaac Newton, Da Vinci, and John Wayne all in their prime and all living in the same place for a year! That is kind of year that 2011 has been in the Wuxi China Expatdom! ....except for the fact that is far better than that! Think of all those great people in Naturist mode! 2011 in the WCE was eighty eight cubed greater than it would be to have those previous human greats living together! So, Time Magazine Wuxi China Expatdom names the Naturist as its person of the year for 2011!

Wuxi China Expatdom Colonials protest Coup against President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society

Besides losing its foremost guide to the Cinema, Expats living in Wuxi China Expatdom colonies have lost a beloved governor, and they aren't happy.  All over the colonial territory of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Expats are taking to the street to protest the Coup staged against Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society (WCEFAS) President and Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies Harry Moore.

The biggest protests have been in the Shanghai China, ChingQing China and Beijing China Expatdom Colonies where crowds of over fifty million Expats have massed in the local squares to demand that the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Emergency Reconciliation Council (WCEFASERC) release Harry Moore.  Signs saying "Harry has magnificent pectoral muscles!', "I don't know what movie to watch this evening!", "How can I sleep?", "Bring back our Colonial Master!", and "I don't want the Hope to end!" have been carried by many of the protesters.  As well, images from the Poolside Harry Moore, and pictures denouncing the WCEFASERC Gang of Four were on display.

Those Expats not protesting have been laying flowers, wreaths, and photos of Harry Moore at the many branch offices of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society throughout the Colonies.  Said  a staffer at the WCEFAS office in Nanjing, "it is Princess Di to the quadruple squared."  One young Expat child in the Kunming China Expatdom, is said to have broken open her piggy bank in order to buy a copy of the Poolside Harry Moore just so she could lay it at the WCEFAS office.

Many other Expats have said that they will boycott cinemas and DVD shops till Moore is re-enstated to the WCEFAS Presidency.

There are also  rumors afoot that the Colonial Wuxi China Expats are planning to converge on the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Presidential Palace where Moore is believed held by the WCEFASERC.

Meanwhile, the four person ruling council of the WCEFASERC:  River Qing, Zorro Chuqiao, Kobe Wenyuan and Dick Hongwen, remain defiant in their insistence that Harry Moore stand trial for crimes against Film Cristicism.  River Qing has previously called Moore a David Lean admiring counterrevolutionary in the pay of the Capitalistic film producers. 

Three Strangers in Wuxi China Expatdom Detained, But Then Released

Ever-vigilant WCE police officer McNulty, alerted by a phone-call from Tex Mex
Oklahoma Montano Wild Earp in the WCE's Double Happiness Country and Western Saloon Bar Street, detained and briefly questioned three mysterious men last night.

Tex Mex was taken-aback by the trio when they declined offers of food, drink, or the company of women. Officer McNulty said that "these three arrived at the Wuxi Railway Station, but declined to say where from".
"Oh", I said, "three wise-guys, huh?".

Officer McNulty reported that one of the men, Balthazar, who did not wish to be named, said that he and his companions were in the Expatdom in anticipation of
grand, stupendous events to take place - and already have taken place, in four, perhaps five, noon's hence. McNulty determined that the three strangers were too bewildering to figure-out, so they have been allowed to freely continue on their
mysterious way.

It is understood that Harry Moore, although still held-captive, when told of the three men's arrival, wants to urgently collaborate with The Harry Callahan Tabernacle Choir to compose a grand epic-movie score fanfare in readiness for the
as-yet unknown events about to take place in the Wuxi China Expatdom.

Most World Leaders condemn Coup against the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President

World Leaders, with the exception of U.S. President Barack Obama, North Korean Dictator Kim Il Jung, the PLO and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, have condemned the coup that seems to have deposed the charismatic and handsome President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, Harry Moore.

The most vocal of the leaders, President of the Wuxi Expat Rifle Association, Andis Kaulins, with his tears in his eyes, asked the leaders of the coup, the four-member interim governing council of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Emergency Reconcilation Council, to restore his good friend Harry Moore to the Presidency of the WCEFAS.  "My friend Harry, besides being a great raconteur and orator, is a wonderful humanitarian, always thinking of the welfare of others before himself!  Put him back in his rightful place as WCEFAS President!  If you do this immediately!  You WCEFASERCers!  You have a chance of redeeming yourselves!"

The Leader of the United Nations, Ban Ki-Moon, called the imprisonment of Harry Moore by the WCEFASERC a crime against humanity.

All the candidates for the American Republican Presidential Nomination, including Ron Paul, condemned the Coup and said that Obama's inaction on the matter was shameful.  Newt Gingrich said that perhaps Obama should be impeached.

Participants in the Wuxi China Expatdom Bikini Classic said they cover up their bikinis till Moore was free, safe, and back in the grotto, with them, in the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Presidential Palace. 

However, the leaders of the WCEFASERC, "the Gang of Four":  River Qing, Zorro Chuqiao, Kobe Wenyuan and Dick Hongwen are defiant and are insisting that they will put Harry Moore on trial for the crime of capitalistic Trotskyite low-brow film criticism.

Lord Mayor of Cardboard visits the Wuxi China Expatdom

The Lord Mayor of Cardboard, Shannon Terry, visited the Wuxi China Expatdom on December 16th.  He was greeted by Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister Mango.  Terry and Mango signed a memorandum of understanding for the establishment of a military and pub alliance between the city and the Expatdom.

After the signing ceremony, Lord Mayor Terry was granted an audience with his Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty.  The Lord Mayor insisted on kowtowing to his Majesty and then kissing his feet for two hours.  Officials felt compelled to release fire hoses on the Lord Mayor to cool his ardor.  The Lord Mayor, having been thoroughly soaked, said he couldn't control himself and a good dousing with the fire hoses was needed to calm him down.

After calling on the King of Wuxi Expatdom, the Lord Mayor was taken to Lake Taihu by Admiral Lloyd Bridges to witness the a firepower display by the Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Navy.  As the ten thousand guns of the WCERN fired,  eight thousand planes of Air Marshall Gregory Peck's Wuxi China Expatdom Royal Air Force did a fly over.

Most impressed with the display of WCE military power, the Lord Mayor was taken to Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China.  After sampling all the fine beers brewed in the WCE, the Lord Mayor made an off-the-cuff speech where he expressed a strong desire that the peoples of the two great territories would forever be drinking and fighting partners.

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Coup Plotters hold Press Conference

A group calling itself The Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society Emergency Reconciliation Council (WCEFASERC) announced that it has arrrested  Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore and formed an interim four person governing council to administer the organization in his stead. The WCEFARSERC says it had no choice but to arrest and imprison WCEFAS President Harry Moore because his taste in film was becoming too bourgeois.

The four members of the WCEFASERC interim governing council, River Qing, Zorro Chuqiao, Kobe Wenyuan and Dick Hongwen, are fans of Quentin Tarantino, Barack Obama, Micheal Moore, and the Farrelly Brothers.  They have been been very critical of Moore's presidency saying that his taste in film was too conventional.  "We would have been satisfied with his presidency if he recognized the artistic genius of Tarantino but Moore instead stuck to his admiration for the films of David Lean.  Clearly, Moore was counter-revolutionary!"

The WCEFASERC provided some details of President Moore arrest.  They arrested Moore at the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Society Film Appreciation Society Presidential Palace, they said, just before he was about to take his bath and was humming the theme song from Lawrence of Arabia.  They did not reveal where they were holding the ousted-President, but said they were treating him more or less humanely.

World's Largest Nativity Display built in the Wuxi China Expatdom

The World's largest Nativity Display has been built in the Venice Gardens Expat compound of the Wuxi China Expatdom.

The Display which is scheduled to be unveiled on Monday, December 19 is a sprawling ten million square-feet in area.  It cost 2 billion U.S. dollars to build.  The display will recreate dozens of biblical passages related to the story of Jesus' birth.  The display includes life-size recreations of Biblical-era dwellings and structures, as well as millions of human, animal, and angelic figures to allow visitors to visualize and have an authentic feel of the Biblical story.  The center piece of the display is a gigantic manger scene with a baby Jesus that is 888m long, a 6000m tall David, 2000m tall sheep and a 5800m tall Mary.

The Display is the life's work of C.S. Smith, the Expatdom's leading Christian apologist.  He and a team of engineers and architects worked on the display for ten months.

His Majesty, King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty praised the display, and said that atheists that didn't like it could jump in Lake Taihu.

Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President reportedly imprisoned in a coup d'etat

Details are sketchy, but reports are circulating in the Wuxi China Expatdom that Harry Moore, President of the Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society, has been imprisoned in a coup d'etat, which at the time of this entry, is still ongoing.

The coup is the latest incident in what has been a tumultuous two-month Presidency of Harry Moore which has seen him survive several thousand assassination attempts while conducting the greatest oration tour of world history: The Harry Moore World Film Talk tour.

Denise Richards, Bond Girl, when hearing about the coup, told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog that she hoped President Moore's golden locks, strong jaw, and magnificent dimples would not be scarred in any way by the coup plotters.

The Coup D'etat is the second to take place in the Wuxi China Expatdom in 2011.  Iggy Poop, leader of the oppositon Nudist Party, was ousted in a Coup in June 2011.

As of yet, no public statements have been made by the coup plotters.

Wuxi China Expatdom Lunar Panel Company folds

Luney Windows, a Wuxi China Expatdom Lunar Panel Company has folded.  It was the first Wuxi China Expatdom company to fold since his Majesty King Gorzo the Mighty assumed the throne.

Owner of Luney Windows, Duston Short, told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog that he thought Lunar Panels, which would get energy from Moon Light, were the way to solve the problem of energy storage associated with Solar Panels.  Said Short: "I got the idea from a guy who I meet in the pub.  I gave him a thousand rmb for a franchise in his business.  I subsequently never heard from him again, but I carried on with the idea."

"The storage problem," continued Short, "was actually worse for Lunar Panels than solar panels.  For, I didn't realize that moonlight was really reflected sunlight and that it was a much weaker source of energy than the sun.  Moonlight, wasn't magic!  Too bad, I didn't realize this till after investing all my and my family's money in a one hundred million yuan Lunar Panel manufacturing facility in the Wuxi New District. We did make some Lunar Panels, but found that there were no takers!"

Wuxi Expat marries Vending Machine

High Society Wuxi Expat Barton Barwright the third has married one of the vending machines at the Johnkim Cleaning Brush Company in the Wuxi New District.  The wedding was the second highest point on the Wuxi China Expatdom High Society Calendar after the extravaganza  wedding of Neils Bohr to his hairdresser in June.

Before the wedding ceremony,Barwright told the WCE Blog that it was love at first sight when he laid his eyes on Vendy.  "I remember being astounded by her selection of soda, juice, chocolate, and chips on offer.  I was so immediately smitten with her that I put all the coins I had in my pockets into her.  When a bag of chips got stuck on the dispensing ring, I took it as invitation for me to mount and shake her, lovingly of course, and then put my arm into her so I could pull out the tangy flavored meat chips!  She was playing "hard to get the treat!" but I saw right through that!  Within a week, I had Vendy spend the night at my apartment, and before I knew it, she had all my money and my bank card!  I had no choice but to get married after that!  Especially since she owed me three cans of cola!"

The wedding ceremony, held at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District, was attended by many members of the Wuxi China Expatdom Grand Council including Fred Minkleman, Andis Kaulins, Lloyd Bridges, and Gregory Peck.  They witnessed an emotional ceremony conducted by the veritable Wuxi China Expatdom Cardinal Henry Newman.  Music for the ceremony was provided by the Harry Callahan Experience.  Wuxi China Expatdom Film Society President Harry Moore gave a talk about his ten favorite wedding movie scenes.

There was one humorous moment during the ring-presentation stage of the ceremony.  The bridesmaid who had the wedding bands was Vendy 2, the vending machine beside Vendy 1 in the Johnkim Cafeteria.  No one in the wedding party or the audience had change to put into Vendy 2 to get the rings out.  Best man Dieter Bauer had to run to the nearest convenience store, ten minutes away, to get change.  When the clerk didn't understand Bauer's request to make change, Bauer bought a Snickers bar only to be given paper one rmb notes.  So Bauer ran to another shop, when he bought a pack of Zhongnan Hai Cigarettes and a lighter, and got coin change.  Returning to the ceremony, Bauer put the coins into the Vendy 2, but  pressed the wrong buttons for the selection, so that instead of getting the rings, he got a pack of seaweed.  He ran to the same shop to buy another pack of Zhongnan Hai Cigarettes and another lighter, and got more coin change and a strange look from the shopkeeper.  Returning back to the ceremony, Bauer pressed the right buttons, only to have the ring box get stuck above Vendy's bottom open compartment.  Bauer couldn't get to the ring with his arm, so he and groom Barwright then shook the machine with no success.  Finally, Bauer used a hammer to smash the front window of Vendy 2, and nearly had WCE Police Officer McNulty fully dispense eclectic McNulty justice on him.  As it was, the best man had a broken jaw, missing teeth, and several bruises.

When the rings were finally presented to the couple, WCE Cardinal Henry Newman declared Barwright and Vendy married.  The couple was then rushed to an awaiting U-Haul van which took them to Shanghai's Pudong Airport from where they embarked on a  journey to Saskatchewan for a Christmas Honeymoon.

The Wuxi China Expatdom is the only jurisdiction in the world that allows humans to marry inanimate objects.

175 percent of Wuxi China Expats are satisfied.

The Wuxi China Expatdom has the highest proportion of satisfied residents in the world, revealed a survey conducted by the World Satisfaction Society headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland.

Spokeswoman for the WSS, Ursula Andress, said the Wuxi China Expatdom easily topped the World Satisfaction table in 2011, beating out Brisbane, Australia where 75 percent of residents said they were satisfied.  

Andress said the Wuxi China Expatdom's incredible showing, in breaking the previously thought unbreakable barrier of 100 percent satisfaction, could only be attributed to the ascension of Gorzo the Mighty to the Wuxi China Expatdom throne.

"In the last world satisfaction we conducted in 2009, the Wuxi China Expatdom came in second last.  Only in North Korea were people more dissatisfied. And of course, Gorzo was then not the King of Wuxi!"

Andress said a total of five million Wuxi Expats took part in the survey.

Wuxi Expats from Ontario, Canada like to eat the poo-poo

Duston Short, midget Sumo-Wrestling champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom and an English teacher at DIE English in Downtown Wuxi, says that he and his friends from Ontario, Canada like to eat the poo-poo.

Said Short:  "Every Saturday and Sunday night, whether at my apartment or the apartment of my friend from Orillia, us Ontario Expats get together and eat the poo-poo.  It is what us peoples from Ontario like doing!"

Asked if he cared what other Expats were thinking of his region's practices, Short misunderstood and said "I don't think it stink that much altogether.  I get accustomed to it now, so I love it!  I really love it!  And plus it is hard to go back, once you have started!"

Wally Droop, owner of the Chestnut Pub where Short and his compatriots patronize, said he didn't know what to think of eating poo-poo.  "To be honest, I don't know what eating poo-poo is.  And anyway, who am I to judge?  Whatever those crazy kids do isn't any of my business as long as they pay their tab!"

Officer McNulty, temporary replacement for Wuxi China Expatdom Chief Inspector Harry Callahan who is on assignment in the Suzhou China Expatdom, said he didn't know what eating the poo-poo was either, but said he would go to these gatherings on Saturday and Sunday nights and dispense his own personal, idiosyncratic and eclectic brand of justice all the same.  "I don't like people talking in riddles" said McNulty.

Wuxi Expat opens Beekeeping supply store near Nanchang Temple Market

Abbe Collin, a Wuxi Expat Beekeeper from France, has relocated his beekeeping supply shop on a side street near Nanchang Temple Market.  Previously Colin's Beekeeping supply shop had a kiosk location at the Wuxi Airport in Shuofeng.

Collin says the new location of Collin's Beekeeping supply shop will have the widest selection in all of Southeast Asia.  "We will be your one-stop shop for hives, protective clothing, feeds, mite protection, jars for storing your honey, and medications!  We will provide everything you need to make you and your bees happy!  We offer the highest quality products and most direct service.  And since I own and operate the company, you won't have to go through layers of management to talk to me.  Every customer I have will be treated like royalty, or better yet, like a Wuxi China Expat Hall-of-Famer!

Collin told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog that his new location is easy to find.  "We are on the side street near the McDonald's and Bus Terminal, between a Muslim Noodle Restaurant and a Milk Tea stand!"

Collin's Beekeeping supply shop has been the leading supplier of beekeeping supplies for Expats for over four years.  Owner Collin prides himself on the fact that only three customers have ever been swarmed in that time.

Wuxi China Expatdom Annual Inflation Rate is 0 percent.

There was no inflation in the Wuxi China Expatdom for the first three quarters of 2011 announced the Expatdom's official statistical bureau.

The WCE's official statistician William Sealy Gosset said that were price rises and falls in the Expatom in 2011, but these were a result of the normal ebb and flow of supply and demand forces.

Gosset credited the policy of the WCE Central Bank which let the money supply grow at the annual rate of GDP growth, which was one thousand percent, in the first three quarters of 1911.  Said Gosset:  "Milton Friedman would have been proud.  Paul Krugman has been flummoxed!"

Wuxi China Expatdom holds the most massive Frank Sinatra Birthday celebrations of all human history

The Wuxi China Expatdom celebrated the 97th birthday of Frank Sinatra, with celebrations so massive, that had the Chairman of the Board been alive to see them, he would have been very impressed.

To celebrate the birthday of King Gorzo the Mighty's favorite singer, the Wuxi China Expatdom built a cake 97 meters tall and 88 meters in circumference to feed the three billion people who packed all three Harry Moore Memorial Squares for the Sinatra Birthday Party.  

Besides coming to eat cake, all the party attendees witnessed a stirring performance by Harry Callahan and the WCE Trio who performed every song Sinatra ever sung,  a frame-by-frame analysis of every film that ever starred Sinatra by Wuxi China Expatdom Film President Harry Moore, and a stirring speech by his Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty who said that first and foremost, he wanted to be thought of a Sinatra Fan.

King Gorzo told his subjects that all he wanted engraved on his gravestone was the fact that he was a Sinatra Fan.  Everything else, this stuff about him being a great leader with incredible vision, was "guff."

After the conclusion of His Majesty's speech, the assembled crowd chanted "We love your way!"

150 percent of Wuxi China Expatdom businesses plan to create jobs in 2012

While the rest of world stagnates, the Wuxi China Expatdom economy continues to grow at an astounding rate.

Optimism among Wuxi China Expatdom businesses is incredibly high.  Many can be seen walking to work with a noticeable spring in their step.

A survey of Wuxi China Expatdom businesses, conducted by the Wuxi China Expatdom Survey Nexus Organization, reveals that 150 percent of them plan on hiring more workers in 2012.

Wuxi China Expatdom business expert John Milton Maynard Keynes Marshall Forbes Friedman found the results of the survey stunning.  "During the 1980's in America, one survey indicated that 95 percent of businesses planned to hire more workers in the next year.  That was the record till this WCE poll.  The shattering of the record by 55 percent is enough to make me jump from the street 55 floors to my office in the Moresky360 building!"

32 year old Wuxi China Expat English Teacher is crazy about Justin Bieber

Wuxi China Expatdom Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion and English Teacher Duston Short proclaimed himself to be a Justin Bieber fan.  "Bieber Fever I got!" said the 32 year-old Short from Ontario, Canada.

Asked what he saw in Bieber, the Canadian pop singer popular with teenage girls, Short told the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog that he thought Bieber was cute.  "One of my students who I wants to have as my girlfriend told me she was crazy about Bieber.  Now I am crazy too because I really likes the girl a lots!"

Told that other people thought his admiration of Bieber was a creepy thing for a male in his thirties to have, Short said "I don't want growing up.   I wants to like be Pan Peter and live with mermaids who only have bikini tops!  And besides I also like the backstreet boys and is a big fan of Hello Kitty!"

Quentin Tarantino And Harry Moore Slug it Out in Wuxi China Expatdom Pro Championship Bout

Last night some 38 million people crowded into Gambay's
Stadium for the WCE's first Pro title fight. WCE Film Appreciation
Society President Harry Moore, a survivor of 28,269 attempts upon his life and limb, challenged his arch-antagonist, Quentin Tarantino to the fight.

Flashbulbs popped and the crowd shrieked tumultously as the contestants entered the arena. Tarantino strode through the throng, accompanied by his seconds -
Michael Keaton, Samuel L.Jackson, Bridget Fonda, John Travolta, Bruce Willis,
Elijah Wood, Robert De Niro, and Harvey Keitel.
An unperturbed Harry Moore entered with his mentors, Andis Kaulins, and Hans Klingner. In the floodlit ring, WCE public official Kennesaw "Hui Shan" Landis performed the roles of announcer and referee.
Proceedings were delayed momentarily when legendary promoter Don King, apparently searching for his hair apparent, stumbled into the ring, but King was hastily ushered-out by the unflabbable "Hui Shan".

A hush fell in the arena as Landis took up the microphone. "In the blue corner,
from Brisbane, Australia, H-a-r-r-y M-O-O-R-E!!". "In the red corner, from Culver City, California, Q-u-e-n-t-i-n The Inglorious Basterd
T-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-O!!!". Mayhem eruped in the stands.
Wonder Woman, wearing a gold tiara, paraded around the ring carrying the 'Round One' sign.

Landis called both fighters together for the obligatory briefing. "No low-blows,
no bad language. Wait for the bell, and come out fightin'!", Landis instructed.

With a good-luck slap on the back from Andis Kaulins, Harry Moore immediately went on the offensive. "Name the first assistant director of Rain Man?", Moore thudded. Tarantino, dancing like the pro that he is, countered with "who composed the musical score for Angels With Dirty Faces?".

Both men bobbed and weaved, amidst a flurry of the most challenging, and bruising, movie-expert questions ever thrown. "How many steps are visible in 'Battleship Potemkin', and on what date, and time!, was Eisenstein born?" jabbed Moore.
Tarantino feinted, then hooked with a "in which studio did Hitchcock direct Rear Window? Name the best-boy, and the gaffer, on 'Once Upon A Time In America'?!!".

With the crowd on their feet, both fighters came back at each other, again and again. Moore, sensing that Tarantino was weak in the musical genre, exploded with a rapid-fire "recite-the-lyrics-of-'On-the-Street-Where-You-Live'?!".

Recovering from the ropes, Tarantino fought back with his dreaded uppercut
"and what was the plate-number of that yellow cab?". The crowd drew-in a collective
gasp at this display of pugilistic film-know-it-allness. Nobody drew a breath. Would Moore react with a welter of Charlie Chaplin, Tom Cruise, Barbra Streisand, Goddart,
Preminger, Disney or Lucas?
Pandemonium broke-out in the Stadium when Harry Moore delivered a brilliant one-two combo "Scorsese, or Brando?!!".

Nine jaw-breaking hook, cross, rabbit-punching rounds later, the judges placed BOTH contestants on equal points! With the ring jammed with coaches, masseuses, sponge-carriers, physiotherapists, and spectators, both contestants
announced that they'd fight a re-match next month.

Wuxi Expat English Teacher hates always having to wear a Santa Claus costume

Duston Short, English Teacher at DIE English School and the Midget Sumo Wrestling Champion of the Wuxi China Expatdom, has been ordered to wear the Santa Claus suit at his English School's Christmas Party for the sixth year in a row.  

Said Short: "To see the head teacher walk into the office with a Santa suit fills me with dread.  Every year it is the same thing!  He looks around at the trainers, then glances at me, and his eyes brighten up!  He will then tell me that this is why they hired me, and that I should be thankful because for once I was doing something for the school and the students!  And it doesn't matter what school I have worked at in my six years -- it is always the same!"

Short, who patronizes the Chestnut Pub, said that the manager there, Wally Droop, has also asked him to wear a Santa suit at their Christmas Dinner.  "That I will do because I will get a free meal!" said Short.

Short, who is thinking of returning to his native Ontario, Canada, says that having to wear the Santa Claus costume may be the last straw.  

World's biggest Civil War Theme Park opens in the Wuxi China Expatdom

The World's biggest Civil War Theme Park has opened in the Hui Shan district of the Wuxi China Expatdom.  The park at which one can watch or take part in authentic recreations of the great civil wars of human history, is surely the world's largest civil war themed park.

The Wuxi China Expatdom World Civil War Theme Park ( WCEWCWTP) is the brain child, as well as the love child, of George Williams Brown, a Wuxi Expat English teacher and amateur historian who is from Canada, but insists he is not from Toronto.  Said Brown:  "The WCEWCWTP is the one-stop park for all your civil war historical needs and interests.  Only at the WCEWCWTP can you see the Blues and the Grays of the American Civil War, the Nationalists and the Republicans of the Chinese Civil War, the Reds and the Whites of the Russian Civil War, the Roundheads and the Cavaliers of the English Civil War, the Republicans and the Nationalists of the Spanish Civil War, and the many combatants of the numerous Roman Civil Wars, fight it out in real authentic battles with authentic weapons and the real spilling of blood.  In fact, we have the most complete collection of Roman Civil Wars recreations in the world!  And these recreations take place twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty five days a year.  So whether, you have a day off or are on your way home from the bar or your mistress, you can sample or take part in authentic Civil War action that only the WCEWCWTP can provide!  And it doesn't matter if you are from some obscure country or from a country with no history of civil conflict!  We can custom-make a civil war, for example an Australian (Brisbane versus Sydney) or a Canadian Civil War (Everyone against the Frenchies), to settle any scores you have once and for all!

Brown was then quick to emphasize that his theme park was not just about recreating battles.  "At our music village, you can listen to authentic music from the various civil war eras.  We also have a wonderful bar and restaurant area without over five thousand restaurants serving every kind of cuisine the world has to offer.  Our cineplex with one thousand screens will play every civil war movie ever made. In fact, we have over twenty screens that show Gone With the Wind.  We also have a one million square meter Civil War shopping center selling everything that could possibly have a civil war theme.  I understand that the Wuxi China Expatdom Prime Minister and his wife have purchased Rhett Butler and Scarlet O'Hara costumes."

The opening ceremony of the WCEWCWTP will be a two week affair.  Highlights include an opening day concert by Harry Callahan and the Roundheaded Cavaliering Nationalists, a band formed exclusively for the occasion; and four day seminars being conducted by Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society President Harry Moore and Wuxi Expat Rifle Association El Presidente Andis Kaulins.  President Moore will present a frame-by-frame study of Gone with the Wind.  El Presidente Andis Kaulins will discuss the firearms used in modern civil wars.

Wuxi China Expatdom Pub celebrates its 5511th anniversary

The Chestnut Pub, while no longer the greatest pub in the Wuxi China Expatdom, an honor long lost to Gambay's, is still its oldest.  Claiming to have been opened in 3500 B.C. at the beginning of Three Sovereigns and Emperors era of Chinese history, the Chestnut Pub has been at the same location at what now is the corner of Zhongshan and Qongning Roads.  

"It wasn't easy for the three thousand or so years of our existence!" said owner Wally Droop, who was in a reminiscing mood. "No Expats knew of the place and it was hard to advertise because there was no t.v. or radio or Internet!  And if we did have customers nobody would believe us!  It was the stuff of legend and hearsay everyone would say!"

"The big break for us came when we were able to get this guy, Confucius, apparently he was quite influential, to give us a plug!  We didn't have any Expat customers but the locals who came, whether they be poets or philosopher-wannabees, kept the pub going."

"We did run into trouble at that point with the authorities who wanted to shut us down.  Thankfully, we were able to prove to them that we had the mandate of heaven and other licenses."

"The first Expat to come to the Pub was this Italian guy named Polo.  He didn't pay his tab and he was telling the most incredible of stories.  One evening, I told him to scram and never come back!  He was annoying the locals and leering at their woman!  I haven't had a good Italian come into the pub since!"

"The grandest time for the Pub had to have been during the Tang Dynasty.  Every Wednesday was poetry slam night and it was wonderful.  Good poetry and good nightly receipts.  It was really sad to see that dynasty fall!"

"The worst time for the Pub had to be during the 20th century.  First, there were War Lords and then there were Red Guards, and then the Sexpats and English Teachers came traipsing in!"

To celebrate the 5511th anniversary, Droop says people who are able to drink 5511 mls of beer, will get a 55.11 percent discount on their bar tab.

Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies stops practice of foot-binding in the Kunming China Expatdom Colony

Harry Moore, the honorable minister of Wuxi China Expatdom Colonies, has stopped the practice of Expat foot-binding in Kunming, China.  

"Kunming Expats, not the brightest bulbs on the planet, thought that by binding their feet to make them appear smaller, that they would attract the local girls." said Minister Moore.  "They also thought that a daintier gait would earn them more respect from the John Wayne types of the world."

"After three days of explaining the history of the practice to the Kuming Expatdomites, as well as its barbarity, I got them to stop binding their own feet." lamented the honorable Minister.  "But I will have to set up a Kunming China Expatdom Colony Constabulary (an KCECC) to stop Kunming Expats from binding the feet of Expat woman, or perish the thought, the local girls."

"Kunming Expats also like to engage in the practice of kowtowing to bar-girls, but that is another day for me to solve." added the honorable Minister Moore, who is also the President of the all-powerful Wuxi China Expatdom Film Appreciation Society.

Wuxi China English Teacher denies that he goes to the pub all that much

Ron Jackson, Wuxi China Expat English Teacher, says he doesn't go to the pub all that much really and that he resents insinuations that he lives at the Chestnut Pub.

Said Jackson: "I never, never go to the Pub all that much!  I just don't!  And I hate it when people joke about me doing so!  The bed in the back of the Chestnut Pub, that owner Wally Droop has provided for customers to sleep off, is not mine!  I might have slept there a few times, but only a very small amount of few times that it is unfair to make something of it!"

Asked why he is that the first place he goes after work is the Chestnut Pub, Jackson said that it was because it was on the way to his apartment.  "You know I really like Wally, and I think it would be darn imprudent to just walk by and not say hi!"

Asked then why it was that he would then stay for a hour, two, or maybe till closing, Jackson said that once he got in the pub, he couldn't get out because everyone wanted to talk to him.  "I have so many good friends here you know.  These are people that I really, really care about...  I just can't up and leave them!  And you can't expect me to stay home and drink milk and eat cookies!  That is lame unmanly doings!"

Chestnut Pub patron Chris Kasek said he sympathized with Jackson's complaint.  "I too" said Kasek, "am constantly having to put off with insinuations that I live in a bottle at the back of the Chest Pub, and that Ron and I share that bed at the back!  Those photos of Ron and I taken when we were in a disadvantaged state should not be put in blogs.  Frankly, the people who say this blood libels about us must be conservatives or something.  They are jealous of our mountebank ways!  But don't think we don't care or are heartless and are without feelings because we like to have fun.  We do have to a burning need to sometimes go to Chestnut for companionship."

Asked what kind of workers they were, Kasek and Jackson, both said "shot!" and yelled to Wally Droop, as they ran to the exit, to put their drinks on their tab. 

Wuxi China Expatdom is now the world's top destination for Connoisseurs of Chinese Food

Now that every other Chinese Expatdom is a colony of the Wuxi China Expatdom, it stands to reason that the WCE is the best place in the world to get a Chinese meal.

Formerly regarded as primitive, unexotic and lacking in imagination, the local cuisine of the WCE was universally lambasted for its over-reliance on sugar.  But now that every Chinese Expatdom Colony has a representative along with a staff of local cooks in the WCE, the WCE can now boast of having the widest and most delicious range of Chinese Food in the world.

Madame Brassart, leading food critic, has raised Wuxi China Expatdom cuisine in her estimation from the worst to the creme of the creme.  "Now only in the Wuxi China Expatdom can you get Hefei Monkey's Brains, Ningbo braised lamb's feet, Guilin Crocidile Cutlets, Beijing Roast Chicken, Suzhou Deep Dish Pizza, Kunming Roast Beef Sandwiches, Jiangyin Crab Cakes, Wuhan Perogies, Shandong noodles with vegimine, Shanxi Fried Pork Knees, Shaanxi Deep Fried Pork Ankles, Beijing Beans and Pork in BBQ Sauce, Nanjing Cheese Cake, Xuzhou Chicken Vindaloo, Ma Shan Macaroni and Cheese, Ling Shan Macaroni and Tofu, Kunming Boiled Carp, Beixin Broiled Chicken Breast, Taixin Tangy and Tender Pork Ribs, and the Sichuan Senior's Melt.  So when you come to the Wuxi China Expatdom, not only should you bring your mountain climbing gear, golf clubs, scuba equipment, ice skates, elbow pads, knee pads, mining equipment, and your ideas, you should bring your appetite!"

Wuxi China Expats can now go ice-fishing on Lake Taihu

Thanks to the cold weather and a little chemical skulduggery, Wuxi China Expats can now go ice-fishing on Lake Taihu.

Long-time Wuxi Expat Frank Zamboni, a co-owner of a joint-venture trading company in the Wuxi New District, has taken the profits from his business to accomplish a long-time personal dream:  to make the surface of Lake Taihu an ice-rink.  Thanks to the latest synthetic ice making technology purchased by Zamboni, the fact that the temperature in Wuxi isn't cold enough for Taihu to freeze over doesn't matter.  Wuxi Expats can now go skating on Taihu even in the summer.

But more importantly to Zamboni, he can now engage in his second great passion ice-fishing which he says is a dream to do on Taihu.  "Unlike in Canada where you can catch some foot long fish in Winter, here in the WCE, ice-fisherman can reel in tuna, sSharks, giant lake bass, and baby krakens" says Zamboni.  "Of course, for such fish, I need a shack that is as big as a Aircraft Hangar!"

Wuxi China Expatdom to hold inaugural Pre-20th Century Poetry Wrestling Festival of Slam

Trying to make Wrestling accessible to serious people, Wuxi China Expatdom Wrestling promoter Derick Bischoff has announced plans to hold the inaugural Pre-20th Century Poetry Wrestling Fesitval of Slam at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China this January.

Bischoff, long lamenting that serious people don't have anything to do with wrestling, thinks that combining Wrestling and Poetry, particularly that made before 1900, is the way to attract the long sought-after demographic.  "Think about it!" said Bischoff, "What new genres of serious art have been born lately?  None!  You may say Cinema, but really it is a ephemeral medium of expression.  And try as it might to be art, it really just is entertainment.  Serious people know this and don't bother with movies.  They read and consume the great classic stuff from the past, preferably before 1900."

"And what is one of the things these serious people like?  Opera.  Opera, said Sir Kenneth Clark, is one of the strangest inventions of mankind that could not have been foreseen by any logical processes. Doctor Johnson said it was an extravagant and irrational entertainment.  "Why do serious people spend three hours seeing something they don't understand?" is a question every promoter worth his salt has wanted to find out.  And remember this Rococo creation was brought to its perfection in the age of reason!  It just just goes to show ya.  So that is why I have thought to combine Wrestling, the extravagrant and irrational entertainment of the 20th century and the age of science, and Poetry, particularly the  formal version of the art as practiced before 1900."

"And what better place to invent and perfect this completely new and original art form than here in the Wuxi China Expatdom?" The Wuxi China Expatdom is the 21st century's version of a Rococo art palace.  It is the perfect combination of rational, as exhibited in its libertarianism and naturism, and the irrational, as exhibited by its nudist and English Teaching strains.  Furthermore, the WCE is like those Italian City States in which the Renaissance occurred -- the WCE is a commercial republic, of sorts, where innovation and free thought is encouraged!"

Bischoff, already with a stable of wrestlers, is signing poets to participate in the Poetry Wrestling Festival of Slam.  Wuxi China Expatom Poet Laureate Alfred Lord McClusky has agreed to team up with Bulk Bogan to fight and recite against Billy Wordsworth and Yashenko the Russian Torturer for the Heavyweight Sonnet Championship belt.

Bischoff is training his poets and wrestlers to ensure they are proficient in both fields.  His wrestlers are boning up on their poetry by taking intensive poetry appreciation courses at the Gorzo the Mighty University of the Humanities.  Vince Calabarney, a disciple of Vince Lombardi, has been teaching the poets about the finer points of wrestling.  Calabarney is training them as well, making the poets run two laps around Taihu before breakfast.  After breakfast, the poets will spend three hours in the weight room.

Bischoff says he is pleased with how the training is going, especially the several schools of poetry appreciation that are developing.  Said Bischoff:  "I have already seen fights in the locker room about the virtues of Wordsworth.  Bronco Nagurski said Wordsworth poetry was overrated, and had Hurricane Hank hit him on the head with a folding chair.  And there is a cage match brewing over the legitimacy of Feminist critiques of Milton's Paradise Lost!"

Tickets for the inaugural Pre-20th Century Poetry Wrestling Festival of Slam sold quickly after Bischoff's announcement.  "We have already sold a million tickets, and HBO has paid us a huge pile to broadcast the festival" said Bischoff.

Nanjing China Expat Colonial credits Wuxi China Expatdom King for curing his inner-thigh rash

Rash Rasmussen, an English Teacher in the Nanjing China Expatdom Colony, says he has only His Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty, for curing the bad rash he had on his inner-thigh.

Said Rasmussen: "Ever since us Nanjing China Expats became subjects of the Wuxi China Expatdom we have all felt better.  Before, we were all tense and lacking in self-esteem.  Some of us were even contemplating becoming alcoholics, or even worse, Drug Addicts or Sexpats.  But thanks to being able to look at, adore, and contemplate legitimate photos of Gorzo the Mighty, bought from the first authorized shop of Gorzo the Mighty Memorabilia in the Nanjing China Expatdom Colony, many of the physical symptoms of the malaise that we have had from not being part of the Wuxi China Expatdom have subsided.  My friend Bob now has feet that don't stink.  My buddy Elmer has lost his stammer.  Guy, another friend of mine, can now walk without crutches.  Willy now has the energy to get out of bed and go to work on time.  I, personally, no longer have to scratch my inner-thigh which had the most frightful rash.  I used all these ointments and home remedies to no avail!  But an authentic photo of Gorzo the Mighty bearing the laser seal of authenticity from the Wuxi China Expatdom Memorabilia Shop -- that's the ticket!"

The honorable minister of Wuxi China Expatdom Colonies, Harry Moore, says that in his travels in through the Expatdom Colonies, he has even seen more interesting miracles attributed to Expats getting Wuxi China Expatdom Colonial status and thus being able to get authentic Gorzo the Mighty memorabilia.  Said Minister Moore: "In The Hefei China Expatdom, I saw thirty blind people regain their sight after buying Gorzo the Mighty t-shirts.  In the Xian China Expatdom, many Expats have been cured of leprosy simply by drinking Gorzo the Mighty Honey Lager Beer.  But the most miraculous thing I have seen was an Ontario, Canada Expat in the Beijing China Expatdom regaining his wits -- I swear that after seeing a photo of His Majesty, the Ontarian's I.Q. jumped thirty points!"

Minister Moore added that he is making sure that Wuxi China Expatdom Memorabilia Shops selling authentic Gorzo the Mighty gear will open in every Expatdom colony forthwith.  "It is my priority at this moment.  After that, I will make sure the film tastes of Colonial Expats will be improved!"

Thirty Million Wuxi China Expats say they have already done their Christmas Shopping

Thirty Million Wuxi Expats have completed their Christmas Shopping.  Traditionally, Christmas Shopping is a last-minute activity in the Expatdom because of its location, far from Europe and North America, has made it well nigh impossible for an Expat to do Christmas Shopping in early December.  But in the Wuxi China Expatdom of His Majesty King Gorzo the Mighty anything is possible.  Thanks to the entrepreneurial spirit that has swept the Expatdom because of His Majesty's edicts to liberalize the Economy and permit the Christian religion, Christmas shopping in the Expatdom is a dream and convenient as well.

One example of this new entrepreneurial zeal is Kilkenny's Wuxi China Expat Christmas Shopping Service which is the prime reason so many Wuxi Expats are prepared for Christmas in early December.  Nicholas Kilkenny, an Expat sick of the creeping Socialism of Obama's America, has opened a service in the WCE that makes an astounding offer: they will complete your Christmas shopping for you for the low price of ten rmb per person.  

"For ten rmb!" says Kilkenny, "we will buy everything that you need to buy for Christmas for everyone you know!  For example, you have three children, one wife, four nephews, two mistresses, and ten other acquaintances for whom you must buy presents.  That's 20 people and it will cost you just 200 rmb if you use our services!  And we will wrap the presents for you and have them delivered to your house on Christmas day via deer and sleigh, no extra charge.  Order our services before December 7th and you will also get a 75 percent discount card from Gambay's Pub., a V.I.P. card that entitles you to forty percent discounts at every establishment at the Double Happiness Western Bar and Saloon Street, and an autographed copy of the Poolside Harry Moore."

"And let me make this perfectly clear.  When I say we will buy all the Christmas presents you need, I mean it!  You want to buy an Ipad for your nephew!  It will only cost you ten rmb!  No hidden charges or fees!  Only ten rmb!"

Andis Kaulins, a satisfied customer of Kilkenny's service had this to say:  "My buddy Nick is on the level.  I have bought houses, cars, Crown Royal Whiskey for my in-laws and it has only cost me twenty rmb.  It is the most incredible deal in human history.  And you know how I hate to reach in my pockets and put out for anything!"

Asked how he could offer such an astounding offer and make a profit, Kilkenny said "Volume, volume, volume!  And of course connections on high!"

Wuxi China Expat wonders what is up with Canadians

Frank Owen, a Wuxi Expat from Shropshire, England, wonders what is up with Canadians.  "To be fair, they are not as off-putting as people from Toronto, Belgium, Turkey, and Poland; but you still have to wonder.  Canadians never seem to have any interesting to say, and they wonder why it is that no one seems to know so much about them.  They seem disappointed that the rest of the world is as ignorant of them as their neighbors who are much cooler, the Americans."

Owen also had the following observations to make about Canadians in his interview with the Wuxi China Expatdom Blog:

"Trying to stay awake when I am  with them, I have overheard talk of  the NDP, Jack Layton, Stephen Harper, curling, ice hockey, Wayne Gretzky, Saskatchewan, Loonies, Two-Fours, Edmonton, Orillia, Fredericton, the CBC, and The Tragically Hip, and I have been lead to wonder if these people know how to speak the Queen's English. And their accents are flat are North Dakota and Chinese women's chests.  I would hate to see these people try to dance or sing. If they are taking drugs, they must be taking sleep aids.  The only buzz that comes from a Canadian comes when they haven't showered for an evening!"

"The few Canadians, I have meet in Canada are amoral without the benefit of actively taking part in evil.  If Hannibal Lector was a Canadian, he would kill people by hanging out at Care Homes and waiting for them to die."

"And they have this snarly habit, of all those who aren't in power, of saying how those who have power are so stupid."

"I would also say that the Canadians I have meet drink as an excuse to engage in pointless activities."

"I asked a Canadian to name a really, really, cool pop band and the best he could was Rush!"

"The Canadians national sport sees lots of guys skating really fast like it is somehow going to put a needle through a pinhole at a hundred yards!"

"Some Canadians I know say they love the cold!"

Shanghai China Expatdom Colony bares itself for the visit of the Wuxi China Expatdom King

Fifty million Shanghai China Expatdom Colony Expats came to the Shanghai Train Station to greet the train carrying his Majesty, the King of the Wuxi China Expatdom, Gorzo the Mighty who was paying an overnight visit to a new part of his realm.

Many of the crowd carried signs saying "We are not worthy!", "Please increase my low self-esteem!", "I want pork chops and apple sauce!", "Please cure my dandruff!", and "I need detergent to clean the stains on my underwear!"  Many others threw off their clothes, claiming that now that they were converted to the cause of Naturism by the mere sight of His Majesty.  A few others had to be sprayed with fire hoses to cool their ardor.

His Majesty, after getting off the train, made a short speech to the crowd telling them he agreed with the Honorable Wuxi China Expatdom Minister of Colonies Harry Moore's decision to treat the colonies with tough-love.  "It is time for Shanghai Expats to grow up!" declared His Majesty.  "It is time that they stopped believing in bogeymen and hiding under their beds.  It is fine time they took responsibility for their dirty laundry and personal hygiene.  For too long you have been ruled by people who say government can do everything for you.  Now, you will drink the wine of freedom.  But you must realize it is a taste acquired after a bit of struggle, but it is a taste that once fully appreciated, is sweeter and more satisfying than anything on this side of heaven!"

After listening to the speech and thinking about it for a minutes, a few in the crowd starting nodding in agreement and saying "Yeah! you are right!"  And the applause then grew and grew and grew until all four billion Shanghai Expats cried in shame and appreciation.  After four hours of applause, the crowd of Shanghai Expats then started to chant "We are suitably chastened!"

The Shanghai China Expatdom has been a colony of the Wuxi China Expatdom for a month now.

His Majesty's next stop on his short Shanghai visit will be to Nanjing Road where he will do some Christmas shopping.