Wuxi China Expatdom to hold inaugural Pre-20th Century Poetry Wrestling Festival of Slam

Trying to make Wrestling accessible to serious people, Wuxi China Expatdom Wrestling promoter Derick Bischoff has announced plans to hold the inaugural Pre-20th Century Poetry Wrestling Fesitval of Slam at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion of Gambay's Pub in the 1912 Bar District of Wuxi, China this January.

Bischoff, long lamenting that serious people don't have anything to do with wrestling, thinks that combining Wrestling and Poetry, particularly that made before 1900, is the way to attract the long sought-after demographic.  "Think about it!" said Bischoff, "What new genres of serious art have been born lately?  None!  You may say Cinema, but really it is a ephemeral medium of expression.  And try as it might to be art, it really just is entertainment.  Serious people know this and don't bother with movies.  They read and consume the great classic stuff from the past, preferably before 1900."

"And what is one of the things these serious people like?  Opera.  Opera, said Sir Kenneth Clark, is one of the strangest inventions of mankind that could not have been foreseen by any logical processes. Doctor Johnson said it was an extravagant and irrational entertainment.  "Why do serious people spend three hours seeing something they don't understand?" is a question every promoter worth his salt has wanted to find out.  And remember this Rococo creation was brought to its perfection in the age of reason!  It just just goes to show ya.  So that is why I have thought to combine Wrestling, the extravagrant and irrational entertainment of the 20th century and the age of science, and Poetry, particularly the  formal version of the art as practiced before 1900."

"And what better place to invent and perfect this completely new and original art form than here in the Wuxi China Expatdom?" The Wuxi China Expatdom is the 21st century's version of a Rococo art palace.  It is the perfect combination of rational, as exhibited in its libertarianism and naturism, and the irrational, as exhibited by its nudist and English Teaching strains.  Furthermore, the WCE is like those Italian City States in which the Renaissance occurred -- the WCE is a commercial republic, of sorts, where innovation and free thought is encouraged!"

Bischoff, already with a stable of wrestlers, is signing poets to participate in the Poetry Wrestling Festival of Slam.  Wuxi China Expatom Poet Laureate Alfred Lord McClusky has agreed to team up with Bulk Bogan to fight and recite against Billy Wordsworth and Yashenko the Russian Torturer for the Heavyweight Sonnet Championship belt.

Bischoff is training his poets and wrestlers to ensure they are proficient in both fields.  His wrestlers are boning up on their poetry by taking intensive poetry appreciation courses at the Gorzo the Mighty University of the Humanities.  Vince Calabarney, a disciple of Vince Lombardi, has been teaching the poets about the finer points of wrestling.  Calabarney is training them as well, making the poets run two laps around Taihu before breakfast.  After breakfast, the poets will spend three hours in the weight room.

Bischoff says he is pleased with how the training is going, especially the several schools of poetry appreciation that are developing.  Said Bischoff:  "I have already seen fights in the locker room about the virtues of Wordsworth.  Bronco Nagurski said Wordsworth poetry was overrated, and had Hurricane Hank hit him on the head with a folding chair.  And there is a cage match brewing over the legitimacy of Feminist critiques of Milton's Paradise Lost!"

Tickets for the inaugural Pre-20th Century Poetry Wrestling Festival of Slam sold quickly after Bischoff's announcement.  "We have already sold a million tickets, and HBO has paid us a huge pile to broadcast the festival" said Bischoff.